Lightarted Living: The Unexpected Consequences of Bad Thoughts

Lightarted Living: The Unexpected Consequences of Bad Thoughts:  

The Unexpected Consequences of Bad Thoughts

 

'Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and our clarity of purpose.'
Brene Brown


What Makes You Squirm?

The way most of us shun being vulnerable, you'd think there was something shameful about showing our soft underbelly or sharing our struggles.

When you think about it, what makes you feel totally vulnerable and exposed? How about:

• Getting laid off
• Applying for a job
• Asking someone for a date
• Telling someone you're unemployed or struggling in a new job
• Asking for help
• Telling someone you're lonely
• Telling someone you love them before you know how they feel about you
• Thinking you need to lose weight or change your body shape
• Admitting you have a chronic disease or 'something wrong with' your body
• Thinking you're not good enough exactly as you are
• Putting yourself or your work 'out there' publicly
• Stating what you want or who you are to the world

I don't know about you, but just the thought of putting one of these things out in the world makes me squirm in discomfort. I like to appear worthy, strong and in control of my life at all times. The thought of coming clean about any of these gives me pause--yet what's so bad about any of these things anyway?

The Unexpected Consequences of Bad Thoughts

What's startling is when you look behind our need to hide the last part of our tale you'll discover a sense of shame is driving the cover up. I know-- really embarrassing to admit. Kind of gives you the shame shudders to realize the thoughts behind the need to hide:  I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy; I'm imperfect; or there's something wrong with me.

According to Brene Brown, author of 'The Gifts of Imperfection' and TED Talk, 'The Power of Vulnerability', shame is the fear of disconnection--we think there is something so shameful about us that if people really knew us they would reject us--so we keep our mouth shut and stay invisible.

The unexpected consequences of thinking this way is it keeps us from being seen, heard, and known by others. Through our secret negative thoughts we bring on the very thing we fear--a feeling of disconnection and distance from others.

The Inner Conflict--The Desire to be Seen vs. Invisible

I'm fascinated by a duality of thought I've witnessed in myself--and I suspect is present in you too. Although I live my life in a 'naturally authentic what you see is what you get' way, there is another hidden truth at work deep within me. As I show myself so completely in the world I am also acutely aware of how much remains hidden and unseen by others. I am a master at artfully keeping myself hidden in plain sight.

I once read that an artist is a person who has an overwhelming desire to be seen at the very same time she has an overwhelming desire not to be found. I don't think you need to be an artist to find this conflicting thought at work within yourself.

Consider that moment you showed up for a job interview, first date, public speaking engagement, or first day on the job. What was your internal dialogue?  There's always that singular moment when we feel vulnerable and exposed---and that's the moment we want to be seen, heard and known and it's the very same moment we want to retreat, be invisible and keep quiet.

Crisis--Dangerous Opportunity

We all experience these private moments of trepidation at the very moment of exposure. Think of them as mini-crises. A crisis is merely a turning point--a moment in time when an important decision is made. The Chinese symbol for crisis is two pronged with the meaning dangerous opportunity.

Another unexpected consequence of your negative thoughts is when you acknowledge them as natural consequences of stepping into your life you give yourself choice and opportunity. It always feels dangerous to be seen, to be heard and to be known. It is also thrilling.

To step into your life and achieve your heart's desire you must experience, then walk past, the fear of not being worthy or good enough. Choose to see this moment of fear as your 'dangerous opportunity' and consciously chose to step out of the danger into the opportunity.

Choose to Be Seen, Choose to Connect

Practice finding your courage in your moments of crises and decide to show yourself instead of hiding. The more consciously you practice this, the better you'll get at stepping into the opportunities that are always present in your life.

In 'Four Steps to Authentic Communication' Robert Holden shares a Zulu greeting so simple and direct it's worthy of practicing it in your head even if it unnerves you too much to say out loud. When you come into the presence of another person face one another, look directly into each other's eyes and say 'I'm here to be seen'. The other person replies, 'I see you'.

Choose to be seen and choose to connect. Practice stepping out into your life, knowing you have value and wealth inside you worthy of sharing. Your vulnerability and imperfections are what make you lovable and human. Choose to use them to your advantage.

The Unexpected Consequences of Bad Thoughts

 

'Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and our clarity of purpose.'
Brene Brown


What Makes You Squirm?

The way most of us shun being vulnerable, you'd think there was something shameful about showing our soft underbelly or sharing our struggles.

When you think about it, what makes you feel totally vulnerable and exposed? How about:

• Getting laid off
• Applying for a job
• Asking someone for a date
• Telling someone you're unemployed or struggling in a new job
• Asking for help
• Telling someone you're lonely
• Telling someone you love them before you know how they feel about you
• Thinking you need to lose weight or change your body shape
• Admitting you have a chronic disease or 'something wrong with' your body
• Thinking you're not good enough exactly as you are
• Putting yourself or your work 'out there' publicly
• Stating what you want or who you are to the world

I don't know about you, but just the thought of putting one of these things out in the world makes me squirm in discomfort. I like to appear worthy, strong and in control of my life at all times. The thought of coming clean about any of these gives me pause--yet what's so bad about any of these things anyway?

The Unexpected Consequences of Bad Thoughts

What's startling is when you look behind our need to hide the last part of our tale you'll discover a sense of shame is driving the cover up. I know-- really embarrassing to admit. Kind of gives you the shame shudders to realize the thoughts behind the need to hide:  I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy; I'm imperfect; or there's something wrong with me.

According to Brene Brown, author of 'The Gifts of Imperfection' and TED Talk, 'The Power of Vulnerability', shame is the fear of disconnection--we think there is something so shameful about us that if people really knew us they would reject us--so we keep our mouth shut and stay invisible.

The unexpected consequences of thinking this way is it keeps us from being seen, heard, and known by others. Through our secret negative thoughts we bring on the very thing we fear--a feeling of disconnection and distance from others.

The Inner Conflict--The Desire to be Seen vs. Invisible

I'm fascinated by a duality of thought I've witnessed in myself--and I suspect is present in you too. Although I live my life in a 'naturally authentic what you see is what you get' way, there is another hidden truth at work deep within me. As I show myself so completely in the world I am also acutely aware of how much remains hidden and unseen by others. I am a master at artfully keeping myself hidden in plain sight.

I once read that an artist is a person who has an overwhelming desire to be seen at the very same time she has an overwhelming desire not to be found. I don't think you need to be an artist to find this conflicting thought at work within yourself.

Consider that moment you showed up for a job interview, first date, public speaking engagement, or first day on the job. What was your internal dialogue?  There's always that singular moment when we feel vulnerable and exposed---and that's the moment we want to be seen, heard and known and it's the very same moment we want to retreat, be invisible and keep quiet.

Crisis--Dangerous Opportunity

We all experience these private moments of trepidation at the very moment of exposure. Think of them as mini-crises. A crisis is merely a turning point--a moment in time when an important decision is made. The Chinese symbol for crisis is two pronged with the meaning dangerous opportunity.

Another unexpected consequence of your negative thoughts is when you acknowledge them as natural consequences of stepping into your life you give yourself choice and opportunity. It always feels dangerous to be seen, to be heard and to be known. It is also thrilling.

To step into your life and achieve your heart's desire you must experience, then walk past, the fear of not being worthy or good enough. Choose to see this moment of fear as your 'dangerous opportunity' and consciously chose to step out of the danger into the opportunity.

Choose to Be Seen, Choose to Connect

Practice finding your courage in your moments of crises and decide to show yourself instead of hiding. The more consciously you practice this, the better you'll get at stepping into the opportunities that are always present in your life.

In 'Four Steps to Authentic Communication' Robert Holden shares a Zulu greeting so simple and direct it's worthy of practicing it in your head even if it unnerves you too much to say out loud. When you come into the presence of another person face one another, look directly into each other's eyes and say 'I'm here to be seen'. The other person replies, 'I see you'.

Choose to be seen and choose to connect. Practice stepping out into your life, knowing you have value and wealth inside you worthy of sharing. Your vulnerability and imperfections are what make you lovable and human. Choose to use them to your advantage.

Lightarted Living: Everything Seemingly Good or Bad Works in Our Favor

Lightarted Living: Everything Seemingly Good or Bad Works in Our Favor:  

Everything Seemingly Good or Bad Works in Our Favor

 

It's All Good

'When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.' Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball we didn't see coming that overwhelms us on impact. In that moment--when we need time to garner our inner strength and resources before meeting a situation head on--a shroud of denial envelopes us.

Too often we think of tension, stress and denial as bad,  and relaxation, calm and consciousness as good. The truth is, used properly, they're all good.

It's All Good

For Everything there is a Season

Being in denial isn't a bad thing. Denial is a wonderful coping mechanism, born out of the body's wisdom, designed to protect us when we're overwhelmed and frightened.

Sometimes we just need to 'turn the world off' and pull the covers over our head. Denial is an effective survival mechanism that has served humanity for thousands of years.

But being stressed or experiencing the associated tension isn't a bad thing either. It is the stress response that provides us the momentum to actively deal with the challenges of life when we're ready--and it is the tension that creates our readiness. 

'Sometimes we need to go on high alert and be nudged into taking action. Like denial, the body's stress response is another effective survival mechanism that has served us for thousands of years.'

Stress, Tension and Denial Guide us through Life

Think of stress, tension and denial as the three physical states working in tandem to successfully nudge us through life's challenges.

Denial provides a soft cushion 

Denial provides us a soft cushion against the onslaught of the harsh realities of life and gives us time to wrap our minds around something we just aren't ready to deal with. 

Stress is our noble warrior and

Tension arms us with courage and focus 

Our stress is our noble warrior preparing us to do battle with those harsh realities of life, while our tension keeps us focused and uncomfortable until we're forced to act in ways that brings our values and beliefs in alignment with our actions--and then it gives us the courage to act.   

A Good and Worthy Battle for Balance

We all wage private battles to bring together where we currently are with where we want ourselves to be.

Sometimes we just aren't ready to speak up or we're too anxious about the consequences of taking the next step so an inner battle rages between denial, stress and tension.

As uncomfortable as this battle is, it is a good and worthy one. It's what helps you take suitable action by choosing what to do in your own time.'

So let the balance battle rage. Sit in denial awhile as your brain works off-line preparing you to come to terms with what's caught your attention--raising your heart rate and blood pressure. And be still, letting the tension rise while you're discovering what you're going to do about it if you're to move on with your life.

The time you sit in denial does not weaken you. You are merely idling while you're feeling vulnerable and afraid. Your strength and courage are still there ready to emerge when the time is right for you to competently handle the issues that initially overwhelmed you. When the time is right, you will act in ways that are right for you. It's all good!

'This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.'  Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's All Good

💙  'Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.'  Ralph Waldo Emerson

💙  'Even in the mud and scum of things, something always, always sings.'   Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everything Seemingly Good or Bad Works in Our Favor

 

It's All Good

'When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.' Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball we didn't see coming that overwhelms us on impact. In that moment--when we need time to garner our inner strength and resources before meeting a situation head on--a shroud of denial envelopes us.

Too often we think of tension, stress and denial as bad,  and relaxation, calm and consciousness as good. The truth is, used properly, they're all good.

It's All Good

For Everything there is a Season

Being in denial isn't a bad thing. Denial is a wonderful coping mechanism, born out of the body's wisdom, designed to protect us when we're overwhelmed and frightened.

Sometimes we just need to 'turn the world off' and pull the covers over our head. Denial is an effective survival mechanism that has served humanity for thousands of years.

But being stressed or experiencing the associated tension isn't a bad thing either. It is the stress response that provides us the momentum to actively deal with the challenges of life when we're ready--and it is the tension that creates our readiness. 

'Sometimes we need to go on high alert and be nudged into taking action. Like denial, the body's stress response is another effective survival mechanism that has served us for thousands of years.'

Stress, Tension and Denial Guide us through Life

Think of stress, tension and denial as the three physical states working in tandem to successfully nudge us through life's challenges.

Denial provides a soft cushion 

Denial provides us a soft cushion against the onslaught of the harsh realities of life and gives us time to wrap our minds around something we just aren't ready to deal with. 

Stress is our noble warrior and

Tension arms us with courage and focus 

Our stress is our noble warrior preparing us to do battle with those harsh realities of life, while our tension keeps us focused and uncomfortable until we're forced to act in ways that brings our values and beliefs in alignment with our actions--and then it gives us the courage to act.   

A Good and Worthy Battle for Balance

We all wage private battles to bring together where we currently are with where we want ourselves to be.

Sometimes we just aren't ready to speak up or we're too anxious about the consequences of taking the next step so an inner battle rages between denial, stress and tension.

As uncomfortable as this battle is, it is a good and worthy one. It's what helps you take suitable action by choosing what to do in your own time.'

So let the balance battle rage. Sit in denial awhile as your brain works off-line preparing you to come to terms with what's caught your attention--raising your heart rate and blood pressure. And be still, letting the tension rise while you're discovering what you're going to do about it if you're to move on with your life.

The time you sit in denial does not weaken you. You are merely idling while you're feeling vulnerable and afraid. Your strength and courage are still there ready to emerge when the time is right for you to competently handle the issues that initially overwhelmed you. When the time is right, you will act in ways that are right for you. It's all good!

'This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.'  Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's All Good

💙  'Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.'  Ralph Waldo Emerson

💙  'Even in the mud and scum of things, something always, always sings.'   Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lightarted Living: Let it Come, as it Will, and Don’t be Afraid

Lightarted Living: Let it Come, as it Will, and Don’t be Afraid:   

Let it Come, as it Will, and Don’t be Afraid

 

"Let it come, as it will, and don’t be afraid."  

Jane Kenyon

Whatever it is you're dealing with,

let it come as it will.

Don't resist.

Don't fight.

Don't be afraid.

Move in the direction it's going.

 

Open the door to your day

and welcome in all the possibilities 

for good outcomes to arrive

without worry.

Take the first steps necessary to: 

💗get help

💗get answers

💗get relief

💗get healthy

💗get started

💗get out

💗move on

Release Inner Turmoil 

Harness your positive energy for the work ahead.

Allow your attention to flow in the direction of

healing, peace, and resolution.

"Let it come, as it will, and don’t be afraid."  

Jane Kenyon

Let it Come, as it Will, and Don’t be Afraid

 

"Let it come, as it will, and don’t be afraid."  

Jane Kenyon

Whatever it is you're dealing with,

let it come as it will.

Don't resist.

Don't fight.

Don't be afraid.

Move in the direction it's going.

 

Open the door to your day

and welcome in all the possibilities 

for good outcomes to arrive

without worry.

Take the first steps necessary to: 

💗get help

💗get answers

💗get relief

💗get healthy

💗get started

💗get out

💗move on

Release Inner Turmoil 

Harness your positive energy for the work ahead.

Allow your attention to flow in the direction of

healing, peace, and resolution.

"Let it come, as it will, and don’t be afraid."  

Jane Kenyon

Lightarted Living: Dealing with a Chronic Condition Requiring Lifelon...

Lightarted Living: Dealing with a Chronic Condition Requiring Lifelon...:   

Dealing with a Chronic Condition Requiring Lifelong Treatment

 

AMKA "The friendly spirit"

A Very Brave Girl

When leaving the dog groomer's after getting Amka's nails trimmed today I smiled at my dog, who hates to have her nails trimmed, and told her she was a very brave girl. She jumped up into the car with her tail wagging and all unpleasantness was forgotten.

I realized, if I thought about it, I could say Amka is dealing with a chronic condition that requires regular lifelong treatment. She may not like getting the treatments, but they're necessary to her enjoying a high quality of life. 

There's no need for me to have long conversations with her about the nail trims beforehand. We simply need to walk into the groomers, get the nails cut, and get on with life. It is an ordinary part of life and must be dealt with as such.

Accept What IS as an Ordinary Part of Life

This perspective came to me as I have just been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer-- a chronic condition requiring lifelong treatment. And this week I'll be brave, like Amka, as I meet with my healthcare team to lay out an updated treatment plan.

Getting My Nails Trimmed

I've decided to see my treatment as my 'nail trimmings'.  Like Amka, I may not like it, but it is just something that must be done to enjoy a higher quality of life. And like Amka, I will do what must be done, not talk about it beforehand, and just get on with living.

All Is Well

The goal is to have as good a life as we can, and to do everything we can to be as healthy and upbeat as we can despite challenges, like cancer, popping up. 

As Mark Nepo said, "We must endure what we cannot escape." Let us find a balance between enduring and enjoying each moment, each day.

Dealing with a Chronic Condition Requiring Lifelong Treatment

 

AMKA "The friendly spirit"

A Very Brave Girl

When leaving the dog groomer's after getting Amka's nails trimmed today I smiled at my dog, who hates to have her nails trimmed, and told her she was a very brave girl. She jumped up into the car with her tail wagging and all unpleasantness was forgotten.

I realized, if I thought about it, I could say Amka is dealing with a chronic condition that requires regular lifelong treatment. She may not like getting the treatments, but they're necessary to her enjoying a high quality of life. 

There's no need for me to have long conversations with her about the nail trims beforehand. We simply need to walk into the groomers, get the nails cut, and get on with life. It is an ordinary part of life and must be dealt with as such.

Accept What IS as an Ordinary Part of Life

This perspective came to me as I have just been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer-- a chronic condition requiring lifelong treatment. And this week I'll be brave, like Amka, as I meet with my healthcare team to lay out an updated treatment plan.

Getting My Nails Trimmed

I've decided to see my treatment as my 'nail trimmings'.  Like Amka, I may not like it, but it is just something that must be done to enjoy a higher quality of life. And like Amka, I will do what must be done, not talk about it beforehand, and just get on with living.

All Is Well

The goal is to have as good a life as we can, and to do everything we can to be as healthy and upbeat as we can despite challenges, like cancer, popping up. 

As Mark Nepo said, "We must endure what we cannot escape." Let us find a balance between enduring and enjoying each moment, each day.