Self-Calming Activities Provide Cure for Stress

What's on Your Mind This Morning?
What did you wake up thinking about this morning?  Were you calm or stressed as you thought about it?

Whichever way we start--calm or stressed-- it usually builds momentum and determines  the course of our day.  It's just the way our brains work--stress begets stress, and calm begets calm.

Self-Calming Activities Provide the Cure

Like you, I have to figure out how to get myself out of that overwhelmed feeling when a bout of life hits.  I have a low tolerance for discomfort. I hate feeling overwhelmed, and I'm very motivated to get out of it as fast as I can.

To return to being clear and focused sooner, I've learned to engage in self-calming activities when overwhelmed.  It's a simple, effective strategy for redirecting my focus, and I make good and reasoned choices when I'm calm.

Heart Rate over 100? Kiss Your Ability to Think Clearly Good-Bye!

John Gottman, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, and co-founder and co-director of the Gottman Institute, studies couples to determine what makes for harmonious relationships and what gets in the way.  Use of self-calming techniques is part of the answer to what makes for more harmonious relationships.

As part of his research, Gottman takes physiological recordings, including heart rate and blood pressure readings to determine how stressed or relaxed couples are while talking to each other.

Gottman has shown when our heart rate goes above 100 in non-exercise situations, such as when engaged in an argument with a spouse, our brains go diffuse. In other words, our ability to problem-solve or think clearly flies out the window, and fear and irrationality move in.

In order to bring their heart rates down so they can think more clearly and problem solve more effectively, Gottman teaches couples to pause and practice self-calming techniques when their emotions cause their heart rate to raise above 100.

You Know Best What Calms You

What are self-calming activities for you? You know best what will calm and relax you.  It's anything you can engage in that redirects your attention away from the stress to a calmer state. This activity can take as little as 5-10 minutes, or it can be sleeping on it overnight.

Try one of the self-calming activities below, or use one of your own making, and see what happens. Life is too short to live it tied up in knots. Take steps to improve your life daily.


Self-Calming Activities

Take a Walk
Take a Break
Take a Nap
Take a Shower
Take a Bath
Take Action
Laugh with Friends
Play a Game
Read a Book
Write in a Journal
Brew some Tea
Nourish your Body
Make a List
Talk with a Friend
Get the Facts
Take a step
Put it down
Do Something Else
Sleep on it
Give it Time
Let it Go
Ask for Help or Advice

Be Calm

Need Help?

Do you need help moving yourself out of feeling overwhelmed by your situation into a calmer, more productive and peaceful state of mind?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule one or on-going life change coaching sessions.

Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams

Your Moment of Choice

What's happening in your life right now?  Has something happened that has your attention or are you reacting to something that has recently happened? Perhaps like my friend TMR you find yourself stuck--'permanently poised mid-step'.

TMR says, 'Honestly, the older I get, the more my stuckness sticks to me. In the past, I marched on oblivious to direction, directions or obstacles. Lately, I am permanently poised mid-step. I need a kick in the behind!'

When life piles up, we can find ourselves stuck--forever bouncing between stressful life experiences and reacting to them.  If we fail to sit quiet in response to a stressful experience we miss our clear moment of choice allowing us to go confidently in the direction of our dreams.

Where is this so called moment of choice? When we sit quiet, we discover a space of time between when something happens in our life and when we respond with action. It is in that space you have choices.

Something Happens---SPACE OF TIME--Your Response

But when something seemingly bad happens--you get laid off or fail to get the promotion; your relationship breaks up or your new love interest just isn't interested in you--it can send you into a tailspin of emotion paralyzing you in inactivity and you can fail to experience that space where your choices lie.

 It is only natural to respond to threatening situations with fear and self-consciousness. We all do. But fear and self-consciousness are what paralyze us and clouds our vision.

The question is how soon will you move out of the fear that has you poised mid-step back into having faith in your abilities to go confidently in the direction of your dreams?

Sit in it!

A lot of emotions arise when the world knocks us a blow. Truth is we need time to just sit in it after we've taken a hit to lick those wounds, feel that anger or sadness, and to acknowledge the injustice of it all.  And we need time to clear the cobwebs of fear from our minds so we can then move on to creating a more productive and empowering perspective. As Lao Tzu said:

'To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.'

All Things Seemingly Good or Bad Work in Your Favor

There's no way around it: If you hold on to bad feelings long after something happens, you are the only one who is affected by those bad thoughts and feelings. Why allow those people or negative experiences to continue to control your life and emotional well-being after they've disappeared from your life?

Put yourself in the driver seat instead. Sit in your emotions without taking action until you can still your mind. Then calmly allow your mind to move toward the mantra 'all things seemingly good or bad work in my favor'. The more you recite this to yourself and others, the sooner that space of time where you have choices will open up to your full view.

Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, knowing all things seemingly good or bad work in your favor. Ignite the circuits of your highest potential. Live the life you imagined.

About Susan J Meyerott

Do you need help going confidently in the direction of your dreams? International speaker and award-winning author, Susan Meyerott provides dynamic interactive workshops for people ready to better manage their work, life and health. Her programs have won national recognition and have been used in homes and organizations throughout the United States, England and Canada.

For more than 25 years, Susan has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. As a speaker and writer, Susan blends her unique background in health promotion, accelerated learning, and communication with a very personal, practical, and humorous style. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

Leadership--Do Your Actions Inspire Others to Dream More, Learn More and Become More?

Do you fancy yourself a leader?

I hope so. All of us are in a position to positively influence the lives of those around us. That makes you a potential leader no matter what official title or position in life you may hold--even if you are jobless at the moment.

Sometimes I feel like a Leader-less Child.....

Perhaps in your current situation you feel 'leader-less' despite being surrounded by high-titled 'Senior Leadership' or other such formally sanctioned persons. Why not step in and fill the leadership void in your life?

Yikes! You mean just Take Charge?

No. Leadership is not about exerting power, it is about acting in ways that others want to follow you. The best leaders are calm, clear, focused and understated.

So how do you fill the leadership void in your life? What is a leader--and how do you qualify as one? Personally, I like the definition of a leader provided by John Quincy Adams, 6th President of the United States:

'If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.'

While anyone can call themselves a leader, few sanctioned leaders satisfy this powerful standard set by John Quincy Adams. In fact, many who call themselves leaders do the opposite of inspiring others to become more. Through their own self-centeredness or fear they leave others feeling powerless and full of self-doubt.

But there is no reason why you cannot choose to become this leader, inspiring others--as well as yourself-- to dream more, learn more, do more and become more through your own actions.

Inspire Others through Your Own Struggles

So what is your situation at the moment? Are you in the middle of a confidence crisis? Have you temporarily lost your ability to dream? Have others made you doubt yourself?

Take heart. You have within you the strength and ability to handle whatever life throws at you. And you are the perfect person to inspire others.

 We are inspired when we witness others continuing to reach for their dreams despite difficult circumstances. The most inspiring stories--like that of J.K. Rowling, author of the highly successful Harry Potter series--are always about people who recovered from dire circumstances to go on to achieve great things. We want to see others dare to dream and achieve so we have the courage to do the same.

Choose An Inspired--Or Spirit-filled Life

Dr. Wayne Dyer says moment by moment we choose to live inspired or not. We are either enthused--or spirit-filled--or not. We have a choice.

Inspire literally means in-spirit---or filled with a spirited, animated or exalted influence. It also means to inhale or to breathe life into.

Now, more than ever, we need leaders who can inspire others--as well as themselves--to dream more. Too many have lost their ability to dream as hope fades, fear rises, and good jobs seem to disappear. But without dreams we cannot create for the future.

So be of good cheer--and chose an inspired life. Choose to have the courage to dream and take action to follow your dreams--especially in troubled times. Through your courageous actions you'll inspire others to follow your lead.

What are you doing to Inspire Yourself?

What are you doing to keep the dream alive in yourself?
What are your aspirations?
What actions are you taking to step into your dream? 
How can your actions be an inspiration to those around you?


“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Susan J Meyerott, M.S. Do you need help keeping your dream alive? International speaker and award-winning author, Susan Meyerott provides dynamic interactive workshops for people ready to better manage their work, life and health. Her programs have won national recognition and have been used in homes and organizations throughout the United States, England and Canada.

For more than 25 years, Susan has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. As a speaker and writer, Susan blends her unique background in health promotion, accelerated learning, and communication with a very personal, practical, and humorous style. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

Turning Fear into Faith--A Tribute to a Life Well Lived

A Life Well Lived   

   

"The universe is the stage on which you dance, guided by your heart."

"The purpose of life is to enjoy every moment."

"Delight the world with compassion, kindness and grace."

"Grace brings trust, appreciation, love and compassion."

"Laugh because that is your purpose in life."

"Happiness is every human beings birthright. Be happy so long as breath is in you."

Yogi Bhajan

Today as I was contemplating the passing of a highly spirited, well-loved woman, Faith Sinanan, I came across these simple Yogi Tea messages from the Yogi Bhajan. As I read each one I was struck by how each described Faith's life all the way to her last breath. She embodied a life well lived and served as a model for all who knew her.

What does a Life Well Lived Mean to you?

When someone we know dies it moves us to contemplate the meaning of our own lives and how we want to live. What do we believe creates a life well lived? When we are gone, how do we want to be remembered by those left behind? In the end, what will others consider our legacy--how will they describe us?

• What do you think of these words to live by?
• Do you believe in guiding your life by such words? 
• How would you rate your life at this moment?
• How does it measure up to these guiding principles? 
• If people were to examine your life after your death, could they say you were one of those rare people with a life well lived?

Faith Sinanan--A Life Well Lived 

Faith Sinanan drew her last breath on October 18th after a long battle with cancer. She was surrounded by family and supported by a vast network of friends.

Faith was one of those people with an effervescent quality that drew people to her. She was a warm, funny, high spirited woman who laughed often, enjoyed life, and delighted those around her with compassion, kindness and grace.

I loved that her name was Faith and her warm and fuzzy dog is named Grace.



Faith Sinanan (on right) with friends

 Want to help in the fight against cancer?
Faith's family asks for remembrances to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, Attn: Donor Services, P.O. Box 650309, Dallas TX 75265-0309
http://ww5.komen.org/.

Feel Good, Be Good, Do Good

'Feel Good, Be Good, and Do Good.'  Yogi Tea Bag Wisdom

Giving--the Key to Feeling Good

Feeling low? Want a way to get out of your funk? Recent studies point the way--find a way to 'do good' by giving to others.

Giving to others makes us feel good. According to current studies, we are happier, more energetic and develop better friendships when we reach out to 'do good' for others.

 But apparently giving to others doesn't just make us feel good. In addition to decreasing our chances of getting depressed, giving to others improves our ability to think, strengthens our heart, lowers our stress and increases our lifespan.

In a nutshell, giving to others makes us happy. It is the doing for others that keeps us connected, provides our lives meaning, and extends our lifespan.

Do Good--Be Pro-Lactive!

 I admit some days I get discouraged when I see how poorly people in the workplace are treated or how poorly those without jobs are dealt with. There are plenty of 'equal opportunity employers' who discriminate against the unemployed, older workers, or employees who think differently from themselves.

I'm sure you've had your days too with things that get you down. But if we get stuck looking through the 'they outta treat us better' lens it ultimately leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless, and un-empowered.

We can regain our power and get out of the helpless, hopeless funk by being 'Pro-Lactive'--nurturing and giving to others.

Prolactin is a 'nurturing hormone' best known for its role in producing milk for nursing mothers. When you are 'Pro-Lactive'--you spread the milk of human kindness to nourish the spirits of those around you. The result of your 'Pro-Lactive Action' is better health and well-being for you too.

I Am Good--I Am the Change I Want to see

What we're talking about is social support. We've known for decades that the amount of social support you have in your life greatly affects your health and longevity.

Did You Know?

• High levels of social support are as predictive of longevity as exercise, while low levels of social support are as detrimental to your health as high blood pressure?
• There is a high correlation between the amount of social support you perceive you have and your level of happiness?
• In the workplace the greatest predictor of your job satisfaction and engagement is the amount of social support you perceive you have. (And your productivity is directly related to your job satisfaction and engagement.)
• The amount of social support you give is more important than the amount you get?

Yes, that last fact is new! Recent studies indicate the amount of social support you give is more important than the amount you get. This is great news! You do not need to rely on the actions of others to increase your happiness, job satisfaction and engagement at work or health. You can positively affect your own well-being by reaching out and supporting others.

"It turns out, that giving feels better, does more for you, and provides greater returns in the long run, than getting ever does."
Shawn Achor, researcher and author of the Happiness Advantage.
http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/07/what_giving_gets_you_at_the_of.html

Be the change you want to see-- do good for someone else and give yourself an uplift too. Lend a hand, provide a listening ear, or give a moment of kindness.

BE PRO-LACTIVE: SPREAD THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS

'I am only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.
I will not refuse to do the something I can do.'
Helen Keller

Breathe Uplift into Your Heart and Calmness into Your Gut

Breathe, Just Breathe

Stressed? Can't get away from your stressor? Use what you've got to get a 5-Minute No Brainer Vacation from stress right when you need it. Breathe, just breathe.

The simplest, most accessible stress reliever is always just a breath away--slow, controlled breathing in and out. It doesn't matter where you are you can employ this easy-to-use technique--and no one else needs to know you're using it (so stop feeling silly about doing it).

When you're in the middle of a contentious meeting or anticipating a contentious meeting, take a moment to calm your energy and nerves through focused breathing.

Breathe Uplift into your Heart and Breathe Calmness into your Gut

You can't be stressed and relaxed at the same time. When you begin focused, deliberate breathing you signal your body to switch nervous systems from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic. With simple, focused breathing you take control and gently guide your mind to a more relaxed state.

 Grant Soosalu in Australia adds to this focused breathing by directing his breaths into his heart and gut. Grant writes:

'When things get too serious, I like to say to myself 'take yourself and life light-heartedly' then I take a 5 minute 'breather' in which I breathe 'uplifting' into my heart and breathe out calmness into my gut. Works like magic!' 

 Can You Be Influenced? 

I love to connect with, and be influenced by people I've never met who live in other parts of the world. Today's less-than-five-minute No-Brainer Vacation, and the 'Breathe Uplift and Calmness' heart art is my response to the simple wisdom of my blog buddy, Grant Soosalu in Australia.

What about you? Can you be influenced to try out this simple breathing technique to put you in a calm, alert state to better help you move through your day? Are you willing to give it a try?

One-Minute of Slow, Relaxed, Conscious Breathing

I breathe in 'uplifting' into my heart; I breathe out 'calmness' into my gut.

Check out Grant Soosalu's Life Enhancing Blog http://enhancingmylife.blogspot.com/

5 Minute No-Brainer--Take a Break

Spend more time focused upon your dream than upon the reality. The reality gives birth to the dream—but the dream is where you want to put your attention. Abraham

Had Enough?

Sometimes I hit a moment in time when I've had enough. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of reaching out to others. I'm tired of preparing for the future. And I'm tired of being productive.

At those times I want to be irresponsible and self-centered--and I want a mind-reader to appear to offer me the perfect high-paying opportunity that fully utilizes my creative talents. That's when I know I need to take a break to revitalize my spirits.

Stop Working so Hard at Life

Let's face it--sometimes we just need to unclog the congestion in our brain. We need to stop working so hard at life, and let the present moment gently unfold without any prodding from us. Our brains need to be freed from reality so our minds can wander, and we can relocate our dreams, refresh our spirits and regain our vitality. But how do we do that in the midst of our busy days?

Minute Vacations

Remember the song 'Girls just want to have fun' or the saying, 'all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'? It's true. Our brains just want to have fun--and all work and no play makes for dull brains and dull boys and girls.

Be kind to your mind--give it 1-5 minute vacations at least once an hour. You'll do better at whatever you're working on and stay healthier by taking frequent minute vacations--with no purpose but to relax and perhaps enjoy a quick chuckle.

What You Need is a No-Brainer

When you're on overload and need to take a break you need to treat yourself to a no-brainer activity:

• Take a 5 minute walk.
• Sit quiet and do nothing for 5 minutes except consciously focus on slowly inhaling and exhaling.
• Go into the No-Brainer Zone.

What's a No-Brainer Zone?  It's a place where you've compiled a collection of your favorite funny YouTube videos, email jokes or funny photos or music.

Yeah, I know you haven't set up one of those yet. But you know all those funnies sent to you on facebook or email that you've held on to, but haven't organized? Take the time to organize them under favorites or bookmarked into a No-Brainer folder. If you feel like sharing, send me some of your favorites. I like to laugh.

Enjoy One of my No-Brainers

To get you started, here's a couple of no brainers from my file. Kick back and listen to a bit of British humor, dog owner humor--or the answer to life from B.B. King.

Warning: You will not grow smarter by watching and listening to these clips-- but you may regain your sense of humor, smile and relax.

B.B. King 'Better Not Look Down'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNAZ68zwtvI&feature=related

Dog Owner Humor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw&feature=youtu.be

British Humor

http://www.wimp.com/animalvoiceovers/

 'Stop living for reason,

Time to start living for rhyme.
I'm on a spree and I'm...
Gonna make sure it's a perfectly good waste of time!'
Lili

Make a Mistake? Belief in Yourself is Key to Correct Errors



Happy People Make Happy Mistakes

 'Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.'
William James

 Do You Believe You Can Learn From Your Mistakes? 

Mistakes happen. It's what happens after you make the mistake that's interesting.

When you make a mistake, which path do you choose?

• Do you move forward to problem solve and figure out how to correct your error--and ultimately bounce back from making the error?
• Or do you feel stupid, inept and give up?

 

Whether You Believe You Can Grow Smarter or Not Determines How You React to Mistakes

It turns out whether you believe you can grow smarter or not determines how you'll respond to making mistakes--whether you'll take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes or  just give up.

According to a recent study looking at brain activity in response to making mistakes, people who believe they can learn from their mistakes have brains that pay more attention to mistakes--and they share a belief that intelligence isn't fixed--it can be shaped (i.e. we can learn from our mistakes).

If you believe intelligence can be shaped you think 'I learn from my mistakes', 'happy mistakes', or 'a mistake is just a learning experience'.  But if you believe you either have the smarts or you don't (you have a fixed intelligence) you fail to take actions to learn from your mistakes and just give up.

Act As If  is the Key to Overcome Belief Preventing You Learning from Mistakes

Okay, so now you know. You hold the key to bouncing back from making mistakes in your head--If you believe you can grow smarter you can make happy mistakes and learn from them. But what if you're one of the people who simply believes you're not smart?  Then you Act As If--and step over the invisible belief barrier to taking action.

When you make a mistake or error-- don't think, act as if. 

Act As If:

• You can learn from your mistakes and grow smarter. 
• You have confidence in yourself.
• You can correct your mistakes.
• It matters that you know the correct answer to perform better in the future.
• You are coachable.

Beliefs Follow Actions

Why does 'acting as if ' work?  Research shows if you want to change a belief, take action. When you experience a discrepancy between what you believe and how you act, you will change your beliefs to follow your actions. Acting as if you can grow smarter will result in you believing you can --and improve your ability to learn from your mistakes.

We all want to be the best we can be and therefore hate making mistakes and looking stupid. But our brains are wired to make mistakes so errors are going to happen. When you make a mistake, stop thinking and step into problem solving instead. Get the most out of your life--show yourself you're someone who learns from you mistakes.

 

 'There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.' The Buddha

 

Many thanks to Grant Soosalu in Australia for sharing the study in his Life Enhancing Blog. Please visit Grant's post @ http://enhancingmylife.blogspot.com/

The Secret to Life and Happiness

'Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.' Mark Twain

The Challenge: Discover the Best Way to Get the Most Out of Life

Each of us is challenged to discover the best way to get the most out of life. As Twain says, playing it safe only leads to a disappointing life.

To achieve a satisfying and happy life you must risk being hurt, wrong, scared, disappointed, rejected, ridiculed, and silly. You must throw off the things keeping you tied to your safe harbor and venture into the vast ocean of possibilities.

What Matters to You?

Putting yourself out there and going after what you want is a risk. The courage to risk comes from discovering what matters to you. Start by defining what you want out of life at this juncture so you can better guide your choices and daily actions. What you care about matters--it is the wind in your sails propelling you forward into a satisfying life adventure.

Discover what matters to you so you can:

• Concentrate your limited time and energy on those things that count.
• Plan your life so you feel more control over the things that matter to you.
• Create a sense of urgency for the things that are most important to you.

Explore ~ Dream ~ Discover

 Helen Keller said, "Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing." The secret to a happy life is to have the courage to continuously explore what matters to you and cast off the things keeping you tied to your safe harbor. Stop letting fear keep you tethered.

Navigating a Course of Action

• What would you do this week if you knew you couldn't fail? Take a step.
• What do you wish someone would ask you to do? Go do it.
• If you had all the money in the world, what would you spend your life doing? Start doing it.

Sail Away from the Safe Harbor

 What is one step you can take today to catch the trade winds in your sails?

'A ship is safe in a harbor, but that's not what ships are for.'
William Shedd  1820-1894

My sincere thanks to Antonio Tonelli from Venezuela for sharing William Shedd's 'safe harbor' quote.

The Secret to Time Management--Discover Your Word to Refocus Attention

'I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.'

Douglas Adams

A Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

Finish. That's my secret word that's been helping me refocus my attention and have better time management for 15 years.

  

I knew I had 'arrived' a few years ago as I was helping my daughter figure out her preferences for dealing with life. As I asked her questions about who she was and how she dealt with the world she turned to me and said, "Don't you know?  I'm just like you--except you finish things."

Ha! I felt like a sheep in wolf's clothing. From the outside I had begun to look like someone who naturally finishes things. Only I knew the truth--I love to start things and have only learned to ease into finishing them.

What Are Your Time Management Challenges?

We are all capable of being good at anything we choose to master. But we tend to favor some ways of dealing with life over others. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Depending on your preferences, some aspects of managing your life will excite you and others will stress you.

Perhaps:

• You're sociable and fun once you know a person, but you feel awkward and anxious about starting a relationship.
• You're a great finisher whose excitement goes up the closer you get to the finish line but your stress goes up before you start a job.
• You prefer to lay a plan and stick to it and your stress rises when someone asks you to be more flexible about changing those carefully laid plans.
• You excel at working independently and you get stressed by working with others.

Fifteen years ago I chose to improve my time management skills to get more out of my life.  Since I was a great starter of projects I decided to consciously refocus on the opposite of what I do best--finishing. I discovered by refocusing on the word finish when I started a new endeavor I took things to completion sooner. Today it's almost second nature for me to finish what I start.

 Discover Your Secret Word to Refocus Your Daily Actions

My secret time management word is finish. What's yours?

Whether you want to be more compassionate or less judgmental, loosen up, be timelier, or relate better with others--you can begin to master your less preferred ways to manage life by discovering your secret word to refocus your attention.

If you want to better manage your time and life, choose a starting place to redirect your focus so you attend to what you want to master. That's what choosing a single refocusing word is about. 

 Deep inside, you know what that one word is for you. You know if you were to consciously embrace one less preferred aspect of how you deal with life you would be more balanced and your life less stressful.

So what is it that would make your life more balanced, and what is the secret word that could serve to refocus your attention on what you want to master?

Is Your Critical, Judgmental Nature Getting in the Way?

Perhaps you are too critical and judgmental towards yourself and others. You want to be in a loving relationship, but your critical and judgmental thinking is getting in the way.

A healthy relationship requires an equal amount of courage and compassion. If you are too critical and judgmental you may demonstrate lots of courage to speak your mind and not enough compassion towards others and yourself.. 

Refocus your attention with the word compassion to guide you to soften up and lead with more heart, than head. An added bonus to focusing on the word compassion is you will be kinder to yourself—and have more courage to let go of the fear and be yourself.

Struggling to Learn a New Skill or Job?

When you're struggling to learning a new skill or job you can feel overwhelmed by where to begin. If your reaction to being overwhelmed is to avoid stepping into the learning process, you may want choose the word start or small to cue you to just jump in and take the first small step.

Become the Person You Already Are--Only Better!

Don't worry about picking the perfect word. Pick one word to guide you daily--and start using it.  If you need to change the focus, do it. Just keep it simple.

I was always a person who was flexible and adaptable. By focusing on finishing, today I am a flexible and adaptable person who is easy to work with--and who finishes projects and meets deadlines.

By choosing to focus on one word to help you manage your life better, you'll become the person you already are--only better!

Refocusing Words--Choose One

• Start
• Finish
• Follow-through
• Tenacious
• Persistent
• Patient
• Adaptable
• Flexible
• Compassionate
• Courageous
• Flexible
• Decisive
• Enjoy
• Engage
• Relate
• (Stay) Open
• Suspend (Judgment)
• Choose
• Happy
• Active
• Action
• Pro-active
• Describe
• Trust

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.

Lao Tzu

Cultivate and Practice Love, Kindness, Compassion and Tolerance

'My message is always the same: to cultivate and practice love, kindness, compassion and tolerance.'   
The Dalai Lama

Cultivate and Practice Concrete Acts of Caring

 The message doesn't get simpler than this--cultivate and practice:

• Love
• Kindness
• Compassion
• Tolerance

The words--cultivate and practice--connote on-going processes--ones you nurture, foster, and commit to daily.

You cultivate the things you want to grow, and you practice the things you want to master.

When you look within yourself:

• Do you find your self-talk resulting in concrete acts of caring towards yourself and others?
• Or do you find yourself nursing past hurts and looking at others with envy, simmering anger, and an intolerance causing you to withdraw from, or lash out at, others?

 While you may claim you want to live your life with love, kindness, compassion and tolerance only you know the truth of how miserably you fail to be led by them on a daily basis. If you truly want love, kindness, compassion and tolerance in your life, commit to consciously cultivate and practice concrete acts of caring. 

Charity Begins at Home

My mother used to say, Charity begins at home. She understood if we are to sustain charitable thoughts and actions towards others we must begin by building a solid foundation at home--or within ourselves.

It is difficult to be kind and compassionate towards others if you're critical, judgmental and un-attentive towards yourself.  When you fail to spend time taking care of yourself or participating in activities that make you feel good about yourself, you grow to resent others as you grow to feel worse about yourself.

Begin to cultivate and practice love, kindness, compassion and tolerance towards others by first cultivating and practicing these things on yourself. Once you've created an emotionally-stable and secure core within you, you will find it natural to reach out to those around you compassionately.

Demonstrate Self-Love Daily: Concrete Acts of Self Care

Daily Self-Assessment-- When you wake up check where your attention goes. Check: Did I begin with kind, compassionate thoughts-- or did I find myself going down the path of envy, anger, fear, and frustration?

Daily Focus--What are the ways in which I can show myself love, kindness, compassion and tolerance today? What do I want to grow and master within myself?

Daily Self Care Activities--What are the things I wish someone else would come in and take care of for me today? I will take care of these things for myself. I will be kind to myself by taking action on the things that make me feel good about myself.

Daily Self-Talk Activities--What are the things I wish someone else would say to me today? I will say these things to myself, and then I will reach out to others with concrete messages of love, kindness, compassion and tolerance.

'I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless-- as it extends into the world around us-- it goes an equal distance into the world within.' 

Lillian Smith

Managing Stress: If I Have Time to Pee, I Have Time For Me

Harried Workplace Got You Stressed Out?

• Experiencing another day in paradise at your hurry-up-and-get-it-done workplace?
• Are things coming at you so fast and furious you fail to take rest and meal breaks?
• Are the crises and 'I need it NOW' requests piling up and creating a feeling of total overwhelm or panic in you?

Stop! Get Thee to The Rest Room for a Time Out!

Snap out of it! --Stop winding yourself up without giving yourself the space to wind back down.  You are the only one who can balance yourself in the midst of a harried workplace filled with non-stop demands. No one else is going to do it for you.

When you find yourself at the tipping point, get thee to 'The Rest Room' for a time out. Use the little ditty-- 'If I have time to pee, I have time for me'--to cue you to take the break.

If I Have Time to Pee, I Have Time for Me!

The bathroom--or Rest Room-- provides you with one of the best places to release stress and get a moment of peace from the outside world. It is a place you can usually find some privacy and a moment alone. And rarely will anyone question your taking a break to go to The Rest Room.

Two effective carry-with-you-anywhere relaxation techniques can easily be applied in the Rest Room---retreating to a quiet place and practicing minute breathing techniques.

'If I have time to pee, I have time for me' means it only takes a few minutes to give you 'A Breather'. Take yourself into that private, quiet space in the Rest Room to consciously, deliberately and slowly breathe in peaceful, calm, relaxing energy and exhale worry, anxiety and overwhelm.

It is physiologically impossible for you to be stressed and relaxed at the same time. When you take a breather in a quiet, private place, the minute you begin to practice slow, calm inhales and exhales your body switches from the stress response to the relaxation response.

But I Feel Silly Saying 'If I have time to pee, I have time for me'

Good. It helps to put a little levity into a stressful situation--a little silliness helps relax you too. So get over it--'feel the silliness, and do it anyway!'

Instead of feeling self-conscious about thinking 'If I have time to pee, I have time for me', try saying it to a co-worker and watch their response. You can help one another lighten up and find four or five small spaces of time in your day to take that breather, unwind, and re-center to a place of calm, clear and focused energy. Why not do it now?

Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny

Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny

 I laughed today when a friend said, "Here we are trudging the road of happy destiny."

Something about the words trudging and happy destiny didn't fit in the same sentence and yet it was a perfect fit.

When Things Get Tough, the Tough Get Trudging

Trudge isn't a word you hear much today, but you know the feeling of trudging-- walking heavily, and firmly, as when weary, or through mud --just like it sounds--as in trudging through drudgery. 

At first the image of trudging towards your happy destiny seems at odds with itself, but is it? Think about it.

It is work figuring out how to make relationships, careers, and life work. You toil to figure out what you want, what you have to offer, and how to best go after what you want. Then to achieve your heart's dream you must put yourself out there again and again-- despite failure, rejection, hurt feelings, pain and discouragement.

How Are You Trudging on the Road to Your Happy Destiny?

Consider what's happening in your life.

Perhaps:

• You stepped into a relationship with someone, and you'd like to take it further. But the minute you went on a date things got messy and confusing. To get out of the muddy emotions, you need to trudge through your thoughts and feelings to figure out the best next steps on your path to your happy destiny. 
• You discovered a new perfect-for-you position opened in your organization. While it's great news, suddenly you feel weary from the the fear and uncertainty of publicly applying for the position. To achieve your dream job you must trudge through updating your resume and cover letter-- and figure out how to apply for the position without upsetting your current boss in the event you fail to get the new job.
• You met someone who really cares about you and thinks you're wonderful. But right now you're in the middle of a messy divorce and you need to plod through the tedious, yucky details of separating from one person to be able to freely move on to your happy destiny.
• You work in a job you like but the company is in trouble. You love working--and you're very loyal to the company--so you're in a quandary about staying with the sinking ship or starting to look for another job now.
• You are trying to find your way back to the road to your happy destiny after losing a loved one or dealing with illness.

Don't Be a Stuck-in-the-Mud, Be a Trudge-in-the-Mud

Life isn't always easy. On your way to your happy destiny, you often come face to face with experiences that make you feel like you're slogging through mud. You get stuck. You get weary. You get discouraged.

But don't be a stuck-in-the-mud. If you let your mucky experiences stop you, they easily turn to quicksand and suck you into staying stuck for a lifetime.

These muddied junctures in life are always stressful. But if you make a conscious choice to move in the direction of your happy destiny, you'll effectively use the stressful energy to motivate you to action, and you'll grow stronger, more capable and more self-confident.

Learn to be a trudge-in-the-mud who moves toward freedom and a happy destiny.

• Accept your path can get muddied and you can get weary along the way.
• Acknowledge you'll still need to slog your way out of the muck, but you will be moving toward your happy destination.
• Keep moving toward your dreams and taking steps that open up opportunities, possibilities and engagement in your life.

No one's path to their happy destiny is an easy one. When you set your eyes on what you want you still must overcome the fear of putting yourself out there as well as overcome the obstacles to achieving your dreams.

Keep on Trudging

Your job in life is to take steps toward what you want, without concern for the outcome. As you step into life some doors will open and some doors will close. No matter. Keep taking those steps and walking through the open doors. And don't be afraid of the mud.

Be courageous and diligent in meeting life's challenges. Step into your life with your Muck boots on--and keep on trudging.

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." James Dean

The Secret to Resilience--Calming Your Cortisol Levels and Stress Response




Sit, Rest, Work Q'Art
Susan J Meyerott with photography by William R Brooksher


Resilience? Who has Time to Bounce Back from Stress?

 Who isn't dealing with some type of stress in their lives right now? On a world level, tempers are flaring and fears rising as jobs, personal income, and retirement monies dwindle. On a personal level, each of us is dealing with our own fear and anxiety of what this all means to us, and it's taking its toll.

Recently, I talked with one person experiencing a relapse of a severe upper respiratory illness, another recovering from pneumonia, and still another whose spouse is recovering from a heart attack. What did each of them have in common?-- High levels of stress leading to high levels of the stress-hormones--adrenaline and cortisol.

We are always training our bodies through the choices we make. To have the health and energy to cope and continue to thrive despite the world-wide and personal crises, we need to make conscious choices to take care of ourselves in ways that bring our stress-hormones, like adrenaline and cortisol, back down on a daily basis-- and especially after we deal with particularly stressful experiences.

Stop the World--I want to get off!

"Fisherman have always known that the sea is dangerous and the storm is terrible, but they've never considered those sufficient reasons to remain ashore." Vincent Van Gogh

 No question we are living in troubled times. But that doesn't mean we can't rise to the challenge and find ways to not only weather the stormy days, but learn to sail through to greener shores. After we step into the water at high tide we must consciously and deliberately step back into still waters to rest.

The good news is our bodies have adapted to effectively deal with stress. But its up to us to take action and train our bodies to be resilient so we are strengthened, not weakened by our life experience.

Stress Won't Kill You-- But not taking care of it will!

What is Stress? ~ A perceived sense of:

• Threat
• Loss of control
• Helplessness
• Hopelessness, and/or
• Unpredictability

In that instant when something catches you off guard, your brain downshifts into the lower brain, moving you into a fight or flight mode, and sets in motion the release of stress hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline. This is a good thing.

These stress-hormones help you react quickly by raising your heart rate and blood pressure, and releasing energy sources into the bloodstream, such as sugar, to make fuel available to your muscles. This is how your body helps you get through your daily crises.

But too much of a good thing becomes a problem if you fail to give your body time to recover from being in this high-stress mode.

Maintaining chronically high levels of the stress-hormone cortisol leads to three health damaging effects:

• High blood sugar, leading to insulin resistance;
• High blood pressure, and
• An increase in abdominal fat.

 Fat deposited around your belly is associated with more health problems than fat deposited elsewhere, including lower levels of HDL Cholesterol (good one), higher levels LDL Cholesterol (bad one), insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome, and an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes.

To calm your cortisol and other stress-hormone levels you must first recognize you are stressed, and then be willing to engage in self-calming activities that produce the relaxation response from your body.

The good news is it is physiologically impossible for you to be stressed and relaxed at the same time. When you make the decision to participate in activities that produce the relaxation response, your body will rebalance.

How Do I Know if I'm Suffering from Chronic Stress?

We're not always conscious we're in a constant state of stress. Sometimes we're working so hard to deal with the issues we ignore the signs and symptoms. Furthermore, when our heart rate goes above 100, our bodies release adrenaline that creates an emotional and mental fog that sends clear thinking out the window. 

We all have a stress signature that we can learn to focus on to cue us to stop, unwind and participate in self-calming activities. You don't need to notice all of your signs and symptoms of chronic stress, you just have to pick out one and let that be your guide to readjusting what you're doing.

Do You Experience Any of these Signs and Symptoms of Chronic Stress?

• Chronic fatigue
• TMJ problems--clenching of teeth
• Moodiness
• Anxiety and Irritability
• Anger (fear managed by anger)
• Depression
• Hardening of the attitudes
• Feeling a loss of control
• Tearfulness
• Joint and muscle pain
• Digestive difficulties
• Sleeping difficulties
• Increased deposit of fat in the belly
• Craving carbohydrates
• Binge eating
• Preoccupation with a stressful situation
• Getting ill after finals or completion of a stressful project
• Getting sick on vacation

 How to Bounce Back to Your Resilient Self

Start by identifying all signs and symptoms you experience in response to stress, then choose one to look for in your daily life. When you notice your stress signal is present, act, don't react to the information; and describe, don't judge what is going on.

Everyone gets stressed. If you discover you're chronically stressed, it doesn't mean you are weak, incompetent, out of control or a bad person. Leave the judgment out--describe what is going on and chose one immediate step to take a moment to relax.

Cortisol and Stress Calming Suggestions

• Control what you can control.
• Take action on the little things. 
• Exercise for relaxation, not for hard core fitness.
• Take a 5-15 minute walk break.
• Have some black or green tea.
• Find things to laugh about. Experiencing humor and laughter can lower cortisol levels.
• Enjoy relaxing music.
• Confide in a trusted friend. 
• Get a good night's rest. If you're having difficulty sleeping, at least rest and practice focusing on your breathing, consciously slowing down your inhales and exhales.
• Cry. Crying may be our bodies' way of eliminating stress-hormones from our system.
• Supplement with magnesium and omega 3 fatty acids (found in fish oil, krill oil and flax seeds)

Don't let your life difficulties beat you down. Choose to take actions that contribute to your self-confidence and well-being.  You're worth it.
  
Serenity Prayer

  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

 The courage to change the things I can,

 And the wisdom to know the difference.