How to Be Self Confident and Put Others at Ease

Falling Down on Self Confidence? Get Back Up 

Self confidence flagging?  If you knew you had a trick up your sleeve to get your confidence back would you use it? I would. Here's the trick: Stop being self-conscious. Strive to be a person of ease instead. 

Even the Most Self Confident Struggle with Confidence

Even the most self confident of us have times when we struggle with flagging self confidence. In anticipation of meeting people for the first time, or taking center stage with the spotlight on us for a special event, we can let self doubt and self consciousness creep in. 

My daughter is about to get married and that joyous occasion has, of course, put her into high alert for how she'll look on her wedding day. But it also has her father and I thinking about meeting her fiancé's family for the first time, and feeling a bit self-conscious too.

So what's the solution to overcoming all this self-consciousness on our part? Simple. We give up our self-consciousness and embrace "you're never fully dressed without a smile" instead. 

 

You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smile

Early in life I stumbled upon the key to relaxing and presenting myself confidently no matter the situation. All I had to do was remember I had the key and bring it out whenever I began to feel self conscious about the prospect of people looking at me or my performance and judging what they see.

My big AHA! came when I figured out that if I felt uneasy in my skin, then other people felt uneasy in theirs. If I put my focus on attending to other people's comfort and ease instead of worrying about my own, my unease disappeared. By simply switching my attention from myself to others, I replaced my self-consciousness with a concern for other's ease.

Whether you're the person leading that first in-person meeting back at the office, or you're the bride at the wedding, you can feel the heat of all eyes upon you. But if you stop and think about it, you'll see everyone at your presentation or wedding is nervous about how they look or act in a new or formal situation. What if they dress inappropriately, fail to fit in with others, or look stupid?

When you get 'you're never fully dressed without a smile' you can learn the art of being self confident and putting others at ease in any situation.

How to be a Person of Ease wearing an Inner Smile

A person of ease is confident in the moment and puts everyone around them at ease. 

You become a person of ease when you choose to be other-conscious instead of self-conscious, and you dress yourself with that inner smile by projecting the four messages all people want to hear in all situations:

The 4 messages all people want to hear

I'm glad I'm here.

I'm glad you're here.

I care about you.

I know that I know.

You don't have to actually say those four messages, although you can. You only need to convey them through your actions. 

When you're sincere in your attention to other's comfort and ease, your calm sense of presence will light up the room and let that inner smile shine through. When you confidently attend to the ease in the atmosphere everyone is better able to relax and enjoy their interactions.