Overcome Self-Consciousness in Interviews and Public Speaking

Feeling Self-Conscious about Speaking in Public?

·         Are you apprehensive about an upcoming job interview?

·         Do you get uneasy when you speak in meetings?

·         Do you feel self-conscious and exposed when you attempt to be more visible?

Get over yourself! Stop making yourself a wreck. Learn to speak comfortably in front of large or small groups by taking the focus off you and using silence to be heard more.

The two golden rules of communication—break them at your peril

Years ago I watched as a nervous instructor gave her first lecture in anatomy at UCLA. This rookie instructor was so nervous she talked non-stop without pausing to take a breath.

Twenty minutes into the 50-minute lecture she was finished. Upon reaching the end of her lecture notes, she looked up to find herself face-to-face with 200 angry students with writer's cramp and bad attitudes.

Another very energetic and talented colleague was excited, but nervous about interviewing for a new position. When asked how her interview went, she laughed and said, "I think I was too busy looking competent to get the job."

In their quests to look competent, both the novice instructor and nervous interviewee had broken the golden rules of effective communication:

·         Be other-conscious, not self-conscious

·         Practice the pause

Be Other-Conscious

The frightened anatomy instructor made the mistake all unskilled communicators make--she was so concerned about how she came across to her audience, she ignored how the students received the information. She wasn't listening to her audience, she was watching herself. And the anxious interviewee also succumbed to her nervousness, becoming self-conscious about how she looked and sounded and as a result passed her nervousness on to the interviewers.

The sign of a good communicator is not the ability to talk, but the ability to relax and listen—especially if you're giving a presentation or interviewing for a job. If you want to be heard, you must learn to listen to and observe your audience's interest and comfort level.

Be Comfortable to Create a Comfortable Setting

If you relate to the experiences of these competent but self-conscious professionals, learn to regain your composure and calm in public presentations by focusing on the comfort of your audience instead of yourself.

According to one UCLA study over 90% of your ability to communicate effectively is determined not by what you say, but by your nonverbal cues.

The words you use are only responsible for seven percent of the impact on your audience, while up to 37 % of a first impression you make on others is based on your tone of voice. If you're nervous and uncomfortable you'll convey that to others in the room through your body language and they'll take on your discomfort--decreasing your effectiveness and ability to influence them.

In addition to preparing your material for an interview or presentation, prepare yourself to focus on the comfort of your audience by centering yourself with the four messages all audience want to hear. You'll convey these four messages nonverbally when you walk into the room, greet your audience, and anytime you pause, smile and relax.

The Four Messages all Audiences want to Hear

I'm glad I'm here.

I'm glad you're here.

I care about you.

I know that I know.

Other-Consciousness Raises Your Self-Confidence

When you pay attention to the needs and comfort of your audience you'll be rewarded with an increase in self-confidence. When you focus on the needs of others, you'll discover the secret desire of all audiences that your self-consciousness previously hid from you.

The Secret Desire of all Audiences

Whether you're giving a presentation or interviewing for a job, everyone in the room secretly hopes you'll do an outstanding job—even the skeptics.

Why? People who took time out of their busy day to interview you or attend your presentation want to be validated for making a good use of their time. Simply put, people hate wasting their time. They want to connect with you and be wowed by you so they have something to show for their time. They want a 'take away' and they want to end the search for the perfect candidate with you. There are no critics in the room with you—only colleagues who sincerely hope you're the one.

Practice the Pause

In this time-oriented society, you've got to be able to get your message across in less time. But don't focus on how little time you have to make your mark--focus on how to capture your listener's attention. Pause, listen, and learn.

Don't focus on how little time you have to make your mark--focus on how to capture your listener's attention.

In the timeless children's story, Stone Soup, that's exactly what a hungry soldier did when the townspeople wouldn't give him the time of day.

At first the hungry soldier went door to door telling people he was hungry. But he got nothing but doors slammed in his face.

When he paused and listened, he changed his approach. He stopped telling people what he needed and started getting their attention. He went out into the town square, lit a fire, put a kettle of water on, and started to stir.

The result? When he stopped talking, people started listening. One by one the curious townspeople came over to ask what he was doing. Suddenly time was no longer an issue.

Find a way to capture your audience's attention—ask questions they're interested in, weave stories based on their experiences, offer unique perspectives, and then give them time to ponder your points.

"Silence is one of the great arts of conversation."  Marcus Tullius Cicero

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Get Out of Your Negative Rut

'By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.' Lao Tzu

Do you find yourself focusing on things that aren't going well during your work day, or perhaps the piles of things you failed to get to? Stop beating yourself up--learn to pay more attention to what's going well instead. Shift your focus to your achievements by learning how to take an inventory of your day with four questions.

Take a daily inventory. By consciously and deliberately focusing on what's going well in your life you'll train your brain to accent the positive. It may feel awkward or forced at first, but do it anyway. With consistent focus on the good stuff you'll shift out of a negative groove into a positive channel in three to five weeks. Set aside 15-minutes a day to focus on the good stuff.

Re-focus by writing. Our natural tendency is to focus on the negative in our heads making it difficult to shift our thinking towards the positive. The negative track is too deep. It's essential you write it down. The physical act of writing the questions and your answers each day focuses your attention as it moves you into a different part of your brain. Get a notebook or journal to collect your positive actions and life experiences.

Ask yourself these four questions to accent the positive:

·         What is working well for you at work and home?

·         What have you accomplished that you've failed to acknowledge?

·         What is the most meaningful thing you did in the last 24 hours?

·         What is one meaningful step you could take today?

'Appreciate yourself and honor your soul. Love your soul.'  Yogi Bhajan

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How to Get the Quiet Colleague to Talk

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said. Anonymous

Do you come to meetings hoping for lively dialogue but despite all your efforts to pose great questions and stimulate discussion you produce nothing but veiled eyes and blank stares? Do you feel you're pulling teeth trying to get your less-than-talkative co-workers to speak up? If your more forceful efforts to get your introverted colleagues to talk have failed, try using a gentler approach to open them up.

Know what drives introverts. Introverts aren't shy. They simply don't like to speak before they've carefully considered what they think and want to say. The fastest way to get them to share their thoughts is to give them time to think before you ask them to speak.

Let time work for you. The worst thing you can do if you want introverts to talk is to put them on the spot—ask a question and expect an immediate reply. Don't wait until you're in meetings to ask questions. Give introverts time to mull over and process information in depth. Send out lists of questions or issues that need to be addressed prior to meetings. Ask everyone to think about the issues and come prepared to discuss.

Get comfortable with silence. When you're faced with a moment of silence in a meeting, let it be. Don't try to fill all the empty spaces by talking. Show respect for more introverted colleagues by giving them time to think in silence. When you leave an opening, your quiet co-workers are more likely to speak up.

Practice the 3-minute test. If your habit of always filling lulls in the conversation is strong, get in the practice of giving others three minutes to talk before you speak again.

Give everyone time to talk in small groups. If keeping quiet this long makes you nervous, set up the topic of discussion for meeting members to deliberate in pairs for five minutes and walk out of the room for that period of time. This gives everyone in the group an opportunity to speak up.

Surprise!--that quiet colleague is an extravert. You may be surprised to discover some of those quiet colleagues who fail to speak up in your meetings are actually extraverts. Extraverts aren't shy either--so what makes these more gregarious coworkers hold their tongue? You haven't made it safe for them to speak up. Just like introverts, extraverts need a safe environment to join in the conversation and share their ideas.

Small group discussion works for extraverts too.  Extraverts may not feel safe jumping into the discussion in their preferred manner of thinking as they talk. Extraverts are the ones who want to engage in a dialogue to figure out what they think—they work best by bouncing their ideas off others. You need to make it safe for extraverts to speak up without already having their ideas fully formed.

Small group discussions are good for everyone. Not only do small group discussions stimulate fruitful talk from the introverts in the group they make room for the extraverts to jump in and freely play with their ideas too.

'An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind.' Walter Bagehot

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Speak Up and Be Heard

"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing." Anonymous

Are you one of the last ones to speak up in meetings? Do you feel you're missing opportunities to further your career because no one knows what's going on inside your head?

If you're an introvert--more comfortable spending time thinking in your head than talking in meetings--learn to speak up and be heard by utilizing this simple strategy to make it easier to share your ideas.

Introverts need time to think. If you're an introvert, when you fail to speak you know it isn't because you don't have anything to say. There's a lot going on in your head. The problem is you don't like to speak before you've had time to carefully craft your thoughts. Recognizing this is the key to speaking up more. When you acknowledge you need time to reflect before you're willing to publically share your thoughts you can plan ahead and provide yourself the necessary quiet time prior to meetings.

Ask for the agenda. For the introvert, being forearmed is essential. If your boss isn't in the habit of providing an agenda ahead of time, ask for one. When you know the topics to be discussed you can give yourself time to gather your thoughts. Come to the meeting with at least three written points you can contribute.

Anticipate getting caught off-guard. Anticipate getting caught off-guard by having a pre-formulated response that turns your preference to think before you speak into a benefit instead of a liability. "Rather than coming off half-cocked I need to think about this and get back to you."

"It's not what you tell them…it's what they hear." Red Auerbach

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends and co-workers.

Shawn Achor on The Happy Secret to Better Work

Want to work better? Work on developing a more positive outlook

Success does not bring you happiness says psychologist Shawn Achor. In fact, according to his research, the reverse is true--happiness brings you greater success--and you can raise your own level of optimism at the same time you inspire others to raise theirs.

According to Shawn Achor, researcher and author of The Happiness Advantage, you can train your brain in 21 days with simple exercises--including sending positive notes to encourage others. It doesn't take a lot of time to create a more positive mindset and encourage others to do the same. All it takes is a little bit of action and focus on the positive each day.

Take a look at Shawn Achor's TED TALK The Happy Secret to Better Work to learn the simple steps you can take to develop a more positive mindset yourself. The 12-minute TED video is entertaining as well as informative.

Be an Ambassador of Good Will

Thank you to Pam McCormick for sending me Shawn Achor's TED talk. What goes round, comes around. Pam is one of the ambassadors of good will out there taking action to inspire happiness in others. It's a thank-filled job---and thank goodness Pam and other good people--like yourself--are around who are more than happy to spread the optimism.

Check out Feel Good, Be Good, Do Good for more on the topic.


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Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Don't Belittle Yourself, Be BIG Yourself-Corita Kent

What's happening in your life right now? Has something happened that has your attention or are you reacting to something that recently happened?

If life has dealt you a blow, how soon will you move out of the fear and self-doubt freezing you in inaction into having faith in your ability to move confidently in the direction of your dreams?

'Don't belittle yourself. Be BIG yourself.'

Corita Kent

Click here to read 'Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams'

Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Lightarted Postcard: Don't Give Up--Stay the Course

Sometimes life just doesn't go your way.

It's hard to stay upbeat and positive when you get rejection after rejection for jobs, dates, loans, or other things of importance. Sometimes you just feel like giving up and giving in to the depression or feelings of hopelessness and shame.

But before you're ready to throw in the towel, consider the story of Kathryn Stockett, author of the bestselling book, The Help. You couldn't blame Kathryn for being depressed or discouraged as she attempted to find a publisher for a novel it took her five years to write. She was rejected 60 times before Penguin Books agreed to publish her novel. You know the rest of the story--the movie, based on the book, was nominated for Academy Awards. It was a big hit.


Don't Give Up--Be Persistent

• Don't give up. Be persistent like Kathryn Stockett and get your masterpiece out in the world. 
• Still your mind. When you're ready, take another step--apply for another job; ask another person out; contact another loan officer.
• Be persistent. Be patient. Persistence and patience eventually leads to payoffs--give it time.

  To read more on staying upbeat when facing difficulties

  

 

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

  

Make a Difference in Your Community

Want to Make a Difference

in the Lives of Others?

Get Involved

Do your part to get the long-term unemployed working and your local economy thriving. Step up and help create a Platform to Employment in your community, replicating the highly successful program Platform to Employment (P2E) set up by Joe Carbone, President of The Workplace in Connecticut.

What Is Platform to Employment?

"The WorkPlace developed Platform to Employment (P2E) to address the need for the long term unemployed to return to work and the employer need to recruit skilled workers. The program is a public-private partnership which gives businesses a risk-free opportunity to evaluate and consider hiring participants during an eight-week work experience program." P2E website

You CAN Be Part of the Solution

Come on--you have family and friends who are facing long-term unemployment--maybe it's you. Check out the Platform to Employment site to learn how this program works and how you might help to get it going in your local community.

I understand--you're just one person--and maybe you don't feel very powerful. But you can contact employers; state representatives; churches and synagogues; The Job Council; your local community college; local chapters of Rotary, Soroptomists, and other community service organizations to let them know about this program and ask how they could get involved.

I saw a segment about P2E on 60 Minutes last night, and felt compelled to do something to pass this on and to get people talking about creating this in my own community.

Be a Leader

Do not underestimate the role you can play. The smallest nudge from you can get the conversation going.

• Check out the Platform to Employment website and share it with 10 others.
• Share this post with people you know who may be in a position to make this happen in your community and with employers who may be interested in participating in providing internships.
• Encourage the leaders in your community to sign up for this free webinar to learn what they can do to get P2E implemented in your community.

  

Sign up for FREE Webinar to learn what you can do to get

Platform to Employment implemented in your community.

Developing Your Local Response to Long-term Employment

This webinar is FREE and open to the first 500 workforce, community and economic development professionals who register.

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Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event? 
For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.





Forgiveness--It Warms Your Heart and Cools the Sting

Free Yourself

Click  Let it Go to access article



Start a Happiness Habit

Research shows giving love and support to others has more impact on your own health and happiness than getting support. Get in the habit of sending a daily Lightarted Card to one person you care about with a brief  note of encouragement from you. You'll make the other person's day and create a more optimistic outlook for yourself.

To send a personal message with a link to this Lightarted Postcard, click the M button (for 'eMail this) on the bottom of the Lightarted page '--write your brief note, add both your recipient's and your own e-mail address and send.

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Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

You Can Do it. Trust Yourself

**What is it you want yourself to do?**

**What do you need to do to accomplish it?**

You know the way.

Go do it.

Be Wise

Trust Yourself

Act on What You Know

The Wisdom Within

You have  within you a deep understanding of people, things, events and situations. Turn that knowledge into actions that consistently produce the optimum results for you with a minimum of time and energy. Trust yourself.

Start a Happiness Habit

Research shows giving love and support to others has more impact on your own health and happiness than getting support. Get in the habit of sending a daily Lightarted Card to one person you care about with a brief personal note of encouragement from you. You will make the other person's day and create a more optimistic outlook for yourself.

To send a personal message with a link to this Lightarted Postcard, click the M button (for 'eMail this) on the bottom of the Lightarted page '--write your brief note, add both your recipient's and your own e-mail address and send.

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You are a Force--Do Not Wish for a Life without Obstacles

What do you need to clear?

~Everyone has struggles~.
~Everyone faces obstacles.~
~Everyone deals with adversity.~

What are your obstacles?

Do not wish for a life without challenge.
We become stronger and more content when we face and overcome challenges.

Be a Force.
Begin anew each day.
Each moment of your life is new, fresh and vital.
Clear those obstacles.
Step over the invisible barriers.

What is one step you can take to walk past your obstacle?
Do it NOW.

Believe in Your Strength

Believe in Your Ability to Take Action

 

Start a Happiness Habit

Research shows giving love and support to others has more impact on your own health and happiness than getting support. Get in the habit of sending a daily Lightarted Card to one person you care about with a brief personal note of encouragement from you. You will make the other person's day and create a more optimistic outlook for yourself.

 

To send a personal message with a link to the Lightarted Postcard, on the bottom of the Lightarted page click the M Button for 'email this'--write your brief note, add both your recipient's and your own e-mail address and send.

 

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Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Lightarted Postcard--You're Made of Strong Stuff, Baby!

My Dearest Friend

You're Made of Strong Stuff

Don't let the difficulties you've encountered get you down.

Be Strong

Stay the Course

Happiness comes when

you overcome the most impossible challenges.

Rest in the knowledge you have within you

all the ingredients to succeed in life.

P.S. I Love You

Start a Happiness Habit

Research shows giving love and support to others has more impact on your own health and happiness than getting support. Get in the habit of sending a daily Lightarted Card to one person you care about with a brief personal note of encouragement from you. You will make the other person's day and create a more optimistic outlook for yourself.

Send a Personal Message with Your Lightarted Card

To send your loved one a personal message with a link to the Lightarted Postcard, on the bottom of the Lightarted page you want to send, click the M Button for 'email this'--write your brief note, add both your recipient's and your own e-mail address and send.

Looking for another Lightarted Postcard?

Click on title to access postcard

Love Yourself

Believe in Yourself

Love One Another

Live Joyfully

Shine

Enjoy the Dance

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Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Lightarted Postcard--Love Yourself

  Share a Lightarted Postcard

click on postcard titles below to access

I Am Worthy

Love One Another

Live Joyfully

Shine

Enjoy the Dance

Send a Personal Message with Your Lightarted Card

To send a personal message with a link to the Lightarted Postcard, on the bottom of the Lightarted page you want to send, click the M Button for 'email this'--write your brief note, add both your recipient's and your own e-mail address and send.

Start a Happiness Habit

Research shows giving love and support to others has more impact on your own health and happiness than getting support. Get in the habit of sending a daily Lightarted Card to one person you care about with a brief personal note of encouragement from you. You will make the other person's day and create a more optimistic outlook for yourself.

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

Connect with Susan on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.