Stuck Working for a Blood-Sucking Boss? Keep Your Mouth Shut or Get the Hell Out!

Now that's what I call a Narcissist! 

Baby mosquito came back after his first time flying. 

His father asked him "How do you feel?" 

He replied "It was wonderful! Everyone was clapping for me!" 

Tahir

Working for a Narcissist?

How to Keep Your Job--if you must 

Or Get the Hell Out--if you can

Are You Stuck Working for a Blood-Sucking, Self-Centered Boss?

Do you work for a boss with no interest in you or your advancement--whose only interest is in having people admire and 'clap' for her? Have you been quieted with icy stares when attempting to offer suggestions to improve outcomes for the company? 

You may be working for a narcissist. 

While putting a name to what you're experiencing with your boss won't make it easier to deal with her, it can help you decide if you want to keep working in this job. Take this quiz to find out.

Narcissists are buoyed up 

by an inflated sense of self-importance 

Is Your Boss a Narcissist?

• Does your boss need constant attention and admiration? 
• Does s/he show a disregard for the feelings of others? 
• Is it risky to challenge or correct your boss? 
• Does s/he react to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation?

If your answer is yes to these questions--you're probably dealing with a narcissist--a person with an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with herself. This boss doesn't care about your success, only about flying around maintaining her own inflated self-image.

If you are a dedicated professional who goes all out to work for the good of the organization--and you want to advance in your career--it can be devastating working for a narcissist. 

Narcissists have little ability to feel empathy for others. They don't care about your great ideas that could revolutionize the industry. They aren't interested in helping you achieve your career goals. Their obsessive self-interest keeps them pursuing mainly selfish goals--often contrary to the good of the organization or the people working in it. And that's what's so crazy-making about working with them.

If you desire to shine and make your mark on the world, Kathy Caprino, a national women's career and executive coach says find a better boss to support your aspirations to make the world a better place. Get out if you can. 

According to Caprino, "You will not succeed under a narcissist unless you’re great at lying, manipulating, and kissing up, nor will you be able to carve out a satisfying and rewarding professional life if you’re being led by a narcissist."

A Wise Man Once Said Nothing

When You Absolutely Must Keep Your Job: Keep Your Mouth Shut

Life isn't always fair. Sometimes you desperately need your job, but your blood-sucking boss is a tyrant who makes you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells. 

What can you do to stay employed if your boss is a true narcissist—whose self-interest, inflated sense of self-importance and extreme preoccupation with himself leaves you uncertain about how to best get the job done and move forward in your career?

When you absolutely must keep your job, follow these three rules for surviving a narcissist:

Never outshine the narcissist. You may be the one coming up with great ideas, bringing in clients or completing projects. But the inflated ego of the narcissist demands to be fed at all times. He needs to hear 'everybody clapping for him'. Publicly attribute successes to your boss--and always thank him for helping you succeed. Don't even think about taking credit if you must keep your job. Let the boss shine while you remain in the shadows. 

Follow their rules. Narcissists believe rules don't apply to them—only to you. Want to keep your job? Do what they say, not what they do. Never point out their failure to live by the rules they set.

Never challenge or disagree with your boss. This isn't about what's fair or easy—it's about keeping your job. 

As a co-worker advised a friend of mine on the not-so-subtle art of dealing with their difficult boss: 'We have a saying in Mexico--play dumb; eat well. Keep your mouth shut.' 

If you disagree with your boss, keep it to yourself. A narcissist's ego does not allow for opposition. Challenge this boss's decision and you earn yourself a swift boot out the door. 

When you absolutely must keep your job--keep your mouth shut, your head down—and stay under the radar. 

Somewhere Out there is a better place for you to Shine!

Ready to Get the Hell Out? Here's How to High-tail it

You know you want to shine. You want to be out in the world making a difference--serving as a great problem solver, care-giver, innovator, manager, customer service provider or whatever. Life is dull if you're unable to shine in your own way. So find your way out.

Work to get out of the lackluster job that kills your ambition as soon as you're able. 

No one is going to take care of you better than you. If you recognize you're working for a blood-sucker whose only intent is to hold you back, start making plans to find your next job. 

Don't let the blood-sucking boss drain you of your life energy. Your enthusiasm and ambition to do well in life are precious commodities. Never let the sustaining life blood be sucked out of you so you die on the job and give up on life. Learn to re-energize yourself before you begin the transition to another job. 

While your inclination is to cut and run when you're fed up, you'll want to transition in a way that sets you up to step into a better situation. Don't let feeling frantic lead you.

PAUSE. To regain your energy and self-confidence after being in an energy draining work situation try to approach changing your job in the same way you change a bad habit. 

Think of your staying in a bad job as just another bad habit you want to unload--and learn to step into the change process by preparing yourself with a PAUSE before action.

How does this work? Rather than immediately jumping in with both feet, begin with a pre-planning stage and an active, concrete planning stage before you take action. When you're ready, commit to small, concrete actions to get you going.  

Avoid getting overwhelmed. Most people overwhelm themselves trying to do too much too soon--especially when they've had their energy drained by that work mosquito. Set yourself up to succeed by beginning your changes with a calm and, deliberate PAUSE--letting go of expectations before you begin to explore your options. 

You must slow down and PAUSE to speed up CHANGE.

Pre-Planning Stage: Acknowledge you're in a no-win situation. Sit in it as you let your awareness rise to the surface of your consciousness. During this stage of change you do nothing. 

This is a 'getting ready to change' stage that begins to refuel your energy.

Planning Stage: When you're ready, begin to actively plan your next career move. Give yourself the first part of each day to put your thoughts 'on paper'.  Use the questions below to help you focus  and consolidate your energy during this stage.  

This is a 'getting ready to take action' stage. 

Questions to Ask 

💙 Why did I take my current job? How do/did I see it as a stepping stone for advancing? What's my 5 year plan? 

💜 What am I willing to do differently to make more money, utilize my talents better, or have more satisfaction in my work? Who can I ask for advice? 

💚 What have I learned in this job? What skills have I built or honed I can use to promote myself for my next position? How has this experience shown me I can handle whatever life throws me with grace and ease? How will I be strengthened by my experience with this job that will make me better for the next one?

💛 How can I make the best use of my time while I'm still in this job to help me move to a better position? Is there job training I can take advantage of? Can I ask to take on a job or project so I can learn something new? Can I use this time to self-study for a licensing exam to position me for more money or opportunity? Can I speak up about the type of training/instruction I need to better function in the job?

A Cautionary Tale

'When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants. When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake. 

Time can turn at any time. Don't neglect anyone in your life.' 

Tahir

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

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