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Saturday, May 13, 2017

Comparing Private Self with Other's Public Image is Recipe for Disaster

How to Fill Yourself with Self-Doubt and Insecurity

A few years ago, a funny thing happened while I was in the throes of updating my resume during a job search. Instead of filling my head with positive attributes and praises to showcase myself, I ended up filling it with self-doubt and insecurity by mistake.
Intent on polishing my public image I thought it would be a good idea to study the profiles and experience of other like-professionals to see how they presented themselves. Good idea, right? 
I figured I could learn a lot from other professionals. Let me tell you, there are some impressive people out there-- and you're probably one!

So after spending the morning studying other's profiles I decided to take a break from my job search activities, get a cup of coffee, and relax for a few minutes before going out to the garden to conquer the weeds. 

As I took that first sip of coffee and looked over the garden, my mind lazily wandered over what I had seen in the profiles of other amazing professionals. Suddenly a flash of self-doubt and insecurity about my own skills washed over me.
What was I thinking? These people were really professional---and with incredible skills. I was just me--currently sitting in my t-shirt, jeans and muddied shoes, ready to pull weeds and haul dirt. Not exactly what you'd call a polished image. 
Forget the coffee. This feeling hit me with a thud big enough to wake me up to consider how I got there. 
How I got there was by breaking one of my cardinal rules: 
๐Ÿ‘‰Never Compare Your Private Self with Other's Public Image.

Cardinal Rule #1: Never Break the Cardinal Rule
Now usually I believe rules are to be broken--and with a smile. My younger sister calls me the 'system breaker' since I'm always looking for new ways to do things. But when I set a rule for myself, it's a cardinal rule and not to be broken.
A cardinal rule is a fundamental rule, upon which other matters hinge. 

Cardinal Rule #2: Never Compare Your Private Self Image to Other's Public Image
I ended up with a momentary case of self-doubt because I broke the cardinal of all cardinal rules: never compare your private self-image to other's public image.  
It's an unfair comparison, and you'll always find yourself lacking.

When we compare our private self with other's public image, we see all our drab humanness and measure it against other's polish. It's the proverbial comparing apples to oranges.
Now perhaps you're saying to yourself--'there's no difference between my public and private self--what you see is what you get'.  It just ain't so. 
We all have a public persona and a private one. 
It doesn't matter how authentic I try to be to achieve 'what you see is what you get'. No matter how authentic I am, I still have that inner person who is the only one who sees the truth behind my eyes 24/7.

We View Ourselves and Others Differently 
There is an interesting difference in perspectives when we're looking out at others vs. looking in at ourselves. 

๐Ÿ‘‰We see ourselves for what we aren't; others see us for what we are.

We all want to be better than we currently are. This leads us to see ourselves for what we aren't--like when we look at a current photo of ourselves we want to tear up while others think it is a great picture.

This isn't a bad thing--if we use it to nudge us forward. 
Where we get into trouble is when we compare ourselves to others and we see ourselves as static--forever stuck in what we aren't, and others as dynamic--forever putting their best foot forward.

Are You Doing Yourself a Disservice Comparing Your Private Self to Other's Public Image?
What's giving you a case of self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence? 
When you discover you're filled with self-doubt and insecurity, ask: 
๐Ÿ’ฅ Am I making a comparison between my private self and what I see in other's public image? 
๐Ÿ’ฅ Am I assuming I'm not worthy since I'm looking from within and seeing what I'm not while looking out at others and assuming they are without insecurities and self-doubt?

 Look Within to Better Understand How Others Feel Inside

Are you trying to meet new people or fit in with old friends but feel self-conscious because everyone else seems comfortable in the group and you don't feel very interesting or accomplished?

Instead of using your private self to compare yourself to other's public image, learn to use your private self and thoughts to understand the private truth in others. 

Everyone wants to: 

๐Ÿ’“Be attractive to others,
๐Ÿ’™Be included in a group
๐Ÿ’šFind someone to love and to love them
๐Ÿ’›Feel they belong
๐Ÿ’œMeet new friends
๐Ÿ’“Be picked out of a crowd
๐Ÿ’™Be noticed and appreciated
๐Ÿ’šBe liked by others

Believe in yourself. Believe in others. 
Get out there and be your self-confident, fun-loving self!
Stop comparing your private self to other's public image!

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

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