Stay on Track: Focus Your Efforts to Expand Your Opportunities

Who Are You--and What are You Trying to Achieve in Life? 

Yes, I know--perhaps that's an overwhelming question you may prefer to avoid. But to live a life of purpose and meaning you must figure out what that looks like and the best way for you to get there. 

Too often we travel a scattered and unfocused path to go after our dreams and achieve our goals--sending us down rabbit holes, on wild goose chases, and ultimately leaving us befuddled and exhausted. 

If You're not Trying to get Somewhere Meandering is Fun

Don't get me wrong--if you're not trying to get to a destination, meandering is fun and it can be a delightful part of life. But when you're feeling frustrated because you can't seem to make progress on something of importance to you, then these tangents only serve to distract you from getting where it is you want to go and achieving what you want to achieve.

You Alone Hold the Key

When it matters to you to make forward progress, know you alone hold the key to keeping your energy up while staying on track with your dreams and goals.

And what is the key to putting your time and effort to the best use?

 ....Making a beeline for your dreams and goals by eliminating distractions and concentrating your efforts. In a word: FOCUS.

Making a Beeline toward Your Dreams

Like others, you want the grace and strength to determine your own actions as you make your way in life rather than allowing others to dictate your path.  

To gain the freedom to determine your own actions and make a beeline towards your dreams you'll need to think and act purposefully. 

Where is it you want to go and what are the actions that'll get you there?

Be Direct. Bees fly a direct route--or beeline--to their destination. 

Make a beeline to where you're heading by developing a strategic plan to purposely focus on making daily progress in the direction you're moving, while deliberately eliminating activities distracting you and zapping your energy.  

Avoid wasting your most precious resources--your time and effort--on activities that are tempting but distracting. 

Say NO to what isn't worth doing, and say YES to the activities that that move you closer to your desired destination. 

Conserve your energy by focusing your efforts to expand your opportunities.

🕗 Look for strategic opportunities to focus your energy and attention on--Things that matter. 

🕙 Eliminate activities that serve as distractions and time wasters getting in your way.

Make Sweet Honey from Your Old Failures

To stay on track to achieving your goals and dreams you must concentrate your efforts on things that matter to you. Learn to say NO to engaging in activities that lead you nowhere and drain your energy--including fixating on failure. 

Make a beeline for your dreams instead to sweeten the outcome and lessen the effort. Save your time and energy for the things that matter most. Make life sweet.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


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Tired of Working to Get Somewhere Only to Wonder Where You Got? Keep Your Eye on the Goal

Girl Having Worked Real Hard to Get Somewhere.... 

Now Wondering Where Exactly It Is She Got

Moving From Filled with Enthusiasm

To Filled with Doubt

What's a Girl to Do? 

You're that 'Go-Getter Girl' wanting to get somewhere putting your mark on the world and making a difference. So you go after it  and work really hard to get there. But after finally landing the position you wanted, here you are--again--feeling stuck--wondering where exactly you got. 

What's a girl to do?

Life is a Bumpy Ride filled with Obstacles

'If you're going through Hell...just keep going.' Winston Churchill

This is the thing about life--it's a bumpy ride filled with obstacles. With life being what it is, sometimes our dreams collide with a reality that's a bit different than we imagined it. But as Winston Churchill once quipped, 'If you're going through Hell...just keep going.' We hone our problem-solving and communication skills each time we navigate difficulties. 

So what's a girl to do when she runs into difficulties?  Keep going. Take the next step. Buck up. Get back in there and figure out your options for moving forward.

Henry Ford noted, 'Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.' When you meet a moment of difficulty and self doubt, learn to interpret it as your cue to refocus your attention on your goals and away from the obstacles.

'Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.' Henry Ford 

Re-framing for Better Results: From Obstacles to Challenges

If you let them, obstacles will stop you in your tracks. But if you re-imagine obstacles as challenges you'll energize yourself to find your strength and smarts to step up to the challenge to stay on course and do better. Renaming obstacles as challenges puts your eyes back on your goals. 

Accept daily life challenges as the normal part of life that make you stronger and more competent each time you choose to problem-solve your way through them. 

Find ways to use your current challenges to move you further toward what you want--even if the message is 'I've had enough and it's time to move on to the next opportunity'.

Your patience and persistence in pursuing your goals will lead to pay-offs. Trust your inner strength and willingness to always take the next step to meet life challenges.

Trust me--you got this, Girl!

'If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.' Frank A. Clark

Keep Your Eye on the Goal

Forward Thinking: Imagining Your Life Ahead

💓 It's 5 years down the road and I'm still with this company: What made me stay? What does the job look like? What do the hours, pay and benefits look like? How does the job fit my lifestyle?

💔 It's 5 years down the road and I long ago left the company: What happened to make me move on? What was I dissatisfied with in the company? Hours? Pay? Benefits? Management Style? Lack of Advancement Opportunities? Poor job fit for my skills?

💓 It's 5 years down the road and I'm loving my work: What am I doing? Where am I doing it? How much money am I making? 

Current Thinking to Align with Your Goals 

💙 Why did I take my current job? How do/did I see it as a stepping stone for advancing? What's my 5 year plan?  

💚 What am I willing to do differently to make more money, utilize my talents better, or have more satisfaction in my work? Who can I ask for advice? 

💛 What have I learned in this job? What skills have I built or honed I can use to promote myself for my next position? How has this experience shown me I can handle whatever life throws me with grace and ease? How will I be strengthened by my experience with this job that will make me better for the next one?

💜 How can I make the best use of my time while I'm still in this job to help me move to a better position? Is there job training I can take advantage of? Can I ask to take on a job or project so I can learn something new? Can I use this time to self-study for a licensing exam to position me for more money or opportunity? Can I speak up about the type of training/instruction I need to better function in the job?

I love moving my life forward

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Stuck Working for a Blood-Sucking Boss? Keep Your Mouth Shut or Get the Hell Out!

Now that's what I call a Narcissist! 

Baby mosquito came back after his first time flying. 

His father asked him "How do you feel?" 

He replied "It was wonderful! Everyone was clapping for me!" 

Tahir

Working for a Narcissist?

How to Keep Your Job--if you must 

Or Get the Hell Out--if you can

Are You Stuck Working for a Blood-Sucking, Self-Centered Boss?

Do you work for a boss with no interest in you or your advancement--whose only interest is in having people admire and 'clap' for her? Have you been quieted with icy stares when attempting to offer suggestions to improve outcomes for the company? 

You may be working for a narcissist. 

While putting a name to what you're experiencing with your boss won't make it easier to deal with her, it can help you decide if you want to keep working in this job. Take this quiz to find out.

Narcissists are buoyed up 

by an inflated sense of self-importance 

Is Your Boss a Narcissist?

• Does your boss need constant attention and admiration? 
• Does s/he show a disregard for the feelings of others? 
• Is it risky to challenge or correct your boss? 
• Does s/he react to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation?

If your answer is yes to these questions--you're probably dealing with a narcissist--a person with an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with herself. This boss doesn't care about your success, only about flying around maintaining her own inflated self-image.

If you are a dedicated professional who goes all out to work for the good of the organization--and you want to advance in your career--it can be devastating working for a narcissist. 

Narcissists have little ability to feel empathy for others. They don't care about your great ideas that could revolutionize the industry. They aren't interested in helping you achieve your career goals. Their obsessive self-interest keeps them pursuing mainly selfish goals--often contrary to the good of the organization or the people working in it. And that's what's so crazy-making about working with them.

If you desire to shine and make your mark on the world, Kathy Caprino, a national women's career and executive coach says find a better boss to support your aspirations to make the world a better place. Get out if you can. 

According to Caprino, "You will not succeed under a narcissist unless you’re great at lying, manipulating, and kissing up, nor will you be able to carve out a satisfying and rewarding professional life if you’re being led by a narcissist."

A Wise Man Once Said Nothing

When You Absolutely Must Keep Your Job: Keep Your Mouth Shut

Life isn't always fair. Sometimes you desperately need your job, but your blood-sucking boss is a tyrant who makes you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells. 

What can you do to stay employed if your boss is a true narcissist—whose self-interest, inflated sense of self-importance and extreme preoccupation with himself leaves you uncertain about how to best get the job done and move forward in your career?

When you absolutely must keep your job, follow these three rules for surviving a narcissist:

Never outshine the narcissist. You may be the one coming up with great ideas, bringing in clients or completing projects. But the inflated ego of the narcissist demands to be fed at all times. He needs to hear 'everybody clapping for him'. Publicly attribute successes to your boss--and always thank him for helping you succeed. Don't even think about taking credit if you must keep your job. Let the boss shine while you remain in the shadows. 

Follow their rules. Narcissists believe rules don't apply to them—only to you. Want to keep your job? Do what they say, not what they do. Never point out their failure to live by the rules they set.

Never challenge or disagree with your boss. This isn't about what's fair or easy—it's about keeping your job. 

As a co-worker advised a friend of mine on the not-so-subtle art of dealing with their difficult boss: 'We have a saying in Mexico--play dumb; eat well. Keep your mouth shut.' 

If you disagree with your boss, keep it to yourself. A narcissist's ego does not allow for opposition. Challenge this boss's decision and you earn yourself a swift boot out the door. 

When you absolutely must keep your job--keep your mouth shut, your head down—and stay under the radar. 

Somewhere Out there is a better place for you to Shine!

Ready to Get the Hell Out? Here's How to High-tail it

You know you want to shine. You want to be out in the world making a difference--serving as a great problem solver, care-giver, innovator, manager, customer service provider or whatever. Life is dull if you're unable to shine in your own way. So find your way out.

Work to get out of the lackluster job that kills your ambition as soon as you're able. 

No one is going to take care of you better than you. If you recognize you're working for a blood-sucker whose only intent is to hold you back, start making plans to find your next job. 

Don't let the blood-sucking boss drain you of your life energy. Your enthusiasm and ambition to do well in life are precious commodities. Never let the sustaining life blood be sucked out of you so you die on the job and give up on life. Learn to re-energize yourself before you begin the transition to another job. 

While your inclination is to cut and run when you're fed up, you'll want to transition in a way that sets you up to step into a better situation. Don't let feeling frantic lead you.

PAUSE. To regain your energy and self-confidence after being in an energy draining work situation try to approach changing your job in the same way you change a bad habit. 

Think of your staying in a bad job as just another bad habit you want to unload--and learn to step into the change process by preparing yourself with a PAUSE before action.

How does this work? Rather than immediately jumping in with both feet, begin with a pre-planning stage and an active, concrete planning stage before you take action. When you're ready, commit to small, concrete actions to get you going.  

Avoid getting overwhelmed. Most people overwhelm themselves trying to do too much too soon--especially when they've had their energy drained by that work mosquito. Set yourself up to succeed by beginning your changes with a calm and, deliberate PAUSE--letting go of expectations before you begin to explore your options. 

You must slow down and PAUSE to speed up CHANGE.

Pre-Planning Stage: Acknowledge you're in a no-win situation. Sit in it as you let your awareness rise to the surface of your consciousness. During this stage of change you do nothing. 

This is a 'getting ready to change' stage that begins to refuel your energy.

Planning Stage: When you're ready, begin to actively plan your next career move. Give yourself the first part of each day to put your thoughts 'on paper'.  Use the questions below to help you focus  and consolidate your energy during this stage.  

This is a 'getting ready to take action' stage. 

Questions to Ask 

💙 Why did I take my current job? How do/did I see it as a stepping stone for advancing? What's my 5 year plan? 

💜 What am I willing to do differently to make more money, utilize my talents better, or have more satisfaction in my work? Who can I ask for advice? 

💚 What have I learned in this job? What skills have I built or honed I can use to promote myself for my next position? How has this experience shown me I can handle whatever life throws me with grace and ease? How will I be strengthened by my experience with this job that will make me better for the next one?

💛 How can I make the best use of my time while I'm still in this job to help me move to a better position? Is there job training I can take advantage of? Can I ask to take on a job or project so I can learn something new? Can I use this time to self-study for a licensing exam to position me for more money or opportunity? Can I speak up about the type of training/instruction I need to better function in the job?

A Cautionary Tale

'When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants. When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake. 

Time can turn at any time. Don't neglect anyone in your life.' 

Tahir

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Grieving: What to Say When Someone Dies

At a Loss for What to Say

Years ago, in my early 30's, I attended my first funeral ever for an eight-week old baby boy who died of SIDS. I had just visited the healthy and happy boy the previous week and I couldn't imagine what to say to his mother. Viewing the tiny coffin was the saddest thing I ever saw. I was broken-hearted for my friend. 

But having virtually no up-close experience talking to people in the aftermath of loss--and perhaps due to growing up in a culture in which we avoid talking about death--I felt inadequate and afraid I was going to say the wrong thing and make things worse. 

Somehow saying, 'Sorry for your loss' seemed inadequate at best. Should I just keep quiet? Should I divert attention to another topic? Should I encourage her to look to the future knowing she was young enough to have another baby? 

But thanks to the very wise minister who conducted the funeral service that day I learned a very straightforward and compassionate way to provide the type of support people need upon losing a loved one that made sense to me.

He said people need to talk about their loved one--and keep talking. To gently, yet directly, support those coping with a loss engage in the conversation with them.

Reach Out in Love

People are often afraid to talk about the deceased for fear of upsetting those left behind he said .

But what people need is acknowledgement that this person they loved 
had impact in their time on earth. They need to talk about how their loved one LIVED, was LOVED, and MATTERED--and how they added meaning to their lives.

Freely talk about the loved one, he said, rather than avoiding the conversation.

Say My Name and Tell My Stories

Say the person's name, he said. Tell stories about your interactions with the loved one--and keep telling stories.

He went on to say people often stop talking about the deceased after the first year--but what those left behind need is to honor their loved one with stories for at least 5 years.  

Give people who've lost a loved one the opportunity to talk about their dear one in present-tense long after they've departed this world.

Within Tears, Find Hidden Laughter. 

Seek Treasures Amid Ruins.

Rumi

It's Never too Late to Share Stories of Loss

It's never too late to talk to close friends or family members about the death of a loved one no matter how much time has passed. When you come from a place of compassion or love, your concern for their well-being will be well received.

After the funeral service I went straight home and called my mother. It took this experience for me to see for the first time how insensitive I had been to my mother about the loss of her first child more than 35 years prior.

Growing up, when I was asked how many kids there were in my family I said there were six kids and I was #4 in the line up of 6 siblings--despite the fact that I was #5 in the line up of 7 siblings. Through the eyes of a child I only saw what was before me: six living children.

Whenever my mother was asked how many children she had, she always said she had seven, but her first baby died at birth. Although I heard her say this many times, in my childish oblivious manner that loss of her first baby due to a breach birth was simply a blip on the screen of life and she went on to have six more children.

When I called my mother that day I asked her how she handled the loss of my brother when it happened--and apologized for how insensitive I had been as a child. She talked. I listened.

She said it was really hard. 'John' had been a healthy baby that was born breach, or feet first. While she was still in the hospital, her family took down the baby's nursery she spent months preparing and stored everything away in the attic. When she got home she went looking for the baby clothes and crib that had been hidden away. And people told her, 'you're young and healthy--you'll have more'--leaving her to grieve alone.

Listen Deeply and Compassionately

All we have in life is each other and our experiences with each other. We need to share what we love and who we love--including those we've lost.

As my friend, Normie, said, 'Our culture seems to be nearly insistent that conversations about loved ones who have left us should be avoided at all costs...too morbid or something!  WRONG!'

When someone you love loses a loved one, be ready to talk about the dearly loved one--telling tales, sharing memories, and laughing about good time. At all times be ready to listen deeply and compassionately--allowing the other person to share from the depths of their heart.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Honoring Loved Ones Lost: Acknowledge their Spirit Living on in You

Honoring the Best of Times 

My mother was the original Rumba Girl--dancing, laughing and flirting her way through life. When this rumba dancing image emerged from deep inside me I knew it was my mother speaking to me and egging me on. 

I could hear her head-back laughing at my delight in bringing the image forth--remembering that day I came home with Nicolette Larson's song 'Rhumba Girl' to play and dance for her in the kitchen after getting engaged. 

My mother was a fun-loving woman who laughed through life. She was the ultimate role model who showed me and my five siblings how to handle life gracefully--with ease and laughter--despite the hardships, losses, hurts and pains. She showed us how to flirt with people and life.  She loved it when we shared our sassy, flirtatious side with her.  I miss her but her spirit lives on deep within me. 

You're still there making me laugh

Who are you Missing or Grieving? 

Whose memory would you benefit from honoring? How does their spirit live on inside you? How have they made your life better? How have they challenged you to be a better person and live a better life? 

Find those stories about your loved ones who've passed that make you smile and laugh. Share their touching stories with others and sit with the good times for awhile to feel their presence. Know they are still sitting alongside you surrounding you with love.

I'm still here making You Proud

Honor the Circle of Life

Everything starts somewhere, and I started as an egg in my mother's womb. How often has this truly amazing start in life crept into my awareness?  Why is it this miracle of creation slips from our consciousness as soon as we slip into the world? Perhaps because it is too big to grasp. 

It is the same for holding on to the miracle of how our loved ones who pass on can remain with us if we honor them by remembering our favorite stories instead of just grieving our loss.

I may have begun a seed growing in my mother's body, but her spirit lives on in mine, enveloping me with everything that is good. I honor her by living my life in a way that makes her proud and sharing the stories that honor her life.

'A mother, after all, is your entry into the world. She is the shell in which you divide and become a life. Waking up in a world without her is like waking up in a world without sky: unimaginable.' 
Meghan O'Rourke 

Listen to Nicolette Larson-Rhumba Girl.

Sending You the Bluebird of Happiness

Bluebird as a Symbol of Happiness 

'The symbol of a bluebird as the harbinger of happiness is found in many cultures and may date back thousands of years.

One of the oldest examples (found on oracle bone inscriptions of the Shang Dynasty, 1766-1122 BC) is from pre-modern China, where a blue bird (qingniao) was the messenger bird of Xi Wangmu, the 'Queen Mother of the West' who began life as a fearsome goddess and Immortal.  

By the Tang Dynasty (618-906 AD) she had evolved into a Daoist fairy queen and the protector/patron of "singing girls, dead women, novices, nuns, adepts and priestesses...women who stood outside the roles prescribed for women in the traditional Chinese family". '

Wikipedia

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.