Comparing Private Self with Other's Public Image is Recipe for Disaster

How to Fill Yourself with Self-Doubt and Insecurity

A few years ago, a funny thing happened while I was in the throes of updating my resume during a job search. Instead of filling my head with positive attributes and praises to showcase myself, I ended up filling it with self-doubt and insecurity by mistake.

Intent on polishing my public image I thought it would be a good idea to study the profiles and experience of other like-professionals to see how they presented themselves. Good idea, right? 

I figured I could learn a lot from other professionals. Let me tell you, there are some impressive people out there-- and you're probably one!

So after spending the morning studying other's profiles I decided to take a break from my job search activities, get a cup of coffee, and relax for a few minutes before going out to the garden to conquer the weeds. 

As I took that first sip of coffee and looked over the garden, my mind lazily wandered over what I had seen in the profiles of other amazing professionals. Suddenly a flash of self-doubt and insecurity about my own skills washed over me.

What was I thinking? These people were really professional---and with incredible skills. I was just me--currently sitting in my t-shirt, jeans and muddied shoes, ready to pull weeds and haul dirt. Not exactly what you'd call a polished image. 

Forget the coffee. This feeling hit me with a thud big enough to wake me up to consider how I got there. 

How I got there was by breaking one of my cardinal rules: 

👉Never Compare Your Private Self with Other's Public Image.

Cardinal Rule #1: Never Break the Cardinal Rule

Now usually I believe rules are to be broken--and with a smile. My younger sister calls me the 'system breaker' since I'm always looking for new ways to do things. But when I set a rule for myself, it's a cardinal rule and not to be broken.

A cardinal rule is a fundamental rule, upon which other matters hinge. 

Cardinal Rule #2: Never Compare Your Private Self Image to Other's Public Image

I ended up with a momentary case of self-doubt because I broke the cardinal of all cardinal rules: never compare your private self-image to other's public image.  

It's an unfair comparison, and you'll always find yourself lacking.

When we compare our private self with other's public image, we see all our drab humanness and measure it against other's polish. It's the proverbial comparing apples to oranges.

Now perhaps you're saying to yourself--'there's no difference between my public and private self--what you see is what you get'.  It just ain't so. 

We all have a public persona and a private one. 

It doesn't matter how authentic I try to be to achieve 'what you see is what you get'. No matter how authentic I am, I still have that inner person who is the only one who sees the truth behind my eyes 24/7.

We View Ourselves and Others Differently 

There is an interesting difference in perspectives when we're looking out at others vs. looking in at ourselves. 

👉We see ourselves for what we aren't; others see us for what we are.

We all want to be better than we currently are. This leads us to see ourselves for what we aren't--like when we look at a current photo of ourselves we want to tear up while others think it is a great picture.

This isn't a bad thing--if we use it to nudge us forward. 

Where we get into trouble is when we compare ourselves to others and we see ourselves as static--forever stuck in what we aren't, and others as dynamic--forever putting their best foot forward.

Are You Doing Yourself a Disservice Comparing Your Private Self to Other's Public Image?

What's giving you a case of self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence? 

When you discover you're filled with self-doubt and insecurity, ask: 

💥 Am I making a comparison between my private self and what I see in other's public image? 

💥 Am I assuming I'm not worthy since I'm looking from within and seeing what I'm not while looking out at others and assuming they are without insecurities and self-doubt?

 Look Within to Better Understand How Others Feel Inside

Are you trying to meet new people or fit in with old friends but feel self-conscious because everyone else seems comfortable in the group and you don't feel very interesting or accomplished?

Instead of using your private self to compare yourself to other's public image, learn to use your private self and thoughts to understand the private truth in others. 

Everyone wants to: 

💓Be attractive to others,

💙Be included in a group

💚Find someone to love and to love them

💛Feel they belong

💜Meet new friends

💓Be picked out of a crowd

💙Be noticed and appreciated

💚Be liked by others

Believe in yourself. Believe in others. 

Get out there and be your self-confident, fun-loving self!

Stop comparing your private self to other's public image!

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Conquer Your Fears and Negative Thoughts to Achieve Your Dreams

  

Big Dreams Always Produces Self-Doubt and Insecurity

What or who has caught your attention lately filling you with excitement as well as self-doubt and insecurity?

Perhaps you asked for a raise; started a new job, entrepreneurial venture, or commissioned art project. Perhaps you're in pursue of good health while struggling with illness or injury. Or perhaps it's a love interest that has you twitter-patted. 

Anything worth achieving, or any relationship worth developing, comes with a triple challenge that pushes you to both act and procrastinate at the same time —the nervous excitement driving the interest, along with its partners—self-doubt and insecurity.

If you let them, your negative thoughts and fears will easily overpower your excitement that motivates you to act--leaving you to quietly quiver and do nothing instead.

BIG dreams and great possibilities bring great insecurities. And the more you want something the greater your self-doubt. This is true for all great dreamers, leaders and lovers.

It is this lack of self-confidence fueled by the fear of being vulnerable and exposed that stops you from pursuing your dreams and acting with courage. Name it and you can conquer it.

Naming the Secret Fear: I'm Not Worthy

Face it--we all like to appear worthy, strong, healthy, and in control of our lives and the thought of being vulnerable and exposed is frightening. 

What's behind that fear? It is the niggling thought 'I'm not good enough'.

Make no mistake--the negative thoughts behind your need to retreat and hide in moments of self-doubt and vulnerability are: I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy; I'm imperfect; or there's something wrong with me. 

You may try to deny feeling shame from yourself as it doesn't fit your strong, in-control self image.  Yet the moment you adamantly deny feeling vulnerable you isolate and retreat from others compounding your feelings of shame and fear.

Think about it:

💢 Who likes admitting they got laid off and are now struggling to find a new job?

💢 Or how about facing the public embarrassment of putting your heart into applying for a position you're perfect for only to have the job given to someone else (even if you were a close second)? 

💢 Or how about being an advocate of healthy living who ends up with a chronic illness for making you feel weak and ashamed?

💢 Or how about wanting to ask someone for a date or being rebuffed when you attempt to step further into a relationship for making you feel vulnerable and exposed?

Each of these situations makes even the heartiest of us squirm in insecurity and self-doubt and sends us into hiding not only from others but ourselves.

The Fear of Disconnection Sends Us into Hiding

'I've been sick the whole trip, feeling worse every day,' a friend recently wrote. 'Then my back went out. It's amazingly challenging to just let it be and not feel like I'm a failure of a human. I feel so embarrassed. Does this crap happen to everyone?' 

According to Brene Brown, author of 'The Gifts of Imperfection', shame is the fear of disconnection--we think there is something so shameful about us that if people really knew us they would reject us--so we keep our mouth shut and stay invisible.

This is the problem for my friend who is feeling weak and ashamed about dealing with her weak and unhealthy body in the moment. We're all a bit like the dog that hides under the porch when they're injured--not wanting anyone to know. 

It sucks to feel weak and sick. How do I know? I've been there.

The answer to my friend's question 'does this happen to everyone?' is yes.  This happens to everyone but most people draw into themselves when they're feeling weak and vulnerable to hide their shame about being sick, injured or in pain so you never hear about it as they suffer in silence.

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

When we're feeling weak and vulnerable we need the support of others to counteract our own negative thoughts and fears. By reaching out to trusted friends and family to confess our fears and self-doubts we can gain the support we need.

We need to hear from others:

💓 You're not bad. 

💙 You don't deserve this. 

💚 You didn't do something to make this happen. 

💛 This is simply what happened and this is what you have to deal with.

💜 You're strong. You have what it takes to achieve your goals and dreams. Keep the faith.

But give in to the need to hide in the moments you feel weak and imperfect and it'll keep you from being seen, heard, supported, and known by others--and you'll bring on the very thing you fear--a feeling of disconnection and distance from others that will stop you in your tracks.

Live with Courage and Confidence 

'Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and our clarity of purpose.'

Brene Brown

To be the hearty, resilient person you are--and not let the fear of your imperfections over-ride your desire to pursue your interests and dreams--publicly and consciously own and engage with your own vulnerability instead of hiding it in shame. 

Conquer Fears by Reinterpreting Self-doubt and Insecurity

Accept that great possibilities brings self-doubt and insecurity. 

Learn to make friends with your soft underbelly by taming your shame and its negative influence on your actions through consciously acknowledging your humanness to yourself and to trusted confidants.

When you acknowledge your negative thoughts and fears as natural consequences of stepping into your life you give yourself choice and opportunity. 

It always feels dangerous to be seen, to be heard and to be known. It is also thrilling.

Choose to view insecurity and self-doubt as a starting points, not stopping points. They help you take notice of what you want and help you consider if this is the direction you really want to pursue or if you want to change directions.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

A Mother's Day Message~Keep Your Sense of Humor and Keep Flirting with Life!

Moo~The best mother in the world!

💓

~A Message for Children and Mothers Everywhere~

Keep Flirting with Life!

💓

You are Worthy and You Belong

There she is--our 'Moo'--the best mother in the world with her signature smile, sparkling eyes, and her fun, flirty, and kind nature. 

From our youngest days, my mother taught us that life, humans and animals were to be treated kindly and made to feel they belonged in the 'Meyerott Menagerie'. Through the years we watched as she engaged and welcomed everyone into her life and our home. 

Through my mother's loving leadership we came to believe 'I am worthy', 'I am loved', and 'I belong'.

Moo was a natural flirt who used flirting as a way to engage people. With her 'good Catholic girl' upbringing she had no fear she'd 'step over the line' when flirting with men. It wasn't about being sexy. She flirted with everyone--young and old, male and female, human and animal. 

Flirting--or light banter--was just what you did to engage others and make them feel they were important and a worthy part of the tribe.

The way to Deal with Life and Strife is with a Sense of Humor

My mother used to say she raised 'all Chiefs and no Indians', when referring to her tribe of six independent children. 

This very proper, self-described 'fifth generation Washingtonian' from the District of Columbia raised six California wild cats while keeping a clean house--and most importantly--her sense of humor. 

My son related to my mother's good humor by saying 'I'm from your side of the family---the enjoying side of the family'.

Thanks to my mother, I learned to deal with life and strife with a sense of humor--and that has made all the difference in getting through the more difficult challenges of life.

Laughter IS the Best Medicine

My mother would often say 'laughter is the best medicine', and she'd demonstrate the truth of that belief daily as she sought to find the humor in situations and respond to trying life situations with laughter. 

I am so grateful to have learned the importance of keeping my sense of humor no matter what the situation from her.

I still remember the night my father was out of town on business one beautiful summer evening when my siblings and I stayed out late playing kick-the-can in the neighborhood. Our mother called and called us to come home but not one of us answered.

When we finally dragged our tails home she was hopping mad and promised a spanking for us all. As she herded us into the back bedroom to carry out the punishment, children wandered this way and that into other bedrooms and bathrooms on their way to their predictable single swat on the rear end.

Finally herding us into one room she lined us up by age to spank us in order from oldest to youngest. My oldest sister got the first swat on the behind, followed by my older brother. My mother burst out laughing as soon as her hand connecting with his rear made a metallic pinging noise . 

On his way to his swat-on-the-behind my brother had stopped at the sewing machine to grab the metal lid off the sewing tin so he could stuff it in his pants to thwart the whack. My mother's surprised laughter relieved the tension of the moment--and the rest of us got off scott-free.

The Care and Feeding of Future Leaders

Moo was the mother of all mothers. She knew how to bring out the best in everyone. She was a mother to all--and her legacy of extending love, kindness and compassion towards all lives on in me. 

One of the greatest gifts she passed on to me was showing me how to raise my own children keeping my sense of humor through the difficult times, and honoring and respecting the unique differences and strengths of each one.

My mother taught us the keys to raising future independent leaders:

💓Don't try to control them--find ways to catch their attention instead.

💙Love and support their independence and individuality. 

💚Enjoy and respect them.

💛Keep your sense of humor.

No matter how frustrated you may get trying to herd a group of independent children (or adults), know that to accomplish the impossible task of leading them the key is to accept and respect the individuals for who they are and to find a way to enjoy the challenge of engaging their attention. 

I thank the best mother in the world for providing me such a positive perspective!

Go On...Get Out There and Keep Flirting with Life!

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Help~I'm Lost! Getting the Help You Need to Move Life in the Direction You Want to Go

'It's not gossip, it's oral history!'

Rosemary R. Meyerott, former Town Historian for Los Altos Hills, California

I Ain't Got Nobody to Mentor Me

💓 Where are you at this juncture of your life? 
💙 What transitions or momentous events are you contemplating or experiencing? 
💚 What challenging relationship, life, or career issues are you facing? 
💛 Where could you benefit from the assistance of a more knowledgeable and sage person to guide your thinking and actions?

Once upon a time, knowledge and wisdom was naturally passed down from elders to the younger generation through sharing oral history in storytelling. The less experienced learned life and work skills by working alongside more experienced and knowledgeable members of their group--learning skills by observing and working with experienced people.

While we still learn best by 'sitting alongside' wiser, more experienced people who help shape our thinking through sharing stories and showing us how they do something, the process of finding that 'sage elder' is no longer a natural course. Now we must actively seek help on our own.

Navigating life is so much easier when we have trusted and wise people around to help guide us through uncharted waters. I'm not talking about people who tell you what to do or how to do it, but people who guide your thinking through asking questions and providing perspective so you can figure it out on your own.

If you have no one to emulate or to guide your thinking at the moment, start looking for someone you trust and admire to influence and guide you. Open your eyes to find inspiration. Be on a search for your own sages--present and past--to help you find your own strength and own way.

'The more you see yourself as what you’d like to become, and act as if what you want is already there, the more you’ll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to transform your dream into your reality.'

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Open Your Mind

Choose to Be Influenced to Find Your Own Strength and Way

'My purpose is to help people look at themselves and begin to shift their concepts. Remember, we are not our country, our race, or religion. We are eternal spirits. Seeing ourselves as 'spiritual beings without label' is a way to transform the world and reach a sacred place for all of humanity.' 

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Listen Carefully, Truth is Quiet

💜 What beliefs and philosophies about life resonate with you? 

💜 When you listen who speaks truth and inspires you to live a better life? 

Stay open to being influenced by people you trust, and actively seek and welcome the type of people you'd like to learn from into your life.

What Characteristics to Look for in a Mentor? Dr. Wayne Dyer was a great example of what to look for in a life influencer. He understood the role of a mentor~staying out of the way while helping others look within themselves to find their own answers. 

Self Sufficient, Independent People Choose to Be Influenced

Being self-sufficient doesn't mean being self-contained or resistant to outside influence. Smart self-sufficient people actively choose their mentors to help them along the way.

No matter how old you are or what you're dealing with, if you're feeling at a loss for what to do at this juncture of your life, actively seek out and choose people to influence your thinking. 

Choose who you learn from and actively seek advice from them. Open yourself up to their influence. Get the help you need changing outdated beliefs so you can open up to better ways of thinking and living life.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Don't be a Stuck-in-the Mud~Be a Trudge-in-the-Mud

Ugh! It's Time to Put the Muck Boots On and Start Trudging

 I laughed the first time I heard a friend say, "Here we go....trudging the road of happy destiny."

Something about the words trudging and happy destiny didn't fit in the same sentence and yet at the very same time it was unsettling that it was a perfect fit. 

When Things Get Tough, the Tough Get Trudging 

Trudge isn't a word you hear used much today, but you can imagine the feeling of trudging--walking heavily, and firmly, as when weary, or through mud--just like it sounds, as in trudging through drudgery. 

At first the image of trudging towards your happy destiny seems at odds with itself, but is it? When you think about it, it's a lot of work figuring out how to make relationships, careers, and life work. It can make a person downright weary.

💓 First you toil to figure out what you want, what you have to offer, and how to best go after what you want. 

💓 Then to achieve your heart's dream you must put yourself out there again and again-- despite experiencing failure, rejection, hurt feelings, pain and discouragement. 

Sounds like 'trudging on the road to happy destiny' to me.

How are you Trudging on the Road to Happy Destiny?

What's happening in your life right now?

Perhaps:

💥 You stepped into a relationship with someone, and you'd like to take it further. But the minute you went on a date things got messy and confusing. 

To get out of the muddy emotions, you need to trudge through your thoughts and feelings to figure out the best next steps on your path to your happy destiny. 

💥 You discovered a new perfect-for-you position opened in your organization. While it's great news, suddenly you feel weary from the fear and uncertainty of publicly applying for the position. 

To achieve your dream job you must trudge through updating your resume and cover letter-- and figure out how to apply for the position without upsetting your current boss in the event you fail to get the new job.

💥 You met someone who really cares about you and thinks you're wonderful. 

But right now you're in the middle of a messy divorce and you need to plod through the tedious, yucky details of separating from one person to be able to freely move on to your happy destiny.

💥 You work in a job you like but the company is in trouble. 

You love working--and you're very loyal to the company--so you're in a quandary about staying with the sinking ship or starting to look for another job now.

💥 You're trying to find your way back to the road to your happy destiny after losing a loved one or dealing with illness.

Don't Be a Stuck-in-the-Mud; Be a Trudge-in-the-Mud

Life isn't always easy. On your way to your happy destiny, you come face to face with experiences making you feel like you're slogging through mud. You get stuck. You get weary. You get discouraged.

But don't be a stuck-in-the-mud. If you let your mucky experiences stop you, they easily turn to quicksand and suck you into staying stuck for a lifetime.

These muddied junctures in life are always stressful. But if you make a conscious effort to move in the direction of your happy destiny, you'll effectively use the stressful energy to motivate you to action--and grow stronger, more capable, and more self-confident in the process.

Learn to be a trudge-in-the-mud who moves toward freedom and a happy destiny.

💙 Accept your path can get muddied and you can get weary along the way.

💚 Acknowledge you'll still need to slog your way out of the muck, but you will be moving toward your happy destination.

💛 Keep moving toward your dreams and taking steps that open up opportunities, possibilities and engagement in your life.

No one's path to their happy destiny is an easy one. When you set your eyes on what you want you still must overcome the fear of putting yourself out there as well as overcome the obstacles to achieving your dreams.

Keep on Trudging

Your job in life is to take steps toward what you want, without concern for the outcome. As you step into life some doors will open and some doors will close. No matter. Keep taking those steps and walking through the open doors. And don't be afraid of the mud.

Be courageous and diligent in meeting life's challenges. Step into your life with your muck boots on--and keep on trudging. 

Keep on Dancing

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Blaming Others Can Be Entertaining Sport

'Stop blaming everyone for your problems.

Just pick one person who you don't care for

very much and heap it on them.' 

Someeecards

Who Do You Blame? 

Who's on your mind today--that person(s) getting in your way at work--the one who's stopping you from succeeding or just generally messing up your plans for work or life? What have they done now? 

Come clean--we all have them--our favorite people to heap the blame on. Some of them we like and some we don't. But no matter who they are they serve as the perfect targets to blame.

Despicable People Make Good Targets

Blaming others can be an entertaining sport--especially if your target is a particularly despicable person. 

For the moment, we feel strong and powerful as we unload our anger and displeasure upon a dreadful co-worker or boss who makes our lives difficult. What a rush! What a feeling! What a great story it makes! But now what?

After the Rush is Over, Reclaim Your Power

Unfortunately that rush of anger and blame unleashed towards another gives us a false feeling of strength and bravado that actually signals we're feeling out of control. 

And after the vitriolic heaping of blame is over making you feel powerful, you're still left with an impediment to moving forward: you've handed your power over to another person.

If your goal is to move forward and accomplish something rather than to just lay blame--enjoy your bit of sport at another person's expense as long as it entertains you--but reclaim your power to take charge of your own path as soon as you're ready. 

What Are Your Complaints?

Since I know you're still dying to itemize the laundry list of complaints you have against that person you blame for making your life miserable right now, do it. 

Believe it or not, this is step I on your path to reclaiming your power.


📃Identifying the Complaints--Part I

Get a piece of paper and list your complaints about how this person is getting in your way and preventing you from succeeding.

Write complete sentences that begin with he/she.....and fill in the blanks.

📌He/She won't let me:
📌He/She prevents me from:
📌I can't communicate with him/her because he/she:

As you write out what you're blaming that person for, don't worry if the statement is true or not. Just write it down, then put it away to come back to for part two.

Taking Back Your Power: Own It

'If we always think the other guy is the reason for our lack of success, then it’s time to start planning ways to lift ourselves up, rather than planning ways to take him down.'

Charles Glassman




The ultimate goal is for you to be a self-motivated person who takes charge of your own life. As long as you blame someone else for things not going your way you limit your ability to take charge of your own life.

It's helpful to identify your complaints about how other people are holding you back so you can clearly see what the issues are you need to deal with. But don't stop there. To take your power back, you need to follow up your complaints against them by converting those statements to statements about yourself.

📃Acknowledging I am In Charge--Part II

Re-write your list of complaints changing the pronouns 'he' or 'she' to 'I' to take ownership of your situation. 

📌'He/She won't let me:' is changed to 'I won't let me:'
📌He/She prevents me from: is changed to 'I prevent me from:'
📌'I can't communicate with him/her because he/she:' is changed to 'I can't communicate with him/her because I:"

While this may feel awkward at first, the more you practice refocusing your complaints so you are in charge, the more power you give yourself to guide your own life.

Yes, blaming others can be entertaining sport. But letting go of it when you're ready so you can go after the life you want is even more satisfying. 

'I reckon that blaming people fixes nothing. You're the only person who is going to sort you out. No-one else really can--or really cares, enough.'

Jane Wilson-Howarth

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.