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Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Why Do You Keep Stepping into a Big Pile of Sh** When You're Rolling in the Good Sh**?



Let the good times roll!

Does This Sound like You? 

  • You've longed for a relationship but when a person you like comes along and things are going well, suddenly you're overwhelmed. Why, after you agree to take your relationship to the next level, do you worry you've moved too fast and want to back out?
  • You've thought long and hard about asking for a raise or promotion, but when you get it, you feel anxious. Why, after stepping out on a limb to ask for a better position and more money do you suddenly panic and feel overwhelmed?
  • You've looked forward to retirement and it is right around the corner. But suddenly you're filled with fear and self-doubt as the time draws near for you to choose the best option for your retirement annuity. Why are you so exhausted until the decision is made? 


Why Do I Keep Messing Up A Good Thing?

If you a person who is prone to stepping back into that big pile of sh** just when you've been rolling in the good sh**--listen up!  There's a very simple answer to why--at the very moment things are going great--you mess things up and end up back in emotional limbo feeling anxious and uncertain--and you can fix it.

The answer can be found in the definition of a 'big pile of sh**' and 'good sh**'. I know what you thought I meant...and that's okay. But here's the real scoop:

When you find yourself messing up a good thing, what's happening is you're stepping back into a big pile of 'SHOULD' at the very moment your SHIP has finally come in. 

Think about it. How do you react when things are going good in your life? When all the pieces are falling perfectly into place, do you take time to delight in the moment or do you automatically begin to anticipate your next crisis? Are you making way for a bit of serendipity, or always ready to step into that big pile of 'SHOULD'?




Second Guessing and Higher Expectations

If you find yourself paralyzed in fear, wondering if you made the right choice after getting something you wanted, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. 

Those of us who live in cultures that believe in freedom of choice--and who have many choices for creating our lives--are the same ones who have the luxury to second guess our choices.

The world of many choices--while providing us a plethora of options--also puts the responsibility for making the best choices squarely on our shoulders--and this is where things can get confused in our thinking--especially when our decisions affect others as well as ourselves.

'When we have the freedom to chose a life path instead of having one thrust on us, we feel the weight of our choices and it raises our expectations for the outcomes.'


Suddenly, we're self-conscious about our choices. Is it the right one? Could I have chosen better? Is this one going to bite me down the road? What if I'm missing another opportunity because I'm committed to this one? What if my perfect mate comes along while I'm in this relationship and I fail to recognize it? What if I'm just leading this person on? 


Let Go Over-Thinking Decisions 
To be content and open yourself up to the possibilities of your good choices:  Let go over-thinking your decisions. Practice facing the moments before and after you choose with calmness
Indecision is exhausting--making the moments before you make a choice uncomfortable--while anticipating what will go wrong after you make a decision stressful. It is living in that 'world of should' that creates the tension and discomfort throwing you into a mental fog and leaving you feeling overwhelmed and anxious. 




Choose and Stop Thinking

Enough Already! 

When you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a stress response--wanting to 'fight or take flight', or 'argue or withdraw' as you transition into that good relationship, job, or retirement stop over-thinking it. In fact, stop thinking. Put it down and do something else.

Over-thinking what it all means makes you jittery. When you stop thinking, and focus on being in the moment instead, you'll stop your creeping expectations from turning into 'a big pile of should' and allow a bit of good old serendipity to appear when your ship comes in.

Truth is we all want to be pleasantly surprised and caught off guard by random acts of kindness and moments of creativity, love and fun in our daily life. We can lose that sense of being pleasantly surprised in little ways when we stay focused on and raise our expectations too high.

So lighten up! Stop putting so much importance on your every choice after you step into something good. Your choice is for now, not for all eternity. Let things unfold naturally. If you start to feel overwhelmed, get sleep and down time.

'You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.' Paulo Coelho

When your ship comes in, roll in a bit of serendipity!
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Susan J Meyerott loves helping people become more fully themselves, particularly those working through anxiety, life and career transitions, relationships, and self-esteem issues. She provides a nonjudgmental, growth-oriented environment for you to become the person you’re meant to be—while appreciating the richness of who you already are. Learn more at Lightarted Living Blog

2 comments:

Barb M said...

Wow, I needed this today! Thanks, Susan. Admittedly, it is definitely much easier read your words and nod my head then to put into practice. I typically question, then re-question, then worry, then play out all the 'what if" scenarios. Never have been like those people I admire who can take a 'leap of faith' and enjoy the moment--even being at peace--without worrying what's next. Instead, I tend to be that person who carries the weight of life decisions like a ton of bricks. A goal to work away from...

Thanks for sharing your wisdom and giving us much to ponder!

Susan J Meyerott, M.S. said...

Barb--A goal to work away from indeed! These habits are NOT easy to let go of...but certainly are worth practicing acting differently to grab a breath of serendipitous life! Good to hear from you!