Playing the Game of Life when Dealt a Poor Hand

 

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."  Winston Churchill

 

Learn How to Play a Poor Hand Well

What's happening in your life right now? Do you feel you're failing in some aspect of your life? Are you harboring a secret failure you're hiding from others in shame? Are you off somewhere licking your wounds? Do you feel life has recently dealt you a poor hand?

 Listen up!  The trick to doing well in the game of life isn't to be dealt a good hand. It's to learn how to play a poor hand well and to stay in the game.

You may think those who do well in life do so because they're smart or just plain lucky. While smarts or luck can help, they're not the key. Knowing how to bounce back and enthusiastically reengage in your life after a set back is. 

Playing the game of life well when you're dealt a poor hand is all about being street smart--i.e. knowing how to survive and thrive by getting back into the game after a loss. Always shake yourself off and prepare to play your next card.

 

Are You Flailing?

Many moons ago, the B.C. cartoonist captured the essence of our usual, but unnecessary, response to failure in one of his cartoons: "Flail: The opposite of slucceed." 

Too often we treat failure as a crime worthy of a mental flailing. After you beat yourself up, it may take days, weeks or months to get over the pain of that mental flailing. And while you waste time feeling guilty, frustrated, and sorry for yourself, you fail to take the next step to get on with life.

To win at the game of life, you must let go of prolonged mental flailing (okay--indulge in a little if you must) and wound licking, and learn from your failures and losses instead. Resiliency is the name of the game when it comes to living the best life. 

Play life as if you always have another card up your sleeve to play, and stay in the game.

Keep Aiming for The Best Outcomes

How are you dealing with a poor hand today? Are you afraid of falling short so you're having a hard time heading down a new path? Do you expect no less than perfection from yourself or life? Are you having a difficult time taking risks because you must guarantee success before you take the first step?

Let it go.

Don't let the fear of failure lead you to perfectionist thinking, and ultimately to getting stuck. Perfectionist thinking leads to procrastination which leads to paralysis of spirit.

If you're too afraid you'll make a mistake, you'll never throw your hat in the ring. Learn to use your set backs like top achievers do--as learning experiences and adjust as you go.

 

Playing Through

✅ Choose to see failures as learning experiences

✅ What could I do better next time?

✅ What can I improve upon now?

✅ What's the most important question for me to ask myself now?

✅ How do I turn this into a beginning, not an ending?

✅ What's the takeaway?

 

✅ Take steps without worrying about the results or outcomes. Run experiments.

✅ When things don't turn out the way you want, consider how to adjust then play through. Take a step--any step--and see what happens. 

 ✅ Expect and welcome learning experiences. You're stagnating if you're not failing some of the time. 

"The only difference between winners and losers is winners lose more often but they stay in the game."  Terry Paulsen

 

 

 

Lightarted Living: Robert Brault: Brimming Over with Whimsical Wisdom

Lightarted Living: Robert Brault: Brimming Over with Whimsical Wisdom: "Doing one fool thing after another is not so terrible  when you consider the human proclivity  to do several fool things at on...

Lightarted Living: A Chorus of Song starts with One Small Voice

Lightarted Living: A Chorus of Song starts with One Small Voice:   The Small Voices in Your Head When I caught my first glimpse of this flower photo, I immediately saw a minuscule chorus of singing spirits...

We all have those small voices in our heads, cheering us on, waiting for us to set them free.  What are yours? What do they have to say to you?

Listen for their sweet song, no matter how small. When their tiny melodic voices eek through the noise in your head, turn up the volume and allow them to move you into a calm and self-assured world filled with goodness and grace. And then share your calming song with others you care about.

Life is a song. Make yours a happy one to share with others.

A Chorus of Song starts with One Small Voice

 

The Small Voices in Your Head

When I caught my first glimpse of this flower photo, I immediately saw a minuscule chorus of singing spirits inside waiting to be seen and heard. 

As I began freeing each tiny well-wisher into view with my pen, one of the songs from Sesame Street that's always swimming around in my head wafted up to envelope my thoughts and I could hear the merry beings lift their voices to sing to me. I felt strong, calm, centered, and hopeful as I listened to their song.

We all have those small voices in our heads, cheering us on, waiting for us to set them free.  What are yours? What do they have to say to you?

Listen for their sweet song, no matter how small. When their tiny melodic voices eek through the noise in your head, turn up the volume and allow them to move you into a calm and self-assured world filled with goodness and grace. And then share your calming song with others you care about.

Life is a song. Make yours a happy one to share with others.

 

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝆔

One Small Voice

From Sesame Street for the child in me and you

𝅘𝅥𝅱 Every song the world sings,

Each was once unknown. 𝅘𝅥𝅯

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝆔

Somebody felt a song inside 

and wasn't afraid to sing alone.

If you feel the music,

And you sing it clear and true,

Then the world can sing with you.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝆔

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝆔

One small voice can teach the world a song.

Start with one small voice, 'til another sings along;

And you'll feel the music growing full and sure and strong.

One small voice can teach the world a song.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝆔

Teach the World Your Song

💓 What are the uplifting songs you carry in your head? 

💓 What is the life song you'd like to share with others? 

💓 What is the song you want others to sing with you?

💓 How can you be the one small voice to bring joy and comfort to the world around you?

Sing of Happy

Teach the world a happy song. As Karen Carpenter sang, "Sing of good things, not bad. Sing of happy, not sad."

Find your inner happy voice then sing LOUD and sing TRUE.

Original photo by Diane Offenbacher

Lightarted Living: Life is a Bumpy Ride filled with Obstacles

Lightarted Living: Life is a Bumpy Ride filled with Obstacles:   Alone There she was, alone, standing in the field contemplating her life, unaware she had company. But her constant fierce, spiritual, ten...

This is the thing about life--it's a bumpy ride filled with obstacles. With life being what it is, sometimes our dreams collide with a reality that's a bit different than we imagined it. But as Winston Churchill said, 'If you're going through Hell...just keep going.' We hone our problem-solving and communication skills each time we navigate difficulties. 

Life is a Bumpy Ride filled with Obstacles

 

Alone

There she was, alone, standing in the field contemplating her life, unaware she had company. But her constant fierce, spiritual, tender and healing spirits never left her. She would survive.

Peace be with you. You are strong and resilient. Life will come good again. You will survive.

Life is a Bumpy Ride filled with Obstacles

'If you're going through Hell...just keep going.' Winston Churchill

This is the thing about life--it's a bumpy ride filled with obstacles. With life being what it is, sometimes our dreams collide with a reality that's a bit different than we imagined it. But as Winston Churchill said, 'If you're going through Hell...just keep going.' We hone our problem-solving and communication skills each time we navigate difficulties. 

So what's a girl to do when she runs into difficulties?  Keep going. Take the next step. Buck up. Get back in there and figure out your options for moving forward.

'Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.' Henry Ford 

When you meet a moment of difficulty and self doubt, learn to interpret it as your cue to refocus your attention on your goals and away from the obstacles. What do you want your life to look and feel like? What do you need to do to move it in that direction?

Re-framing for Better Results: From Obstacles to Challenges

If you let them, obstacles stop you in your tracks. But if you re-imagine obstacles as challenges, you'll energize yourself to find your strength and smarts and step up to the challenge of staying on course and doing better. Renaming obstacles as challenges puts your eyes back on your life goals. 

Accept daily life challenges as a normal part of life that makes you stronger and more competent each time you choose to problem-solve your way through them. Envision the life you want, then rise to the challenge of meeting your life head-on to figure out what you need to do to get there. 

Find ways to use your current challenges to move you further toward what you want--even if the message is 'I've had enough and it's time to move on'. The tough times show us what we don't want in life and serve to propel us towards what we do want. That's the challenge and the opportunity.


Your patience and persistence in pursuing the life you desire ultimately pays off. Trust your inner strength and willingness to always take the next step to meet life challenges. When you hit a rough patch, put your head down and endure what you can not escape to get through the tough times and get back to the good times.

Trust me--you got this, Girl!

'If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.' Frank A. Clark

  

Keep Your Eye on the Goal

Forward Thinking: Imagining Your Life Ahead

Take a moment to look into the future imagining different outcomes for your current situation. Consider what your life would look like by keeping the status quo or changing things up. Listen to your gut or intuition. Consider what you want your life to be.  Here are two common situations to think through.

Stay in the Relationship or Move On

💓 It's 5 years down the road and I'm still in this relationship: What made me stay? What does the relationship look like? How has my life improved or worsened? How do I feel?  How did I overcome obstacles? What did I do to speak up? What changes did I make to make me feel safe and comfortable staying?

 

💔 It's 5 years down the road and I long ago left the relationship: What happened to make me move on? What was I dissatisfied with in the relationship? How has my life improved? What steps did I take to make me feel safe with changes?

 
💓 It's 5 years down the road and I'm loving my life: What am I doing? Where am I doing it? Who is in my life?

Stay in Current Career/Job or Move On?

💓 It's 5 years down the road and I'm still with this company or in this business: What made me stay? What does the work look like? What do the hours, pay and benefits look like? How does the job fit my lifestyle? 

 

💔 It's 5 years down the road and I long ago left the company or business: What happened to make me move on? What was I dissatisfied with in the company or career? Hours? Pay? Benefits? Management Style? Lack of Advancement Opportunities? Poor job fit for my skills?

💓 It's 5 years down the road and I'm loving my work: What am I doing? Where am I doing it? How much money am I making? 

Current Thinking to Align with Your Career Goals 

 💙 Why did I take my current job? How do/did I see it as a stepping stone for advancing? What's my 5 year plan?  

 

💚 What am I willing to do differently to make more money, utilize my talents better, or have more satisfaction in my work? Who can I ask for advice? 

 

💛 What have I learned in this job? What skills have I built or honed I can use to promote myself for my next position? How has this experience shown me I can handle whatever life throws me with grace and ease? How will I be strengthened by my experience with this job that will make me better for the next one?

 

💜 How can I make the best use of my time while I'm still in this job to help me move to a better position? Is there job training I can take advantage of? Can I ask to take on a job or project to learn something new? Can I use this time to self-study for a licensing exam to position me for more money or opportunity? Can I speak up about the type of training/instruction I need to better function in the job?

 

I love moving my life forward

 

 

Lightarted Living: Life Calls the Tune~We Dance

Lightarted Living: Life Calls the Tune~We Dance:   "Life calls the tune, we dance."   John Galsworthy "Accept the things to which fate binds you, And love the people with who...

"Life calls the tune, we dance."   John Galsworthy

"Accept the things to which fate binds you,

And love the people with whom fate brings you,

And do so with your whole heart."  Marcus Aurelius

"Love your fate, which is your life."  Friedrich Nietzsche

Life Calls the Tune~We Dance

 

"Life calls the tune, we dance."  

John Galsworthy

"Accept the things to which fate binds you,

And love the people with whom fate brings you,

And do so with your whole heart." 

Marcus Aurelius

"Love your fate, which is your life."

Friedrich Nietzsche

Lightarted Living: Friends are the Masterpieces of Nature~Ralph Waldo...

Lightarted Living: Friends are the Masterpieces of Nature~Ralph Waldo...: "When You Realize How Perfect Everything is  You'll Tilt Your Head Back and Laugh at the Sky"  The Buddha  Lee Bryant...

Who Are Your Masterpieces of Nature? 

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. 

~The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

Henri J.M. Nouwen

Lightarted Living: True Leaders Inspire You to Become Your Best Self

Lightarted Living: True Leaders Inspire You to Become Your Best Self: Judith L Smith-Foote with Former President Bill Clinton 2012 'If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more a...

This post was first published in 2013. I felt compelled to revisit it to publicly honor one of the finest women I have ever known.  Whenever I think about how fortunate I was to have Judith influence my life I stand taller and am motivated to do for others what she did for me: inspire them to be their best selves. The world is a better place because of my dear friend and mentor, Judi.

Lightarted Living: A Woman of Ease

Lightarted Living: A Woman of Ease:   A Woman of Ease The good feeling started with a little smile appearing one morning. As she lazily stretched and opened her eyes she was gr...

A Woman of Ease

 

A Woman of Ease

The good feeling started with a little smile appearing one morning.

As she lazily stretched and opened her eyes she was greeted 

by little memories of far-away friends surfacing to brighten her day.

She allowed the little loving thoughts to escape and spiral into the air around her, 

tickling her fancy, and surrounding her with a colorful aura of joy.

A peaceful sense of ease tucked her into a hopeful future,

And gave her a deep sense of knowing, 'All is Well'.

Tracy

Her life and heart were all ablaze.

She had arrived full of energy, passion and hope.

Her presence was electrifying, 

Igniting a fire in all around her.

Smiles abound.

A Woman Refreshed

She was a woman full of fresh ideas,

Ready to refresh her outlook on life,

Full of healthy and bold thoughts. 

She had turned the corner.

A bright and hopeful life was emerging. 

Her future was sure to bring smiles, joy, happiness and ease.

Dance On!

No matter the hardships,

No matter the pain,

At your earliest convenience,

Return to life fully engaged.

Let joy be!

On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined. 

Lord Byron

A Fresh Canvas

Salmon Dinner styled by Colleen McGinn was the photo used 

as my canvas for all of the pictures in a woman of ease series.

Colleen McGinn is an inspiring food stylist who encourages

us to try new heathy meals by making them look so tasty.

She is truly a woman full of fresh ideas!

Lightarted Living: How to Be Self Confident and Put Others at Ease

Lightarted Living: How to Be Self Confident and Put Others at Ease: Falling Down on Self Confidence? Get Back Up  Self confidence flagging?   If you knew you had a trick up your sleeve to get your confidence ...

How to Be Self Confident and Put Others at Ease

Falling Down on Self Confidence? Get Back Up 

Self confidence flagging?  If you knew you had a trick up your sleeve to get your confidence back would you use it? I would. Here's the trick: Stop being self-conscious. Strive to be a person of ease instead. 

Even the Most Self Confident Struggle with Confidence

Even the most self confident of us have times when we struggle with flagging self confidence. In anticipation of meeting people for the first time, or taking center stage with the spotlight on us for a special event, we can let self doubt and self consciousness creep in. 

My daughter is about to get married and that joyous occasion has, of course, put her into high alert for how she'll look on her wedding day. But it also has her father and I thinking about meeting her fiancé's family for the first time, and feeling a bit self-conscious too.

So what's the solution to overcoming all this self-consciousness on our part? Simple. We give up our self-consciousness and embrace "you're never fully dressed without a smile" instead. 

 

You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smile

Early in life I stumbled upon the key to relaxing and presenting myself confidently no matter the situation. All I had to do was remember I had the key and bring it out whenever I began to feel self conscious about the prospect of people looking at me or my performance and judging what they see.

My big AHA! came when I figured out that if I felt uneasy in my skin, then other people felt uneasy in theirs. If I put my focus on attending to other people's comfort and ease instead of worrying about my own, my unease disappeared. By simply switching my attention from myself to others, I replaced my self-consciousness with a concern for other's ease.

Whether you're the person leading that first in-person meeting back at the office, or you're the bride at the wedding, you can feel the heat of all eyes upon you. But if you stop and think about it, you'll see everyone at your presentation or wedding is nervous about how they look or act in a new or formal situation. What if they dress inappropriately, fail to fit in with others, or look stupid?

When you get 'you're never fully dressed without a smile' you can learn the art of being self confident and putting others at ease in any situation.

How to be a Person of Ease wearing an Inner Smile

A person of ease is confident in the moment and puts everyone around them at ease. 

You become a person of ease when you choose to be other-conscious instead of self-conscious, and you dress yourself with that inner smile by projecting the four messages all people want to hear in all situations:

The 4 messages all people want to hear

I'm glad I'm here.

I'm glad you're here.

I care about you.

I know that I know.

You don't have to actually say those four messages, although you can. You only need to convey them through your actions. 

When you're sincere in your attention to other's comfort and ease, your calm sense of presence will light up the room and let that inner smile shine through. When you confidently attend to the ease in the atmosphere everyone is better able to relax and enjoy their interactions.

Lightarted Living: If I had Words to Make a Day for You

Lightarted Living: If I had Words to Make a Day for You:   "If I had words to make a day for you, I'd sing you a morning golden and new. I would make this day last for all time; Give you a...

If I had Words to Make a Day for You

 

"If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd sing you a morning golden and new.

I would make this day last for all time;

Give you a night deep in moonshine."

Scott Fitzgerald and Yvonne Keeley

Song from 'Babe, the Pig'

Lately this song from the movie 'Babe' has popped into my head over and over again as I look for the underlying secret messages in the art and objects around me. 

I feel such tenderness towards so many of you at the moment, and it spills out of my heart onto the art pages. The healing beings have been singing Babe's song to me of late, and I'm compelled to offer their song alongside them so they can sing it to you.

Life is full of both joyful and difficult events calling us to send tender thoughts to surround others in love as they move forward with life. That's what this song is to me.

Who do I send this song to today? 

💓Those getting married, and those getting out of prison;

💓Those having babies and those who've lost a loved one. 

💓Those in treatment for major illnesses and those recovering from years-long healing of abuse, injury or hardship.

💓Those of you recovering and resting after a year of turmoil.

If I could, I would sit alongside you and sing this song to you to calm your nerves and quiet your fears. 

Today I wish you a morning golden and new, and a night deep in moonshine. 

From Rags to Riches

The underlying photo of the healing spirits is from 

an art studio rag used by Lee Bryant to wipe paint from her brushes.

Lee sees the marvelous in everything--rags, dirt, jar lids, rocks, snow,  

food leftovers, and many other ordinary items waiting to be discovered. 

I am the lucky recipient of her gift of seeing as she photographs 

these great finds then delights me with her objects of love.

I feel love and tenderness in her offerings to me, 

and I hope you feel the love and tenderness in our offerings to you.

Lightarted Living: My Mother Showed Us: Life is Life~Rise to the Chal...

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Lightarted Living: Exhausted? Stay Clear of those Vexed in Spirit: Jo...

Lightarted Living: Exhausted? Stay Clear of those Vexed in Spirit: Jo...: A Woman of Ease Exhausted? Need to recharge your batteries? "Stay clear of those vexed in spirit. Learn to linger around someone of eas...

Exhausted? Stay Clear of those Vexed in Spirit: John O'Donohue

A Woman of Ease

Exhausted? Need to recharge your batteries?

"Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.

Learn to linger around someone of ease

Who feels they have all the time in the world."

John O'Donohue

Come. Rest. Refresh.

Lightarted Living: With the Smallest Seed of Faith and a Little Fairy...

Lightarted Living: With the Smallest Seed of Faith and a Little Fairy...:   Accept Miracles Miracles happen after a lot of hard work.  Endure. With the smallest seed of faith, And a little fairy dust, All things ar...