How to be Calm and In-Control When You Feel Anything But

"Anyhow, the short answer is 'No'; the long answer is 'Hell No!'"

Fit-to-be-Tied 

The other day I had a call from a woman who was fit-to-be-tied. She took a break from work so she could cool down after being blindsided by a colleague who wanted to put her back on a dysfunctional team she just left. 

Surprised and hurt, she blurted out an emphatic 'NO!' before she called me to unleash her frustration and anger in a safe place.

We're programmed to experience the full gamut of emotions, including anger, rage, frustration and fear, and there's nothing wrong with us when we're moved to outrage and feeling out-of-control. Outrage is a normal, healthy response to our boundaries being breached--yet it feels so awful, we're driven to get back to a calmer state as soon as possible.

So the question is, what can you do to regain your calm and sense of control sooner? In other words, how do you regain your calm and sense of control when you feel anything but?

How to Communicate like an Adult when you feel like a Child

In a hot moment of feeling pushed out-of-control by the actions of others, this young woman responded in just the right way to put her back on the road to feeling calm and in-control.  

While it may not have felt like it in the moment, once she was hit with a situation that made her feel like an out-of-control child--whose destiny is being dictated by others--she chose to communicate like an adult by changing where and when she released her frustration and anger.

To regain your composure when you're pushed to your limit, remove yourself from the situation to re-calibrate your response. 

Just like this woman instinctively knew, you can recenter yourself through engaging in two simple practices that shifts your reaction time and space: 

💓 Practice the Pause--When you practice the pause, you learn to close you mouth while you take a break from reacting to the situation--you put time between when you want to openly rage and when you calmly respond.

💙Retreat to a Safe Place to Vent--When you remove yourself from the situation pushing you out of control, you make it easier to voice your concerns in a safe manner. 

Calm Adults Speak with Grace and Strength 

When you're caught off-guard by being treated unfairly in the workplace, give yourself a moment to deal with the anger and frustration. Pause to find someone safe to talk with privately about how you're feeling and how you want to deal with the situation before you speak up. 

When we're calm in our responses we show ourselves to be adults with grace and strength who act thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.  And more importantly than showing others we act with grace, we show ourselves we can regain our composure quickly and create better outcomes.   

'By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.' Lao Tzu

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

                          

For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.