Stop! You're stressing me out!
Dealing with Relationship Problems
💓 Where is the OFF button for establishing appropriate boundaries in your personal relationships with love interests, spouses, children, parents or extended family and friends?
💙 What do you do when you're burned out trying to make a relationship work?
I love you but I need space!
Sometimes We Need Peace and Quiet
Face it. We can all use a bit of space now and then when things get overwhelming in our relationships and life.
Sometimes as we navigate life, things get messy and entangled between parents and children, spouses and partners, or with friends and siblings. Other times life just gets messy and stressful and we need to be left alone to sort things out.
When difficulties arise and emotions are charged it's difficult to remember everyone is doing the best they can, including you.
When difficulties arise and emotions are charged it's difficult to remember everyone is doing the best they can, including you.
During times of upheaval in our lives or relationships we need ways to establish appropriate boundaries so we can figure out how to move life forward.
But too often that doesn't happen as we move in closer in an attempt to 'help' or influence one another and we implode in acute bouts of anger and frustration heaped on one another.
When you do things from your soul,
You feel a river moving in you--a joy
Rumi
Use Silence and Separation to Refresh Your Relationships
If the harder you try to fix a relationship or issue, the worse you make it:
💓Stop. Pull Back. Do nothing. Do something else. Spend time with other people.
💙Seek silence, solitude, and separation so you can hear yourself think. This is NOT to be interpreted as giving someone 'the silent treatment'--it's a calm time out from interacting. You need solitude so you can 'do things from your soul'.
💚Sometimes you don't need to talk more to solve a difference or problem. You need to put it down, separate, and create open space for everyone to breath and think.
💙After you've reset your boundaries with a troublesome family member, consider what you want in the relationship. Do you want this person out of your life for good, or do you want to reestablish your relationship and work through the current difficulty?
💓Think long term. Don't let hurts separate you forever. Find your compassion and sense of humor.
For Love Interests
💓Always set appropriate boundaries according to the spoken rules of the relationship.
While you may want to push the limits of the relationship, you will only burn yourself out by accepting the 'we're just friends' while still acting as if you are more than that.
💙Friends spend time in the daylight and early evening. Lovers spend time late into the night.
When you play by the 'friend rule' you take the 'I only want to be friends' person at his/her word and you relate like friends--without allowing the other person to inappropriately invade your life like an intimate--you don't date; you don't take phone calls or text messages after 10 pm; you spend daytime and early evening time together, not late night time together--and you freely date other people and talk about it.
💙Seek silence, solitude, and separation so you can hear yourself think. This is NOT to be interpreted as giving someone 'the silent treatment'--it's a calm time out from interacting. You need solitude so you can 'do things from your soul'.
💚Sometimes you don't need to talk more to solve a difference or problem. You need to put it down, separate, and create open space for everyone to breath and think.
“Life becomes easier when you learn
to accept an apology you never got.”
Robert Brault
For Family Issues
💙After you've reset your boundaries with a troublesome family member, consider what you want in the relationship. Do you want this person out of your life for good, or do you want to reestablish your relationship and work through the current difficulty?
💓Think long term. Don't let hurts separate you forever. Find your compassion and sense of humor.
Definition of Family: The people who stick with you through all the problems you'd never have if they weren't your family.
For Love Interests
💓Always set appropriate boundaries according to the spoken rules of the relationship.
What do you do when someone you're interested in romantically says "I just want to be friends", then proceeds to text you well after 11 pm or wants to get together at 10 pm?
While you may want to push the limits of the relationship, you will only burn yourself out by accepting the 'we're just friends' while still acting as if you are more than that.
To maintain balance in your relationship (and leave the door open to the possibility of a love relationship developing) you need to set appropriate 'friend' boundaries by working off the spoken 'friend' rule.
💙Friends spend time in the daylight and early evening. Lovers spend time late into the night.
When you play by the 'friend rule' you take the 'I only want to be friends' person at his/her word and you relate like friends--without allowing the other person to inappropriately invade your life like an intimate--you don't date; you don't take phone calls or text messages after 10 pm; you spend daytime and early evening time together, not late night time together--and you freely date other people and talk about it.
Do not allow other people complete run of your life by allowing them to act on both the spoken and unspoken rules. Whatever the spoken rules are those are the ones you play by--not by what you think is really going on (the unspoken rules).
Silence IS Golden
Bounce back from feeling burned out by your relationships--seek silence and reestablish boundaries by changing one small thing. What adjustment will you make to regain your balance? How will you approach your relationship after you've had time to think on your own?
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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.
For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.
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