Overwhelmed? 3 Tips for Surviving Change and Staying Healthy

Each moment of my life is new, fresh and vital
 Susan J Meyerott artist

'Our actions shift perspectives, whether it be your own or others.' John Edwards

Stop the World I Want to Get Off! 

Recently my life has felt overwhelming due to too many life events and changes. In just the past month I've been touched by the loss of a loved one; major illness, surgery and hospitalizations for friends and family; layoffs for family and friends; and changes at the workplace for me. 

Like you, when I deal with too many changes at once, the ensuing anxiety and emotional fog tends to kick common sense and a clear vision for what I need to do to regain my balance and energy right out of my consciousness. 

Despite being a Health Promotion Professional skilled in helping others move through stressful times, when I'm faced with times of rapid change I, too, must stop to recall what I know about keeping myself healthy during these highly stressful times. 

It's taken me a month to see my way through the fog--but here it is: Three (oh-so-obvious-in hindsight) actions that are helping me regain my balance and putting me back on the road to health. 

I breathe in 'uplifting' into my heart
I breathe out "calmness' into my gut
Grant Soosalu
Susan J Meyerott, artist

Action #1: Calm Yourself through Conscious Breathing 

'Just Breathe'--I know it sounds hokey...yet it is the very first step to pulling yourself out of the anxiety and stress. 

When our heart rate gets above 100 beats/minute in a non-exercise state our brain gets fuzzy. That is the emotional fog we experience due to our body's response to the stress.

Granted, when you're in a highly stressed state it can be amazingly difficult to begin conscious breathing. Sometimes you just have to keep practicing it--all the while 'acting as if' you believe it will calm you down. It will--just do it. 

Practice slowly and consciously breathing in and out--thinking 'I breathe in uplifting into my heart' and I breathe out calmness into my gut'.

Everything is (secretly) okay
All is well in my world
Susan J Meyerott, artist

Action #2: Name Your Stressors

As major life events piled up sending me into overwhelm mode I knew I needed to get a handle on what I was dealing with. I needed a simple way to name what was going on and the Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index was just what I needed.

The Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index is a straightforward inventory of life events that measures the number of 'life change units' for the events and includes both 'good' and 'bad' changes, with 'death of a spouse' worth 100 units and getting married worth 50 units. 

While the life change inventory does not cover all changes we might experience, it provides a good indication of the level of stress and the resultant risk for changes in our health status in the year ahead.

Like me, if you've been through significant changes this year, take a moment  to assess your score on the Life Change Index.

How to Use the Homes-Rahe Life Change Index 

Using the index below, identify changes you've experienced in the last year and add up the total life change units to see what risk category you're in for experiencing health problems in the next year.

Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index 

Life event	Life change units
Death of a spouse	100
Divorce	73
Marital separation	65
Imprisonment	63
Death of a close family member	63
Personal injury or illness	53
Marriage	50
Dismissal from work	47
Marital reconciliation	45
Retirement	45
Change in health of family member	44
Pregnancy	40
Sexual difficulties	39
Gain a new family member	39
Business readjustment	39
Change in financial state	38
Death of a close friend	37
Change to different line of work	36
Change in frequency of arguments	35
Major mortgage	32
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan	30
Change in responsibilities at work	29
Child leaving home	29
Trouble with in-laws	29
Outstanding personal achievement	28
Spouse starts or stops work	26
Beginning or end school	26
Change in living conditions	25
Revision of personal habits	24
Trouble with boss	23
Change in working hours or conditions	20
Change in residence	20
Change in schools	20
Change in recreation	19
Change in church activities	19
Change in social activities	18
Minor mortgage or loan	17
Change in sleeping habits	16
Change in number of family reunions	15
Change in eating habits	15
Vacation	13
Christmas	12
Minor violation of law	11

Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index and Your Health

Score of 300+: At risk of illness. 80% chance of illness.
Score of 150-299: Risk of illness is moderate. 50% chance of illness.
Score <150: Only have a slight risk of illness.

What Do the 20% Do Differently? 

What category of risk are you in for developing health issues in the next year? What's your score?

Me? I scored well over 300 life change units putting me in the category associated with an 80% chance of getting sick with a major illness in the next year. 

So does that mean those of us who score over 300 are destined to get sick with a major illness in the next year? Or if you scored 150-299 that you are part of the 50% who will get sick?

No! What it means is we must pay attention to what we do in the next year if we want to be part of the other 20% or 50% who stay healthy despite the onslaught of changes.

While 80% of the people in high risk group got a major illness in the next year--what about the 20% who didn't? What did the 20% do differently that helped them avoid getting sick in response to too much change? 

A Cheerful Heart is Good Medicine

Action #3: Let Go of Things that Don't Matter to You; Take Charge of Things that Do 

The problem with experiencing too many changes at once is it makes us feel like everything is spinning out-of-control. 

This out-of-control feeling can lead us to two ineffective extremes--giving in to a feeling of helplessness in which we're powerless to affect change; or taking on a hyper-vigilant stance in which we frantically attempt to maintain control over every aspect of life. 

Both extremes--a sense of under-control or over-control--are associated with poor health.

Good health--despite high stress and high change--is associated with having an optimal sense of control over your life. What does this mean?

People who stay healthy despite experiencing a lack of control in their lives share one perspective in common: They feel they have control over the things that matter to them. They don't try to control things beyond their control (i.e. death) and they don't try to control things that don't matter to them (they choose their battles). 

As John Edwards says "Our actions shift perspectives, whether it be your own or others." Take the actions that will shift your perspective and put your life back in balance after everything seemingly falls apart.

When Life throws you too many changes:

1. Acknowledge the Changes.
2. Sit quietly, release judgment and lower expectations.
3. When in doubt, do nothing.
4. Avoid making major life changes for the next year.
5. Find a way to feel like you have control over the things that matter to you. Focus on what matters most to you, and take action on the things that matter.

I speak and act with a calm, bright heart
Susan J Meyerott, artist

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Feeling Betrayed and Bitter? Let it Go

Today my soul is cleansed of hurt and bitterness
Susan J Meyerott, artist

'Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.'  Robert Brault

What Hurts?

·                  Who or what has hurt you recently?

·                  What do you feel bitter about?

·                  Where in your heart of hearts do you feel life has done you wrong?

Sometimes Life Lets You Down

Ah, Life. Sometimes it lets you down. That job you wanted that slipped through your fingers; that love interest who did you wrong; that organization that treated you poorly; that economy that failed you; or that friend who slighted you without apologizing.

Sometimes things happen that leave you feeling betrayed and bitter. That's okay--acknowledge and name what you're feeling--and sit in your sorrow for a while. But when you're ready to brush yourself off and get back on top of the world, let it go. 

I speak and act with a calm bright heart
Susan J Meyerott, artist

You're Made of Strong Stuff 

Face it--you're made of strong stuff and you want to enjoy a fully-engaged life. You have what it takes to move through whatever challenge life presents you--and you're worthy of enjoying a rich, meaningful life.

Think about it--how is that hurt and bitterness you're harboring inside getting in the way of you engaging in or enjoying your life? What good things could you see in your life if you let these soul-killing feelings go?

• Have you failed to apply for a job because you're bitter about the last job interview

• Did you fail to ask that new person out because the last one hurt you?

•  Have you isolated yourself because you are hurt or bitter about how someone treated you? Have you refused invitations to get together with friends because you're home licking your wounds?

• Is that bitterness about making less than you deserve getting in the way of you appreciating the good things in the job or zapping your energy to look for a better paying job?

When you consciously cleanse hard feelings out of your soul you make room for more uplifting and positive experiences to come into your life. You can see current opportunities in your life when you stop wasting your energy on maintaining the hurt and bitterness. So don't stuff your feelings; cleanse them.

 'The soul has been given its own ears to hear things that the mind does not understand.' Rumi

Write on your heart that every day is the best day of the year
Susan J Meyerott, artist

Do You Care Enough About Yourself to Let it Go?

'Forgiveness is a funny thing—it warms the heart and cools the sting' William Arthur Ward

The question is, do you care enough about yourself to let it go? If yes, make today the day you affirm 'my soul is cleansed of hurt and bitterness'--and take a step toward doing something affirming that fills you with feelings of self-worth, fulfillment, and connection to life and others. You are worth it. Do it now.

  

'Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning.' Robert Brault

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Offset Negative Thoughts: How to Stay Upbeat While Looking for Work

I now create a wonderful new job

Start Your Daily Job Search Ritual with Upbeat Self-talk

How you talk to yourself influences how you present yourself to others. When looking for work you can feel particularly vulnerable and insecure despite possessing incredible talents and experience.

To offset the negative thoughts that set in, start each day acknowledging your positive attributes and affirming your belief in your ability to create and attract the right job--then take action.

These six upbeat messages are for you to use. Even if you feel silly saying them to yourself, 'act as if' you believe them and practice saying them anyway. If you don't believe in yourself you can't expect others to believe in you.

Yes, searching for work can be tiresome and make you angry. But to land that new position you must pick yourself up and start fresh each day. 

I am a strong, calm leader 

bringing wisdom and experience

Each moment of my life is 

new, fresh and vital

I have value and wealth inside me

I love myself—

my future is bright, joyous and secure

I move from the old to the new 

with ease and joy

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

The Secret to Starting Life Over

I move from the old to the new with ease and joy--Susan J Meyerott, Artist

'Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.' Douglas Adams

On the Brink of Transition?

Where are you at this very moment in your life? What are you trying to accomplish? Where are you starting over? What's making you anxious? 

• Are you looking for a suitable mate or considering breaking up with someone?
• Are you thinking of having a family or trying to get back into the workforce after having a baby?
• Are you searching for a new job or trying to decide if you want to quit your current job or break into a new field of work? 
• Did you finish college and you now face transitioning into adulthood and a new life and career?
• Are you trying to decide when to retire or how to reinvent your life?
• Are you buying a car, a home, or working on a home improvement project? 

Maslow's hierarchy of needs--from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why Do I Feel Anxious and Tense?

No matter how good or bad you perceive a life change to be, whenever you start over in some area of life--according to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs--you're left feeling anxious and tense as you nose-dive from being your most confident, best ('self-actualized') self to someone who is now concerned with basic safety needs. 

As explained on Wikipedia:

"The most fundamental and basic four layers of the hierarchy of needs contain what Maslow called 'deficiency needs': esteem, friendship and love, security, and physical needs. If these 'deficiency needs' are not met the individual will feel anxious and tense." 

It doesn't matter how big or small a life-changing event is forcing you to stop what you're currently doing to start over. Once you've moved into that uncomfortable place of feeling unsafe and insecure you have to deal with it before you can move on. 

And whether we like it or not--before we're able to 'move on to the new with ease and joy'....we must first get unstuck from feeling mired in the fear of the unknown.

Wake Up Calls (things that go bump in the night)

The last few nights I've woken up feeling anxious. I ran into a snag on a home improvement project that is forcing me to stop and start over in my planning to complete the project. I'm stuck and I hate it.

As a result of the stress I'm woken up by 'things that go bump in the night'--in my head and body. I hate the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach that wakes me up and robs me of a good night sleep. 

I shoot awake, heart pounding, and begin fretting about what's behind the anxiety--all the while trying to deny anything's wrong.  

But the body knows better than the mind. At the very core of my anxiety is something is making me feel unsafe that I need to acknowledge and take action on to calm my internal alarm system .

Times of transitions or change are unsettling and stressful for everyone. The fear of the unknown downshifts us into our very primitive, but street-smart, reptilian brain putting us on high alert for 'fight or flight' and making it difficult to be our best problem-solving self. 

Stress: A perceived threat, unpredictability, a feeling of loss of control, hopelessness, helplessness.

The 'How to Get Unstuck Cycle'

The Secret to Starting Over

The secret to starting over after getting stuck is to examine what stress is so you can offset the things keeping you stuck--then move into action.

If stress is:

• A perceived threat--you must take steps to identify and deal with that threat;
• Unpredictability--you need to take steps to make the unpredictable predictable;
• A feeling of loss of control, helplessness and hopelessness--you need to take action.

Stress is dis-empowering--leaving you quivering in inaction. When you feel helpless or hopeless to control a situation that feeling is further fueled by inaction. This creates a 'get stuck and stay stuck' cycle in which you fail to think about, act on or evaluate your situation. 

Taking action--no matter how small--is empowering. Every time you take a step it empowers you to take another. Every step you take shows you have options and you are not helpless.

Start using the 'get started' cycle.To 'start over' or create 'new beginnings' give yourself time to cycle through the 'get started' cycle to think and plan, take action, and evaluate your actions. 

The key is to show yourself you have options by taking action and evaluating the results of your actions--then basing your next steps on what you learned. Never stop taking action.

The more you stay in a pro-active state the more predictable the 'unpredictable' will become. 

Sit in it. Accept the anxiety and tension as your body helping you figure things out 'off-line'. Until you get to the truth of naming what is making you feel unsafe and vulnerable the anxiety will remain. 

It is only after you name 'it' and take action that your anxiety will lessen.

You don't have to like facing what is bothering you but until you name it and face it you'll keep getting those wake up calls from your body.

'Make peace with your today to improve your future... It may sound odd, but the fastest way to get to a new-and-improved situation is to make peace with your current situation. If you rail against the injustices of your current situation, you hold yourself in alignment with what you do not want, and you cannot then move in the direction of improvement. It defies Law. In every particle of the Universe, there is that which is wanted - and the lack of it.'        Abraham

Trust Yourself

Even when bad things happen, trust yourself to get through the troubled time. Know that all things seemingly good or bad ultimately work in your favor. Sometimes it is the seemingly bad things that drive you to do really great things with your life. 

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Douglas Adams

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Bored? Lonely? Waiting for Life to Happen? Break Free and Go After it

"It is not your role to make others happy; it is your role to keep yourself in balance. When you pay attention to how you feel and practice self-empowering thoughts that align with who-you-really-are, you will offer an example of thriving that will be of tremendous value to those who have the benefit of observing you. You only ever uplift from your position of strength and clarity and alignment." Abraham

Bored? Lonely? Waiting for Life to Happen?

Winston Churchill once said, "If you wait long enough....something will happen!" And so it is with our lives. The question is how long are you willing to wait?

You shouldn't fret about being bored or lonely. As uncomfortable as these emotional states are--they're great motivators spurring us on to do something different in our lives. When a situation becomes uncomfortable enough you'll use it to energize yourself to take steps to improve your situation.  

Your Tolerance for Being Uncomfortable Determines How Quickly You Move On

No one escapes experiencing boredom, loneliness or disappointment. We're all forced to move through rough emotional times on our way to finding or keeping that partner worthy of a lifetime, that life path we feel called to pursue, or simply when regaining our balance after making life transitions.  How much discomfort you can put up with will determine how quickly you move past it. 

Spurring Yourself On

In my twenties my major lessons included learning how to enjoy being alone while staying open to finding a mate, and also learning how to get involved in activities I enjoyed after seven years of disciplined academic life where I learned to postpone pleasure for studies. 

Later in life, my on-going lessons became learning how to enjoy being alone despite having a mate, and how to reacquaint myself with what I enjoy doing after experiencing major life transitions or working too much.

After I graduated from college I was fortunate enough to run across a life planning exercise that put me on the path to spurring myself on to enjoying my life and regaining my balance and direction each time after my life got out of whack.  I am sharing it with you below.

A Life Planning Exercise People Love to Hate

This is a simple exercise that takes very little time to do. You just have to start it...then follow through one step at a time.

The hardest thing about starting this exercise is many people find it uncomfortable to think about what they want. I've had people describe this and other such life planning exercises as the most important exercise they ever did--that they loved to hate.

If you are tired of being bored, lonely or disappointed with life, take the time to do the exercise. The key is to limit the amount of time you give yourself to consider answering to no more than two minutes for each segment. Limiting the time you allow yourself will limit your discomfort.

Imagine you have 6 months to live. All activities around your death have been taken care of. What things would you want to accomplish or do? How would you enjoy spending your last days?

1. Take two minutes to list everything you'd like to do without judging what's on the list.

2. Next take another two minutes to look over your list and refine, add to, eliminate.

3. Last look at your list and ask yourself how many of the things on your list are you currently doing.

4. Pick one thing on your list to do then commit to one step. Pursue it until you've had enough then pick another one and go after that.

Use Boredom, Loneliness and Disappointment to Propel You Forward!

When I did this exercise for the first time in my twenties I looked at my list and discovered I wasn't participating in any activities I wanted to pursue. Nada. I had just gotten out of seven years of college where I learned to postpone 'fun' activities that were not academically related. 

It was startling--and motivating. I started on a year of fun and adventure after that....getting involved in a choir, traveling, taking guitar lessons, doing art, writing a book, playing with friends--you name it--I went after it.

If this sounds like you, get going! Sure, you can wait until 'something happens' but why wait when you can begin to step into your life one step at a time.

Use your boredom, loneliness and disappointments to propel you forward!  Plan one adventure for yourself--giving you something to look forward to--then see how that feels. If you like it you can do it again. If you don't like it, do something else. 

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.