'Stop blaming everyone for your problems.
Just pick one person who you don't care for
very much and heap it on them.'
Someeecards
Who's on your mind today--that person(s) getting in your way at work--the one who's stopping you from succeeding or just generally messing up your plans for work or life? What have they done now?
Come clean--we all have them--our favorite people to heap the blame on. Some of them we like and some we don't. But no matter who they are they serve as the perfect targets to blame.
Blaming others can be an entertaining sport--especially if your target is a particularly despicable person.
For the moment, we feel strong and powerful as we unload our anger and displeasure upon a dreadful co-worker or boss who makes our lives difficult. What a rush! What a feeling! What a great story it makes! But now what?
Unfortunately that rush of anger and blame unleashed towards another gives us a false feeling of strength and bravado that actually signals we're feeling out of control.
And after the vitriolic heaping of blame is over making you feel powerful, you're still left with an impediment to moving forward: you've handed your power over to another person.
If your goal is to move forward and accomplish something rather than to just lay blame--enjoy your bit of sport at another person's expense as long as it entertains you--but reclaim your power to take charge of your own path as soon as you're ready.
Since I know you're still dying to itemize the laundry list of complaints you have against that person you blame for making your life miserable right now, do it.
Believe it or not, this is step I on your path to reclaiming your power.
📃Identifying the Complaints--Part I
Get a piece of paper and list your complaints about how this person is getting in your way and preventing you from succeeding.
Write complete sentences that begin with he/she.....and fill in the blanks.
📌He/She won't let me:
📌He/She prevents me from:
📌I can't communicate with him/her because he/she:
As you write out what you're blaming that person for, don't worry if the statement is true or not. Just write it down, then put it away to come back to for part two.
'If we always think the other guy is the reason for our lack of success, then it’s time to start planning ways to lift ourselves up, rather than planning ways to take him down.'
Charles Glassman
The ultimate goal is for you to be a self-motivated person who takes charge of your own life. As long as you blame someone else for things not going your way you limit your ability to take charge of your own life.
It's helpful to identify your complaints about how other people are holding you back so you can clearly see what the issues are you need to deal with. But don't stop there. To take your power back, you need to follow up your complaints against them by converting those statements to statements about yourself.
📃Acknowledging I am In Charge--Part II
Re-write your list of complaints changing the pronouns 'he' or 'she' to 'I' to take ownership of your situation.
📌'He/She won't let me:' is changed to 'I won't let me:'
📌He/She prevents me from: is changed to 'I prevent me from:'
📌'I can't communicate with him/her because he/she:' is changed to 'I can't communicate with him/her because I:"
While this may feel awkward at first, the more you practice refocusing your complaints so you are in charge, the more power you give yourself to guide your own life.
Yes, blaming others can be entertaining sport. But letting go of it when you're ready so you can go after the life you want is even more satisfying.
'I reckon that blaming people fixes nothing. You're the only person who is going to sort you out. No-one else really can--or really cares, enough.'
Jane Wilson-Howarth
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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.
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