Lightarted Living: Moving Beyond Hidden Shame: How to Overcome the Fe...

Lightarted Living: Moving Beyond Hidden Shame: How to Overcome the Fe...: "Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and our clarity of purpose ."   ...

Moving Beyond Hidden Shame: How to Overcome the Fear of Being Exposed

"Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and our clarity of purpose."  

Brene Brown

Deep Listening Reveals Hidden Shame in us All

The way most of us shun being vulnerable, you'd think there was something shameful about showing our soft underbelly or sharing our struggles. 

But if you're willing to sit quietly and listen deeply to others--without judgment and without interruption--you'll quickly learn you're not alone. When you truly listen with compassion, others will open up and share their pain and shame with you and you'll discover how much you have in common.

As I've listened to others share what has been going on in their lives 'shame' has arisen time and again as a deep-seated emotion hidden from view keeping people from fully-engaging in life and relationships. 

A while ago I received this email from a long time and far-away friend: 

"As you likely know, I suffer crippling performance anxiety. In reading Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly this morning, it became obvious that shame, vulnerability, guilt, feeling unloved, unworthy and not being included come from the same place. All this makes me afraid to spend extended time with all but a small number of people, invite folks to my house for lunch or dinner, take dancing lessons, go on dates without flagellating myself afterwards, remembering previous errors and repeating them in my mind, and so on -- I'm almost 65 and not living a genuine, engaged life, yet.

Oddly, taking risks and having positive outcomes has had little long lasting impact -- the pre and post process is still excruciating.

I think your hearts would help me develop shame resilience, as Brene Brown calls it. Do you have a series for this? If not, would you create one?

I'm including others in my  email because I think it helps to expose shame and vulnerability to the air and not feel so alone in it." 

SB

You're not Alone, SB!

What Makes You Feel Vulnerable and Exposed?

SB is not alone in her hidden shame--or in her desire to move beyond the 'secret' fear people may discover she's not good enough making her feel raw and exposed. So many things make us feel vulnerable and ashamed. What is it for you?

What makes you feel totally vulnerable and exposed?

✅Admitting you have a chronic disease or 'something wrong with' your body

✅Thinking you're not good enough exactly as you are

✅Getting laid off

✅Applying for a job

✅Asking for a date

✅Admitting you're unemployed or struggling in a new job

✅Feeling you're left behind 

✅Asking for help

✅Admitting you're lonely

✅Knowing you've been abused or neglected

✅Stating you love someone before you know how they feel about you

✅Thinking you need to lose weight or change your body shape

✅Putting yourself or your work 'out there' publicly

✅Stating what you want or who you are to the world

✅Admitting you feel shame

The thought of personally putting one of these things out in the world makes me squirm in discomfort. I like to appear worthy, strong and in control of my life at all times. The thought of coming clean about any of these gives me pause--yet what's so bad about admitting any of these things anyway?

What's hiding behind the closed door? Shameful thoughts--I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy; I'm imperfect; or there's something wrong with me.

The Unexpected Consequences of Bad Thoughts

What's startling is when you look behind our need to hide the last part of our tale you'll discover a sense of shame is driving the cover up. I know-- really embarrassing to admit. Kind of gives you the shame shudders to realize the thoughts behind the need to hide:  I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy; I'm imperfect; or there's something wrong with me. 

According to Brene Brown, author of  'Daring Greatly', 'The Gifts of Imperfection' and TED Talk, 'The Power of Vulnerability', shame is the fear of disconnection--we think there is something so shameful about us that if people really knew us they would reject us--so we keep our mouth shut and stay invisible.

The unexpected consequences of thinking this way is it keeps us from being seen, heard, and known by others. Through our secret negative thoughts we bring on the very thing we fear--a feeling of disconnection and distance from others.

The Inner Conflict--The Desire to be Seen vs. Invisible

I'm fascinated by a duality of thought I've witnessed in myself--and I suspect is present in you too. Although I live my life in a 'naturally authentic what you see is what you get' way, there is another hidden truth at work deep within me. As I show myself so completely in the world I am also acutely aware of how much remains hidden and unseen by others. I am a master at artfully keeping myself hidden in plain sight.

I once read that an artist is a person who has an overwhelming desire to be seen at the very same time she has an overwhelming desire not to be found. I don't think you need to be an artist to find this conflicting thought at work within yourself.

Consider that moment you showed up for a job interview, first date, public speaking engagement, or first day on the job. What was your internal dialogue?  There's always that singular moment when we feel vulnerable and exposed---and that's the moment we want to be seen, heard and known and it's the very same moment we want to retreat, be invisible and keep quiet.

Crisis--Dangerous Opportunity

We all experience these private moments of trepidation at the very moment of exposure. Think of them as mini-crises. A crisis is merely a turning point--a moment in time when an important decision is made. The Chinese symbol for crisis is two pronged with the meaning dangerous opportunity.

Another unexpected consequence of your negative thoughts is when you acknowledge them as natural consequences of stepping into your life you give yourself choice and opportunity. It always feels dangerous to be seen, to be heard and to be known. It is also thrilling. 

To step into your life and achieve your heart's desire you must experience, then walk past, the fear of not being worthy or good enough. Choose to see this moment of fear as your 'dangerous opportunity' and consciously chose to step out of the danger into the opportunity.

Choose to Be Seen, Choose to Connect

💓Practice finding your courage in your moments of crises and decide to show yourself instead of hiding. The more consciously you practice this, the better you'll get at stepping into the opportunities that are always present in your life.

💙In 'Four Steps to Authentic Communication' Robert Holden shares a Zulu greeting so simple and direct it's worthy of practicing it in your head even if it unnerves you too much to say out loud. When you come into the presence of another person face one another, look directly into each other's eyes and say 'I'm here to be seen'. The other person replies, 'I see you'.

💙Choose to be seen and choose to connect. Practice stepping out into your life, knowing you have value and wealth inside you worthy of sharing. Your vulnerability and imperfections are what make you lovable and human. Choose to use them to your advantage. 

Hello? I see you.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before. 


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Lightarted Living: A Dog Lover's Daily Meditation

Lightarted Living: A Dog Lover's Daily Meditation: A Dog Lover's Daily Meditation I thank fate for giving me a dog. Dogs have taught me  the true value of the gifts useful t...

A Dog Lover's Daily Meditation

A Dog Lover's Daily Meditation

I thank fate for giving me a dog.

Dogs have taught me

 the true value of the gifts useful to life.

I accept the dogs to which 

fate binds me, and love the dogs

to whom fate brings me wholeheartedly.

Thank you to Maggie Morris for sitting so pretty for her portrait!

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.
                                                            

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Lightarted Living: Dogs Breed Trust in Us

Lightarted Living: Dogs Breed Trust in Us: Mojo the Dog Breeds Trust in Us Through him and in him Love abounds~ And like other dogs,  he  demonstrates the importanc...

Lightarted Living: Dogs Breed Trust in Us

Lightarted Living: Dogs Breed Trust in Us: Mojo the Dog Breeds Trust in Us Through him and in him Love abounds~ And like other dogs,  he  demonstrates the importanc...

Dogs Breed Trust in Us

Mojo the Dog Breeds Trust in Us

Through him

and in him

Love abounds~

And like other dogs, 

he demonstrates the importance of

turning around three times

before lying down.

Life is Much Better

Silly and playful, and full of himself,

Momo's uninhibitedly happy and contented 

when we're around.

In a moment of bliss with him at the center,

Life feels secure, bright and joyous,

and Life is much better.

Momogaugau Translates as Fluffy Puppy

Home IS where the fluffy puppy is

and our hearts are full~

Momogaugau shows us daily

It's so good to play~but also to rest~

Showing us within there's a sanctuary 

Where we can retreat to rest our tired heads.

With him we're happy, calm, and contented

 enveloped in unbridled love and trust.

With him and through him~

Life Is Good.

In a moment of shared and contented love~

All is Well~

Our future is bright, secure and joyous

and in Life~and each other~we trust.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.
                                                            

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Lightarted Living: The Lonely Horse is the Best Reason to Wake Up

Lightarted Living: The Lonely Horse is the Best Reason to Wake Up: Wake Up The Lonely Horse  Is The Best Reason To Wake Up Unknown One Day One day, Just you and I shall gal...

The Lonely Horse is the Best Reason to Wake Up

Wake Up

The Lonely Horse 

Is The Best Reason

To Wake Up

Unknown

One Day

One day,

Just you and I shall gallop

In an open field~

With nothing in our way

Except the wind blowing in 

Our manes and tails.

Unknown

Ride a Cockhorse to Banbury Cross

Ride a cockhorse to Banbury Cross

To see a fine lady upon a white horse.

Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,

She shall have music wherever she goes.

Old Nursery Rhyme

Thank you Kathy J for the photos of your horse, Scooter. 

May you soon be galloping in an open field with Scooter~

with the wind blowing in your manes and tails.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.
                                                            

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Lightarted Living: In a Moment Bursting with Joy I Know Everything is...

Lightarted Living: In a Moment Bursting with Joy I Know Everything is...: �� IT WAS A BRIGHT SUNSHINY DAY �� ALL IS WELL �� I AM HAPPY AND FREE �� LIFE IS GOOD ...

In a Moment Bursting with Joy I Know Everything is Secretly Okay

💓

IT WAS A BRIGHT SUNSHINY DAY

💓

ALL IS WELL

💓

I AM HAPPY AND FREE

💓

LIFE IS GOOD

💓

IN A MOMENT BURSTING WITH JOY

I KNOW EVERYTHING IS SECRETLY OKAY

💓

I'M GOOD

For Kimberly Asborno who so kindly shared her moment of 

unbridled happiness and joy with us. May we all enjoy

moments as free and happy as this.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

                                                            

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.

Lightarted Living: I'm So Angry I Could Just Spit! How to Regain Your...

Lightarted Living: I'm So Angry I Could Just Spit! How to Regain Your...: 'Calmness is the cradle of power.' Josiah Gilbert Holland 1819-1881 What Sets You Off?  We all have that person or sit...

Lightarted Living: I'm So Angry I Could Just Spit! How to Regain Your...

Lightarted Living: I'm So Angry I Could Just Spit! How to Regain Your...: 'Calmness is the cradle of power.' Josiah Gilbert Holland 1819-1881 What Sets You Off?  We all have that person or sit...

Lightarted Living: Carpe Diem~What Motivates You to Act--Principle or...

Lightarted Living: Carpe Diem~What Motivates You to Act--Principle or...: Can you guess whether I'm a thinker or feeler? Doing What Comes Naturally--Or Not! 'Waiting for the fish to bite or wait...

Lightarted Living: Cat Secret to Living~e.e. cummings as Heard by the...

Lightarted Living: Cat Secret to Living~e.e. cummings as Heard by the...: "May my heart always be open to little birds who are the secret to living." e.e. cummings Cat Secret to...

Cat Secret to Living~e.e. cummings as Heard by the CAT

"May my heart always be open to little birds

who are the secret to living."

e.e. cummings

Cat Secret to Living

(e.e.cummings as heard by the Cat)

"May my mouth always be open to little birds

who are the secret to living."

e.e. catting

What did you expect?

I'm a cat. 

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

                                                            

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Lightarted Living: Rescue Dogs~Love Unleashed

Lightarted Living: Rescue Dogs~Love Unleashed: LOVE UNLEASHED LOVE UNLEASHED Billy Jo Geoffrey Greenstein �� Living in the Lap of Luxury �� Safe �� Loved ...

Rescue Dogs~Love Unleashed

LOVE UNLEASHED

LOVE UNLEASHED

Billy Jo Geoffrey Greenstein

💜

Living in the Lap of Luxury

💜

Safe

💜

Loved

Meet Billy Jo~A Potcake Dog 

from Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean

💜

WHAT'S A POTCAKE?

Potcakes are homeless dogs running around loose on the Caribbean islands. 

They derived their name, 'potcake' from eating the congealed peas and rice 

mixture the local residents eat. When the pot gets to the bottom, 

the locals let the dogs feed on the rice that cakes on the bottom of the pot. 

Billy Jo Geoffrey Greenstein is one of thousands of potcake dogs 

rescued and adopted into loving homes around the world. 

He is a perfect specimen of the mixed breed dog.

Billy Jo was fortunate to find a loving home in the States

with Amanda Greenstein who lived on Turks and Caicos 

for 3 years and fell in love with the Potcakes. 

After volunteering with the Potcake Adoption Place on the

island, Amanda adopted Billy Jo and came home to 

become a Veterinarian.

Love Unleashed~Check Out Your Local Animal Shelter

If you've been thinking about 

inviting a dog into your home, 

you don't have to travel as far as the 

Caribbean Islands to unleash some love. 

Visit your local animal shelter to find yourself 

a dog that would welcome a loving home.

When you bring a homeless pet into your heart, 

the unleashed love goes both ways. 

While there is always an adjustment period 

as you get to know each other, 

you'll soon be rewarded with unbridled love

and an adoring companion.

💜

To err is human,

To forgive, canine.

Unknown

💜

"Until one has loved an animal

part of one's soul 

remains unawaken."

Anatole France

💜

"Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog

could be as soothing to the mind and heart

as deep meditation and prayer for the soul."

Dean Koontz

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

                          

For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

                                                            

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.