Avoiding the Enemies to Happiness--New Book from Grant Soosalu

Do you ever...

• Feel unhappy, down and lacking in zest and vitality?
• Find yourself blocked from achieving your goals?
• Lack the motivation you desire in your life?
• Feel there is something missing?
• Want to connect with the deeper part of yourself?

 Would you like to get more out of life? Gain greater levels of joy, happiness and meaning?

Grant Soosalu's new book, Avoiding the Enemies to Happiness addresses these issues while providing us with a fresh perspective on the value of seeking happiness and showing us how to remove the enemies getting in our way of achieving it.

Author and fellow blogger, Grant Soosalu is a wise man. I met him over the internet years ago when I stumbled onto his 'Enhancing My Life' blog. I found him to be upbeat and wise--clearly someone I could learn from. We share many interests in common, including making the world a better place to live in. So when he sent me an introduction to his new book I had to pass it on to you.

What's So Great about being Happy?

I love what Grant has to say about why he was compelled to write Avoiding the Enemies to Happiness--and why happiness is important to all of us:

"Research on happiness shows that happiness increases levels of Creativity and Productivity. It makes people more open to information and to connection with others. Happier people tend to focus on higher callings, on deeper purpose and meaning in their lives and from this they get flashes of insight and brilliance that can make such a difference to our world and our lives. Research also shows that happy people are more likely to be Compassionate. Happiness leads to pro-social behavior. Happy people like to help others, it makes them feel good in a positive feedback loop."

"So the more happiness we bring to people’s lives (and our own lives), the more we support the Highest Expressions of the human spirit. Happiness is like a powerful fuel for bringing people alive. And unfortunately there are insidious enemies to human happiness! Enemies that destroy your joy and meaning in life. And therefore enemies to the highest expression of you!" 

Wanting to Be Happy Not a Selfish Quest

I don't know about you...but this gets at the very core of why it is important for me to avoid the enemies of happiness. I want to be creative, productive, compassionate and fully alive. I want to have the energy and passion to do good in the world around me. 

Being happy isn't just a selfish quest--it is a way of being that allows us to be fully available to the world to achieve good things. It is a worthwhile quest to learn how to tap into the things that make you happy and how to avoid the things getting in the way.

Where to Find out More about Avoiding the Enemies to Happiness 

To purchase or learn more about the book, visit http://www.ae2h.com/buy-the-book

Grant is offering a 2 for 1 special on the book when you order directly from

http://www.ae2h.com/special-offer through July 12, 2014. 

About the Author

Grant Soosalu is an international Trainer, Leadership Consultant and Executive Coach with extensive backgrounds in Organizational Change, Training and Leadership Development. He has advanced degrees and certifications in Psychology, Positive Psychology, Applied Physics, Computer Engineering and System Development. He is a qualified Total Quality Management (TQM) Trainer, and has achieved Master Practitioner Certification in the behavioral sciences of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Advanced Behavioral Modeling. More recently Grant was awarded a Graduate Coaching Diploma in the newly emerging field of Authentic Happiness Coaching.

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Conflict and Misunderstandings--What You Understood me to Say vs What I Intended

Susan J Meyerott, Artist

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." S.I. Hiyakawa

How does Communication Turn Ugly so Fast When Your Intentions are so Good?

Do you have days when despite your best intentions to communicate clearly and respectfully with someone you find difficult, your words set the other person off and everything 'goes to Hell in a hand-basket'? I do. 

And while I may start with the best of intentions (see my halo and wings?), the seemingly intentional twisting of my words  by the other person quickly leads me to wicked thoughts and the worst of intentions (a sharp-tongued, fire-breathing angel-turned-evil spirit inside--muhaha). 

If you examine yourself closely, like me, you'll discover your evolved, mature self and your immature, reactive self fighting it out inside. 

Your mature self has learned to act calmly, set positive intentions--and hold its tongue; your immature self reacts and has the potential to come out swinging when threatened--calling people poo-poo heads and plotting childish revenge. Why is that?

People we perceive as difficult have the capacity to make us feel threatened and out of control which shifts us into our reptilian (fight or flight) brain. 

When we're caught off-guard in a communication-gone-bad with a difficult person, we revert to a more primitive, reactive way of dealing with the world as a means of protecting ourselves against the perceived threat.

Regaining Our Composure After a Mess Erupts

The question, is how do we engage our evolved self to more quickly find our way through a quickly disintegrating muddled mess with a difficult person--and prevent our reactive self from turning a bad situation worse? 

Sure, you could choose to sit in your self-righteous anger--nursing your negative thoughts and feeling smug about your rightness and the other person's wrongness--but that doesn't serve you or the situation in the long-run.

It's not easy to recover from hurt and indignant feelings to get back on a more positive course of action--but you are the only one who experiences your inner world. Why would you want to let the negative people guide your thoughts and your actions?

Check Your Perceptions

To call on your mature self to help you through difficult interactions you need to manage how you view the person and the situation.  

When we think of someone as a 'difficult person' rather than 'a person we have difficulty with' we set ourselves up to expect them to be difficult--and brace ourselves for negative interactions.

Understand you are the creator of your own perceptions, thoughts and feelings making up your inner world. You choose whether it is positive or negative--heavenly or hellish as the Samurai learns in the following story.

Susan J Meyerott, Artist

How We Create Our Personal Hell--Or Heaven

Pema Chodron in her book--Awakening Loving-Kindness--tells the story of a Samurai visiting a wise man to ask about the nature of Heaven and Hell. 

The wise man proceeds to berate and belittle the Samurai--calling him names and saying he is not worthy of this knowledge. The Samurai gets angrier and angrier and in a fit of rage, raises his sword and is about to cut off the man's head, when the wise man says, "That is HELL".

In an instant, the Samurai understands and sees he has created his own Hell in which his anger, resentment, and rage took him to the brink of killing this man. In a flash of understanding he drops his sword and begins to sob. The wise man says, " And that is HEAVEN".

Susan J Meyerott, Artist

What Are You Primed To Hear?

Every moment we make decisions about which path to take in response to life's challenges--including the negative reactions of others.  

We are all primed to listen and pay attention in a positive or negative way based on how we've trained ourselves. 

Sometimes people are primed to misunderstand and feel threatened causing them to listen for slights, criticism or blame. This can intensify when cliques have formed at work or in the family, creating us against them factions.

Once someone's feelings get hurt--and avoidance sets in--you can end up in a never-ending cycle of misunderstanding and hurt feelings, criticism and blame, and talking about rather than talking to the other person which ultimately leads to more factions, taking sides, and bad mouthing. 

Although you may strive to communicate in a positive manner to a person 'dug in' it may not be received that way because the person is already primed to hear what you say as negative--and vice versa. 

Artist: Susan J Meyerott

The Bottom-line: Choose How You Want to Behave Regardless

So what can you do when the other person is primed to hear anything you say as negative and threatening? 

Choose how you want to behave regardless of how the other person behaves. 

Check your intentions, stay the course, keep your eyes on your life goals, and commit to working from your mature self.

Decide how YOU want to be--and how you want to live your life--and let that be your guide for moving forward. 

Not everyone is going to like you--and you will have people in your life who are difficult to deal with. The question always comes back to how do you want to live your life and how do you wish to behave?

So after you get over feeling indignant and hurt about the twisting of your words and intentions--redirect your attention by asking yourself: 

• What do you want to build or create in your life?
• What actions do you want to commit to despite obstacles and misunderstandings?
• What attitudes do you want to live with? When you look inside, do you carry more negative, than positive thoughts or more positive than negative thoughts?
• How are you training yourself to listen?

'Always do right; this will gratify some and astonish the rest.'  Mark Twain

Road-map to Repair Relationship after Miscommunication

Susan J Meyerott

*Special thanks to Lee for sending me Pema Chodron's website. As always--perfect story; perfect timing.

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Helen Keller: Life is a Daring Adventure or it is Nothing

Artist: Susan J Meyerott

What will you do today to make your life feel new, fresh and vital?

'I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.'  Helen Keller

Artist: Susan J Meyerott

What golden opportunities are waiting for you out there?

What golden opportunity would you pursue if you knew you couldn't fail?

'Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.' Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Artist: Susan J Meyerott

How do you create daily life adventures? What are you enthusiastic about? What could lead you on a merry life adventure? 

Take a step in. Follow your interests down a path of adventure.

'Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.' Sarah Ban Breathnach

Weaving Your Way Around the World

How can you use your interests and passions to lead you on a merry life of adventure? Here's one person's story.

My sister Jean is a textile artist who has created an adventurous and engaging life through her passion for weaving.  

Over the years I've watched Jean as she enthusiastically immersed herself in learning how to weave tiny threads while staying open to the influences of textile artists around her. It was this focus on tiny threads that opened the world to her.

As part of a vibrant community of weavers, Jean has traveled the world to study the art and methods of regional artists--in places such as Vietnam, Bali, and Peru. She has woven a colorful life of friendship, learning, and adventure that renews and inspires her to create more.

And it all started with a tiny thread. 

Be an adventure voyeur--click on the link to the video of Jean's latest trip to Peru and vicariously experience the fun. Then think about how you're going to immerse yourself in a life of adventure--one tiny thread at a time.


http://animoto.com/play/Niyid9vstCFz4GCvlKwdmQ

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Believe in Yourself--Delight in Your Weaknesses; Learn from Mistakes; and Leave Your Critics at the Door

I am what I am--Creative and Messy

'To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.'    William Arthur Ward

Do you ever catch a glimpse of the truth of yourself as you go about your day? I do—and it always puts a smile on my face.

I am a person fraught with weaknesses that make other people shudder. My weaknesses are of the large variety that others love to point out to me--just in case I miss them.

One of my more notable weaknesses is my messiness. It's always been a great conversation piece among friends and family.

I have the unique ability to storm a room in a fit of creativity, creating a whirlwind of activity that leaves an untidy mess in its wake.  Some refer to my messiness as a force of nature while others just call it wrong. Me? I call it the creative process.

My inclination towards messiness arises out of a natural preference for organizing in piles, not files. I'm a girl who likes to have all her resources laid out before her when she works. As soon as I put it all away--neatly stored in files--my creativity disappears. I have to see it to be inspired--and for me it's all about the inspiration!

A Sheep in Form-Fitting Wolf Attire

Sure, over the years I've learned to put up false fronts and outfit this sheep in form-fitting wolf attire for the comfort of others. I've learned to live comfortably and calmly in the world of others expectations—but it's not my preferred way of being. So retreating into my inner world is where I go to be free of judgment.

The Extrovert's Wondrous Inner World 

'Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.'   Vincent Van Gogh

Although I am an extrovert who loves interacting in the outer world—the truth is--I relish retreating into my own world where I can fully appreciate my own company--unencumbered by the critical eyes of others.

In my own private world I fully accept, roll in, embellish and enjoy the person that I am. I answer to no one--leaving judgment on my person to dwell outside while I move into my fully-loaded free-flowing and uninhibited self. In that private moment I am incorrigible—and I love it. 

Delight in Your Weaknesses 

Like me, you probably have weaknesses you try to hide to maintain a better image in the world. But don't be so fast to put those weaknesses down--learn to delight in them instead.

Our so-called weaknesses have an upside to them--they are in fact the flip-side of our strengths. 

Your weaknesses can more effectively be viewed as strengths overused.  (I.e. Your  strengths only show up as weaknesses when overused--too much of a good thing.)

By learning to revel in and appreciate your weaknesses instead of being ashamed of them--you'll quickly discover the key to becoming your best self is to learn to exercise control over your strengths, not hide your weaknesses. 

'It's a whole lot easier to gently pull back on doing something you do well than it is to attempt to rid yourself of something you see as bad.'

Exercise Control over your Strengths 

My son, Sean--an extrovert--has a great sense of humor that used to get him in trouble when he was in middle school. He would talk too much and joke around during class--and ultimately annoy his teachers who would note these weaknesses on his report card.

Back in middle school, I told Sean his lesson was to learn how to exercise control over his fabulous strengths--his gregarious and fun-loving nature--so he could wield them appropriately. By  practicing  control over his assets as he matured, he became more effective.

The upside of being able to engage others with a great sense of humor is these are personal assets that--when managed properly--can help you go far in life. As an adult, Sean has put those strengths to use in his work as a project manager. 

Before you can change or improve upon yourself, you must accept and love the person you are now--warts and all. Change begins with a belief in yourself--and that means learning to leave your critics at the door while you enjoy your so-called weaknesses. 

If and when you are ready to balance your nature, practice exercising control over your strengths by gently pulling back on what you do well instead of attempting to get rid of something you view as bad.


When You're Being Run Out of Town, Get in Front and Make it Look Like a Parade

 'When you're being run out of town, get in front and make it look like a parade' has been my life mantra (always thought it was PT Barnum quote...but not sure).It gets at the heart of 'embrace your weaknesses and showcase them as strengths'. Stop hiding yourself--put it out there for all to see.

Don't be too quick to accept other's judgments on your imperfections. Within your imperfections lie great treasures worth parading in front of others. Learn to laugh at your foibles--and be ready to forgive yourself for your weaknesses. 

'Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.' Les Brown

I meant to do my work today

Lyrics from Elton John Song in Friends Soundtrack 1970

I meant to do my work today

But a brown bird sang in the apple tree

I know that one too

And a butterfly flitted across the field

And all the leaves were calling me

And the buttercups nodded their smiling heads

Greeting the bees who came to call

And I asked the lizard the time of day

As he sunned himself on a moss grove

And the wind went sighing over the land

Tossing the grasses to and fro

And a rainbow held out its shining hand

So what could I do but laugh and go

http://www.eltonography.com/songs/i_meant_to_do_my_work_today.html

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For more than 30 years, Susan has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Maya Angelou: People Will Never Forget How You Made them Feel

Life is Good!

Susan J Meyerott, Artist

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. Pericles

With fond memories of Maya Angelou--

whose thoughts are woven into the lives of so many.

This is Your Life!

~20 years down the road, when you look back at your life and career, what do you want to see you've contributed or accomplished?

~How do you want to be remembered by others?

~What will your legacy be?  Will it be engraved in a stone monument or woven into the lives of others?

This is your life--Make something of it each day. Strive to do good in little ways. Make a difference in the life of one living being today~be it human or animal or earth.

Be Humble: If you want to be remembered~be humble. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less in the service of others. Your little acts of kindness offered up with humility are what are woven into the lives of others.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~Maya Angelou

Plant Kindness~Harvest Love

Susan J Meyerott, Artist

 The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.~ Oscar Wilde

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Who Are Your Influencers of Attitude?

Communing with Nature:
Pre-fabricated green house/garden shed kit designed by Ville Hara and Linda Bergroth for Kekkilä Garden (Finland.) shown on linen and lavender website.

http://www.linenandlavender.net/2014/05/communing-with-nature.html

'Your love of life is rekindled in times of stillness, and in turn your sense of purpose is revealed. Slow down to enjoy those moments of stillness.' Susan J Meyerott

Who are Your Influencers of Attitude? 

Ahhhh...I love the conversations I have with you--the people in my life--my chosen influencers of attitude! 

Some of you share stories or poems of inspiration with me, and some share images to soothe. You are the people who, in your desire to have a positive influence on those around you, send out positive messages and images to lighten the mood or give hope to the weary.

In my morning meditations--which really consists of lingering over the tasty tidbits you share so I can turn around and share them with others--I imagine our conversations to be like prayerful 'responsorials' planting positive seeds in each others lives and attitudes. 

"Peace be with you"

"And also with you"

You are my chosen influencers of attitude who help me see the world with a refreshed set of eyes. So who are yours? 

'Who do you chose to give the power to be a compelling force on your actions, behavior, and attitudes? Do you actively choose or do you leave it to chance?'

Imagining a Womb with a View

Lee is one of my influencers of attitude. The image 'communing with nature' came from Lee, with whom I share a love of art and imagination. When we get together we spend hours lingering over photo and art books firing our imagination. We enter a place where time stands still and  we get lost in a sea of pleasure and tranquility.

Sometimes I put off opening an email from Lee until I can savor what is sure to be a treat. I ready myself for what gift will be waiting for me before allowing myself to peek.

So when I opened the 'communing with nature' email titled YES! I immediately saw myself in that 'Womb with a View' enjoying life's lingering moments--providing me a moment of tranquility to start my day.

When I asked Lee if she was going to build it (she lives on a beautiful island in the North) she replied: 

"I have already built it in my heart and you are resting in it."

And that is why I give Lee the power to be one of my influencers of attitude--she imagines good things for me!

Choose Your Influencers of Attitude

Choose who your influencers of attitude will be in your life--don't leave it to chance. 

Don't let your outlook on life be accidentally shaped by the negative naysayers. 

Actively acknowledge those who positively influence you and let yourself be guided by their good counsel.  You deserve a good outlook on life!

'We can’t direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive attitude.' Thomas S Monson

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Lao Tzu: Be Still--Stop Trying to Control Your Life

Photographer: Sean Royce
Just Bee

'How are you living? As the summer months creep closer and closer, reflect on your most subtle habit to try and force, push and control the beauty of the present moment. Allow yourself to experience life without trying to make life happen. Perhaps, as you are ever-changing within the depths of a perceptive stillness, you discover you are an in-progress precious work of art.' 

From the Rebelle Society      https://www.facebook.com/RebelleSociety

Artist: Susan J Meyerott
Just Bee

Experience life without trying to make it happen

Sometimes when our life picks up speed--and chaos and uncertainty loom large--that is the very time we need to slow it down and just 'sit in it'. 

Learn to: 

• Give yourself timeout from focusing on your 'all important' future--a focus that keeps your anxiety level high and you on constant fear-danger alert. 
• Allow yourself to relax to enjoy where you are and what you have now. This is your time to experience your blessings--not count them.

Photographer: Sean Royce
Be Still

Allow yourself worry-free moments of wonder

Stop pushing, pushing, pushing.

• Take a walk to enjoy the beauty in nature. Stop pushing yourself to pick up speed to get your heart rate up so you can hurry up and get back to work to make it through another day.
• Make a photo journal of your discoveries. Take a camera with you to capture in-the-moment treasures to help you stay present as you look for gems in your environment that tickle your curiosity. 
• Seek ways to waste your time creating delicious meals to share with family and friends. Let your creativity and taste buds lead you on a journey to slow you down and enhance your social life. 
• Enjoy that cup of coffee or tea outside while listening to the hum of the birds and bees and the soft rustle of trees while doing nothing. Stop pushing yourself to be productive.

'Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you'. Lao Tzu

Sean Royce enjoys lingering with Rosie

Be a Lollygagger

'By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning'. Lao Tzu

To put more in to life and get more out--you must allow yourself times of quiet when you practice doing nothing purposeful. 

Strive to be a lollygagger--a person who understands the importance of enjoying life's lingering moments. 

• Practice the art of wasting your time and puttering aimlessly. 
• Learn to regularly slip times in your life to dawdle, dally, dillydally, linger, shilly-shally, tarry--and smile.

Your love of life is rekindled in times of stillness, and in turn your sense of purpose is revealed. If your life has felt frenetic and scattered of late, take time to rekindle that fire of purpose. Slow down to enjoy those moments of stillness.

Artist: Susan J Meyerott
Be Still--Open Your Heart to Your Dreams

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.