Lightarted Living: Three Tips for Surviving Change and Staying Health...

Lightarted Living: Three Tips for Surviving Change and Staying Health...: ' Our actions shift perspectives, whether it be your own or others .' John Edwards Stop the World I Want to Get Off!  You ...

Three Tips for Surviving Change and Staying Healthy

'Our actions shift perspectives, whether it be your own or others.'

John Edwards

Stop the World I Want to Get Off! 

You can’t do life without facing your share of overwhelming and stressful times. Perhaps you’re struggling with a new bout of upheaval now.

Sometimes when hit with an onslaught of too many changes—both good and bad—we’re knocked for a loop and we find it hard to catch our breath.

Change—whether good or bad—is stressful. Too many life events can stack up to create a barrage of details that overwhelm us. 

Whether you're getting married or getting divorced; starting a new job, getting a promotion, or losing your job and looking for work; house hunting or moving into a new home; dealing with an ongoing chronic illness or death in the family; starting a family or dealing with family issues--all changes add to your stress.

Change IS Life~Life IS Change 

When we face times of rapid change we must figure out how to make the most of it while finding our way to balance and calm ourselves or we’ll remain quivering in a puddle of helplessness.  

Like you, when I deal with too many changes at once, the ensuing anxiety and emotional fog tends to kick common sense and a clear vision for what I need to do to regain my balance and energy right out of my consciousness. 

Despite being a health promotion professional skilled in helping others move through stressful times, when I'm faced with times of rapid change I must stop to recall what I know about keeping myself healthy during highly stressful times. None of us are immune to dealing with the difficulties of life.

Sometimes it takes me a month to see my way through the fog--but here is what I always come back to: Three (oh-so-obvious-in hindsight) actions that help me regain my balance and put me back on the road to health.

Calm Yourself through Conscious Breathing 

Just Breathe. Conscious Breathing is the first step to pulling yourself out of the anxiety and stress.

When our heart rate gets above 100 beats/minute in a non-exercise state our brains get fuzzy. That is the emotional fog we experience due to our body's response to the stress.

Granted, when you're in a highly stressed state it can be amazingly difficult to begin conscious breathing. Sometimes you just have to keep practicing it--all the while 'acting as if' you believe it will calm you down. It will--just do it. 

When you retire for the night, practice focusing on your breathing to calm your racing heart.

Practice slowly and consciously breathing in and out--thinking 'I breathe in uplifting into my heart' and I breathe out calmness into my gut'.

Identify Your Stressors

As major life events pile up sending me into overwhelm mode I know I need to get a handle on what I’m dealing with. Over the years the Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index has been my go-to-guide to help me identify what’s going on. I need that help because 'of course I believe I handle all stress and nothing's wrong'.....

The Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index is a straightforward inventory of life events that assigns 'life change units' for the events on a scale of 1-100 for how relatively stressful an event is. It includes both 'good' and 'bad' changes, with 'death of a spouse' worth 100 units and getting married worth 50 units-i.e. getting married is 1/2 as stressful as death of a spouse.

While the life change inventory does not cover all changes we might experience, it provides a good indication of the level of stress and the resultant risk for changes in our health status in the year ahead.

If you've been through significant changes this year, take a moment to assess your score on the Life Change Index, then check out the ultimate key to keeping yourself healthy despite the stress.

How to Use the Homes-Rahe Life Change Index 

Using the index below, identify changes you've experienced in the last year and add up the total life change units to see what risk category you're in for experiencing health problems in the next year.

Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index 

Life event	Life change units
Death of a spouse	100
Divorce	73
Marital separation	65
Imprisonment	63
Death of a close family member	63
Personal injury or illness	53
Marriage	50
Dismissal from work	47
Marital reconciliation	45
Retirement	45
Change in health of family member	44
Pregnancy	40
Sexual difficulties	39
Gain a new family member	39
Business readjustment	39
Change in financial state	38
Death of a close friend	37
Change to different line of work	36
Change in frequency of arguments	35
Major mortgage	32
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan	30
Change in responsibilities at work	29
Child leaving home	29
Trouble with in-laws	29
Outstanding personal achievement	28
Spouse starts or stops work	26
Beginning or end school	26
Change in living conditions	25
Revision of personal habits	24
Trouble with boss	23
Change in working hours or conditions	20
Change in residence	20
Change in schools	20
Change in recreation	19
Change in church activities	19
Change in social activities	18
Minor mortgage or loan	17
Change in sleeping habits	16
Change in number of family reunions	15
Change in eating habits	15
Vacation	13
Christmas	12
Minor violation of law	11

Holmes-Rahe Life Change Index and Your Health

Score of 300+             At high risk of major illness--80% chance.
Score of 150-299        Risk of illness is moderate--50% chance.
Score <150                 Only a slight risk of illness--25%.

Pay Attention! 

What category of risk are you in for developing health issues in the next year? What's your score?

Me? I often score well over 300 life change units putting me in the category associated with an 80% chance of getting sick with a major illness in the next year.

So does that mean those of us who score over 300 are destined to get sick with a major illness in the next year? Or if you scored 150-299 that you are part of the 50% who will get sick?

No! What it means is we must pay attention to what we do now and in the next year if we want to be part of the other 20% or 50% who stay healthy despite the onslaught of changes.

The Question to Ask: What Do the 20% Do Differently? 

While 80% of the people in high risk group got a major illness in the next year--what about the 20% who didn't? What did the 20% do differently that helped them avoid getting sick in response to too much change? 

The Key~Let Go of Things that Don't Matter to You; Take Charge of Things that Do 

The problem with experiencing too many changes at once is it makes us feel like everything is spinning out-of-control.

This out-of-control feeling can lead us towards two ineffective extremes--giving in to a feeling of helplessness in which we're powerless to affect change; or taking on a hyper-vigilant stance in which we frantically attempt to maintain control over every aspect of life.

Both extremes--a sense of under-control or over-control--are associated with poor health.

Good health--despite high stress and high change--is associated with having an optimal sense of control over your life. What does this mean?

People who stay healthy despite experiencing a lack of control in their lives share one perspective in common: They feel they have control over the things that matter to them. They don't try to control things beyond their control (i.e. death) and they don't try to control things that don't matter to them (they choose their battles). 

As John Edwards says, "Our actions shift perspectives, whether it be your own or others." Take the actions that will shift your perspective and put your life back in balance after everything seemingly falls apart.

When Life throws you too many changes:

💓Acknowledge the changes.
💙Sit quietly, release judgment and lower expectations.
💚When in doubt, do nothing.
💛Avoid making major life changes for the next year.

Tomorrow is another day. Stop thinking and go to sleep. Wake knowing each moment of your life is new, fresh and vital, and start anew.

Find a way to feel like you have control over the things that matter to you. Focus on what matters most to you, and take action on the things that matter.

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

                          
For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Lightarted Living: I'm So Angry I Could Just Spit! How to Regain Your...

Lightarted Living: I'm So Angry I Could Just Spit! How to Regain Your...: 'Calmness is the cradle of power.' Josiah Gilbert Holland 1819-1881 What Sets You Off?  We all have that person or sit...

Lightarted Living: The Workplace Bully's Game: How to Stop Playing

Lightarted Living: The Workplace Bully's Game: How to Stop Playing: Conscience is the window of our spirit, evil is the curtain. Doug Horton Putting Your Finger on the Unspoken Problem The other night...

Lightarted Living: Having Self-Doubts? Embrace Your Audacious Spirit

Lightarted Living: Having Self-Doubts? Embrace Your Audacious Spirit: Unselfconsciously Fully-Engaged in Life When you embrace your Audacious Spirit , you put fear aside to unselfconsciously show the f...

Lightarted Living: The Only Way Out of Our Darkest Moments

Lightarted Living: The Only Way Out of Our Darkest Moments: 'Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as...

Lightarted Living: Einstein's Three Rules of Work: Find Simplicity, H...

Lightarted Living: Einstein's Three Rules of Work: Find Simplicity, H...: 'Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; from discord find harmony; in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.&...

Lightarted Living: What to do while Waiting for the Other Shoe to Dro...

Lightarted Living: What to do while Waiting for the Other Shoe to Dro...: 'Before you criticize someone ,  you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way when you criticize them,  you are a mile a...

Lightarted Living: Offset Negative Thoughts: How to Stay Upbeat While...

Lightarted Living: Offset Negative Thoughts: How to Stay Upbeat While...: I now create a wonderful new job Start Your Daily Job Search Ritual with Upbeat Self-talk How you talk to yourself influen...

Lightarted Living: Why We Love Dogs

Lightarted Living: Why We Love Dogs: You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look  that says,  My God, you're  RIGHT! I NEVER would&#3...

Lightarted Living: HOPE: Never Give Up

Lightarted Living: HOPE: Never Give Up: HOPE   'Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stop...

Lightarted Living: Let Go--Be Happy: Tension is who you think you sho...

Lightarted Living: Let Go--Be Happy: Tension is who you think you sho...:   'Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts .' Buddha How do you react when things are going goo...

Lightarted Living: Upbeat People: Six Secrets to Being Optimistic in ...

Lightarted Living: Upbeat People: Six Secrets to Being Optimistic in ...: Write on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.... 'Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearl...

Lightarted Living: Relationship Difficulties? Seek Silence and Separa...

Lightarted Living: Relationship Difficulties? Seek Silence and Separa...: Stop! You're stressing me out! Dealing with Relationship Problems �� Where is the OFF button for establishing appropriate bo...

Relationship Difficulties? Seek Silence and Separation to Reestablish Boundaries

Stop! You're stressing me out!

Dealing with Relationship Problems

💓 Where is the OFF button for establishing appropriate boundaries in your personal relationships with love interests, spouses, children, parents or extended family and friends? 

💙 What do you do when you're burned out trying to make a relationship work? 

I love you but I need space!

Sometimes We Need Peace and Quiet 

Face it. We can all use a bit of space now and then when things get overwhelming in our relationships and life. 

Sometimes as we navigate life, things get messy and entangled between parents and children, spouses and partners, or with friends and siblings. Other times life just gets messy and stressful and we need to be left alone to sort things out. 

When difficulties arise and emotions are charged it's difficult to remember everyone is doing the best they can, including you. 

During times of upheaval in our lives or relationships we need ways to establish appropriate boundaries so we can figure out how to move life forward.

But too often that doesn't happen as we move in closer in an attempt to 'help' or influence one another and we implode in acute bouts of anger and frustration heaped on one another. 

When you do things from your soul,

You feel a river moving in you--a joy 

Rumi

Use Silence and Separation to Refresh Your Relationships

If the harder you try to fix a relationship or issue, the worse you make it: 

💓Stop. Pull Back. Do nothing. Do something else. Spend time with other people.

💙Seek silence, solitude, and separation so you can hear yourself think. This is NOT to be interpreted as giving someone 'the silent treatment'--it's a calm time out from interacting. You need solitude so you can 'do things from your soul'.

💚Sometimes you don't need to talk more to solve a difference or problem. You need to put it down, separate, and create open space for everyone to breath and think.

“Life becomes easier when you learn 

to accept an apology you never got.”

Robert Brault

For Family Issues 

💙After you've reset your boundaries with a troublesome family member, consider what you want in the relationship. Do you want this person out of your life for good, or do you want to reestablish your relationship and work through the current difficulty?

💓Think long term. Don't let hurts separate you forever. Find your compassion and sense of humor.

Definition of Family: The people who stick with you through all the problems you'd never have if they weren't your family.

For Love Interests

💓Always set appropriate boundaries according to the spoken rules of the relationship.

What do you do when someone you're interested in romantically says  "I just want to be friends", then proceeds to text you well after 11 pm or wants to get together at 10 pm?

While you may want to push the limits of the relationship, you will only burn yourself out by accepting the 'we're just friends' while still acting as if you are more than that.

To maintain balance in your relationship (and leave the door open to the possibility of a love relationship developing) you need to set appropriate 'friend' boundaries by working off the spoken 'friend' rule.

💙Friends spend time in the daylight and early evening. Lovers spend time late into the night.

When you play by the 'friend rule' you take the 'I only want to be friends' person at his/her word and you relate like friends--without allowing the other person to inappropriately invade your life like an intimate--you don't date; you don't take phone calls or text messages after 10 pm; you spend daytime and early evening time together, not late night time together--and you freely date other people and talk about it. 

Do not allow other people complete run of your life by allowing them to act on both the spoken and unspoken rules. Whatever the spoken rules are those are the ones you play by--not by what you think is really going on (the unspoken rules).

Silence IS Golden

Bounce back from feeling burned out by your relationships--seek silence and reestablish boundaries by changing one small thing. What adjustment will you make to regain your balance? How will you approach your relationship after you've had time to think on your own?

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before. 

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Lightarted Living: Overwhelmed by the Speed of Change? Discover Your ...

Lightarted Living: Overwhelmed by the Speed of Change? Discover Your ...: I Wish to Live a Life that Causes My Soul to Dance   Remember Typewriters?   I wrote my first few books and articles on a typewriter...

Overwhelmed by the Speed of Change? Discover Your Motivation for Keeping Up

I Wish to Live a Life that Causes My Soul to Dance

 Remember Typewriters? 

I wrote my first few books and articles on a typewriter. 

At the time I first began to publish one of my good friends and colleagues said, "Your forte is speaking and communicating to a live audience, Sue--I don't think you'll be able to capture that in the written word."

That was the only thing I worried about back then--could I translate the power of the spoken word into written words and elicit action from the reader? (Okay I worried about run-on sentences too.)

I didn't have to think twice about how or where to put my thoughts to paper. 

There were no personal computers, laptops, or tablets; No internet sites, FAX machines, or e-mail; No cell phones, smart phones, scanners, or digital cameras; No blogs, on-line courses, webinars, video conferencing, or learning management systems; No social networking--no Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn; No Kindles, Amazon or e-books. 

I used the tools available to me at the time--pen, paper, typewriter, white out with my best typing skills; and snail mail aka 'the mail'--alongside my naked lack of experience but strong desire to communicate with the world.

When Does 3 Months of Experience Trump 35 Years?

In the 35 plus years I've worked in the training and development field, I've honed my speaking, facilitation, writing and program development skills. Those 35 years of experience count for a lot. I am a skilled communicator, motivator and leader. I conduct meaningful and engaging workshops. But this is not enough.

In today's technologically-based world, sometimes 3 months of experience trumps 35 years of experience. 

This isn't to say 35 years of experience in the workplace isn't important. It means it's just as important for us to stay current learning and applying new technologies.

 Overwhelmed by the Speed of Change? Discover What Motivates You to Keep Up

If you're like most people, you're overwhelmed by the rapid speed of change in technology. 

But instead of becoming overwhelmed by the speed at which things are changing, seek to maintain a passion for life-long learning and look for your current motivators to help you step into the next phases of technology. Then take the next step.

In the last 10 years I've been motivated to learn how to use the latest technology by two things: 1) my need to communicate with and influence others, and 2) my desire to find new ways to play with and showcase my art. This is how the blog was started.

I started Lightarted Living so I could play with technology and communicate with you through the written word and the visual arts. In the seven years I've blogged my skills and confidence have improved without my trying. I've kept my eyes on my interests and learned how to use current technological tools in the course of following those interests.

What Blows Your Hair Back?

💓What motivates you today?

💙What sets your curiosity on fire?

💚What are you driven to play with?

Don't let your fear of not knowing what you're doing stop you from keeping up with the times. We're all inexperienced and ignorant before we begin. Once you begin your learning speeds up, especially if you keep your eyes on your interests rather than on what you don't know.

Figure out what excites you, and use it to motivate you to play with technology to further your personal and/or professional goals. The 1st step in is always the most difficult. Technology has in fact become easier to use by Luddites and common folk alike. 

What do you want yourself to do NOW? How can you play to learn and change? What's one step you can take to move toward something you want to do better? 

Small Daily Decisions Over a Lifetime Add Up!

Relax and Play! 

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before. 

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.