Leading Meetings? Never Miss a Good Chance to Shut Up, Says Will Rogers

'Never miss a good chance to shut up.' Will Rogers

Tired of standing in front of Monday morning meetings sounding like the teacher in Ferris Bueller's Day Off ? "Beuller? Beuller? Beuller? Anyone?" If you're leading meetings people can't wait to get out of, use these trainer tips to turn your meetings into lively and engaging discussion groups that promote team work and produce employees fully-invested in the discussions.

Stop Talking. Do you think you control the meeting and message by doing all the talking yourself? Not true. When you’re the only one talking you're the only one listening. While you're enjoying the sound of your own voice, everyone else is entertaining themselves doodling, making lists of what to get at the store, and passing notes. All they hear you say is "blah, blah, blah, blah….any questions?" To gain control, you must give it up—starting with the need to hear yourself speak.

Start Listening. If you really want to get something done, redefine meetings as a place where you listen while everyone else interacts. Set up the discussion then shut up. Nothing makes you look more brilliant to others than when you artfully set up meetings so everyone is actively engaged in presenting their ideas.

Make it easy to speak up. Even the most outgoing professional may be reluctant to speak up in a large meeting--especially if put on the spot. To make it easy for attendees to fully participate, break the larger group into discussion pairs. Give people five minutes to discuss an issue in duos before asking them to engage in a large group discussion. Ask for volunteers to speak up and share what they think when you reconvene. You may be surprised by the free flow of ideas. When people are engaged in their own discovery process, the meeting is never boring.

 

'If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.' Will Rogers

Make it easy for colleagues to want to attend your meetings

 

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

A Journey of a Thousand Miles Must Begin with a Single Step--Lao Tzu

Be. Become.

No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. The Buddha

What's happening in your life right now?

• Do you feel like you've dodged a bullet when you see what other people are dealing with ~ yet you're still fearful about the future?
• Or have you faced so many hardships and challenges you're left feeling hopeless and discouraged about ever finding your way back to a normal life?
• Are you tired of thinking about your current situation and just wish someone would do something about it?

How to Start Over

When things get really tough it can be difficult to see your way out. Here are 3 keys to starting over and getting unstuck after having your life disrupted by economic hardship or personal crises.

Key #1: Take the First Step

Not much has changed in the thousands of years humans have been facing and recovering from the hardships of life. As Lao Tzu stated so long ago, 'a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step'.

We fuel our inner strength and sense of resiliency by taking action. But sometimes when faced with 'a journey of a thousand miles' we can be overwhelmed with the daunting task of where to begin. What is the first step?

The good news is any first step will do. Your hope, resiliency, and personal strength will grow stronger with every step you take. It doesn't matter what the first step is. As you experience yourself being pro-active and physically taking action, your ability to cope and hope will improve. So start with a single step--any step-- and then another.

Key #2: Take Small Steps

An old Chinese Proverb says, 'The man who moved a mountain is the one who started taking away the small stones'. When you're in total overwhelm mode, start 'taking away the small stones'--one small step, then another.

Key # 3: Build a Nest in the Eye of the Storm

Anthropologist, Margaret Mead, traveled on her life adventure, with change and uncertainty her constant companions. Her grandmother, a major influence in Margaret's life, sent her on her journey with the sage advice to 'Always build a nest in the eye of the storm'.

This grandmotherly wisdom has had a strong influence in my own life. Whenever major life events cause upheaval in my life, my mind returns to this saying, and I think how important it is to apply in my own life to get things moving and balanced again.

One thing I know--when you're in the middle of a crisis, the hardest thing to do is to think of taking care of yourself. You can forget to nourish your body, push your body to the limits with lack of sleep, and remain in a constant state of emotional overload. But if you focus on 'building a nest in the eye of the storm', you will begin to create a cushion to rest and a space for thinking.

What does it mean to build a nest in the eye of the storm? When life is swirling around you like a hurricane--you find a way to create a home-base of comfort--or nest--from which you can rebuild your daily existence.

Start with the basics to nourish your body and rest your nerves. Your body likes a regular rhythm that includes regular heart beats, breaths, sleep patterns, eating times, moving times, and rest time.

• Start by getting your natural rhythms back in place.

• Eat regular, well-balanced meals that nourish you.
• Pace yourself--put a time limit on dealing with your difficulties--and take regular rest breaks.
• Go to bed early.
• Choose to have daily contact with uplifting, supportive people who can listen and encourage you in your strength.
• If you're caring for others, take care of yourself first, so you have the strength and endurance to continue to help others.

Create a Place of Safety and Security

We all do our best thinking and acting when we do it in a place of safety and security. The key is to find a way to create your nest---no matter what storm is brewing. It may not be easy, but it is essential.

Life is a cycle, always in motion; if good times have moved on, so will times of trouble!

Indian Proverb

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Curb Your Anger: Personal Boundaries--Violate them at Your Own Risk

What Gets Your Goat?

Granted, there's plenty to be angry about today. But what is it for you?

• What drives you to the breaking point--leaving you feeling crazy, angry and frustrated?
• What tips you over the top leaving you feeling mad at the whole world without knowing why?
• What turns you from being a fully-functioning adult into a seemingly helpless and frustrated child inside?

E-motion--Don't Leave Home without it 

I hate to feel stuck or controlled--it makes me angry and frustrated. I am driven by the desire to move freely in my daily life, so seeking a way to quickly break free from encumbrances became important to me at a young age. Years ago I embraced a definition of emotion that allowed me to view all emotion in a positive light and to use it in a more fluid, productive manner.

'Instead of viewing emotion as good or bad, happy or sad--I came to understand E-motion as energy in motion. Our e-motions give us the energy to act, the drive to right wrongs, and the desire to pursue our dreams.'

Personal Values Define Our Internal 'Lines in the Sand'

The goal of anger management isn't to become a placid, 'Stefford Wife (or person)' devoid of emotion--especially anger. It's to learn how to use the energy created by the e-motion to create positive outcomes.

Chances are the situations or people that make you exceptionally angry violate one or more of your personal values. Our personal values define our invisible boundaries--our lines in the sand. When someone crosses one of those lines we feel violated, resulting in a wall of anger and frustration. And anger left unattended can quickly turn inward and lead to depression.

I get angry or frustrated at least once a day. But I've learned to use that anger--or energy-in-motion to help me identify what personal values have been violated. Being able to name the invisible boundaries crossed puts me back in control and provides the momentum for taking positive action.

By using my anger to help me identify what I value, I now have choices for taking action based on what I value rather than on what makes me angry.

Use Your Anger to Identify what You Value

Don't just sit in your anger, use the energy to identify what your personal values are and  take positive action based on them.

Situational depression occurs when you feel hopeless or helpless in response to a situation that knocks the wind out of you. To avoid getting depressed in response to tough situations, get in the habit of always following up by taking action that has the potential of producing positive outcomes.

What to Do

Think of a situation or person that upset you in the last week.

• What happened?
• List what made you angry or frustrated in the situation.
• List things you value that may have been violated in the situation.
• Chose a positive response based on your personal values.
• Take positive action--even if you don't feel like it.

Here are some of the things I've learned about myself by going through this process of converting anger into better understanding my personal values and choosing to take action based on those values.

What makes me Angry?

• Injustice
• Bullies
• Narcissists
• Untested Assumptions
• Overly Critical Judgments
• Controlling People
• Uncaring People
• Self-righteous People
• Lack of Opportunity for People
• Being Held Back

What Do I Value?

• Opportunity to Achieve
• Creativity
• 'Flow' Experiences
• Humane Treatment of People
• Humane Treatment of Animals
• Productive Work
• Harmony
• Freedom
• Caring
• Teamwork
• Enthusiasm
• Joyful Experiences
• Fun
• Achieving Personal Dreams
• Helping Others Achieve their Dreams
• Openness
• Truth
• Trust and Connection

How I want to act based on Anger

• Lash out at offender.
• Give them a dose of their own medicine.
• Cut offender off.
• Talk poorly about offender.
• Turn others against offender.
• Wish bad things on the offender.

How I choose to act based on my Values (Creating a Positive Outcome)

• Do nothing to let my anger cool.
• Look for ways to open up communication and develop trust.
• Talk to, not about the person, to clarify facts and understanding.
• Seek to create opportunities to work with others joyfully and enthusiastically.
• Seek more positive environments.
• Reach out to others to build trust and connection.

Don't let yourself be led by your anger. Choosing your actions based on your values puts you in the driver seat. Put your e-motions to work for you--giving you the energy to act, the drive to right wrongs, and the desire to pursue your dreams. You're worth it.

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Time Management: To Create Positive Action Discover What Matters Most

'Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.' Mark Twain

The Challenge: Discover the Best Way to Get the Most Out of Life

Each of us is challenged to discover the best way to get the most out of life. As Twain says, playing it safe only leads to a disappointing life.

To achieve a satisfying and happy life you must risk being hurt, wrong, scared, disappointed, rejected, ridiculed, and silly. You must throw off the things keeping you tied to your safe harbor and venture into the vast ocean of possibilities.

What Matters to You?

Putting yourself out there and going after what you want is a risk. The courage to risk comes from discovering what matters to you. Start by defining what you want out of life at this juncture so you can better guide your choices and daily actions. What you care about matters--it is the wind in your sails propelling you forward into a satisfying life adventure.

Discover what matters to you so you can:

• Concentrate your limited time and energy on those things that count.
• Plan your life so you feel more control over the things that matter to you.
• Create a sense of urgency for the things that are most important to you.

Explore ~ Dream ~ Discover

 Helen Keller said, "Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing." The secret to a happy life is to have the courage to continuously explore what matters to you and cast off the things keeping you tied to your safe harbor. Stop letting fear keep you tethered.

Navigating a Course of Action

• What would you do this week if you knew you couldn't fail? Take a step.
• What do you wish someone would ask you to do? Go do it.
• If you had all the money in the world, what would you spend your life doing? Start doing it.

Sail Away from the Safe Harbor

 What is one step you can take today to catch the trade winds in your sails?

'A ship is safe in a harbor, but that's not what ships are for.'
William Shedd  1820-1894

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Break Free: Throw Wild Parties in a Tree House--On a Limb--In Your Heart!

'The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.' Pascal

By the Light of the Silvery Moon

As I sit quiet and stay open, little gems--pictures, quotes, poetry and music come my way worthy of giving back to you.

I love that people, like you, gift me their favorite gems--ones that perhaps help us navigate life's challenges and times of self-doubt--or perhaps ones that make our heart and soul sing.

Today's poem, 'In a Tree House' written by Hafiz, a 13th century Persian Poet, is one of those heart-freeing gems. It was read to me one recent soft summer night by the light of a Blue Moon (2nd full moon in a month).

The poem is amazing--and well worth a slow, deliberate read. Let it seep into your heart and soul.  The picture below from Miss *EVOLutionaries on facebook showed up as I contemplated the poem. It is so clever.

Pay attention to the message in the picture and poem: Break Free.



Miss R*EVOLutionaries picture came to me
 by way of Lisa Sanchez-Navarro

In a Tree House

 

Light

Will someday split you open

Even if your life is now a cage,

 

For a divine seed, the crown of destiny,

Is hidden and sown on an ancient, fertile plain

You hold the title to.

 

Love will surely bust you wide open

Into an unfettered, blooming new galaxy

 

Even if your mind is now

A spoiled mule.

 

A life-giving radiance will come;

The Friend's gratuity will come--

 

O look again within yourself,

For I know you were once the elegant host

To all the marvels in creation.

 

From a sacred crevice in your body

a bow rises each night

And shoots your soul into God.

 

Behold the Beautiful Drunk Singing One:

From the lunar vantage point of love.

 

He is conducting the affairs

Of the whole universe

 

While throwing wild parties

In a tree house--on a limb

In your heart.

 

Hafiz, 13th century Persian Poet

 

 



'To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.' Lao Tzu

 

 

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Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.



Overcoming Self-Consciousness: The Enemy Within

 'I never take counsel of my fears.' General Patton

Do you hate being Judged?

Who likes to be judged? Not me--it stops me up like a cork, preventing the free flow of creativity and my usual enthusiastic engagement in life.

What's funny is sometimes that feeling of being judged is insidious--seemingly harmless and inconspicuous.

At first you may not really notice it. What you notice is you haven't followed through on something important--like asking someone out, applying for a job, updating your resume, or turning in a term paper or business proposal.

You can't seem to figure out why you failed to follow through, but you find yourself engaging in every activity except the one you want to complete. And every time you think about taking action your energy artfully repels against taking that step putting you out there in full public view.

So here's the question--who's doing the judging?

The Enemy Within--Self-Consciousness

Yep. There it is--me, myself and I acting as prosecutor, judge and jury.

Any other day we may step out into the world just being ourselves-- acting all normal. But the day we decide to do something that publicly moves us toward a desire or goal we get constipated. Suddenly self-consciousness sets in sending self-awareness flying out the window.

I am a fairly self-confident person so I am always surprised to discover this personal truth at play within myself. Yet none of us are immune to the pull of self-judgment leading to self-consciousness and ultimately procrastination.

On one not-so-notable occasion I was asked to provide samples of my work in jpeg format to an Art Center where I wanted to display my work. Since I'd displayed my art in public and sold it in stores for years this was no biggie--right? I had 100s of jpeg images of my creations on the computer. So why didn't I just load up the pictures and hit 'send'? Why did I drag my feet? At the time I didn't know--and I wasn't even consciously aware I was reluctant to act.

It was only after I distracted myself from thinking I overcame my hidden reluctance and realized it was self-consciousness that prevented me from completing the task earlier.

What Took Minutes to Complete Took Days to Begin

I would like to believe like General Patton 'I never take counsel of my fears', but if I'm honest (and in this arena I really don't like to be), I have my moments.

What took me minutes to complete took me days to begin. Self-consciousness and a lack of self-awareness had tag-teamed me once again.

For a professed non-perfectionist it's difficult to admit a bit of perfectionist thinking is what's getting in the way. But there it is--a public admission from this 'highly self-aware non-perfectionist about her self-consciousness, perfectionist thinking, self-judgment, and lack of self-awareness. Ugh.

But I know my secret admission is safe with you. Why? Because I know you have your moments too. The truth is we all stumble over ourselves from time to time. We bear down and over-analyze our self, work and actions. We see our work for what it isn't--and become self-critical. We become the judges looking for our imperfections--and it stops us in our tracks.

"You see your work for what it isn't; Others see your work for what it is"

The Wisdom of Trusting the Whimsy Within

So how do you get out of being self-conscious and get back into a freely flowing state?

You lighten up. A bit of silliness and poking a bit of fun at ourselves or life can be just what is needed to let go of self-consciousness and self-judgment. That's what 'trust the whimsy within' is about--lightening up so your true wisdom can shine through.

So stop thinking, lighten up, and take a tip from Ogden Nash--use a little silliness to get unstuck and fly through your flaws.

Ogden Nash on Getting Unstuck
 

"A flea and a fly in a flue,

Were stuck, so what could they do?

Said the fly, "Let us flee!"

"Let us fly!" said the flea.

So they flew through a flaw in the flue."

"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment."- Horace

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Recovering from Shattered Dreams and Battered Souls

'I don't know a soul who's not been battered

Don't have a friend who feels at ease

Don't know a dream that's not been shattered

Or driven to its knees.

But it's all right, all right.'

Paul Simon, An American Tune, 1973

The Long Road

With the long road ahead of me during a recent 12-hour road trip I found myself in a quiet, pensive mood. As I looked out the window at the cities and people whizzing by me I thought about the stories of pain and struggle I've heard from both young and old during these incredibly difficult times of change, economic hardship and lack of soul-lifting work.

Facing a long drive together, I decided to engage my husband in conversation to get his thoughts on solving these universal problems.

'If you were in charge of the world', I asked, 'what would you do to help others navigate these difficult times and help them find good jobs while staying upbeat during the down times? How would you advise them?'

We were stumped. We sat in silence for a very long time staring at the road before us as he pondered the issues before speaking, and I sat befuddled, unable to see my way clear. How do you find answers to these questions that are satisfying and useful?

During our extended silence, Paul Simon's 'An American Tune' came on to fill the air between us with words and music written so long ago, quietly speaking to the issues facing people today. I listened as Simon clearly articulated what I was feeling at that very moment but failed to find the words to express:

• I don't know a soul who's not been battered.
• I don't have a friend who feels at ease.
• I don't know a dream that's not been shattered---or driven to its knees.

In that moment I was struck with the humanness of it all--the struggle, the disappointment, and the valiant effort we put into pulling out of 'dreams driven to their knees' back into living the life we imagined. Its the same old story, repeated generation after generation.

Paul Simon wrote the lyrics almost 40 years ago (1973) and put them to music composed by JS Bach, composed almost 300 years ago. Still, the words and music so eloquently speak to the pain we experience today.

It was forty years ago, Simon wrote: 'We come at the age's most uncertain hour.' Yet here we are today, feeling we're the ones who've come at the age's most painful and uncertain hour.

No Easy Answers

We played this song over and over again, as the miles slipped away, so the lyrics could flow over us. As we listened to the song we tossed a few ideas back and forth but it was the song that provided the most ease and truth.

What I know about how to recover from shattered dreams and battered souls isn't much.

There are no easy answers--just this: Sometimes we need to just sit in what we're experiencing to acknowledge the pain without fixing it, knowing we're all in the struggle together.

We need to consciously name the feelings behind the struggle before we can heal and move on. And when we're ready, we need to follow in the footsteps of those who've struggled before us and take the next step.

What You Need to Know to Recover from a Battered Soul and Shattered Dreams

• You're not alone in your pain and struggles.
• You're made of strong stuff.
• Life is full of challenges made easier by sharing the road with others.
• You have all the ingredients within you to successfully navigate life's challenges.
• 'It's all right, it's all right, it's all right.' Paul Simon

 

'Many's the time I've been mistaken

And many times confused

Yes, and I've often felt forsaken and certainly misused

Ah, but I'm all right, I'm all right

I'm just weary to my bones'

Paul Simon, An American Tune

What do you know? Share your thoughts on how we can help one another during the age's most uncertain hour.

If you would like to see the complete lyrics to An American Tune or to purchase the music of Paul Simon, visit the Paul Simon site.
Lyrics to An American Tune by Paul Simon

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 If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

 For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences.

Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams. Ralph Waldo Emerson

'It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting'
Paulo Coelho

Man's Search for Meaning

Sometimes in the overwhelming challenge of trying to find work in this economy, or attempting to recover from a devastating break up of a relationship or loss of a loved one, you can be left feeling discouraged, hopeless and isolated. Looking through the lens of defeat and loss, life can begin to feel flat and meaningless.

The key to pulling out of the darkness is to change the filter you look through to gain a fresh perspective. Or as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams."

When you're dispirited and feeling low it may feel like an impossible task to change your perspective. You don't exactly feel perky and positive. Yet, changing your focus from your problems and the seemingly insurmountable obstacles you face to putting the focus back on creating a life based on your dreams and aspirations is the only way out.

I Know it Hurts--Just Push into the Pain

When I was in labor with my first child I failed to dilate fully so my doctor manually stretched me during the contractions that occurred one minute apart. This was the most painful and seemingly never ending process I've ever experienced. I could barely remain conscious the pain was so excruciating.

With contractions coming every minute, I would fall into a deep sleep for 45 seconds before the contractions would wake me up and the unbearable pain would start all over. As the doctor stretched me (60 times an hour) he kept saying 'I know it hurts, just push into the pain'. It took all my resolve not to kick him in the groin and tell him 'YOU push into the pain!'

But even in my darkest moment somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I knew when I eventually got out of what turned out to be 24 hours of hard labor, that comment, 'I know it hurts, just push into the pain', would become a metaphor for my life.

If Pain is the Teacher, What's the Lesson?

Birthing a new life--literally or figuratively has it's painful moments--but when you push into the pain and stay focused on your dreams you move through it to gain a new life. It isn't always pleasant or easy but when you achieve a dream it's worth it in the end.

There is no way to avoid or go around the the painful part of life on our way to achieving our dreams. No one 'has it easy'. But if we keep our eyes on the goal, instead of the obstacles, we allow ourselves to be led by our dreams instead of pushed by our problems, making it easier to endure the difficulties along the way.


Are You Ready to Turn it Around?

• Where have you felt pushed by your problems? 
• If you were led by your dreams what would you do differently? 
• If you had all the time and money in the world, what would you do with your life? 

Within your Heart keep one, still secret spot where dreams may go....

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

Contact Susan to schedule weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Feeling Weary? Had Enough? Take a Moment

Enjoy~Share~Create

Sometimes you've had enough. You just want to stop thinking, stop trying, stop pushing. You want to go to a place where you can just be and regain your sense of being a simple human who easily belongs to the greater human tribe.

If you could use a moment of simple joy and whimsy, pause five minutes to enjoy this YouTube Video 'Where the Hell is Matt?' that takes you dancing around the world. It's simple, joyful, and hopeful.

You won't be smarter, wiser, or more beautiful if you watch it. It won't get you a job, a date or a better life.  But afterwards you will know the world is a  better place.

We all need moments to regroup and renew our flagging spirits. Sometimes a simple moment is enough to give us the strength to face another day or take another step. Take one moment now. You deserve it.


Click here for 5 minutes of the Joy of Living

Click here for lyrics to TRIP the LIGHT

A special thanks to Moey for sending me this video to share with you. Add it to your 'no-brainer' collect of things that give your mind a moment of rest and your mouth a momentary smile.



Dance the dream in your heart.

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Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.










Why is Life so Hard? Advice from B. B. King

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Martin Luther King Jr.

Feeling Discouraged?

Lately, I've heard from many people feeling discouraged and disheartened by disruptions in their life, relationships and careers. Perhaps you're one.

Sometimes life is hard. It doesn't always go the way you want it to go, and sometimes you have to deal with difficulties you don't want to deal with.

Through the years I have always found myself returning to a B.B. King song 'Better Not Look Down' to lift me up and provide me the spirit to take the next step. They don't call him the King of Blues for nothing!

Today, I offer you a link to BB King's answer to the blues. Take a break from your troubles to listen--and don't look down!

B B King - Better Not Look Down


"You better not look down if you want to keep on flying;
Put the hammer down, and keep it full speed ahead.
Better not look back or you might just  wind up crying;
You can keep it moving if you don't look down." BB King

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Calm Down!

'Personal mastery is the discipline of continually clarifying and deepening our personal vision, of focusing our energies, of developing patience, and of seeing reality objectively'. Peter Senge, The Fifth Discipline

'You're Okay, Jessica'

Years ago I heard the story about a reporter who observed a mother in the grocery store calming her screaming toddler in full tantrum-mode. The reporter watched as this mother very calmly talked to the out-of-control child saying, "You're okay, Jessica. Everything is going to be okay, Jessica. Be  calm, Jessica. Just breathe and calm down, Jessica."

The reporter was so impressed with how calmly this mother talked to her child she followed the young mother out into the parking lot to talk to her as she strapped her child into the car seat.

"I just have to say how impressed I am with how calmly you talked to baby Jessica in the store, " she said.

The frazzled mother turned toward the reporter and giving her a tired, little smile said, "I am Jessica!"

Calming the Beast

I can't tell you the number of times that story--and punch line--has popped into my head.
I'll be in the middle of a crisis of other's creation swirling around me, thinking 'stay calm', 'breathe', 'relax'--when suddenly I see myself with that tired little smile saying 'I am Jessica'.

Most of us hate that stressed-out, out-of-control feeling. But face it--many times throughout the day we're hit with situations pushing us out of balance and giving us that anxious, queasy feeling in our gut.

So many things happen outside of our control, but our own response to those out-of-control situations IS what we have power over. The question is how do we best calm ourselves when stress happens?

Calm Begins Within

You are the only one who can calm yourself. Jessica knew this and made a valiant effort to calm herself as the situation unfolded. This is no small feat when the stress-producing factor is another human being who is tired, hungry and over-stimulated (i.e. a bundle of reactions and emotions with no ability to rationally negotiate).

But before you assume I'm just referring to the difficulty of dealing with a toddler, think again. Consider how often you begin your day frazzled when you encounter another adult who is also on her last nerve and sparks fly. We all become a bundle of reactive emotions when we're tired, hungry and over-stimulated.

How to Step Down to Calm

1. Dis-engage. Find a way to dis-engage your emotions when stress happens. If you can, walk away from the immediate situation and keep your mouth shut. If it's not possible for you to leave the situation, dis-engage your mind  by talking yourself down like Jessica did so you don't engage your mouth (WWJD--what would Jessica do?).

2.  Nourish Your Body. Get in the habit of keeping your body well-nourished--eat protein every couple of hours to help keep your blood sugars even. If you discover you forgot to eat and hunger contributed to your reaction to stress, grab nourishing food as soon as you can.

3. Get Physical. Your stress response--or fight or flight response--is set up for you to take action. To dissipate the stress hormones in a positive manner, engage in something physical--pull weeds, take a walk, clean the house, dance or do yoga--anything that will burn off physical energy and calm the nerves.

4.  Sleep and Do Nothing. Sometimes the very best thing to do is to do nothing. Stop thinking about what happened. Do something you enjoy. Sleep on it.


5. Stop and Start Over.  When you're ready, let go of the anger, stress, anxiety and resentment. Restart your day and relationship.

'If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.' Chinese Proverb

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For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Recapture the Idle Days of Summer

Photography by SRG

Remember those Care-free Days of Childhood?

Amid the haste of daily life, do you long for a return to days gone past?

Why not take the time NOW to renew your spirit, recapture the idle days of summer, and find time to re-live the care-free days of childhood.

Chose Peace and Contentment

You are where you are today because of the choices you made in the past. Where you end up tomorrow will be the result of the choices you make for yourself today. Choose to relax into the present moment and find your sense of peace and contentment.

Rekindle Your Innocence

• Use quiet moments to reflect on life's possibilities instead of life's limitations. 
• Reach out to others in support and friendship instead of focusing on things that are disappointing. 
• Wake up each morning with a full heart and a deep love for ALL.

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness,

not because they never found it,

but because they didn't stop to enjoy it.
William Feather

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If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Connect with Susan on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.

Life Suck? Deal with it!

'If you're going through hell...just keep going.' Winston Churchill

Sometimes Life Sucks. It's How You Deal with it that Matters.

I get it. Sometimes life sucks. Things don't always go your way.  But here's the thing: You either deal with it or you don't. And if you choose to deal with it you either deal with it well or deal with it poorly.

I'm Angry all the Time

No one is immune from getting stuck and dealing poorly with life.  I recently talked with a man filled with anger. His anger was directed at the economy, and 'the train-wreck coming down the track no one is paying attention to'.

And like the person who ineffectively speaks louder to make a person who is deaf hear, he became more insistent in his angry talk. His days were consumed with talking about 'the train-wreck' and trying to get people to pay attention. As a result, most people stopped listening and walked away, and his level of frustration and anger grew more intense.

"Nobody is listening to me," he said. "I'm trying to get them to wake up to the corruption and how their rights are being taken away, but no one cares. I am just so angry all the time."

From Creating Your Own Reality to Creating Your Private Hell

The funny thing is this self-made man is financially set for life. He has--more than anyone else I know-- lived his life believing 'you create your own reality'. As a result, he has successfully navigated life's challenges and enjoyed making money doing what he loves-- being a highly creative and influential person.

So what's up? What happened to turn this powerfully creative and influential man into a person currently stuck in his own private Hell feeling life sucks and everyone's stupid? Look no further than the usual suspects--a huge bout of stress due to major life upheaval and transition.

  

He's human. And like the rest of us mere mortals who deal with prolonged periods of intense life change, he has temporarily lost his resiliency and way.

After an intensely stressful period in which he uprooted his life--selling the house he built and lived in for more than 30 years and moving 1200 miles away he burned out. The spark igniting his true passion and drive has been falsely replaced with raging anger. He hasn't yet had time to regain his balance and rediscover his direction for this new phase of his life.

 Things aren't Always what they Seem

Sometimes we erect convincing false fronts--things that seem to be true, but are really hiding the truth. These false fronts aren't erected for other people, but for ourselves. For example, if this man exhibits intense righteous anger about the world outside (the false front), he doesn't have to pay attention to the war he's raging with himself inside.

Fear and depression often masquerade as anger. 'Fear managed by anger' is one way many people deal with the uncomfortable out-of-control feelings of fear or dread. Anger looks and feels more powerful. Yet the truth is anger only boils over when we feel out-of-control and/or powerless.

Knowing the Right Questions to ask is Half the Solution

Sometimes asking the obvious questions can help you or another in distress get back on track.

I asked this gentleman three important questions:

• What do you want to create in your life right now? 
• Is this obsession to talk about 'the train-wreck' helping you create what you want in your life?
• How effective do you feel bludgeoning people with this conversation?

The obvious questions produced the obvious answers--putting them front and center for consideration:

• I want peace, harmony and creativity in my life right now.
• Harping on the obsession puts me 180 degrees from where I desire to be.
• I am totally ineffective getting others to pay attention when I bludgeon them.

To Get at the Truth: List Your Complaints

To regain power and control over your life you must reclaim ownership for it. We all want to be in charge of our own lives, but sometimes life sucks and we lose our sense of being in charge.

If you, like this man, find yourself out of sorts, and dealing with life poorly, try this exercise for putting you back in the driver's seat:

1.  On paper, make a list of all your complaints about the people around you--what is it they won't let you do, or what they do/don't do you don't like, etc. Go ahead--let the complaints fly. Look over your list of complaints about others to be sure you've got them all.
2.   Rewrite your list of complaints about others replacing they/he/she with 'I'.

For example:

My Complaints About Others

• No one is listening to me.
• They won't listen to me.
• They're creating a train-wreck.
• They're being stupid.
• I have to bludgeon them to get them to wake up.
• They won't wake up.
• No one cares.

Rewriting my Complaints to 'I'

• I'm not listening to myself.
• I won't listen to me.
• I'm creating a train-wreck.
• I'm being stupid.
• I have to bludgeon myself to get myself to wake up.
• I won't wake up.
• I don't care.

 We don't have control over other people, only over ourselves. When we feel frustrated and angry we can't make others do what we want them to do, life sucks and we deal with life poorly.

When we bring our focus back to ourselves, we regain the ability to influence and direct our own lives. When we have complaints about others and life, it pays to ask the obvious questions and refocus those complaints on ourselves.

What about You?

• What do you want to create in your life right now? Take steps each day towards renewing your goals and regaining your focus on the present.
• Are your current actions and beliefs helping or hindering you getting where you want to go?
• What are your complaints about how others and the world are getting in the way of you having a great life?
• When you refocus your complaints from 'they' to 'I' what do you learn about the role you're playing in getting stuck?
• If you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?
• If life feels flat and uninspiring, act 'as if' you want to do something and take a step.
• Goals change as we transition from one life stage to another. If making money is no longer the driving force, what can be your driving force?
• Which do you choose--to deal poorly with the life you've dealt or to deal well with the life you've been handed?

"Life is not a matter of having good cards, but of playing a poor hand well" Robert Louis Stevenson

"What I say is, patience, and shuffle the cards." Miguel de Cervantes

The Heart has its reasons that Reason knows nothing of...



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If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Connect with Susan on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Would you like to Host a Lightarted Event?

For more than 25 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before. Contact Susan to schedule life change coaching, weekend retreats, or engaging Lightarted experiences to share with friends.