Happy Thoughts and Happy Memories

Happy Thought

"The world is so full of a number of things,

I'm sure we'll all be happy as kings."

Robert Louis Stevenson

 Sweet Longings

What happy memories do you have that put you in a place of sweet longing to reconnect with a time, place or person? When was your time when 'your world was so full of a number of things you were happy as a king'?

It is so important to periodically stop and savor good memories to let them color your experience of life the further you travel down the road. Life can weigh you down as you move into the age of responsibility--leaving you a little worse for wear. But your care-free, happy memories can buoy you back up and ease the way forward.

Happy Thoughts Create More Happy Thoughts

The mind is a wondrous thing--if you focus on unhappy or negative thoughts you'll create more negative thoughts; if you focus on happy thoughts you'll create more happy thoughts. Choose to train your brain to rediscover your happy place where the world is so full of wondrous things you can't help but stay engaged in exciting endeavors.

Fond Memories

One of my fond memories I pull up to savor is of my mother reading Robert Louis Stevenson's 'A Child's Garden of Verses' to me and my siblings in the evening before bedtime. I can still feel the softness of that experience in which I spent time with my mother enveloped in unnamed feelings of warmth, love and safety. All is well with the world in that memory.

'The Swing' is one of Stevenson's poems that left a visual memory for me that regularly comes forth when I am out for a walk or spending time in the garden.  I offer it to you here in hopes you can share a moment of light, care-free feeling of a time of innocence and remember the world is YOUR oyster!

The Swing
How do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!

Up in the air and over the wall,
Till I can see so wide,
Rivers and trees and cattle and all
Over the countryside—
 

Till I look down on the garden green,
Down on the roof so brown—
Up in the air I go flying again,
Up in the air and down!
 

Robert Louis Stevenson

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Getting through Grief: Weathering the Storm

Frozen Hearts: Grieving the Loss of a Loved One

If you've been grieving the loss of a dear one, sometimes it can be difficult to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. 

In the aftermath of the loss your heart can feel heavy and frozen in time, and it can feel like you'll never be happy again. During the initial stages of grieving its hard to get the motivation to care for yourself, but to get on with living it is essential.

Even while you are sitting in your sadness, find a way to care for yourself. You are important to others and you deserve to be softly cared for--by yourself and others--as you're dealing with your grief.

Getting through Grief--Weathering the Storm

Anthropologist, Margaret Mead, traveled on her life adventure, with change and uncertainty her constant companions. Her grandmother--a major influence in Margaret's life--sent her on her journey with the sage advice to 'Always build a nest in the eye of the storm'.

This grandmotherly wisdom, applied to the emotional storm brought on by the loss of a loved one can help us begin the journey of getting through our grief and sadness.

The toughest thing to do when you're in the middle of grieving a loss is to take care of yourself. You lose the desire to eat, push your body to the limits with lack of sleep and isolate yourself in your grief—leaving you in a constant state of emotional overload.

You can't rush the grieving process, but if you allow yourself to 'build a nest in the eye of the storm', you can begin to create a cushion to rest and a space where healing can begin.

Sit in your grief as long as you need to--and when you're ready--begin to build a nest where you can gain moments of comfort despite the grief.

Start with the basics to nourish your body and rest your nerves. Your body likes a regular rhythm that includes regular heart beats, breaths, sleep patterns, eating times, moving times, and rest time.

When You're Ready--Begin to Rebalance Your Life

• Start by getting your natural rhythms back in place.
• Eat regular, well-balanced meals that nourish you.
• Pace yourself--put a time limit on dealing with your grief.
• Choose to have daily contact with uplifting, supportive people who can listen and encourage you in your strength and support you through your grief.
• If you're caring for others, take care of yourself first, so you have the strength and endurance to continue to help others who depend on you.

Within your Heart keep one still secret spot where dreams may go....

Create a Place of Safety and Security

We all do our best healing when we do it from a place of safety and security. The key is to find a way to create your nest---despite the grief. It may not be easy, but it is essential.

 'The holiest of all holidays are those

Kept by ourselves in silence and apart;

The secret anniversaries of the heart,

When the full river of feeling overflows;—

The happy days unclouded to their close;

The sudden joys that out of darkness start

As flames from ashes; swift desires that dart

Like swallows singing down each wind that blows!

White as the gleam of a receding sail,

White as a cloud that floats and fades in air,

White as the whitest lily on a stream,

These tender memories are; —a fairy tale

Of some enchanted land we know not where,

But lovely as a landscape in a dream.'

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

10 Things I Learned By Taking the Advice I Give to Others

'A wise man once said nothing'... Spirit Science

Put on Your Hard Hat--Emotions Boiling Over!

I don't often get spitting mad, but when I do I find its nearly impossible to make healthy decisions for myself the moment I'm catapulted into that deep emotional fog of anger, frustration and disappointment. 

In an explosive wave of emotional turmoil brought on by people or life letting me down I want to lash out, walk out, and spit out a few !*@#* expletives. (If I had a towel I'd throw that out too!)

In a flash of anger, my reptilian brain puts on it's hard hat and goes into combat mode-- playing out emphatic scenes of fight or flight reactions--while my conscious brain goes on high alert to reluctantly enforce impulse control over the reptilian brain's alluring reactive desires. 

Somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain I understand I must give myself time for the inner battle to subside so I can remove the hard hat causing me to dig in my heels and develop hardening of the attitudes.

I now let go all bitterness and disappointment with the world

It Takes 3 Days to Release the Bitterness and Get Back to FLOW

You'd think after we've been through this roller coaster of emotions  a few times we could figure out how to calm ourselves quickly, but the nature of the emotional fog is it clouds our judgement every time. 

I've learned it takes at least three days to release the cloud of anger, frustration and disappointment to the point where the battling factions of our mind can walk away from the fight and we can begin to see and think clearly. 

I've also learned my own best course of action to get back to a fully satisfying state of mind and a life that flows is to take the advice I so willingly give to others.

Our saving grace against acting as our own worst enemy in times of anger is we really do want to have good outcomes for our lives. 

I now let go all rage and resentment towards others

The Wisdom of Taking Our Own Advice 

While we may be amazingly profound advising others in emotional pain, we're amazingly clueless dealing with our own. If we can tap into that wisdom we spread to others we can put ourselves back on a healthy course of action and good decision making.

We hold the keys to unlocking the wisdom within us but sometimes we need help finding the key when it is temporarily misplaced in the fog. 

Below are 10 things I've learned to do better in my own life by taking the advice I give to others. 

All things seemingly good or bad work in my favor

What Would I Advise Others to Do?

The ultimate question to ask yourself is 'what would I tell others to do?' 


1. Do Nothing for 3 Days

'The two worst strategic mistakes to make are acting prematurely and letting an opportunity slip; to avoid this, the warrior treats each situation as if it was unique and never resorts to formulae, recipes or other people's opinions.'  Paulo Coelho

2. Acknowledge and Sit in Your Feelings

By giving yourself time to wind up and fully acknowledge your anger, frustration and disappointment you can more quickly calm down and get to a place you can consider the advice you'd give to others you love and care about. 

Check in with someone you trust to help you look from outside. It's always easier to know what someone else should do than to see what we should do ourselves.

Write a letter you won't send. Write as many of these soul-bearing, 'no holds bar' letters until the anger, frustration and disappointment has run it's course. When you're ready--let it all go and get ready to move on. 

3.  Do 1st Things 1st 

Get all your ducks in a row. Do your research. Get another job or figure out retirement before you quit. Consider the consequences of your actions. Most of all, sit in your anger until you're ready to put it down so you can think clearly.

4. Choose to be Strengthened, not Hardened by Your Life Experiences 

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'  Virginia Satir

5. Act Calmly, Not Out of Anger

'To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.' William H Walton

Don't be in a hurry to respond publicly. Wait a day before you hit the send button or post that Facebook rant. Share selectively instead with people you trust who understand and support you.

   
6. Quit the Job, Activity, or Relationship when the Time is Right for You

Don't leave money, love or opportunity on the table--but don't linger in a situation that is soul-killing or one that thrusts you into not caring so you die on the job or in the relationship. At the point you can't be effective or you hate coming to work, consider what other direction you want to go.

'I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.' E.B. White

7. Act in Ways that Provide the Best Outcomes for You Long-term

'You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision and a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.' Woodrow Wilson

Take time to consider your actions, options and choices. 

Consider the pro's and con's of staying the course or going in a different direction. Ask others what they would do in your situation; ask yourself what you would advise someone else to do.

8. If Push, then Pull; If Pull, then Push

Move in the direction you are being pushed or pulled--i.e. if the person you're in a relationship says he needs more space 'give him enough rope to hang himself'.

9. Use the negative energy to energize you to take positive action

'When you are enthusiastic about what you do, you feel this positive energy. It's very simple.' Paulo Coelho

10. Remember all things seemingly good or bad always work in your favor 

Always look for the next great opportunity a seemingly bad experience opens up for you. 

'We must develop a complete receptiveness to all experience - rejecting nothing, judging nothing, and resisting nothing.' From Resist Nothing by Eckhart Tolle and Kim Eng

Life continues to unfold in miraculous ways....believe it!

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates. 

How to Deal with Difficult, Obnoxious People: When You Just Want to Smack 'Em

'Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.' Unknown

Sometimes You Just Want to Smack 'Em!


Recently a friend, Pam, wrote to complain about an incident that occurred while she was working at a public event with a woman known to be obnoxious and belittling. When one of her friends stopped to enjoy a social chat about family and an upcoming BBQ this woman interrupted their conversation by loudly yelling out 'Pam pay attention!' --embarrassing her in front of her friend and others nearby.

Pam wrote: 

Sue, I am very patient, but at some point I will tell her off. I just want to smack her! 

She treats me like a 2 year old! I know I am not an expert, but I do have a lot of common sense! I don't appreciate her constantly telling me what to do--like I don't know what I'm doing. 

I've only worked with her a few times and she doesn't know me that well, but she better get off my butt! Her day is coming.

While I ignored what she did to me this time--next time she does something like she did I will give her a piece of my mind.

Difficult People Make Us Feel Unsafe and Very, Very Small


You know who they are--those people who drive you crazy, stirring up trouble--and making you feel unsafe. In my family we call them '*hit Disturbers'.


These creators of chaos and drama stir up a whirlwind of trouble that sucks you in and wreaks havoc on your emotions, perhaps leaving you feeling anxious and uncertain about your relationships, or future with the company.

So how should you deal with these disturbers of your peace--these squashers of confidence? Try kindness first.


How's that? How does one just put on a happy face and handle these twits with kindness when the truth is you really don't like them and what you'd really like to do is smack them and make their lives miserable?


Why on earth would you choose to deal with them with kindness when a good kick in the behind would serve them well?--Because it's best for you.

'Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.' Samuel Johnson

Speak Softly and Carry a Big Smacking Stick 

Before you dismiss this as Pollyanna drivel for how to deal with these purveyors of distress, consider Teddy Roosevelt's use of 'speak softly and carry a big stick', an African proverb he picked up while traveling in West Africa in 1900.


While Governor of New York, Roosevelt fought with party bosses, particularly one that threatened to ruin him. Despite the threats, Teddy conveyed his stance in a speech with the adage 'speak softly and carry a big stick'. Roosevelt stayed steady and eventually the bosses gave in to the direction he wanted to go--and he certainly was not ruined.


The adage 'speak softly and carry a big stick' evokes an image of a person who is clearly in control of his or her emotions and actions. This is a person who is slow to anger and slow to react. And while you may start out softly in your words and deeds, you always know you can pull out the smacking stick if you need to whack them--and they do too.


Don't let your life be led by the *hit disturbers. Choose to be the adult in charge of your own life and create a life and actions based on your own values.

'Don't belittle yourself. Be BIG yourself.'  Corita Kent

How to Speak Softly when You Really Want to Smack Them

• Suspend judgment 
• Hold your tongue 
• Engage in self-calming activities 
• Wait 
• Put time between when you want to smack them and when you respond to their obnoxious behavior 
• Remember who YOU are 
• Remember what you want to build in your life 

How to Use the Smacking Stick in a Timely Fashion

If you're like most people you get tongue-tied when you get verbally attacked by one of these obnoxious bullies. So how do speak up and smack them down when the time comes?

• You prepare ahead when you've been forewarned.
• Talk it over with a trusted friend or colleague to collect your thoughts.
• Be factual, not personal.

Let them have it. 

Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying.
His father asked him "How do you feel?"
He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!" Tahir

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

One Sure Sign Co-Workers Don't Trust You--And What to Do About it

'The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said.' Anon

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Do you take pride in being such a positive, upbeat person that people only bring you positive news? Don't believe everything you think!

If you want to excel as a leader and accomplish great things you need to learn the art of listening without judgment so people will freely share, not withhold, their complaints.

Think about it:

• The last time a co-worker or customer came to you with complaints or negative feedback, how did you handle it? 

If you react to complaints or unpleasant news by shutting down the conversation as fast as possible through defensive, blaming behavior and other unsatisfactory responses you teach others not to confide in you--and you lose valuable information that can help you improve.

When customers go away dissatisfied from talking with you they tell other people and take their business elsewhere. 

When co-workers go away dissatisfied from communicating with you they simply cut you out of the communication loop in the future and this can adversely affect your work.

If You Only Hear Positives, It's a Sure Sign You Aren't Trusted

When you become that person who fails to hear anything negative from those around you--it's a sure sign you aren't trusted. 

People quickly learn to withhold problems or negative comments from you when your reaction to hearing bad news is to punish them or shut them up rather than to listen intently.

Don't lose valuable information by blocking out the negative. Learn to gain other's trust by listening, without comment, when they are the bearers of 'bad news'. Listen with an open and curious stance--ready to use all information to help you improve yourself or the workplace.

To Gain Trust: Listen without Judgment 

• Actively seek feedback from others--and use all information to propel you and your projects forward.
• Actively listen so others feel heard.
• Say thank you for all comments--positive or negative.
• Ask for ideas to improve.
• Take action that demonstrates you care and heard.

'Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.' Robert Charles Benchley

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Memories of Loved Ones Are Like Songs in our Soul

'Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul.' 
Margaret Wakeley

Who or what has touched your life and made it better? 

Who do you think of with fondness that is no longer part of your life? Perhaps it is a beloved pet or person who has passed, or perhaps its someone who passed through your life for a brief moment and moved on?

For me, my mother who died shortly after Mother's Day  years ago tops my list. Mother's Day has become a time for me to sit in happy memories of my time with her and contemplate how deeply she touched my life. Remembering her bright spirit and kind heart always brings a smile to my face.

Memories of my mother are etched in my soul--and a day doesn't go by I don't think about a bit of her homespun wisdom. This lighthearted and fun-loving woman loved life, animals and people--and passed that love of life on to me--leaving me with a belief in the basic goodness of humans.

My dog, Ginger, a golden-beagle, was my constant companion and confidant for almost 18 years. As most dogs are, she was a wonderful listener who was also comfortable sitting alongside me in silence.  She would cock her head and look at me as if to say, "And what else? What else is happening?" And like my mother, memories of my time with Ginger are like songs in my soul that left me with a belief in the basic goodness of life.

Songs in Our Soul

The word 'memorie' first appeared in the mid-13th century meaning 'mindful remembering'. As Margaret Wakeley said mindful remembering--or memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul. 

It is through our mindful remembering  we create and maintain a sense of connectedness with people and animals present and past who have touched our hearts and we have the strength to get through the difficult times.

We are uplifted by sharing the stories of the companions we hold dear--relaying and replaying how they touched us and influenced our lives. Through the mindful remembering of the stories we tell we give more shared meaning and strength to our own lives as we move forward.

A few years ago I attended a celebration of life for a well-loved colleague who passed through this life too early. It was a day filled with friends and joy. One of the gifts I took away from the gathering was the Chico Gospel--a great song to share with those you love. I offer it to you to share with others. 


Don't wait for those you cherish to pass  on before you share memories. Contact those still in your life to share memories of how they've touched your life. Take time to acknowledge who you are grateful to have in your life. Reach out and lend a hand to someone who needs one.

Mamuse-Chico Gospel

Chico Gospel Lyrics by Karisha Longaker

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzFdjFEHVB8

There was a time I believed

Life was over for me

There was time I believed

My life was over

I feel strong today

Thanks to your help

I'll find my way and

I too will lend you a hand

when you need one

Chorus

Sometimes I get so down

I feel like

This is the end

Like there's no way in hell

I can get over this mountain

The sun has come out

Beyond the shadow of my doubt

I am walking on this earth

Stronger than ever

'The holiest of all holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart: The secret anniversaries of the heart.' Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.



If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

I'm So Angry I Could Just Spit! How to Regain Your Personal Power After Losing It

'Calmness is the cradle of power.' Josiah Gilbert Holland 1819-1881

What Sets You Off? 

We all have that person or situation that can set us off--and in a flash--our emotional state shifts into high alert mode and we're left with a throbbing headache and stomach tied in knots. Before you know it, you're so angry you could just spit...and all you can do is watch as a perfectly good day nosedives in a downward spiral. 

What is it for you? 

• What or who is it that sets you off? 
• How do you feel--and what do you want to do when you get set off? 
• Who or what set you off in the last 3 days? How did you respond? Were you so mad you could spit?

Spitting Mad

I'm so Mad I could Spit Nails 

I love the visual of being so mad I could spit nails. Although I am basically a gentle person by nature, the instant I'm set off I imagine doing things like spitting nails at the target of my ire Popeye-style.  And as I prefer to be viewed as a nice, reasonable person, when someone sets me off and forces my evil-twin to emerge I am doubly angry.   

'I'm so angry I could just spit' is an old expression used to express the extreme anger you feel when someone sets you off. There are several explanations about where the phrase originated. 'I'm so mad I could spit nails' supposedly originated in times past from carpenters who carried nails in their mouth as they worked.

As the carpenter story goes, if you were 'so mad you could spit nails', you'd have to deal with the problem, but you couldn't talk with a mouth full of nails, so you had to spit them out to yell at someone... then climb down the ladder and get more nails...further irritating you and wasting your time. 

When I'm so angry I could spit nails, I have a difficult time spitting out a proper response--as if my mouth was full of nails. And it takes a while for me to climb down the ladder of my hyped-up emotions before I can get back to the work at hand and being productive. 

We all get set off by something that makes us spitting mad, and we all have strong emotional reactions to it. The question isn't if something is going to set us off, it's how do we move through it with the least angst and best outcome. 

How do you regain your personal power after getting set off and losing it?

Why It Doesn't Pay to React 

The instant you lose your calm, your emotions get the better of you--and you lose the ability to act from a place of personal power. The emotional fog created by the anger quickly robs you of your ability to see and think clearly and drains you of your strength to act reasonably. 

And here's the thing: situations that set us off reduce us--even momentarily--to feeling like a child without power in an adult world.  This is the basis of our getting set off-- people that put us in a position of feeling powerless and out of control.

When we angrily react to the situation we come out swinging with a crude childlike anger that merely demonstrates our feeling out-of-control to others rather than making us appear powerful and strong.

Why It Pays to 'Let Time Work for You'

Whatever it is that sets you off and makes you feel reactive and hot-headed, calm is the salve to regain a cool head and confident manner. 

To regain a sense of calm, you must give yourself time and distance from whatever set you off. 

My mother used to say, you have to 'let time work for you'. You will save a lot of angst by letting time do the calming work for you. It's okay if you're unable to spit out a response when you get set off. Give yourself time to say and do nothing. 

To act out of calmness, not react out of hyped up emotions:

• Step away from the situation
• Postpone your response--say nothing in the moment or in writing
• Do nothing
• Give yourself time to settle

When you are calm and clear thinking, consider your actions. When you are calm you can come from the place of a resilient and strong adult able to see 'all things seemingly good or bad work in your favor'--and take charge of your response.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, 'No one can take your power away unless you give it to them'. Don't let people rob you of your personal power. Learn to choose your responses calmly after you lose it. 

'Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it yourself.' Eckhart Tolle

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.