Feeling Betrayed and Bitter? Let it Go

Today my soul is cleansed of hurt and bitterness
Susan J Meyerott, artist

'Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.'  Robert Brault

What Hurts?

·                  Who or what has hurt you recently?

·                  What do you feel bitter about?

·                  Where in your heart of hearts do you feel life has done you wrong?

Sometimes Life Lets You Down

Ah, Life. Sometimes it lets you down. That job you wanted that slipped through your fingers; that love interest who did you wrong; that organization that treated you poorly; that economy that failed you; or that friend who slighted you without apologizing.

Sometimes things happen that leave you feeling betrayed and bitter. That's okay--acknowledge and name what you're feeling--and sit in your sorrow for a while. But when you're ready to brush yourself off and get back on top of the world, let it go. 

I speak and act with a calm bright heart
Susan J Meyerott, artist

You're Made of Strong Stuff 

Face it--you're made of strong stuff and you want to enjoy a fully-engaged life. You have what it takes to move through whatever challenge life presents you--and you're worthy of enjoying a rich, meaningful life.

Think about it--how is that hurt and bitterness you're harboring inside getting in the way of you engaging in or enjoying your life? What good things could you see in your life if you let these soul-killing feelings go?

• Have you failed to apply for a job because you're bitter about the last job interview

• Did you fail to ask that new person out because the last one hurt you?

•  Have you isolated yourself because you are hurt or bitter about how someone treated you? Have you refused invitations to get together with friends because you're home licking your wounds?

• Is that bitterness about making less than you deserve getting in the way of you appreciating the good things in the job or zapping your energy to look for a better paying job?

When you consciously cleanse hard feelings out of your soul you make room for more uplifting and positive experiences to come into your life. You can see current opportunities in your life when you stop wasting your energy on maintaining the hurt and bitterness. So don't stuff your feelings; cleanse them.

 'The soul has been given its own ears to hear things that the mind does not understand.' Rumi

Write on your heart that every day is the best day of the year
Susan J Meyerott, artist

Do You Care Enough About Yourself to Let it Go?

'Forgiveness is a funny thing—it warms the heart and cools the sting' William Arthur Ward

The question is, do you care enough about yourself to let it go? If yes, make today the day you affirm 'my soul is cleansed of hurt and bitterness'--and take a step toward doing something affirming that fills you with feelings of self-worth, fulfillment, and connection to life and others. You are worth it. Do it now.

  

'Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning.' Robert Brault

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Offset Negative Thoughts: How to Stay Upbeat While Looking for Work

I now create a wonderful new job

Start Your Daily Job Search Ritual with Upbeat Self-talk

How you talk to yourself influences how you present yourself to others. When looking for work you can feel particularly vulnerable and insecure despite possessing incredible talents and experience.

To offset the negative thoughts that set in, start each day acknowledging your positive attributes and affirming your belief in your ability to create and attract the right job--then take action.

These six upbeat messages are for you to use. Even if you feel silly saying them to yourself, 'act as if' you believe them and practice saying them anyway. If you don't believe in yourself you can't expect others to believe in you.

Yes, searching for work can be tiresome and make you angry. But to land that new position you must pick yourself up and start fresh each day. 

I am a strong, calm leader 

bringing wisdom and experience

Each moment of my life is 

new, fresh and vital

I have value and wealth inside me

I love myself—

my future is bright, joyous and secure

I move from the old to the new 

with ease and joy

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

The Secret to Starting Life Over

I move from the old to the new with ease and joy--Susan J Meyerott, Artist

'Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.' Douglas Adams

On the Brink of Transition?

Where are you at this very moment in your life? What are you trying to accomplish? Where are you starting over? What's making you anxious? 

• Are you looking for a suitable mate or considering breaking up with someone?
• Are you thinking of having a family or trying to get back into the workforce after having a baby?
• Are you searching for a new job or trying to decide if you want to quit your current job or break into a new field of work? 
• Did you finish college and you now face transitioning into adulthood and a new life and career?
• Are you trying to decide when to retire or how to reinvent your life?
• Are you buying a car, a home, or working on a home improvement project? 

Maslow's hierarchy of needs--from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why Do I Feel Anxious and Tense?

No matter how good or bad you perceive a life change to be, whenever you start over in some area of life--according to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs--you're left feeling anxious and tense as you nose-dive from being your most confident, best ('self-actualized') self to someone who is now concerned with basic safety needs. 

As explained on Wikipedia:

"The most fundamental and basic four layers of the hierarchy of needs contain what Maslow called 'deficiency needs': esteem, friendship and love, security, and physical needs. If these 'deficiency needs' are not met the individual will feel anxious and tense." 

It doesn't matter how big or small a life-changing event is forcing you to stop what you're currently doing to start over. Once you've moved into that uncomfortable place of feeling unsafe and insecure you have to deal with it before you can move on. 

And whether we like it or not--before we're able to 'move on to the new with ease and joy'....we must first get unstuck from feeling mired in the fear of the unknown.

Wake Up Calls (things that go bump in the night)

The last few nights I've woken up feeling anxious. I ran into a snag on a home improvement project that is forcing me to stop and start over in my planning to complete the project. I'm stuck and I hate it.

As a result of the stress I'm woken up by 'things that go bump in the night'--in my head and body. I hate the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach that wakes me up and robs me of a good night sleep. 

I shoot awake, heart pounding, and begin fretting about what's behind the anxiety--all the while trying to deny anything's wrong.  

But the body knows better than the mind. At the very core of my anxiety is something is making me feel unsafe that I need to acknowledge and take action on to calm my internal alarm system .

Times of transitions or change are unsettling and stressful for everyone. The fear of the unknown downshifts us into our very primitive, but street-smart, reptilian brain putting us on high alert for 'fight or flight' and making it difficult to be our best problem-solving self. 

Stress: A perceived threat, unpredictability, a feeling of loss of control, hopelessness, helplessness.

The 'How to Get Unstuck Cycle'

The Secret to Starting Over

The secret to starting over after getting stuck is to examine what stress is so you can offset the things keeping you stuck--then move into action.

If stress is:

• A perceived threat--you must take steps to identify and deal with that threat;
• Unpredictability--you need to take steps to make the unpredictable predictable;
• A feeling of loss of control, helplessness and hopelessness--you need to take action.

Stress is dis-empowering--leaving you quivering in inaction. When you feel helpless or hopeless to control a situation that feeling is further fueled by inaction. This creates a 'get stuck and stay stuck' cycle in which you fail to think about, act on or evaluate your situation. 

Taking action--no matter how small--is empowering. Every time you take a step it empowers you to take another. Every step you take shows you have options and you are not helpless.

Start using the 'get started' cycle.To 'start over' or create 'new beginnings' give yourself time to cycle through the 'get started' cycle to think and plan, take action, and evaluate your actions. 

The key is to show yourself you have options by taking action and evaluating the results of your actions--then basing your next steps on what you learned. Never stop taking action.

The more you stay in a pro-active state the more predictable the 'unpredictable' will become. 

Sit in it. Accept the anxiety and tension as your body helping you figure things out 'off-line'. Until you get to the truth of naming what is making you feel unsafe and vulnerable the anxiety will remain. 

It is only after you name 'it' and take action that your anxiety will lessen.

You don't have to like facing what is bothering you but until you name it and face it you'll keep getting those wake up calls from your body.

'Make peace with your today to improve your future... It may sound odd, but the fastest way to get to a new-and-improved situation is to make peace with your current situation. If you rail against the injustices of your current situation, you hold yourself in alignment with what you do not want, and you cannot then move in the direction of improvement. It defies Law. In every particle of the Universe, there is that which is wanted - and the lack of it.'        Abraham

Trust Yourself

Even when bad things happen, trust yourself to get through the troubled time. Know that all things seemingly good or bad ultimately work in your favor. Sometimes it is the seemingly bad things that drive you to do really great things with your life. 

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Douglas Adams

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Bored? Lonely? Waiting for Life to Happen? Break Free and Go After it

"It is not your role to make others happy; it is your role to keep yourself in balance. When you pay attention to how you feel and practice self-empowering thoughts that align with who-you-really-are, you will offer an example of thriving that will be of tremendous value to those who have the benefit of observing you. You only ever uplift from your position of strength and clarity and alignment." Abraham

Bored? Lonely? Waiting for Life to Happen?

Winston Churchill once said, "If you wait long enough....something will happen!" And so it is with our lives. The question is how long are you willing to wait?

You shouldn't fret about being bored or lonely. As uncomfortable as these emotional states are--they're great motivators spurring us on to do something different in our lives. When a situation becomes uncomfortable enough you'll use it to energize yourself to take steps to improve your situation.  

Your Tolerance for Being Uncomfortable Determines How Quickly You Move On

No one escapes experiencing boredom, loneliness or disappointment. We're all forced to move through rough emotional times on our way to finding or keeping that partner worthy of a lifetime, that life path we feel called to pursue, or simply when regaining our balance after making life transitions.  How much discomfort you can put up with will determine how quickly you move past it. 

Spurring Yourself On

In my twenties my major lessons included learning how to enjoy being alone while staying open to finding a mate, and also learning how to get involved in activities I enjoyed after seven years of disciplined academic life where I learned to postpone pleasure for studies. 

Later in life, my on-going lessons became learning how to enjoy being alone despite having a mate, and how to reacquaint myself with what I enjoy doing after experiencing major life transitions or working too much.

After I graduated from college I was fortunate enough to run across a life planning exercise that put me on the path to spurring myself on to enjoying my life and regaining my balance and direction each time after my life got out of whack.  I am sharing it with you below.

A Life Planning Exercise People Love to Hate

This is a simple exercise that takes very little time to do. You just have to start it...then follow through one step at a time.

The hardest thing about starting this exercise is many people find it uncomfortable to think about what they want. I've had people describe this and other such life planning exercises as the most important exercise they ever did--that they loved to hate.

If you are tired of being bored, lonely or disappointed with life, take the time to do the exercise. The key is to limit the amount of time you give yourself to consider answering to no more than two minutes for each segment. Limiting the time you allow yourself will limit your discomfort.

Imagine you have 6 months to live. All activities around your death have been taken care of. What things would you want to accomplish or do? How would you enjoy spending your last days?

1. Take two minutes to list everything you'd like to do without judging what's on the list.

2. Next take another two minutes to look over your list and refine, add to, eliminate.

3. Last look at your list and ask yourself how many of the things on your list are you currently doing.

4. Pick one thing on your list to do then commit to one step. Pursue it until you've had enough then pick another one and go after that.

Use Boredom, Loneliness and Disappointment to Propel You Forward!

When I did this exercise for the first time in my twenties I looked at my list and discovered I wasn't participating in any activities I wanted to pursue. Nada. I had just gotten out of seven years of college where I learned to postpone 'fun' activities that were not academically related. 

It was startling--and motivating. I started on a year of fun and adventure after that....getting involved in a choir, traveling, taking guitar lessons, doing art, writing a book, playing with friends--you name it--I went after it.

If this sounds like you, get going! Sure, you can wait until 'something happens' but why wait when you can begin to step into your life one step at a time.

Use your boredom, loneliness and disappointments to propel you forward!  Plan one adventure for yourself--giving you something to look forward to--then see how that feels. If you like it you can do it again. If you don't like it, do something else. 

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Overcoming Negative Thoughts: Great Possibilities brings Self-Doubt and Insecurity

Susan J Meyerott, artist

'Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and our clarity of purpose.'  Brene Brown

Big Dreams Always Produces Self-Doubt and Insecurity

What or who has caught your attention lately filling you with excitement as well as self-doubt and insecurity?

Perhaps you asked for a raise; started a new job, entrepreneurial venture, or commissioned art project. Or perhaps it's a love interest that has you twitter-patted.

Anything worth achieving, or any relationship worth developing, comes with a triple challenge that pushes you to both act and procrastinate at the same time —the nervous excitement driving the interest, along with its partners—self-doubt and insecurity.

If you let them, your negative thoughts and musings will easily overpower your excitement that motivates you to act--leaving you to quietly quiver and do nothing instead.

BIG dreams and great possibilities bring great insecurities. And the more you want something the greater your self-doubt. This is true for all great dreamers, leaders and lovers.

It is this lack of self-confidence fueled by the fear of being vulnerable and exposed that stops you from dreaming and acting with courage.

Susan J Meyerott, artist

Uncovering the Secret Fear: I'm Not Worthy

Let's face it--we all like to appear worthy, strong and in control of our lives and the thought of being vulnerable and exposed is frightening. What's behind that fear? It is the niggling thought 'I'm not good enough'.

Make no mistake--the negative thoughts behind your need to retreat and hide in moments of self-doubt and vulnerability are: I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy; I'm imperfect; or there's something wrong with me. 

You may try to deny feeling shame from yourself as it doesn't fit your strong, in-control self image.  Yet at the moment you adamantly deny feeling vulnerable you isolate and retreat from others.

Think about it:

Who likes admitting they got laid off and are now struggling to find a new job?

Or how about facing the public embarrassment of putting your heart into applying for a position you're perfect for only to have the job given to someone else (even if you were a close second)? 

Or how about wanting to ask someone for a date or being rebuffed when you attempt to step further into a relationship for making you feel vulnerable and exposed?

Each of these situations makes even the heartiest of us squirm in insecurity and self-doubt and sends us into hiding not only from others but ourselves.

The Fear of Disconnection

According to Brene Brown, author of 'The Gifts of Imperfection', shame is the fear of disconnection--we think there is something so shameful about us that if people really knew us they would reject us--so we keep our mouth shut and stay invisible.

The problem is this keeps us from being seen, heard, and known by others. Through our secret negative thoughts we bring on the very thing we fear--a feeling of disconnection and distance from others. And it stops us in our tracks.

How to Live with Courage and Confidence 

How can we be the hearty, resilient people that we are and not let the fear of our imperfections over-ride our desire to pursue our interests?

As Brown says, "Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and our clarity of purpose." 

In other words, we must publicly and consciously own and engage with our own vulnerability instead of hiding it in shame. (Basically--get over yourself!)

Reinterpret how you view self-doubt and insecurity

Make friends with your soft underbelly. To tame your shame and its negative influence on your actions begin by consciously acknowledging your humanness to yourself then to a trusted confidant.

When you acknowledge your negative thoughts as natural consequences of stepping into your life you give yourself choice and opportunity. 

'It always feels dangerous to be seen, to be heard and to be known. It is also thrilling.'

To step into your life and achieve your heart's desire you must experience, then walk past, the fear of not being worthy or good enough. 

'Choose to see this moment of fear as your 'dangerous opportunity' and consciously chose to step out of the danger into the opportunity.'

Break through your hiding place

Sit in your vulnerability. Acknowledge the pain and discomfort openly and honestly. Let yourself see the truth.

Energy-in-Motion

All great beginnings start with strong emotions that drive you to act. Think of your e-motions as energy-in-motion. Learn to put all e-motion--both positive and negative--to work for you.

Starting Points

Choose to view your insecurity and self-doubt as a starting points, not stopping points. They make you stop and take notice of what you want. And they help you take the time to consider if this is the direction you really want to pursue or if you want to change directions.

 'Do you feel compelled to take action or are you merely curious about the possibilities? Do you have the strength of conviction to pursue it? Is your desire strong enough to move you past your self-doubt and insecurity?'

Artist: Susan J Meyerott

"It all starts with Desire. If you are going to start some sort of improvement effort you must want to do it. Without personal motivation to take any step into the unknown, no matter how small, there is no possibility for success. Curiosity is sufficient but if it’s “just a good idea” that you don’t personally care about, stop wasting your time and those around you by considering it any further."                            Len Schlesinger and Charlie Kiefer, Harvard Business Review Blog

Choose to Be Seen, Choose to Connect

Practice finding your courage in your moments of insecurity and decide to show yourself instead of to hide. The more consciously you practice this, the better you'll get at stepping into the opportunities that are always present in your life.

In 'Four Steps to Authentic Communication' Robert Holden shares a Zulu greeting so simple and direct it's worthy of practicing it in your head even if it unnerves you too much to say out loud. When you come into the presence of another person face one another, look directly into each other's eyes and say 'I'm here to be seen'. The other person replies, 'I see you'.

Choose to be seen and choose to connect. Practice stepping out into your life, knowing you have value and wealth inside you worthy of sharing. 

'Your vulnerability and imperfections are what make you lovable and human. Choose to use them to your advantage.'

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Upbeat People: Six Secrets to Being Optimistic in the Face of Difficulties

Write on your heart that every day is the best day of the year....

'Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them; let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.' Rabindranath Tagore

Lost Your Resiliency Lately?

• Are you isolated and feeling discouraged about your circumstances? Have you lost something or someone important in your life?
• Does it sometimes feel like you'll never get that job or relationship that seems to come so freely to others?

Life brings plenty of challenges to stop us in our tracks and leave us feeling discouraged. 

Susan J Meyerott, artist

Everyone--even optimistic, upbeat people get sad, discouraged, lonely, and fearful. The difference is upbeat people know how to pull themselves out of the doldrums sooner.

How Do They Do It?

What are the secrets of upbeat people? Why are they able to maintain optimism in the face of difficult situations and exhibit resiliency in stressful situations? What do upbeat people do differently to bounce back?

The Secrets to Staying Upbeat

Upbeat people have faith in their ability to create their future. Through taking action they show themselves they are empowered to direct their lives--even when they're down.

Upbeat people understand the key to being empowered-- Knowing they have choices and acting on those choices. They always have one more action to take and one more card up their sleeve. This gives them power and a resilient attitude.

For upbeat people, their patience and persistence ultimately leads to payoffs. As long as we have options we can act on, we can move past disappointment and discouragement. 

Susan J Meyerott, Artist

From Discouraged to Determined to Delighted

If you watch upbeat people carefully when they're in a difficult moment, you'll see them artfully wiggle out of being stuck. It isn't necessarily a conscious action; it's just a natural reaction to being stuck. They don't like it, so they step beyond it.

I got a call from a young friend who was discouraged that a job she thought she was going to get fell through. When she didn't get the call she was expecting, she went back to the restaurant to check on the status of her application and was told they gave the job to someone else. Discouraged, she called to talk. I listened.

 As she talked, she described what happened and acknowledged her disappointment. As I listened I witnessed her transition from being discouraged to planning her next step. Once she consciously named what happened and how she felt about it her eyes were clearly fixed back on the goal--to get a job. By the time she was finished talking she had gone from discouraged to determined.

"I'm going to drop off 20 more resumes today," she said.

The next day she called me to say the first place she walked into hired her on the spot.  She had regained her power and gone from discouraged to determined to delighted by taking action.

"I like the owner, my co-workers and the customers!"

Sometimes You're Just One Step Away

This upbeat young woman was literally one step away from getting a job. By persisting after she was discouraged she bounced back and empowered herself to take the next step.

Like this woman, upbeat people continue to step into life despite failure, obstacles, and getting hurt. The message is--sometimes that job or relationship is coming with the next step-- so keep taking action in a direction that leads to accomplishing your goal even when you have continuously failed.

'Upbeat people continue to step into life despite failure, obstacles, and getting hurt. This is the key to their maintaining hope--knowing that job or relationship may be coming with the very next step which keeps them taking action that leads to accomplishing their goal even when they've continuously failed.'

Susan J Meyerott, Artist

Six Steps to Becoming Upbeat After Getting Discouraged

1. Acknowledge your feelings and what happened--then move past your moment of discouragement into a plan for taking the next step.

2. Find your questions and step into life to discover the answers. What are the problems you're trying to solve? What are your current life questions? What's the problem, and what do you want to do about it? Where are your options? What do you choose to do?

If you're lonely and want to be in a relationship, put time into studying what other people do to meet and be available for an opportunity. 

Where are you living? Where are you working? What do you spend your free time doing? When you examine your current life do you see opportunities to meet people through those activities or in those places, or do you need to rearrange your time and life?

3. Use distraction--sometimes when things just aren't going your way, you can 'act as if' at that moment of loneliness or discouragement. Go do something else--exercise, take a class, visit a friend--and act as if you really want to engage in this distraction to give your mind and heart a rest.

4. Stay connected--call friends to talk through your current situation; join groups with similar interests, get involved in a cause--put your energies into caring about others.

5. Stay well-nourished, well-rested, and active—even when you don't feel like it.

6. Learn to laugh at your troubles. 

As Will Rogers said, "If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old."

Life is often challenging, and sometimes downright hard. Become an upbeat person-- accept the realities of life, and find a way to create pockets of hope through your actions.

'Live as a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding.' John O'Donahue

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.