You are not Your Mistakes: 3 Steps to Learn from Poor Decisions and Mistakes

She Was All Dressed Up Like a Rainbow Trout, 

Swimming Upstream in the World

'Please, Please, I've lost my way, 

The current is too strong.'

Gordon Lightfoot

'Happy Mistakes' On the Road to Destruction 

Mistakes. We've all made them. Wrong turns. We've all taken them.

Yes, I'm talking to you.

Admit it--there's nothing like coming face-to-face with an ugly, icky, scary result of a decision you made for bringing your travel down that road of destruction to a screeching halt.

While you may find it difficult to get behind the idea of 'Happy Mistakes' for some of your 'disasters', perhaps you can accept all mistakes are useful for putting you back on the path to a more useful, and meaningful life as you seek to shed the skin of negativity and repel the repugnant alternative you discovered on your 'road to destruction'. 

Finding Your Way Back Home

'Experience is the toughest teacher because she gives the test first, and then the lesson.' Unknown

Sometimes it takes the stark reality of learning what you don't want for you to discover what you do want. After you've spent as much time as you need to contemplate your disastrous decisions, hit the refresh button and start over.  

While it's good to own your mistakes it's also good to learn from them then let them go. In any moment of crisis you're on the brink of destruction at the very moment you're also on the brink of a breakthrough. The trick is to take a step beyond the moment of making a poor decision or mistake to find the lesson that splits your life wide open in a positive direction. 

When you're ready to start fresh: Let go of guilt. Let go denigrating yourself. Let go beating yourself up. Get busy using your mistakes and poor decisions as learning lessons to guide your next steps. 

3 Steps to Turn Your Mistakes into Learning Experiences 
And BLAST YOUR LIFE WIDE OPEN!

1. Make a list of what you've learned YOU DON'T WANT in your life. For example:

I don't want to:

• Work with people I don't like.
• Be unfaithful in my relationship.
• Hurt the people I love.
• Work in this industry anymore.
• Be abused at work or home.
• Drink or do drugs.
• Be scrapping by.
• Be with people who treat me poorly.
• Be with people who bring out the worst in me.
• Feel unworthy.
• Be unethical.
• Stay in this job.
• Be bored.
• Drift through life.

2. Convert your 'I don't want' list into an 'I WANT TO' list. For example:

I want to:

• Work with people I like.
• Be in a committed relationship.
• Be respectful and caring of my loved ones.
• Seek a new satisfying career.
• Seek healthy relationships.
• Seek healthy workplace.
• Fully engage in life and work.

3. Stay open to--and say yes to--activities you know will lead you on a journey towards the life you want. 

When opportunity comes knocking, answer the call. 

Use your 'I WANT' list to guide you in what you say Yes to.

• Has someone offered to counsel and guide you? Say Yes and Thank You.
• Has someone offered to introduce you to people at work? Say Yes and go for meet and greet.
• Has someone offered to go out for coffee and a chat? Say Yes and Go.
• Has a new career option caught your eye? Step in and stay open to the possibilities.
• Has your loved one offer to 'stop and start over'? Say Yes and step into exploring what a healthy relationship means.

Keep looking for ways to open doors to a satisfying future and step through.

'You are not the mistakes you have made; you are the lessons you have learned.'  

Chris Cook

'What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.' Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Susan J Meyerott loves helping people become more fully themselves, particularly those working through anxiety, life and career transitions, relationships, and self-esteem issues. She provides a nonjudgmental, growth-oriented environment for you to become the person you’re meant to be—while appreciating the richness of who you already are. Learn more at Lightarted Living Blog

Feel Good, Do Good, Be Good : Live with Integrity and Graciousness

'When you choose to act with integrity and graciousness, you are strengthened by your experiences; when you choose to act out of ego, fear, anger, retaliation or hate, you are hardened by your life experiences.' 

Small Daily Decisions over a Lifetime Determine Your Life Satisfaction  

You are the only one who sees behind your eyes and deep into your heart. Only you know whether you act with integrity. 

Life is full of intrigue and drama--especially in love and work. Every day we make small decisions about getting in, staying in, or getting out of relationships. Our choices ultimately determine the course of our life and how satisfied we are.

The one constant throughout your life is you--you are the only one who travels in your innermost circle 24/7. You are the only one who sees behind your eyes and deep into your heart. Only you know whether you act with integrity.

Acting with Integrity Gives You Strength

While choosing to act with integrity may feel scary or uncomfortable when you're in the midst of turmoil, after the emotional fog lifts you can see this is what strengthens you for life ahead.

Acting with integrity is what gives you the strength to be brave enough to speak up the next time in such a way as to achieve the best outcomes--despite your initial dis-ease.

Make a conscious decision to be strengthened, not hardened by your life experiences.

Putting Your Integrity to the Test

• In the last three days--what decisions did you face about how to conduct yourself? Would you say you acted with integrity and graciousness? If not, why not? What could you do differently to improve?
• Is there a time in your past you acted without integrity that fills you with regret? How can you let that go, and choose to feel good about your actions today? 

Something to Think about: Words to Live By

"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not." Oprah Winfrey

"The integrity of men is to be measured by their conduct, not by their words." Junius

"Integrity means that you are the same in public as you are in private." Joyce Meyer

"You are in integrity when the life you are living on the outside matches who you are on the inside." Alan Cohen

"If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." Alan K. Simpson

"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful." Samuel Johnson

"Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another." Charles Caleb Colton

"Calamity is the test of integrity." Samuel Richardson

"Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise, and trading on your integrity and not having dignity in life. That's really where failure comes." Tom Cochrane

"Perhaps the surest test of an individual's integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect." Thomas S. Monson

"Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people." Dennis Prager

"Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake." Larry Hagman

Do You Choose to Act with Integrity and Graciousness?

• Who are you? How do you choose to live your life? Would you say you act with integrity and graciousness?
• How do others view you?  Would friends and family say you are gracious and act with integrity?
• Are your internal beliefs in sync with your actions? How do you feel when you act out of integrity?
• Twenty years from now, will others say you lived with integrity--and will you feel good about your actions today?

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


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Let the Good Times Roll! When Happiness and Good Times Return

Happiness

Relish Your Good Fortune 

Sometimes when you've been down so long you don't even remember what it feels like to be up. But sometimes--when you least expect it--happiness and good times show up on your doorstep. Then what? How do you act? What do you do?

Good Times

How to Act when Happiness and Good Times Return

Don't chastise them for being late--and don't call them liars and send them away again. Instead, treat Happiness and Good Times as honored guests--welcome to stay as long as they'd like.

Treat Happiness and Good Times as honored guests--welcome to stay as long as they'd like.

Take them for long walks through town to reacquaint them with your environment. Dress them up and show them off to everyone you meet. Let them shine.

Take them out with friends and loved ones to welcome them home.  Share their sparkle and let their fairy dust sprinkle on those you love.

Share the sparkle of happiness and good times with loved ones.

Sit quiet and let them whisper words of love and encouragement in your ear. Trust them to speak truth to you, and then help them build a soft nest to rest in your heart. Thank them for coming home to roost.

Let happiness and good times whisper words of love and encouragement.

Leave the Door Open  for Happiness

If you've been down so long you don't remember how to feel good, leave the door open for happiness and good times to return. Keep a positive expectation for the good times to show up.

Keep a green tree in your heart

and perhaps a singing bird will come.

Chinese Proverb

Build a soft nest in your heart for happiness and good times to reside.

Thank you happiness and good times for coming home to roost!

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail subscription.

Why Do You Keep Stepping into a Big Pile of Sh** When You're Rolling in the Good Sh**?

Let the good times roll!

Does This Sound like You? 

• You've longed for a relationship but when a person you like comes along and things are going well, suddenly you're overwhelmed. Why, after you agree to take your relationship to the next level, do you worry you've moved too fast and want to back out?
• You've thought long and hard about asking for a raise or promotion, but when you get it, you feel anxious. Why, after stepping out on a limb to ask for a better position and more money do you suddenly panic and feel overwhelmed?
• You've looked forward to retirement and it is right around the corner. But suddenly you're filled with fear and self-doubt as the time draws near for you to choose the best option for your retirement annuity. Why are you so exhausted until the decision is made? 

Why Do I Keep Messing Up A Good Thing?

If you a person who is prone to stepping back into that big pile of sh** just when you've been rolling in the good sh**--listen up!  There's a very simple answer to why--at the very moment things are going great--you mess things up and end up back in emotional limbo feeling anxious and uncertain--and you can fix it.

The answer can be found in the definition of a 'big pile of sh**' and 'good sh**'. I know what you thought I meant...and that's okay. But here's the real scoop:

When you find yourself messing up a good thing, what's happening is you're stepping back into a big pile of 'SHOULD' at the very moment your SHIP has finally come in. 

Think about it. How do you react when things are going good in your life? When all the pieces are falling perfectly into place, do you take time to delight in the moment or do you automatically begin to anticipate your next crisis? Are you making way for a bit of serendipity, or always ready to step into that big pile of 'SHOULD'?

Second Guessing and Higher Expectations

If you find yourself paralyzed in fear, wondering if you made the right choice after getting something you wanted, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. 

Those of us who live in cultures that believe in freedom of choice--and who have many choices for creating our lives--are the same ones who have the luxury to second guess our choices.

The world of many choices--while providing us a plethora of options--also puts the responsibility for making the best choices squarely on our shoulders--and this is where things can get confused in our thinking--especially when our decisions affect others as well as ourselves.

'When we have the freedom to chose a life path instead of having one thrust on us, we feel the weight of our choices and it raises our expectations for the outcomes.'

Suddenly, we're self-conscious about our choices. Is it the right one? Could I have chosen better? Is this one going to bite me down the road? What if I'm missing another opportunity because I'm committed to this one? What if my perfect mate comes along while I'm in this relationship and I fail to recognize it? What if I'm just leading this person on? 

Let Go Over-Thinking Decisions 

To be content and open yourself up to the possibilities of your good choices:  Let go over-thinking your decisions. Practice facing the moments before and after you choose with calmness

Indecision is exhausting--making the moments before you make a choice uncomfortable--while anticipating what will go wrong after you make a decision stressful. It is living in that 'world of should' that creates the tension and discomfort throwing you into a mental fog and leaving you feeling overwhelmed and anxious. 

Choose and Stop Thinking

Enough Already! 

When you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a stress response--wanting to 'fight or take flight', or 'argue or withdraw' as you transition into that good relationship, job, or retirement stop over-thinking it. In fact, stop thinking. Put it down and do something else.

Over-thinking what it all means makes you jittery. When you stop thinking, and focus on being in the moment instead, you'll stop your creeping expectations from turning into 'a big pile of should' and allow a bit of good old serendipity to appear when your ship comes in.

Truth is we all want to be pleasantly surprised and caught off guard by random acts of kindness and moments of creativity, love and fun in our daily life. We can lose that sense of being pleasantly surprised in little ways when we stay focused on and raise our expectations too high.

So lighten up! Stop putting so much importance on your every choice after you step into something good. Your choice is for now, not for all eternity. Let things unfold naturally. If you start to feel overwhelmed, get sleep and down time.

'You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.' Paulo Coelho

When your ship comes in, roll in a bit of serendipity!

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Susan J Meyerott loves helping people become more fully themselves, particularly those working through anxiety, life and career transitions, relationships, and self-esteem issues. She provides a nonjudgmental, growth-oriented environment for you to become the person you’re meant to be—while appreciating the richness of who you already are. Learn more at Lightarted Living Blog

Richard Stine: What Do You Do When You Come Face to Face with the Second Step? Step Up, of Course!

'The man who moved a mountain is the one who started taking away the small stones.'    Chinese Proverb 

Face to Face with the Second Step

I was first introduced to Richard Stine's simple black and white line drawings at a Westwood art faire while attending graduate school at UCLA. 

His series, 'Smile in a Mad Dog's i’ brought a smile to my own and made me laugh.

While I lingered at his booth, lusting after his drawings, I was a poor graduate student and I just couldn't pay $30 for a simple line drawing.  I walked away without buying anything.

Over the next year, every time I found myself stalled and frustrated after starting a school or work project one of his images, 'Dog face to face with the second step',  kept popping into my head.

I could clearly see that silly, flat-faced, wire-haired black dog with his eyes glued to, and staring at, the second step of the stairs. I was that dog. And it was exactly how I felt--face to face, not with the first step, but the second.  When I looked closely, I could clearly see the second step was in fact larger than the first.

I began to see how life was going to progress. Just as I was congratulating myself for finally getting the latest project off to a good start, I had to look out for that big second step stopping me in my tracks.

The Second Step--An Opportunity for a Fresh Start

But the light began to dawn and I came to see the second step in a positive light.

Rather than the second step being a time for getting stuck and giving up, I began to see it as an opportunity to pause and assess my progress, recommit to my vision, and regain the energy and motivation to move on. Instead of being pushed off-track by the unexpected obstacles, I learned to expect the unexpected and turn a potential ending into a fresh start.

WOOF!  Be the Dog ~ Paws and Assess

What have YOU been working on that has you suddenly face to face with the second step? What dream or vision have you been working on that suddenly feels stalled? How long have you felt that churning and simmering in your head, pulling you towards taking the next step? What's stopping YOU? If you were to turn that ending into a beginning, what would you do next?

What's Got You Stalled?

• Fear of the unknown
• Fear of failure
• Fear of public failure
• Too busy at work
• Don't know where to start.
• No money.
• Work exhausts me and uses up my creative energy.
• I focus on helping other people, and then am too tired to help myself.
• I don't believe I deserve to achieve my dream.

You can always feel the second step staring you in the face. You may not always be able to articulate what's blocking you from moving forward but you can feel the invisible barrier just the same. Recognizing it's there is the first step to moving past it.

Now is the perfect time to clear your path to making forward progress. Why not make today the day you choose to move past YOUR second step?

Three Steps to Get Past the Second Step--Again and Again

1. Make Yourself #1. Give yourself the first part of the day. Get up 1 hour earlier to devote yourself to your dream. Don't let yourself be distracted.
2. Choose.  Choose the one thing to focus on NOW.
3. Act today. Put your thoughts on paper, and convert those thoughts to do-able actions.  Choose to act on one step today.  

What do you do when you come face to face with the second step? Step up of course!     Lightarted Sue

Step Up. Step In. Move Forward.

If you'd like to see Stine's 'Face to Face with the Second Step' (newer colored version) click on link below.

http://www.imagekind.com/Face-To-Face-With-The-nd-Step_art?IMID=8ccdf337-adad-4f57-8590-9df60e72eca8

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail subscription.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: The Only Way Out of Our Darkest Moments

'Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.'      

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finding Our Way in Difficult Times

We all face difficult times throughout life--and who among us wants to stay stuck in the dark days any longer than we have to? We all long to discover that deep inner strength and indomitable spirit we possess to help us find our way out. 

We can learn a lot from Ralph Waldo Emerson's sage outlook on living from that place of strength and courage. What does he have to show us about how can we can enjoy a better life-- experiencing more good times than bad--and getting out of the depths of despair sooner? 

Emerson said no matter what the problem you're dealing with, keep your focus on your dreams, not your problems.

The Only Way Out of Our Darkest Moments

Sometimes in the overwhelming challenge of trying to recover from devastating losses or illnesses you can be left feeling discouraged, hopeless and isolated. Looking through the lens of defeat and loss, life can begin to feel flat and meaningless.

The key to pulling out of the darkness is to change the filter you look through to gain a fresh perspective. Or as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.'

When you're dispirited and feeling low it may feel like an impossible task to change your perspective. You don't exactly feel perky and positive. Yet, changing your focus from your problems and the seemingly insurmountable obstacles you face to putting the focus back on creating a life based on your dreams and aspirations IS the only way out.

I Know it Hurts--Just Push into the Pain

When I was in labor with my first child I failed to dilate fully so my doctor manually stretched me during the contractions that occurred one minute apart. This was the most painful and seemingly never ending process I've ever experienced. I could barely remain conscious the pain was so excruciating.

With contractions coming every minute, I would fall into a deep sleep for 45 seconds before the contractions would wake me up and the unbearable pain would start all over. As the doctor stretched me (60 times an hour) he kept saying 'I know it hurts, just push into the pain'. It took all my resolve not to kick him in the groin and tell him 'YOU push into the pain!'

But even in my darkest moment somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I knew when I eventually got out of what turned out to be 24 hours of hard labor, that comment, 'I know it hurts, just push into the pain', would become a metaphor for my life.

It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.   Ralph Waldo Emerson

If Pain is the Teacher, What's the Lesson?

Birthing a new life--literally or figuratively has it's painful moments--but when you push into the pain and stay focused on your dreams you move through it to gain a new life. It isn't always pleasant or easy but when you achieve a dream it's worth it in the end.

There is no way to avoid or go around the painful part of life on our way to achieving our dreams. No one 'has it easy'. But if each day we keep our eyes on the goal, instead of the obstacles, we allow ourselves to be led by our dreams instead of pushed by our problems, making it easier to endure the difficulties along the way. 

What are the Darkest Moments you've Recently or are Currently Facing? 

• Breakup of a relationship, family or home;
• Loss of job or income;
• Loss of home in a disaster;
• Loss of freedom--incarceration;
• Loss of a loved one;
• Loss of innocence--dealing with abuse issues;
• Loss of health--you or loved one dealing with a serious illness or injury.

Are You Ready to Refresh Your Life? 

Discover the switch to bring forth the deep inner strength and indomitable spirit you possess to find your way out of your current difficulties. Practice flipping the switch daily from focusing on your problems to focusing on your dreams.

3 Questions to Reset Your Outlook Daily

• Where do I feel pushed by my problems? 
• If I were led by my dreams what would I do differently? 
• If I had all the time and money in the world, what would I do with my life NOW? 

'The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.'    Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Susan J Meyerott loves helping people become more fully themselves, particularly those working through anxiety, life and career transitions, relationships, and self-esteem issues. She provides a nonjudgmental, growth-oriented environment for you to become the person you’re meant to be—while appreciating the richness of who you already are. Learn more at Lightarted Living Blog