Enough! Overcoming Little Annoyances Wearing You Out

 

"It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out--

It's the grain of sand in your shoe."

Robert William Service, Scottish Poet 1874-1958

 What's Wearing on You?

 What is the grain of sand in your shoe wearing you out—that annoyance present in the back of your mind wearing you down? What's grating on you today?

 Perhaps

•  You're waiting for the other shoe to drop at work;
•  You can't seem to get the landlord to fix that hole in your ceiling and the rain is leaking through;
• You have a good paying job—but the daily work is soul-killing;
• You landed a job—but you still don't have childcare.
• You finally retired--but you don't know what to do with your time.

 

Little Annoyances Affect Life Satisfaction

 No matter how good our lives are, we all face trials in our daily lives that can wear us down. Truth is even if our lives are excellent overall, we still measure our life satisfaction by the least satisfying parts—i.e. those grains of sand.

 

 Don't Ignore Your Grain of Sand, Acknowledge it

We all face difficult decisions as we move through life. When faced with the difficulty of choosing between two less-than-optimum options, too often we freeze and make no decision at all--and this unresolved dilemma goes underground and begins to wear on us like the grains of sand in our walking shoes.

The problem with those annoying grains of sand is rather than choosing to pause to remove them we attempt to ignore them. But without acknowledging and embracing them we'll never find relief.

  

 Choose to Create a Pearl instead of a Daily Grind

 Rather than allowing your grain of sand to wear you down, let it build you up. 

In a clam, that grain of sand has the potential of creating a pearl. You too have the possibility of creating something exquisite and beautiful in your life when you stop to to pay attention to what's working and what's not. 

Those grains of sand are irritating and annoying—but they make us pay attention. 

Stop ignoring the irritation in your life, acknowledge and embrace it. Choose to reach through the current irritation to create a better life.

 

 Four Steps to Turn SAND into Your Pearl

 

 1. Acknowledge and embrace the Irritation. Let yourself become aware and fully conscious of what's grating on you. Name it. Sit in it.

 

2. Keep on Walking. Do nothing. Let the irritation grow your awareness to produce your life pearl.

 

3. Stop. When you're ready--take off your shoes and shake it off. Choose your next action.

 

4. Start A New Direction--Take a step—any step—away from your irritant towards creating a better life NOW.

 

 Start

 

A

 

New

 

Direction

 

 What's Your PEARL?

 

What PEARL can you create out of your grains of sand? Play with the letters in PEARL to create a positive picture of what you want to create out of your grain of sand.

 

Possibilities, Enthusiasm, Acceptance, Relationships, Love

 

Playful, Enjoyable, Action-oriented, Reliable, Loyal 

 

Pain-free, Ease, Action-oriented, Relief-creating, Laughter

 "Each morning we are born again. 

What we do today is what matters most."

 The Buddha

Lightarted Living: Curb Your Anger: Violate Personal Boundaries at Yo...

Lightarted Living: Curb Your Anger: Violate Personal Boundaries at Yo...:   

Curb Your Anger: Violate Personal Boundaries at Your Own Risk

 

Now I'm Really Angry…
   

Do you remember the whack-a-mole  game at the arcades that you'd try to bop them on the head with a mallet to win? I do. I loved the feel of hitting them with the mallet. They'd pop out of their holes and you had to hit them before they snuck back down. And half way through, you'd hear, 'Now I'm really angry'….and the rate of alligators sticking their heads out sped up as did your intensity.

While it's acceptable to smash a game creature with a mallet on the head, with a real human you have to find other ways to successfully respond when you're angry. This is especially true when you value and care about the other person.

 

What drives you to the breaking point--leaving you feeling crazy, angry and frustrated?

• What tips you over the top leaving you feeling mad at the whole world without knowing why?
• What turns you from being a fully-functioning adult into a seemingly helpless and frustrated child inside?

E-motion--Don't Leave Home without it  

I hate to feel stuck or controlled--it makes me angry and frustrated. I am driven by the desire to move freely in my daily life, so seeking a way to quickly break free from encumbrances became important to me at a young age. Years ago I embraced a definition of emotion that allowed me to view all emotion in a positive light and to use it in a more fluid, productive manner. 

Instead of viewing emotion as good or bad, happy or sad--I came to understand E-motion as energy in motion. Our e-motions give us the energy to act, the drive to right wrongs, and the desire to pursue our dreams.

Personal Values Define Our Internal 'Lines in the Sand'

The goal of managing your anger isn't to become a placid person devoid of emotion. It's to learn how to use the energy created by the e-motion to create positive outcomes.

The situations or people that make you exceptionally angry violate one or more of your personal values. Our personal values define our invisible boundaries--our lines in the sand. When someone crosses one of those lines we feel violated, resulting in a wall of anger and frustration. And anger left unattended can quickly turn inward and lead to depression.

I get angry or frustrated at least once a day. But I've learned to use that anger--or energy-in-motion to help me identify what personal values have been violated. Being able to name the invisible boundaries crossed puts me back in control and provides the momentum for taking positive action. 

By using my anger to help me identify what I value, I now have choices for taking action based on what I value rather than on what makes me angry when it matters.

Use Your Anger to Identify what You Value 

Don't just sit in your anger, use the energy to identify what your personal values are and take positive action based on them. 

Situational depression occurs when you feel hopeless or helpless in response to a situation that knocks the wind out of you. To avoid getting depressed in response to tough situations, get in the habit of always following up by taking action that has the potential of producing positive outcomes for you. 

What to Do

Think of a situation or person that upset you in the last week. 

• What happened?
• List what made you angry or frustrated in the situation.
• List things you value that may have been violated in the situation.
• Chose a positive response based on your personal values.
• Take positive action--even if you don't feel like it.

Here are some of the things I've learned about myself by going through this process of converting anger into better understanding my personal values and choosing to take action based on those values.

What makes me Angry?

• Injustice
• Bullies
• Narcissists
• Scammers
• Untested Assumptions
• Overly Critical Judgments
• Controlling People
• Uncaring People
• Self-righteous People
• Lack of Opportunity for People
• Being Held Back

What Do I Value?

• Opportunity to Achieve
• Creativity
• 'Flow' Experiences
• Humane Treatment of People
• Humane Treatment of Animals
• Family and Friends
• Productive Work
• Harmony
• Freedom
• Caring
• Teamwork
• Enthusiasm
• Joyful Experiences
• Fun
• Achieving Personal Dreams
• Helping Others Achieve their Dreams
• Openness
• Truth
• Trust and Connection

How I want to act based on Anger 

• Lash out at offender.
• Give them a dose of their own medicine.
• Cut offender off.
• Talk poorly about offender.
• Turn others against offender.
• Wish bad things on the offender.

Note: When dealing with scammers or abusive people, cutting them off is a very good option for responding to them. Don't answer phone calls from unknown people. Don't click on links sent to you. Cut nasty people out of your life as quickly and early as you can. And don't give them free rent in your head.

How I choose to act based on my Values with People I Value (Creating a Positive Outcome for me)

• Do nothing. Let my anger cool.
• Look for ways to open up communication and develop trust.
• Talk to, not about the person, to clarify facts and understanding.
• Seek to create opportunities to work with others joyfully and enthusiastically.
• Seek more positive environments.
• Reach out to others to build trust and connection.

Don't let yourself be led by your anger especially with the people you love and care about. Choosing your actions based on your values puts you in the driver seat. Put your e-motions to work for you--giving you the energy to act, the drive to right wrongs, and the desire to pursue your dreams. You're worth it.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house. 

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, 

some momentary awareness comes 

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! 

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, 

who violently sweep your house 

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably. 

He may be clearing you out 

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, 

meet them at the door laughing, 

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Curb Your Anger: Violate Personal Boundaries at Your Own Risk

 

Now I'm Really Angry…
   

Do you remember the whack-a-mole  game at the arcades that you'd try to bop them on the head with a mallet to win? I do. I loved the feel of hitting them with the mallet. They'd pop out of their holes and you had to hit them before they snuck back down. And half way through, you'd hear, 'Now I'm really angry'….and the rate of alligators sticking their heads out sped up as did your intensity.

While it's acceptable to smash a game creature with a mallet on the head, with a real human you have to find other ways to successfully respond when you're angry. This is especially true when you value and care about the other person.

 

What drives you to the breaking point--leaving you feeling crazy, angry and frustrated?

• What tips you over the top leaving you feeling mad at the whole world without knowing why?
• What turns you from being a fully-functioning adult into a seemingly helpless and frustrated child inside?

E-motion--Don't Leave Home without it  

I hate to feel stuck or controlled--it makes me angry and frustrated. I am driven by the desire to move freely in my daily life, so seeking a way to quickly break free from encumbrances became important to me at a young age. Years ago I embraced a definition of emotion that allowed me to view all emotion in a positive light and to use it in a more fluid, productive manner. 

Instead of viewing emotion as good or bad, happy or sad--I came to understand E-motion as energy in motion. Our e-motions give us the energy to act, the drive to right wrongs, and the desire to pursue our dreams.

Personal Values Define Our Internal 'Lines in the Sand'

The goal of managing your anger isn't to become a placid person devoid of emotion. It's to learn how to use the energy created by the e-motion to create positive outcomes.

The situations or people that make you exceptionally angry violate one or more of your personal values. Our personal values define our invisible boundaries--our lines in the sand. When someone crosses one of those lines we feel violated, resulting in a wall of anger and frustration. And anger left unattended can quickly turn inward and lead to depression.

I get angry or frustrated at least once a day. But I've learned to use that anger--or energy-in-motion to help me identify what personal values have been violated. Being able to name the invisible boundaries crossed puts me back in control and provides the momentum for taking positive action. 

By using my anger to help me identify what I value, I now have choices for taking action based on what I value rather than on what makes me angry when it matters.

Use Your Anger to Identify what You Value 

Don't just sit in your anger, use the energy to identify what your personal values are and take positive action based on them. 

Situational depression occurs when you feel hopeless or helpless in response to a situation that knocks the wind out of you. To avoid getting depressed in response to tough situations, get in the habit of always following up by taking action that has the potential of producing positive outcomes for you. 

What to Do

Think of a situation or person that upset you in the last week. 

• What happened?
• List what made you angry or frustrated in the situation.
• List things you value that may have been violated in the situation.
• Chose a positive response based on your personal values.
• Take positive action--even if you don't feel like it.

Here are some of the things I've learned about myself by going through this process of converting anger into better understanding my personal values and choosing to take action based on those values.

What makes me Angry?

• Injustice
• Bullies
• Narcissists
• Scammers
• Untested Assumptions
• Overly Critical Judgments
• Controlling People
• Uncaring People
• Self-righteous People
• Lack of Opportunity for People
• Being Held Back

What Do I Value?

• Opportunity to Achieve
• Creativity
• 'Flow' Experiences
• Humane Treatment of People
• Humane Treatment of Animals
• Family and Friends
• Productive Work
• Harmony
• Freedom
• Caring
• Teamwork
• Enthusiasm
• Joyful Experiences
• Fun
• Achieving Personal Dreams
• Helping Others Achieve their Dreams
• Openness
• Truth
• Trust and Connection

How I want to act based on Anger 

• Lash out at offender.
• Give them a dose of their own medicine.
• Cut offender off.
• Talk poorly about offender.
• Turn others against offender.
• Wish bad things on the offender.

Note: When dealing with scammers or abusive people, cutting them off is a very good option for responding to them. Don't answer phone calls from unknown people. Don't click on links sent to you. Cut nasty people out of your life as quickly and early as you can. And don't give them free rent in your head.

How I choose to act based on my Values with People I Value (Creating a Positive Outcome for me)

• Do nothing. Let my anger cool.
• Look for ways to open up communication and develop trust.
• Talk to, not about the person, to clarify facts and understanding.
• Seek to create opportunities to work with others joyfully and enthusiastically.
• Seek more positive environments.
• Reach out to others to build trust and connection.

Don't let yourself be led by your anger especially with the people you love and care about. Choosing your actions based on your values puts you in the driver seat. Put your e-motions to work for you--giving you the energy to act, the drive to right wrongs, and the desire to pursue your dreams. You're worth it.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house. 

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, 

some momentary awareness comes 

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! 

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, 

who violently sweep your house 

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably. 

He may be clearing you out 

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, 

meet them at the door laughing, 

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Lightarted Living: Have Patience with all Things; But First of all with Yourself

Lightarted Living: Have Patience with all Things; But First of all wi...:  

Have Patience with all Things; But First of all with Yourself: St Francis de Sales

 

"Have patience with all things; but first of all with yourself."

St Francis de Sales

 

·         What are you feeling anxious about?

·         What are you in a hurry to get past?

·         Why are you beating yourself up?

 

A Well-Ordered Mind—Able to Pause and Linger Within Itself

It was Seneca who said, "the first proof of a well-ordered mind is to be able to pause and linger within itself."

If you're feeling impatient with yourself, run a little experiment. Sit quiet for five minutes. Do nothing. Gently breathe in and out. Let your mind and body grow still. In the stillness of the moment, choose one positive action to take that will calm and strengthen you. Do it now.

 

Train Yourself to Use The Five Minute Anxiety Cure Daily

Commit to running this experiment daily. 

Sit quiet for five minutes. 

Do nothing. 

Gently breathe in and out. 

Let your mind and body grow still. 

In the stillness of the moment, 

choose one positive action to take 

that will calm and strengthen you.

Calmly repeat daily.

Daily Moments of Mindfulness Create Consistent Positive Outcomes

Move yourself out of feeling overwhelmed by your situation into a calmer, more productive and peaceful state of mind

Don't be in a hurry to bypass the five minute cure. You have too much to give the world to stay anxious and distressed.

• Within a week of practicing five minutes of calming mindfulness daily, you'll have taken seven steps; 
• Within a month of daily mindfulness you'll have calmly and deliberately accomplished 30 positive steps.
• Within a year of daily 5 minute practice you'll have taken 365 positive steps. 

Choose to gently untangle your mind, and with a clear mind and renewed spirit confidently step over your invisible barriers.

Learn to pause and linger within yourself.

 

 "Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. 

Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, 

even if your whole world seems upset."

 St Francis de Sales

  

"While I am busy with little things, 

I am not required to do greater things."

St Francis de Sales 

To do greater things in your life, 

learn to pause and linger within yourself.

Susan J Meyerott 2023

I love helping others tap into their more robust and resilient natures, particularly when working through self-doubt, life and career transitions, relationships, and self-confidence issues. 

I take a nonjudgmental, growth-oriented perspective to helping you to become the person you’re meant to be—while helping you appreciate the richness of who you already are. 

We're all in this awesome life together. Let's all do our part to lift each other up, and make it a better life for all.