The Long Road Home
On my long ride home from the Vet, and in possession of a two week treatment plan for my ailing dog, I thought about how we try to prepare ourselves for the eventual loss of a pet. My almost 14 year old dog is sick with what I'm still hoping is an ulcer and not cancer. He's lost 13 pounds due to not eating enough to sustain his weight as he deals with an upset GI tract.
But as I sat in my feelings, I realized that no matter how much we try to prepare ourselves, when the time comes nothing will take away the grief and ache in our hearts caused by the loss of a loved one--human or furry. The best we can do is yield to what is to be--while persisting and enduring.
I know you're tired, but come this the way. Rumi
No Way Out--Only Through
On my way home I tried to think my way out of the situation--trying to see my way clear to a positive outcome. But in the end, I realized I needed to let go of my expectations for what was going to happen and by when. There was no way out of Arrow being sick, there was only the possibility of moving through the situation by laying out a treatment plan and then yielding to what is to be.
Old French Dictionary 'Laisser'
Laisser-Aller~Let it Be
At home, while I was still in the throes of coming to terms with 'there is no way out...only through', I opened an email from my sister-in-law, Lee, who shared a page with me she found in an old french dictionary defining 'laisser'.
She knew I would find this torn page filled with wonderful words and yummy meanings she planned to use in an 'underpainting' interesting. I did. It delivered just the right message at the right time.
Laisser-Courre~Place where the Dogs are Loosened
My eye was immediately caught by three definitions:
Laisser-aller~ease, freedom, unrestraint, easiness, yieldingness.
Laisser-courre~place where the dogs are loosened.
Laisser-passer~permit, leave, permission.
I was compelled to write Lee back and share the impact those words had on me. The following correspondence ensued between two sisters coming to grips with grieving for the loss of their old dogs:
"Lee--what an incredible find! It was perfect for me at this moment. Laisser-courre--place where the dogs are loosened--caught my attention.
I'm back dealing with Arrow not eating and not being well. I went to the vet today and got a two week plan of action...with the understanding this could also be it. His weight has dropped from 64 lbs to 51 lbs. I am trying to take one day at a time and not look too far ahead while also preparing for the possibility that he's dealing with cancer. If he doesn't start eating consistently and gaining weight he isn't going to make it.
I got a supply of the slurry stuff that I told you about...and I read up on how I should be giving him the antacids with the slurry. I wasn't using it properly so I'm working on the theory that a change in timing for the antacid and slurry could get an improvement. I don't know until I try. I didn't understand that the slurry coats the gut giving it a layer of protection so any ulcers can heal.
Think good thoughts for my sweet skinny dog. No matter how much we try to prepare for the inevitable death the truth is there is no way to prepare. We just have to sit with it and take it a day at a time. We need to sit quietly so we can determine if it's time to let go or not."
Laisser-Passer~Giving Permission to Leave
Lee to me:
"Well, I’m right there with you sister... Otter’s cancer is back they think...Cells in urine...do I want to test to see if it’s the same as before? No, probably not. They think it is, which is interesting, as they’ve been denying he even had cancer because he’s lived so long and so well...(cannibis) they know I treated him, but as I may have told you, they dismissed it as a misdiagnosis. Now they can’t do that. Good.
Even so I’m left with the same inevitable passage to contemplate and I hate it too! I’ve pre-grieved plenty for this being and yet it hit me so hard last night and I wailed and wailed and then felt light as a feather! Damn good drugs those tears provide!
So, I could treat him again... tho times are different now... he’s older, more arthritic, dementia growing...very sweet boy.
So, do I fight it in order to put off the inevitable (for me)? Or surrender him back to the ocean from whence he came, in his own time... laisser-courre.
We are such a fighting minded people! I see myself swimming alongside his canoe... holding on with one hand...at some point, maybe when the river hits the ocean, I must let go and let him continue on alone.
But as you say: one day at a time. One hour at a time. He’s mostly good right now. Still has a good appetite. I can tell tho, he’s not having as much of a good time."
Yielding to What's to Be
Death is a natural part of life, and we must come to terms with the reality that our beloved pets lives are shorter than ours. In the end, it all comes down to our learning to 'swim in our grief' and yield to what's to be.
For now I'll take solace in doing what I can do to make Arrow as comfortable as he can be, and then easing into a laissez-faire attitude of letting things take their own natural course.
We love our furry companions and are grieved when we lose them. But we must find a way to yield them to 'the place where they're loosened' and permit them to leave us when it is their time to pass while helping to ease their way as comfortably as we are able.
Laisser-aller~ease, freedom, unrestraint, easiness, yieldingness.
Laisser-courre~place where the dogs are loosened.
Laisser-passer~permit, leave, permission.
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