Moving Past Disappointment and Public Failure: The Resiliency to Bounce Back

'The point isn't to learn to fail it is to learn to bounce back.'   Rosabeth Moss Kanter Harvard Business Review blog

How do you handle Public Failure?

Think about your past moments of 'public failure'--what did you want to do? How did you handle your disappointment? How did you feel about failing in full public view?

Perhaps You:

• Put yourself out there to a new love interest, but your advances were rebuffed.
• Worked for an organization for many years and then you were laid off.
• Let everyone know you really wanted a job you applied for, then you didn't even get an interview.
• Left your job for another 'better opportunity' but it didn't work out and you ended up unemployed.
• Were married for years then your relationship ended in divorce.
• Worked hard to get a contract or grant then you failed to get it.

Public Failure--The Crisis

Failing sucks--especially when we experience it in a personally meaningful area. 

In those moments we experience failure--after we've put everything we have into meeting a goal or achieving a dream--we're left exhausted and disappointed. The natural reaction is to retreat and hide--and never ever stick our neck out like that again.  

Last year I had one of those moments.  After spending two solid days working on a grant application with a very short window to complete and submit on-line I experienced technical difficulties during the submission that resulted in our missing the deadline. I'd failed the team pure and simple.

Ugh. I wanted to hide. I'd let the team down. I screwed it up. But where can you go to hide your head and lick your wounds when your actions are so public?

  

The Chinese symbol for crisis is two pronged, meaning 'dangerous opportunity'

The Dangerous Opportunity

The Chinese symbol for the word 'crisis' is two pronged--meaning dangerous opportunity. In our moments of crisis--such as a public failure--we always feel the danger but how can we also recognize the opportunity that gives us the resiliency to bounce back?

Anytime we put ourselves out there in a public way we run the risk of feeling vulnerable and exposed. But we also increase our chances of experiencing the thrill of success--and that is the first place the 'dangerous opportunity' lies.

When I told my daughter about my disappointment she repeated a phrase back to me I say to her all the time, 'All things seemingly good or bad work in our favor'. 

Hearing that from my daughter made me feel really good. Why? Because it isn't about whether we succeed in every situation, its about how we handle failure and put everything to good use--including modeling how to deal with disappointment.

How to Thrive despite Public Failure

According to Rosabeth Moss Kanter, the difference between those who thrive despite public failures and those who throw in the towel in defeat is how we handle the losing or failure. 

Rosabeth Moss Kanter HBR blog

"The difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing," says Kanter. "That's a key finding from my ongoing research on great companies and effective leaders: no one can completely avoid troubles and potential pitfalls are everywhere, so the real skill is the resilience to climb out of the hole and bounce back."

Kanter goes on to say that even the most successful people face setbacks--and to have the resiliency to bounce back from mistakes or failures we must be willing to learn from our mistakes.

Embrace the Daily Dangerous Opportunities

While we'd all love to succeed without facing public humiliation in the process, it isn't the way it works. 

We must accept the danger as well as the opportunity with each public step we take. The only way we can avoid public failure is by failing to step into life and actively go after things of importance.

To achieve our goals and dreams we must embrace the daily dangerous opportunity inherent in life.

Choose to move past your disappointments and feelings of shame for public failures. Learn to embrace each of your failures as evidence of your active participation in a successful life. Choose to learn from your failures--and as soon as you are able, take the next step to make a contribution, or connection that propels you toward your dreams.

Be brave. 

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

Helen Keller

 

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Break Free! Prove Yourself Wrong

'We must not allow our own limited perceptions to define us.' Lightarted Sue (with a nod to Virginia Satir)

Frozen in Fear? Failing to Move Forward?

What's the secret to dealing with what ails you? You've got to get up, get out, and keep going doing things that will both calm and energize you!

How do you do that? Stop proving yourself right and start proving yourself wrong!

Stop Proving Yourself Right 

We all like to be right, right? So why, you ask,  would I ever want to prove myself wrong? How can proving myself wrong help free me--and of what? 

The answer lies in what it means to break-free and prove yourself wrong. We all carry around beliefs with us that act as barriers to taking actions on a daily basis.

Our beliefs prevent us from seeking work and relationships, starting new adventures, and from following through on healthy choices.

In this season of New Year Resolutions, I started to observe my self-talk to find why I fail to take action.  Here's what I found about a couple of my beliefs-in-action:

• I'm too tired to walk the dog at the end of the day. So if I fail to go out before work--that's it--the dog doesn't get a walk.
• I'm too tired to go to the gym after work. If I fail to go at the beginning of the day, I won't do it.

And you know what? Every day I failed to walk the dog or get to the gym before work I headed home to sit down for the rest of the evening--and proved myself right every time! Amazing--100% accuracy!

You are no different from me in proving yourself right on a daily basis that you can't do things you want yourself to do. 

"If we are to break free and move forward in some aspect of our lives we must give up being right--and choose to prove ourselves wrong."

Break Free: Prove yourself Wrong

Breaking free by proving yourself wrong means you step past belief barriers preventing you from moving forward by moving into action one step and one day at a time.

Start by making a short list of beliefs that may be preventing you from taking actions that would improve your life. Then choose one belief barrier to step past by taking action

Belief Barriers

• The job market has changed. I'd just embarrass myself by walking into an organization to drop off a resume or to talk to someone directly about a job.
• I'm too tired to go out after work. 
• I'm too busy to meet anyone.
• I should have started saving for retirement earlier. Now it's too late.

How do you want to Prove yourself Wrong?

• Get a job by walking in and asking for one.
• Drop off 3 resumes to places you'd like to work.
• Ask 1 person for a job referral. 
• Ask one person to go out for a friendly night on the town.
• Spend one hour setting up a LinkedIn account.
• Drive to the gym after work instead of driving home.
• Leash up the dog when you get home from work and go for a walk.
• Make a contribution to an IRA.

Prove you can do things differently.The more you prove your belief barriers wrong through taking daily actions, the sooner you'ill set yourself free to pursue the life you want.

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


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Dealing with a Bad Case of 'I Don't Care'?

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.' Virginia Satir

Dealing with a Case of I DON'T CARE

Do you ever deal with a case of I DON'T CARE? I do--especially around winter when spring is a ways off.

Although I don't think of it as SADS--or seasonal affective disorder syndrome--if it is SADS I certainly don't get a case as bad as others living in the Pacific Northwest. I simply experience a case of the 'I don't care' on individual gray days rather than an entire season.

According to Michael Craig Miller, M.D., Senior Editor, Mental Health Publishing, Harvard Health Publications:

"People with seasonal affective disorder syndrome lose steam when the days get shorter and the nights longer. Symptoms of seasonal affective disorder include loss of pleasure and energy, feelings of worthlessness, inability to concentrate, and uncontrollable urges to eat sugar and high-carbohydrate foods."

Okay--when I think about it that way, maybe the way I feel is related to the changing seasons when we have less light. Perhaps if I'm honest I do experience a subtle loss of pleasure and energy and that's what I interpret as a case of 'I don't care'.

Yet I wouldn't go so far as to say I get feelings of worthlessness or that I experience an inability to concentrate...I'd just say 'I don't care'.

The way We Cope makes the Difference

If this sounds like you, what can you do about it?

Seek Perspective and Acceptance

Stop thinking life should be another way in winter and start accepting things as they are.

Put your 'pulling-inward' energy in perspective: Bears hibernate during the winter so why shouldn't we? In some ways this is just part of the natural ebb and flow of life--we are in a resting or gestating period where we allow our brains to work off-line as they quietly hum below the surface. 

By accepting the quietude of winter as the natural precursor to the brightness of spring we can create a lighter experience around this understated season.

Actively Participate in Tranquil Activities

Enjoy a nap covered with soft fleece blankets or take a leisurely Epson salt bath or warm shower to ease the cold.

Take a good book or journal out to a coffee shop to enjoy the hum of human conversation around you as you sit quietly in a warm, bright environment.

Find ways to create a sense of peace in the misty days.

Get Outside to Get More Light

Bundle up and get outside for a walk or engage in your favorite winter sport--skiing, ice skating or snowshoeing. Being energetic outside will pick up your mood even if it's foggy and grey. 

Keep Expectations Down

Yes, overcoming inertia can be a challenge when you're in the 'I don't care' mood. So keep your expectations down--make a plan to step outside for the walk or make a plan to drive with friends to the ski lodge. 

If after you step out you don't want to walk much, don't. If after you drive to the ski lodge you don't want to ski, enjoy a hot cocoa and book in the lodge. Don't force it--allow possibilities to emerge by taking the first step.

As the old Aesop's Fable said, 'gentleness can succeed where force will fail'. Instead of overwhelming yourself with what you should do to overcome the darkness, find ways to embrace these days to create a more soothing, tranquil tone that lets you replenish your energy before you head into Spring.

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


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Shut Up and Let Others Figure Things Out

"Never miss a good chance to shut up."  Will Rogers

I know you're wise, but what am I?

Test Yourself:

💟Your 8 year old son is up to bat. Are you likely to yell helpful comments to him like 'keep your eye on the ball' and 'wait for the swing'-- or do you allow him a moment of quiet to center himself?

💟Your 20-something daughter says she hates her current job. Are you more inclined to tell her 'stick it out until you get another job' or 'trust yourself--you're smart. You'll figure it out'? 

💟An employee practices a new skill as you watch. When he makes a mistake are you more inclined to let him work it out with a little coaching or do you step in and say 'No--this is how you do it'?

Shut up 

So I can hear myself think

Is your only vice 'ad-vice'? Listen up!

While you may have the best of intentions when giving advice to your child or colleague, when you over-advise or support others they learn to second guess their decisions and abilities instead of learning to trust themselves. 

Dr. Sian Beilock, the author of Choke--what the secrets of the brain reveal about getting it right when you have to--is a human performance researcher intent on figuring out why people choke under pressure. Her own failures led her to study why our brains fail to perform at their best when we're under the gun.

I was struck by one aspect of her research that provides insight into why we should shut up and let others figure things out for themselves:

"If we are to become competent people able to perform at our best--especially under pressure-- we need to learn to trust ourselves--our muscle memory, our instincts, our intuition and our problem-solving abilities without over-thinking. We can't do this if others are always telling us what to think and what to do."

Over-Thinking 

Prefrontal cortex over-thinking 

The problem with well-meaning advice is all that chatter from you takes others out of the area of their brain that lets them 'do what comes naturally' and moves them into their prefrontal cortex--the area of the brain that over-thinks. This ultimately leads to freezing and messing up as they second guess their decisions and abilities.

Looking at it from a personal perspective, the last thing you want to do when you're performing under pressure is to become self-conscious--i.e. hyper-aware of yourself and analyzing your thoughts and actions. Others' well-meaning comments at that moment get in the way of you trusting your instincts and swiftly executing an action.

Elevated expectations lowers performance

Beilock also points out that too much support can become an unnecessary burden that lowers performance.

"When we encourage others to shoot high, we may unwittingly cause them to feel an unnecessary burden of expectation which in turn can make the goal or task more difficult than it is. The energy that should be going into mastering the activity and performing it well goes into worry about not meeting an expectation."

Learning to trust our own advice

We all need time to let the learning sequence get processed through the correct parts of our brain. When other people do the thinking we fail to learn for ourselves and learn to trust others instead of ourselves.

In the not too distant past, I had to let go of worrying about my adult children--and let them learn to trust their own decision-making. 

When these young adults come to me for advice it is always tempting to give it, but I've learned the more I practice asking them how they're going to handle a situation, the better they get at figuring things out themselves.

Young children talk to themselves as they learn a skill--then suddenly the self-talk disappears as the skill becomes fully integrated. Adults do the same. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us as we figure things out ourselves.

So the next time you start to open your mouth to give a little friendly advice, close it and listen a moment more. You just might be helping to create a more confident, competent person.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

True Leaders Inspire You to Become Your Best

Judith L Smith-Foote with Bill Clinton, 2012

'If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.' John Quincy Adams, 6th President of the United States

Transitioning from 'You're NOT the Boss of me' to allowing others to bring out your best

I don't know about you, but I've been in the presence of greatness and it profoundly influenced my life. My entire adult life has been deeply influenced by one woman--Judith L Smith-Foote--the one shaking hands with former President Bill Clinton.

Now I know when you see her shaking hands with Clinton you already know she's someone special--but that's not what she was doing the day I met her so many years ago.

When we first met, Dr. Smith was a new Professor at UCLA and I was a new student intent on making my own way without people telling me what to do.

There I was--stumbling along in college--doing my best to avoid being tracked down by administrators who wanted to dictate the order I should take classes--in full-out 'you're not the boss of me' mode'--when I slipped into my first Human Anatomy class with Dr. Smith.

I was mesmerized  by her from the start--and didn't even notice the moment I effortlessly opened the 'you're-not-the-boss-of-me' door to allow her influence to take hold. Her greatness snuck up on me, and at first I didn't recognize her to be the person who was to become my greatest teacher, mentor and influencer. I just knew she was an exceptional teacher.

Finally, here was a teacher who commanded my attention, not because she told me to pay attention to her, but because she inspired me. Unlike so many other Professors who were clearly enamored with themselves, she was straightforward and unassuming. She was an extraordinary role model who had a way of presenting things in an upbeat, positive manner that captured my heart and imagination.

Through her own inquisitive, unselfconscious nature, she opened me up to my own excitement. As she lead the class, artfully keeping our focus on systems and structures, my own self-consciousness about other people's expectations fell away and was replaced with an internally-driven and expectant excitement about learning.  I would leave her class loving anatomy and marveling at the beauty of the human body.

The Moment I Chose to Follow

I still remember the moment in time when I decided this anatomy teacher was going to be my ultimate teacher and chosen leader. She flexed her elbow and said, "Your elbow joint enjoys a full range of motion." 

It sounds so silly to admit this was the turning point, but her simple statement had the most profound effect on me. I was fascinated by the idea my body enjoys moving and it gave me an incredible sense of freedom. It was in this moment I connected with this outwardly serious woman whose focus on the enjoyment of learning and living came through in everything she did.

The Key to Being a Leader who motivates

We are always listening for answers to our unspoken questions and quest for direction in life.  When I met Judith Smith-Foote it was one of those life-changing moments that helped to open me up to be the person I am.

In that critical time of self-consciousness, when I was questioning who I was and how to live up to my potential I met this woman who was a serious scientist on the outside yet a fun-loving, whimsical person on the inside. While I wasn't consciously aware of it at the time this was an inside out mirror of me--soft and silly on the outside, serious and thoughtful on the inside.  She was the right person to become my teacher, mentor, influencer--and friend.

Under her tutelage I learned to communicate in a positive way, and to facilitate other's learning to allow them to think for themselves.

By working with Judith, I discovered the key to being a leader who motivates: Get the focus off you--it isn't about what a brilliant teacher you are--it is about inspiring others to tap into their own abilities and excitement.

I watched as she artfully demonstrated over and over again how to open people up to learn for themselves; be their best selves; and bring their best. She set up the lessons, showed people where to look, and then got out of the way. She made room for students to excel and enjoy learning.

A Leader's Rise to the Top

At the beginning of this year, I had the honor of attending the celebration of Dr. Smith-Foote's 43 years at UCLA, serving as Vice Provost of Undergraduate Education in her final position.

Judith is an amazing woman who has dedicated her life to education and opening up opportunities for others. In her parting words and actions at her retirement dinner at the Chancellor's residence I saw exactly what I saw 40 years ago when I first encountered her in the anatomy class--perfect pitch for understanding human nature, leadership and communication. 

She was gracious and graceful as she took the spotlight off herself and put it back on the people in the room. The extraordinary person she is shone through her humble, understated manner.

When I asked her what's next on the horizon I knew her answer would contain the same element of joy and excitement I saw 40 years ago. She said:

'Retirement is the time you pay yourself to do things you absolutely love.'

Like all great leaders,  she didn't start out trying to be great. She simply lived her life with focus and passion--and along the way her actions inspired the rest of us to dream more, learn more, do more and become more.

And for those of us who have been touched by her we are grateful for the privilege of being able to sit alongside her and learn from her example.

After wandering across the night sky

The pale moon pauses 

Above the windswept sea 

To ponder the thin cover offered by 

Waning clouds and slips of canyon fog

And to wait for the

Rising sun’s glow and warmth 

Before making its descent

 Judith L. Smith-Foote

(Overlooking Malibu Bay October 20, 2013)

 

Choose a Leader

We all need role models to influence our lives. Who are yours? Who do you count as a voice of reason in your life--someone to emulate?

If you haven't already found that person you'd like to emulate--start with the end (of your life) in mind: What do you want your life to look like? How would you like people to remember you after you die? Look for a leader who has the characteristics you want to develop in yourself--then choose to learn from them.

Thank the People who make a Positive Impact on your Life

Make it a habit to go back and thank those who have made a positive impact on your life. It is good for them and good for you.

• Who opened you up?
• Who showed you what you could be?
• Who prodded you to become the best you could be?
• Who do you want to emulate?
• Who showed you how to get out of your own way?
• What was the moment in time you knew a person was going to play a significant role in guiding your life?

Share the Love--Lightarted Postcards, and Heart-felt Gifts

 Contact Susan for custom-made gifts. New cheerful designs are always available.

 
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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

 
If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

 

Love, Faith and Compassion: Untangled Truth to keep you Doing Good

Untangled

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.

Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway."

Mother Teresa

Comfort Across the Airwaves

Thank you to TMR for posting this quote from Mother Teresa on Facebook. I've never seen it before--and it touched me in a moment of fatigue.

Why Untangled?

I named these words of wisdom from Mother Teresa 'Untangled'  because that's what it did for me this morning--untangled my thoughts when I was tired. I read them over and over again until I was able to let go of the entanglements I discovered lingering inside me.

It is so easy to get tangled up in faulty self-centered thinking after we work hard to achieve good things with the best of intentions--but we haven't yet taken enough time to recoup our energy.

"Tangled up thinking can lead us in a direction far away from our heart's desire to do good, be good and feel good."

What I found in Mother Teresa's wisdom is grounding truth for staying the course despite the daily difficulties--and the truth of how to be internally motivated and driven. It is simple unadorned truth for how to keep you doing good.

• Where are your thoughts tangled up today?
• Where do you have faulty self-centered thinking?
• What part of Mother Teresa's Wisdom speaks to you today?

Share the Love--Lightarted Postcards, and Heart-felt Gifts

Contact Susan for custom-made gifts. New cheerful designs are always available.

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

3 Secrets to Happy, Long-Lasting Relationships

'A loving heart is the truest wisdom' Charles Dickens

What is the Secret to Enjoying a Long-lasting Relationship?

• Are you in a relationship with it's ups and downs? Do you wonder if you have what it takes to make your relationship last?
• How do you know if it's worth investing time in a new relationship or mending a long-standing one?
• After facing difficult times in the relationship, how do you even know if you want to continue in the relationship?

What a Happy Relationship Isn't....Conflict-free

If you think a conflict-free relationship is the key to a long-lasting happy partnership you're barking up the wrong tree.

All happily married couples have a good amount of 'bark' in their relationship. It's what puts the heat, or bite, into the relationship.  Look at Lucy and Ricardo (I Love Lucy); Alice and Ralph Kramden (Honeymooners); and Bert and Ernie (Sesame Street). We love watching these comedic couples interact because we can relate to their conflicts and differences.

Truth is, we all have negative thoughts and feelings about our partners. It's natural. Over time our differences arise and the rose-colored glasses come off letting those petty annoyances surface. But there is something about happy, long-lasting relationships that makes them withstand the test of time and trouble.

Secret #1: Happily Married Couples Keep the Negative from Overwhelming the Positive

According to Dr. John M Gottman, author of 'The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work' and professor of psychology at the University of Washington and cofounder and director of the Gottman Institute, what can make a marriage or partnership work is surprisingly simple.

"In their day-to-day lives, happily married couples have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones."

People in healthy, long-lasting relationships deal with the same garden variety issues that people who break up do. The difference is those in healthy lasting relationships find a way to maintain an overall positive feeling to their relationships despite the negative thoughts and feelings that naturally arise over time.

This isn't to say you should always work through conflict and stay together at all costs. It provides a measuring stick for you to consider. How do you create a dynamic in your relationship to allow the positive to over-ride the negative?

Don't be afraid of conflict and run away at the first sign of it--look for ways to put conflict in perspective. Instead of viewing a 'fight' as an ending, use it to create a new beginning to better communication.


Secret #2: Turn Passion into Compassion  

In a happy union, love does make the world go round, but what love looks like over time changes. Family counselor, Gary Strait, noted that while relationships may initially be based on passion, if we are to continue to live with the differences and annoyances found in each other we must expand passion to have compassion for one another.

The longer we're in relationship together, the more acceptance, forgiveness, understanding--and perhaps a sense of humor about each others foibles--needs to play a central role in how we interact with ourselves as well as each other. 

Secret #3: Ask Yourself--Do You Want it to Work?

Before you tie the knot, and whenever you deal with upsets in the relationship along the way there is one question you can pose to yourself that cuts through all the layers between you and knowing what to do--'Do you want it to work out?'

You'll know the answer immediately. If you want the relationship to work out you must do whatever is needed to make it work. Your pride, anxiety, anger, or hurt feelings getting in the way will fall by the wayside once you know you want the relationship to work. It will bring you to the negotiation table faster.

When you are in the throes of a new relationship--accept your immediate gut response to the question 'do I want it to work'. Stop overwhelming yourself with added expectations and responsibilities for the relationship ('I think she's more into the relationship long term than I am'). You are simply trying to get clear about your desires and feelings today.

Are you in or getting into a relationship now? What's your answer for today? Do you want it to work?

If YES, get out there and create more fun and meaningful times with one another. Find a way to enjoy and make a constructive use of your differences. Move into that place of allowing the good times to roll....

'To get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.' Mark Twain

A Tribute to 30 Years of Making it Work 

Today's post is in honor of the love of my life, Mark Gibbons, who 30 years ago was brave enough to ask the question, 'Do I want it to work?' I made an excellent choice for a life partner. We're still working it!

Share the Love--Lightarted Postcards, and Heart-felt Gifts

 Contact Susan for custom-made gifts. New cheerful designs are always available.


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 For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

 If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Ralph Waldo Emerson on Success--To laugh often and love much

'A laugh, to be joyous, must flow from a joyous heart, for without kindness there can be no true joy.'     Thomas Carlyle

 
Ralph Waldo Emerson on Success

"To laugh often and love much;

 To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

 To earn the approval of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

 To appreciate beauty;

 To find the best in others;

 To give of one's self;

 To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

 To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;

 To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;

 This is to have succeeded."

How do You Measure Your Daily Success?

Like Emerson I like to measure my daily success by how freely I laugh, love, and win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children.

I count my day a success when friends and family send me just the right stuff to make me smile. I love waking up to little gifts of perspective shared with me because someone knows I will enjoy it.

This morning I woke up to this cats stealing dog beds video sent to me by my son with the note:  'I know you'll like it.'  I did. I am an avid animal-lover--and he knows it. 

 This video of cats stealing dog beds put a smile on my face and made me feel 'successful' as I started my day. So I, in turn, am sharing this short video from tastefullyoffensive.com to lighten your day.

What can you do to contribute to other's success today by making them laugh, feel loved, and respected?

'You can tell by the kindness of a dog how a human should be.' Don Van Vliet

 
Share the Love--Lightarted Postcards, and Heart-felt Gifts

Contact Susan for custom-made gifts. New cheerful designs are always available.

 
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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Let Go--Be Happy: Tension is who you think you should be; Relaxation is who you are

 

'Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.' Buddha

How do you react when things are going good in your life? When all the pieces are falling perfectly into place, do you take time to delight in the moment or do you begin to anticipate your next crisis?

Does This Sound Like You?

You've longed for a relationship with someone but when a person you like comes along and things are going well, suddenly you feel overwhelmed. Why, after you agree to take your relationship to the next step, do you worry you've moved too fast and want to back out?

You've thought long and hard about asking for a raise or promotion, but when you get it, you're overwhelmed. Why, after stepping out on a limb to ask for the better position and more money do you suddenly panic and feel overwhelmed when you get it?

You've looked forward to retirement and it is right around the corner. But suddenly you're filled with fear and self-doubt as the time draws near for you to choose the best option for your retirement annuity. Why are you so exhausted until the decision is made?

Second Guessing and Higher Expectations

If you find yourself paralyzed in fear, wondering if you made the right choice after getting something you wanted, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.

Those of us who live in cultures that believe in freedom of choice--and who have many choices for creating our lives--are the same ones who have the luxury to second guess our choices.

The world of many choices--while providing us a plethora of options--also puts the responsibility for making the best choices squarely on our shoulders--and this is where things can get confused in our thinking--especially when our decisions affect others as well as ourselves.

"When we have the freedom to chose a life path instead of having one thrust on us, we feel the responsibility of our choices and it raises our expectations for the outcomes."

Suddenly, we're self-conscious about our choices. Is it the right one? Could I have chosen better? Is this one going to bite me down the road? What if I'm missing another opportunity because I'm committed to this one? What if my perfect mate comes along while I'm in this relationship and I fail to recognize it? What if I'm just leading this person on?

Facing the Moment Before and After You Choose Calmly

To be happy and open up to the possibilities of your good choices you must let go of over-thinking your decisions.

'Tension is who you think you should be; Relaxation is who you are.'

What does this mean? Indecision is exhausting--making the moments before you make a choice uncomfortable--while anticipating what will go wrong after you make a decision stressful. It is living in the 'world of should'  that creates the tension and discomfort throwing you into a mental fog and leaving you feeling overwhelmed.

Enough Already! Choose and Stop Thinking

When you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a stress response--wanting to 'fight or take flight', or 'argue or withdraw' as you transition into that good relationship, job, or retirement stop over-thinking it. In fact, stop thinking. Put it down and do something else.

Over-thinking what it all means makes you jittery. When you stop thinking, and focus on being in the moment instead, you'll stop your creeping expectations from turning into 'a big pile of should' and allow a bit of serendipity to show up.

Truth is we all want to be pleasantly surprised and caught off guard by random acts of kindness and moments of creativity, love and  fun in our daily life. We can lose that sense of being pleasantly surprised in little ways when we raise our expectations too high.

So lighten up! Stop putting so much importance on your every choice after you step into something good. Your choice is for now, not for all eternity. Let things unfold naturally. If you start to feel overwhelmed, get sleep and down time.

'You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.' Paulo Coelho


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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.