Monday, March 27, 2017

Stuck Working for a Blood-Sucking Boss? Keep Your Mouth Shut or Get the Hell Out!




Now that's what I call a Narcissist! 

Baby mosquito came back after his first time flying. 
His father asked him "How do you feel?" 
He replied "It was wonderful! Everyone was clapping for me!" 

Tahir


Working for a Narcissist?
How to Keep Your Job--if you must 
Or Get the Hell Out--if you can


Are You Stuck Working for a Blood-Sucking, Self-Centered Boss?


Do you work for a boss with no interest in you or your advancement--whose only interest is in having people admire and 'clap' for her? Have you been quieted with icy stares when attempting to offer suggestions to improve outcomes for the company? 

You may be working for a narcissist. 

While putting a name to what you're experiencing with your boss won't make it easier to deal with her, it can help you decide if you want to keep working in this job. Take this quiz to find out.


Narcissists are buoyed up 
by an inflated sense of self-importance 
Is Your Boss a Narcissist?

  • Does your boss need constant attention and admiration? 
  • Does s/he show a disregard for the feelings of others? 
  • Is it risky to challenge or correct your boss? 
  • Does s/he react to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation?


If your answer is yes to these questions--you're probably dealing with a narcissist--a person with an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with herself. This boss doesn't care about your success, only about flying around maintaining her own inflated self-image.

If you are a dedicated professional who goes all out to work for the good of the organization--and you want to advance in your career--it can be devastating working for a narcissist. 
Narcissists have little ability to feel empathy for others. They don't care about your great ideas that could revolutionize the industry. They aren't interested in helping you achieve your career goals. Their obsessive self-interest keeps them pursuing mainly selfish goals--often contrary to the good of the organization or the people working in it. And that's what's so crazy-making about working with them.

If you desire to shine and make your mark on the world, Kathy Caprino, a national women's career and executive coach says find a better boss to support your aspirations to make the world a better place. Get out if you can. 
According to Caprino, "You will not succeed under a narcissist unless you’re great at lying, manipulating, and kissing up, nor will you be able to carve out a satisfying and rewarding professional life if you’re being led by a narcissist."

A Wise Man Once Said Nothing


When You Absolutely Must Keep Your Job: Keep Your Mouth Shut
Life isn't always fair. Sometimes you desperately need your job, but your blood-sucking boss is a tyrant who makes you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells. 
What can you do to stay employed if your boss is a true narcissist—whose self-interest, inflated sense of self-importance and extreme preoccupation with himself leaves you uncertain about how to best get the job done and move forward in your career?

When you absolutely must keep your job, follow these three rules for surviving a narcissist:
Never outshine the narcissist. You may be the one coming up with great ideas, bringing in clients or completing projects. But the inflated ego of the narcissist demands to be fed at all times. He needs to hear 'everybody clapping for him'. Publicly attribute successes to your boss--and always thank him for helping you succeed. Don't even think about taking credit if you must keep your job. Let the boss shine while you remain in the shadows. 

Follow their rules. Narcissists believe rules don't apply to them—only to you. Want to keep your job? Do what they say, not what they do. Never point out their failure to live by the rules they set.

Never challenge or disagree with your boss. This isn't about what's fair or easy—it's about keeping your job. 
As a co-worker advised a friend of mine on the not-so-subtle art of dealing with their difficult boss: 'We have a saying in Mexico--play dumb; eat well. Keep your mouth shut.' 
If you disagree with your boss, keep it to yourself. A narcissist's ego does not allow for opposition. Challenge this boss's decision and you earn yourself a swift boot out the door. 
When you absolutely must keep your job--keep your mouth shut, your head down—and stay under the radar. 

Somewhere Out there is a better place for you to Shine!


Ready to Get the Hell Out? Here's How to High-tail it
You know you want to shine. You want to be out in the world making a difference--serving as a great problem solver, care-giver, innovator, manager, customer service provider or whatever. Life is dull if you're unable to shine in your own way. So find your way out.

Work to get out of the lackluster job that kills your ambition as soon as you're able. 

No one is going to take care of you better than you. If you recognize you're working for a blood-sucker whose only intent is to hold you back, start making plans to find your next job. 
Don't let the blood-sucking boss drain you of your life energy. Your enthusiasm and ambition to do well in life are precious commodities. Never let the sustaining life blood be sucked out of you so you die on the job and give up on life. Learn to re-energize yourself before you begin the transition to another job. 
While your inclination is to cut and run when you're fed up, you'll want to transition in a way that sets you up to step into a better situation. Don't let feeling frantic lead you.

PAUSE. To regain your energy and self-confidence after being in an energy draining work situation try to approach changing your job in the same way you change a bad habit. 
Think of your staying in a bad job as just another bad habit you want to unload--and learn to step into the change process by preparing yourself with a PAUSE before action.
How does this work? Rather than immediately jumping in with both feet, begin with a pre-planning stage and an active, concrete planning stage before you take action. When you're ready, commit to small, concrete actions to get you going.  

Avoid getting overwhelmed. Most people overwhelm themselves trying to do too much too soon--especially when they've had their energy drained by that work mosquito. Set yourself up to succeed by beginning your changes with a calm and, deliberate PAUSE--letting go of expectations before you begin to explore your options. 
You must slow down and PAUSE to speed up CHANGE.

Pre-Planning Stage: Acknowledge you're in a no-win situation. Sit in it as you let your awareness rise to the surface of your consciousness. During this stage of change you do nothing. 
This is a 'getting ready to change' stage that begins to refuel your energy.
Planning Stage: When you're ready, begin to actively plan your next career move. Give yourself the first part of each day to put your thoughts 'on paper'.  Use the questions below to help you focus  and consolidate your energy during this stage.  
This is a 'getting ready to take action' stage. 


Questions to Ask 
💙 Why did I take my current job? How do/did I see it as a stepping stone for advancing? What's my 5 year plan? 
💜 What am I willing to do differently to make more money, utilize my talents better, or have more satisfaction in my work? Who can I ask for advice? 
💚 What have I learned in this job? What skills have I built or honed I can use to promote myself for my next position? How has this experience shown me I can handle whatever life throws me with grace and ease? How will I be strengthened by my experience with this job that will make me better for the next one?
💛 How can I make the best use of my time while I'm still in this job to help me move to a better position? Is there job training I can take advantage of? Can I ask to take on a job or project so I can learn something new? Can I use this time to self-study for a licensing exam to position me for more money or opportunity? Can I speak up about the type of training/instruction I need to better function in the job?



A Cautionary Tale


'When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants. When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake. 

Time can turn at any time. Don't neglect anyone in your life.' 

Tahir

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Friday, March 24, 2017

Grieving: What to Say When Someone Dies



At a Loss for What to Say

Years ago, in my early 30's, I attended my first funeral ever for an eight-week old baby boy who died of SIDS. I had just visited the healthy and happy boy the previous week and I couldn't imagine what to say to his mother. Viewing the tiny coffin was the saddest thing I ever saw. I was broken-hearted for my friend. 

But having virtually no up-close experience talking to people in the aftermath of loss--and perhaps due to growing up in a culture in which we avoid talking about death--I felt inadequate and afraid I was going to say the wrong thing and make things worse. 

Somehow saying, 'Sorry for your loss' seemed inadequate at best. Should I just keep quiet? Should I divert attention to another topic? Should I encourage her to look to the future knowing she was young enough to have another baby? 

But thanks to the very wise minister who conducted the funeral service that day I learned a very straightforward and compassionate way to provide the type of support people need upon losing a loved one that made sense to me.

He said people need to talk about their loved one--and keep talking. To gently, yet directly, support those coping with a loss engage in the conversation with them.


Reach Out in Love

People are often afraid to talk about the deceased for fear of upsetting those left behind he said .

But what people need is acknowledgement that this person they loved 
had impact in their time on earth. They need to talk about how their loved one LIVED, was LOVED, and MATTERED--and how they added meaning to their lives.

Freely talk about the loved one, he said, rather than avoiding the conversation.



Say My Name and Tell My Stories

Say the person's name, he said. Tell stories about your interactions with the loved one--and keep telling stories.

He went on to say people often stop talking about the deceased after the first year--but what those left behind need is to honor their loved one with stories for at least 5 years.  

Give people who've lost a loved one the opportunity to talk about their dear one in present-tense long after they've departed this world.

Within Tears, Find Hidden Laughter. 

Seek Treasures Amid Ruins.

Rumi

It's Never too Late to Share Stories of Loss

It's never too late to talk to close friends or family members about the death of a loved one no matter how much time has passed. When you come from a place of compassion or love, your concern for their well-being will be well received.

After the funeral service I went straight home and called my mother. It took this experience for me to see for the first time how insensitive I had been to my mother about the loss of her first child more than 35 years prior.

Growing up, when I was asked how many kids there were in my family I said there were six kids and I was #4 in the line up of 6 siblings--despite the fact that I was #5 in the line up of 7 siblings. Through the eyes of a child I only saw what was before me: six living children.

Whenever my mother was asked how many children she had, she always said she had seven, but her first baby died at birth. Although I heard her say this many times, in my childish oblivious manner that loss of her first baby due to a breach birth was simply a blip on the screen of life and she went on to have six more children.

When I called my mother that day I asked her how she handled the loss of my brother when it happened--and apologized for how insensitive I had been as a child. She talked. I listened.

She said it was really hard. 'John' had been a healthy baby that was born breach, or feet first. While she was still in the hospital, her family took down the baby's nursery she spent months preparing and stored everything away in the attic. When she got home she went looking for the baby clothes and crib that had been hidden away. And people told her, 'you're young and healthy--you'll have more'--leaving her to grieve alone.



Listen Deeply and Compassionately

All we have in life is each other and our experiences with each other. We need to share what we love and who we love--including those we've lost.

As my friend, Normie, said, 'Our culture seems to be nearly insistent that conversations about loved ones who have left us should be avoided at all costs...too morbid or something!  WRONG!'

When someone you love loses a loved one, be ready to talk about the dearly loved one--telling tales, sharing memories, and laughing about good time. At all times be ready to listen deeply and compassionately--allowing the other person to share from the depths of their heart.




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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Honoring Loved Ones Lost: Acknowledge their Spirit Living on in You




Honoring the Best of Times 

My mother was the original Rumba Girl--dancing, laughing and flirting her way through life. When this rumba dancing image emerged from deep inside me I knew it was my mother speaking to me and egging me on. 

I could hear her head-back laughing at my delight in bringing the image forth--remembering that day I came home with Nicolette Larson's song 'Rhumba Girl' to play and dance for her in the kitchen after getting engaged. 

My mother was a fun-loving woman who laughed through life. She was the ultimate role model who showed me and my five siblings how to handle life gracefully--with ease and laughter--despite the hardships, losses, hurts and pains. She showed us how to flirt with people and life.  She loved it when we shared our sassy, flirtatious side with her.  I miss her but her spirit lives on deep within me. 


You're still there making me laugh

Who are you Missing or Grieving? 

Whose memory would you benefit from honoring? How does their spirit live on inside you? How have they made your life better? How have they challenged you to be a better person and live a better life? 

Find those stories about your loved ones who've passed that make you smile and laugh. Share their touching stories with others and sit with the good times for awhile to feel their presence. Know they are still sitting alongside you surrounding you with love.

I'm still here making You Proud

Honor the Circle of Life

Everything starts somewhere, and I started as an egg in my mother's womb. How often has this truly amazing start in life crept into my awareness?  Why is it this miracle of creation slips from our consciousness as soon as we slip into the world? Perhaps because it is too big to grasp. 

It is the same for holding on to the miracle of how our loved ones who pass on can remain with us if we honor them by remembering our favorite stories instead of just grieving our loss.

I may have begun a seed growing in my mother's body, but her spirit lives on in mine, enveloping me with everything that is good. I honor her by living my life in a way that makes her proud and sharing the stories that honor her life.



'A mother, after all, is your entry into the world. She is the shell in which you divide and become a life. Waking up in a world without her is like waking up in a world without sky: unimaginable.' 
Meghan O'Rourke 

Listen to Nicolette Larson-Rhumba Girl.


Sending You the Bluebird of Happiness

Bluebird as a Symbol of Happiness 

'The symbol of a bluebird as the harbinger of happiness is found in many cultures and may date back thousands of years.

One of the oldest examples (found on oracle bone inscriptions of the Shang Dynasty, 1766-1122 BC) is from pre-modern China, where a blue bird (qingniao) was the messenger bird of Xi Wangmu, the 'Queen Mother of the West' who began life as a fearsome goddess and Immortal.  

By the Tang Dynasty (618-906 AD) she had evolved into a Daoist fairy queen and the protector/patron of "singing girls, dead women, novices, nuns, adepts and priestesses...women who stood outside the roles prescribed for women in the traditional Chinese family". '

Wikipedia

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


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Monday, March 20, 2017

The Exploding Easter Eggs: A Story of Lost Potential





A Lingering Tale of Pent-up Potential

It was almost 50 years ago but the story is still fresh--or perhaps I should say 'lingering'. I've always loved to paint things, and that included the beautiful eggs laid by the ducks and geese we raised at my childhood home. 

So when I was invited to join my friend, Marilyn for her family Easter Dinner in 1969 I hard-boiled, then hand-painted in intricate detail a dozen BIG, beautiful geese eggs to gift to her family for their Easter dinner table. The family admired the eggs with the proper exclamations of appreciation before setting them on the dinner table. 


Easter Dinner with the Jenkins 1969

 But thinking the delicately painted eggs were too pretty to break open and eat, Marilyn's mother carefully stored them instead-- intending to bring them out to enjoy the following Easter--and for many years after. 

But sometime in the year--long after the eggs were put to bed and forgotten--the Jenkin's house was suddenly infiltrated with an overwhelming and rotten odor--leaving the family holding their nose in disgust. 

After searching everywhere for the source of the odor someone opened the cupboard and discovered the beautifully decorated exploded rotten eggs. 

Their previously appreciative coos of ooh and ah for the beauty of the painted eggs quickly changed to cringing cries of Ew! and Phew! in response to the nose-burning stench of rotten eggs. 

So here we are 50 years later, and the story still lingers...And I'm sure to hear from Marilyn about this post. But might we at least gleam some lesson from the lingering story? 
For me the lesson is clear: You can't preserve the past--no matter how pretty--you must break open your shell and move on. Or as C.S. Lewis wrote, 'We must be hatched or go bad.' 

The Egg~The Ultimate Symbol of Fertile Beginnings and Life Potential 
Throughout the ages, the egg has served as the ultimate symbol of fresh starts in life. Within it's shell, the egg holds the promise of emerging life--birds that fly and people who soar. But that promise remains pent-up potential until the egg is hatched. 

'We must be Hatched or Go Bad' ~ C.S. Lewis

As I was thinking about the exploding egg story I came across this C.S. Lewis quote and my mind began to intertwine the story with the quote. 

Lewis's contention is we were born to fulfill our full potential. We cannot stay an egg--even a good or beautiful egg--and learn to fly or become what we are meant to be. 

There is only one outcome for remaining in the shell....you go bad. You must come out of your shell  if you are to learn to fly.....



 'You cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg'

C.S. Lewis



'It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird'~











'But it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg.'
 



'We are like eggs at present.'

You may be a good egg in a beautifully crafted shell but if you are to become all that you're meant to be....

'You cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg.' 


Even Good Eggs must Hatch or Go Bad



'We must be hatched or go bad.'  C. S. Lewis










Don't go bad, break free. Stop hiding behind a beautifully crafted shell. Hatch, learn to fly, and reach for the stars. 


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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

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Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Feeling Betrayed and Bitter? Let Self-Imposed Constraints Go~Get on with Living



'Life becomes easier when you learn 
to accept an apology you never got.' 

Robert Brault

What Hurts?

❤ Who or what has hurt or betrayed you?
❤ What are you bitter about?
❤ Where in your heart of hearts do you feel life has done you wrong?
❤ How have you closed yourself off? What makes you hurt inside?




Getting Past the Downside of Life 

Sometimes life lets you down--that job you wanted that slipped through your fingers; that love interest who did you wrong; that organization that treated you poorly; that economy that failed you; that family member making your life miserable as they mess up their own; or that friend who slighted you without apology.

Sure, things happen in life leaving you feeling betrayed and bitter. But why let it keep you dug in and stuck for a lifetime? Acknowledge and name what you're feeling, and sit in your sorrow for a while. Then get ready to dig yourself out of the dark place and get on with living.

When you're ready to brush yourself off and get back on top of the world, let it go and move on. Why? --Because you're worth it.




Don't Belittle Yourself; Be Big Yourself

Corita Kent

'Be Big Yourself'

Consider how that hurt and bitterness you're harboring inside is getting in the way of you freely engaging in or enjoying your life. What good things would open up in your life if you let these soul-killing feelings go?

❤ Have you isolated yourself because you're hurt or bitter about how someone treated you? 

❤ Have you failed to seek help for yourself to deal with the situation because you're bitter and angry because it's someone else's problem (e.g. attending Adult Child of Alcoholic  or Al-anon/Alateen meetings.)?

❤ Have you refused invitations to get together with friends or family because you're home licking your wounds?

❤ Have you failed to apply for a job because you're bitter about the last job interview?

❤ Did you fail to ask that new person out because the last one hurt you?

❤ Is that bitterness about making less than you deserve getting in the way of you appreciating the good things in the job or zapping your energy to look for a better paying job?

Let go feeling betrayed and bitter by acting from your BIG self--knowing you have what it takes to move through whatever challenge life presents you. 

Start by acknowledging you're strong and you desire a fully-engaged life free from self-imposed constraints. 

Treat yourself with compassion--know you're worthy of a life free from the constraints bitterness imposes on your way of life.


Cleanse Yourself of Hurt and Bitterness

When you consciously cleanse hard feelings out of your soul you make room for more uplifting and positive experiences to show up. 

You'll see opportunities you were blind to when you stop wasting your energy nursing the hurt and bitterness. Stop stuffing and harboring your bitter feelings; cleanse them and move on.



'People grow through experience 
if they meet life honestly and courageously. 
This is how character is built.'  

Eleanor Roosevelt

Forgive and Release Hard Feelings

Do you care enough about yourself to forgive and let go of the bitterness? 

Forgiving and letting go of the bitterness isn't about the other person or organization--it is about freeing yourself to take back your own power and sense of control.

The hardness and bitterness you hold on to takes away your power; forgiveness and letting the bitterness go gives you back your power. 

Stand tall, stay calm, and remember you have the power to move your life forward.

  

 'Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin 
but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning.' 

Robert Brault

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Overwhelmed? How to Slow Down and Start Over


Starting Over

If you've been struggling to regain your balance and sense of happiness after being knocked around by stress, illness, loss, or sadness open your doors to happiness by following these 3 time-tested keys to regain your momentum.


Stop and Start Over

 1. Take the First Step 

Not much has changed in the thousands of years humans have been facing and recovering from the hardships of life. As Lao Tzu stated so long ago, 'a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step'. 

We fuel our inner strength and sense of resiliency by taking action and walking through doors. But sometimes when faced with 'a journey of a thousand miles' we can be overwhelmed with the daunting task of where to begin. What is the first step? Which door to open first?

The good news is any first step will do. Your hope, resiliency, and personal strength will grow stronger with every step you take. It doesn't matter what the first step is. 

As you experience yourself being pro-active and physically taking action, your ability to cope and hope will improve. So start with a single step--any step-- and then take another.


2. Take Small Steps

An old Chinese Proverb says, 'The man who moved a mountain is the one who started taking away the small stones'. When you're in total overwhelm mode, start 'taking away the small stones'--one small step, then another. 


Unleash Your Enthusiasm by Slowing Down

3. Slow Down to Speed Up

Sometimes when life picks up speed that is the moment you need to slow down and just BE, experiencing life without trying to make it happen.

Provide yourself a respite from worry--a time free from focusing on your 'all important' future--a focus sure to keep your anxiety level high and you on constant fear-danger alert. 

Relax and enjoy where you are and what you have NOW. Experience your blessings--don't count them.

Stop pushing your body to the limits with a lack of sleep, exercise and nourishing food--while remaining in a constant state of emotional overload. Breathe.


Let The Sun Shine Again

How to Get Your Natural Rhythms Back in Place

  • Start with the basics to nourish your body and rest your nerves. Your body likes a regular rhythm that includes regular heart beats, breaths, sleep patterns, eating times, moving times, and rest time. 
  • Eat regular, well-balanced nourishing meals.
  • Pace yourself--put a time limit on dealing with your difficulties--and take regular rest breaks.
  • Go to bed early.
  • Choose to have daily contact with uplifting, supportive people who can listen and encourage you in your strength.
  • If you're caring for others, take care of yourself first, so you have the strength and endurance to continue to help others.



Slowly, Slowly Step Back In

Create Safety and Security


We all do our best thinking and acting when we do it from a place of feeling safe and secure. So when life feels out of control stop and start over. It may not be easy, but it is essential.



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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.