Knowing How to Fail is Key to Success

'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.' Sir Winston Churchill

What's happening in your life right now? Do you feel like you're failing in some aspect of your life? Are you harboring a secret failure you're hiding from others in shame? Off licking your wounds?

Listen up! You're one step closer to achieving success.

What do you think separates achievers from non-achievers? Education? Intelligence? Luck? Having an 'in' with the Boss? While each of these can help open the doors to achievement, they are not the key. Knowing how to fail is.

How to Successfully Fail

Years ago, the B.C. cartoonist captured the essence of how many of us view failure in one of his cartoon definitions:

'Flail: The opposite of slucceed.'

As the B.C. humorist insinuates, failure is often a crime worthy of a mental flailing. After we beat ourselves up, it may take days, weeks or months to get over the pain of that mental flailing. And while we waste time feeling guilty, frustrated, and sorry for ourselves, we fail to take the next step.

How do you view your failures? Are you so afraid of failing you have a hard time starting something new? Do you expect no less than perfection from yourself? Do you have a difficult time taking risks because you must guarantee success before you take the first step?

'Perfectionist thinking leads to procrastination which leads to paralysis'. Terry Paulsen

 If you're so afraid of making a mistake, you'll never take a step.

Don't let the fear of failure lead to perfectionist thinking and ultimately to getting stuck. Learn to use your failures like the top achievers do ~ as learning experiences that let you to turn failure into success.

Don't be chicken..scratch below the surface of mental flailings to 

discover the rich treasure trove of learning experiences

6 Tips for Turning 'Flailure into Sluccess'

1 Choose to see failures as learning experiences. 

When things don't turn out the way you want them to ~  stop with the mental flailing and make a list of everything you learn from your experiences. Ask yourself questions that move you forward.

• What went wrong?
• What could I do better next time? 
• What can I improve upon NOW?  What's the most important question for me to ask myself NOW? How do I turn this into a beginning, not an ending?
• What's the greatest lesson to be learned from my experience?

 2  Expect and welcome learning experiences. 

You're stagnating if you're not failing some of the time. Practice taking risks in less crucial areas of your life ~ make a game out of it. Become a game changer.

'The only difference between winners and losers is winners lose more often....but they stay in the game.'  Terry Paulsen

3  Choose to learn from people who enjoy their imperfections. 

Is there a person in your life who doesn't let failure get her down?  Watch her ~ Talk to her ~Get advice from her. 

Look for non-perfectionists to influence your thinking.

4  Take a step without  worrying about the results. 

Paul Clayton, a speaker on change said we waste a lot of time aiming for the perfect step. When we want to change, we get ready, then we aim, aim, aim, aim, aim.....and maybe shoot. His recommendation? 

Change to ready, SHOOT, aim. 

Take a step, any step, then adjust it afterwards if necessary.

5  Let your failures be an inspiration to others. 

In 1984, I was inspired to persist with my own writing when William Kennedy won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. What inspired me was his story of persisting despite rejection. His award-winning book, Ironweed was submitted to--and rejected by--thirteen publishers before being accepted for publication. Now that's the sort of person I want to emulate!

Your failures and struggles make your success more inspiring to others.  

Don't hide your struggles; share them.

6  Become a strong person who makes mistakes. 

It takes a strong person to admit her mistakes and accept herself in the face of failure. 

No matter how bad the fall from grace, if we chose to learn from our failures, laugh at ourselves, and are willing to take the next steps, we can fully recover and go on to have a good and satisfying life. 

'Strong people make as many and as ghastly mistakes as weak people. The difference is strong people admit them, laugh at them, and learn from them. That is how they become strong.' Richard Needham, Canadian Humorist

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail subscription.

Dealing with a Bad Case of 'I Don't Care'? Perhaps it's the Winter Blues

Dealing with a Case of I DON'T CARE

Do you ever deal with a case of I DON'T CARE --especially around winter when spring is a ways off? Perhaps you're dealing with a case of the winter blues.

The winter blues, or SADS--seasonal affective disorder syndrome—is particularly prevalent in people living in the Northern Hemisphere.

According to Michael Craig Miller, M.D., Senior Mental Health Editor at Harvard Health Publications:

"People with seasonal affective disorder syndrome lose steam when the days get shorter and the nights longer. Symptoms of seasonal affective disorder include loss of pleasure and energy, feelings of worthlessness, inability to concentrate, and uncontrollable urges to eat sugar and high-carbohydrate foods."

I live in the Pacific Northwest where the changing seasons create shorter days and less sunlight. If I'm honest, sometimes I can experience a subtle loss of pleasure and energy that I interpret as a case of 'I don't care'. 

So what do we do if we're hit with a loss of pleasure and energy in winter? We deal with it.

How to Deal with the Winter Blues

Let Go Feeling You're Defective

First of all, let go of feeling something is 'wrong' with you because you're affected by the changing season. It is simply your body's physiological response to the darker season.  Sure that loss of pleasure and energy are indicative of depression as your responses to life are blunted. But that means it's time to take action--not that somethings wrong with you. 

The good news is there are concrete steps you can take to improve how you feel in response to the darker days and longer nights. If you're uncomfortable enough with how you feel to take steps to alleviate your symptoms, try the steps below.  

Check Your Vitamin D3 Levels 

Be diligent about supplementing with Vitamin D3 in Winter—especially if you live in the Northern Hemisphere.  Have your blood levels checked and shoot for maintaining a higher level. Discuss increasing your D3 intake with your doctor. 

Invest in and Use a Light Therapy Box

Regular exposure to full spectrum light can help. Again, this is particularly useful for people living in the Northern Hemisphere.  While you may feel it's inconvenient to sit in front of a light box, the lift in mood is worth it.  Do what you know works.

Seek Perspective and Acceptance

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'   Virginia Satir

Stop thinking life should be another way in winter and start accepting things as they are.

Put your 'pulling-inward' energy in perspective: Bears hibernate during the winter so why shouldn't we? In some ways this is just part of the natural ebb and flow of life--we are in a resting or gestating period where we allow our brains to work off-line as they quietly hum below the surface. 

By accepting the quietude of winter as the natural precursor to the brightness of spring we can create a lighter experience around this understated season.

Actively Participate in Tranquil Activities

Enjoy a nap covered with soft fleece blankets or take a leisurely Epson salt bath or warm shower to ease the cold.

Take a good book or journal out to a cafe  or book store to enjoy the hum of human conversation around you as you sit quietly in a warm, bright environment.

Find ways to create a sense of peace in the misty days.

Get Outside to Get More Light

Bundle up and get outside for a walk or engage in your favorite winter sport--skiing, ice skating or snowshoeing.  Being energetic outside will pick up your mood even if it's foggy and grey. 

'But listen to me, for one moment stop being sad. 

Hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you.' Rumi

Keep Expectations Down

Yes, overcoming inertia can be a challenge when you're in the 'I don't care' mood. So keep your expectations down--make a plan to step outside for the walk or make a plan to drive with friends to the ski lodge.

If after you step out you don't want to walk much, don't. If after you drive to the ski lodge you don't want to ski, enjoy a hot cocoa and book in the lodge. Don't force it--allow possibilities to emerge by taking the first step.

As the old Aesop's Fable said, 'gentleness can succeed where force will fail'. Instead of overwhelming yourself with what you should do to overcome the darkness, find ways to embrace these days to create a more soothing, tranquil tone that lets you replenish your energy before you head into Spring.

How strongly you are affected by darker days and longer nights in winter will determine how motivated you are to do something about it.

No one likes feeling depressed, low or unmotivated. The stronger your symptoms, the more motivated you'll be to do something about it—even if you have to seek help from others. 

The way you cope with SADS will make the difference. Choose to find a way to brighten your winter days.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


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Burned Out? Seek Silence and Re-establish Boundaries to Bounce Back

Small Changes--The Secret to Regaining Your Balance

Feeling burned out by work, relationships or life? Want to regain that sense of balance and fire in your belly? It all begins with a single small change.

Seemingly insignificant changes in your environment, perceptions or actions can alter the course of events and re-balance the power in relationships. By making small changes you create different results.

Where to Start

Burnout is especially problematic for those of you who are service-oriented and heart-felt people who freely give of yourself without restraint. You are the caregivers in relationships and the hard-working, enthusiastic contributors in the workplace.

Too much of a good thing--caring deeply and always being accessible--can quickly turn those strengths into weaknesses, and your unbridled enthusiasm into resentment when you fail to rest and set boundaries.

If you are a caregiver by nature, start by looking for little ways to shore up your boundaries by compartmentalizing your work and life, and disconnecting from others daily.

Think about it:

Are you always connected to work and people through your computer, I-phone or other devices? 

Do you check your work email and text messages when you leave the office?

Are you always available to work or others--taking calls or checking messages when out with others or throughout the night with your phone turned on by your bed with text messages pinging on arrival? 

Do you make yourself available to work when you leave for vacation?

Are you the first one in the office and the last one to leave?

Turning OFF in an ON Culture

Living in an always ON culture creates a fertile ground for burnout. Without appropriate boundaries you never get away from the overwhelming expectations of the outside world.

When you're always on-call to others you fail to provide yourself moments of soul-saving, off-line silence letting you sit with your private thoughts and disengage from the unspoken expectations or needs of others.

To begin putting balance back in your life try altering the perception you need to stay constantly 'connected', then unplug from one activity that's keeping you 'always on'.

Choose One Small Change

Turn your phone off at a set time before you go to bed. 

If you just can't resist turning your phone back on when you leave it by your bed, put your phone in a location that makes it too much work to get out of bed to check it...preferably another room.

Separate work email from your personal email. 

Stop checking work messages at home.

Turn off the computer in the evening and on weekends.

Do something different. If you are home in the evening and just can't resist checking your computer or phone for messages, take a book or journal out to a coffee house. Leave your phone home.

If you tend to stay home waiting for that person to call, make plans with someone else--just get out of the house.

Leave work at a predetermined earlier time for one week. Let others know you will leave at that time.

For Relationship Burnout Seek Silence and Separation

Where is the OFF button for establishing appropriate boundaries in your personal relationships? What do you do when you're burned out trying to make a relationship work?

If the harder you try to fix a relationship, the worse you make it: 

Stop. Pull Back. Do nothing. Do something else. Spend time with someone else.

Try seeking silence and separation so you can hear yourself think--and set appropriate boundaries according to the spoken rules of the relationship.

Sometimes you don't need to talk more to solve a difference or problem. You need to put it down, separate, and create open space for everyone to breath and think.

What do you do when someone you're interested in romantically says  "I just want to be friends", then proceeds to text you well after 11 pm or wants to get together at 10 pm? While you may want to push the limits of the relationship, you will only burn yourself out by accepting the 'we're just friends' while still acting as if you are more than that.

To maintain balance in your relationship (and leave the door open to the possibility of a love relationship developing) you need to set appropriate 'friend' boundaries by working off the spoken 'friend' rule.

Friends spend time in the daylight and early evening. Lovers spend time late into the night.

When you play by the 'friend rule' you take the 'I only want to be friends' person at his/her word and you relate like friends--without allowing the other person to inappropriately invade your life like an intimate--you don't date; you don't take phone calls or text messages after 10 pm; you spend daytime and early evening time together, not late night time together--and you freely date other people and talk about it. 

Do not allow other people complete run of your life by allowing them to act on both the spoken and unspoken rules. Whatever the spoken rules are those are the ones you play by--not by what you think is really going on (the unspoken rules).

Silence IS Golden

Bounce back from feeling burned out--seek silence and re-establish boundaries by changing one small thing. 

What small singular adjustment will you make to regain your balance?

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


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Quiet Extraverts and Outspoken Introverts--A Perspective on Talking and Solitude

• Are extraverts people who 'can't shut up' or spend time alone?
• Are introverts people who are timid, and shy wallflowers that have difficulty speaking up?
• What really makes the difference between introverts and extraverts--and why does it matter?
• How is it you can have quiet extraverts and outspoken introverts?
• Which side of the 'vert' spectrum do you prefer to live?

Hi, my name is Susan and I'm an extraverted writer, artist and explorer of life

Contrary to what you may think, extraverts aren't people who talk all the time. We are better defined by being energized or stimulated by the outer world.

Extraverts are great at getting things going. We don't wait until we know what we're thinking or where we're going—we just jump into the conversation and start to explore (which can look messy to introverts).

As an extraverted writer, artist and explorer of life I like to toss out my latest interests to others to see what they know or what might come back that furthers my vision. 

And true to my extraverted nature,  I check in with everyone before I begin—listening to stories, concerns, and perspectives--getting inspired to act on the world in some fashion. 

My time is oft spent meandering down a run-on-sentence experience that flows from one never-ending fascination in the world to another while enjoying hours of solitude or listening.

So.....if extraverts aren't people who 'can't shut up' and who may enjoy hours of solitude—what really makes the difference between introverts and extraverts? How is it you can have quiet extraverts and outspoken introverts. Which camp do you prefer to live in—and why does it matter?

Where Do You Prefer to Spend More Time~Out in the World or In your Head?

The Key Question: What Energizes You? 

• Do you prefer to work alone or with other people?
• What do you do when you need to re-energize after a long day?
• Do you prefer to think before you speak or do you prefer to just jump in and figure things out as you go?
• When you begin a new project, do you prefer to check in with other people to find out what they think or do you prefer to delve into your own research to determine what you think?
• When you want to relax do you prefer to interact with the world outside you or do you prefer to escape into your inner world?

Extraverts and Introverts are not defined by ability to talk or be quiet

While some may describe extraversion as an addiction to talking or an inability to shut up this just isn't the case any more than introversion is an inability to speak up. There are quiet extraverts and outspoken introverts. And we all need quiet and solitude in our day to be effective. 

Knowing your true preference for introversion or extroversion helps you understand how to better manage your time and stress; how to be your most effective self; and how to live your most satisfying life.

Extraversion and introversion are better understood as the way we prefer to pay attention to and explore our lives, and therefore what tends to energize us.

If you're an extravert you prefer to scan and interact with the world outside yourself; Extraverts' interests --whose attention turns to the outer world--have broad, expansive interests. 

If you're an introvert you prefer to scan and interact with the world inside your head; Introverts' interests-- whose attention turns inward--have narrower, deeper interests.

One is not better than the other—it's just different preferences playing out.

Are You an Innie or an Outie? Where does your attention go more often?

Which world holds your attention more--the inner world or the outer world around you? While we all must live in both worlds to balance our lives, we spend more time in the world we prefer.

Outies  Extraverts are energized and stimulated by interacting with the people and things in the world around them and tend to spend more time 'out there'.

Innies  Introverts are energized and stimulated by interacting with ideas and thoughts inside their head and tend to spend more time 'in their heads'.

Introverts prefer the world inside their heads

If you are an innie, or introvert, you are more private and independent in your approach to solving problems. You hold conversations in your head and may even think you answered that person with the puzzled expression who never got an answer to his question. You tend to hold your own counsel rather than checking in with others.

Innies are interested in understanding the world and less interested in changing it. Once you gain your AHA! moment you may feel your job is done. Now the fun begins inside your head as you reflect on fully comprehending what you learned so you can delve deeper into what interests you.

To do your best work and re-energize yourself:

• Give yourself time to think before meetings when you're expected to speak up. That way you can have fully-formed thoughts ready to articulate.
• Ask ahead of time what questions others need you to answer.
• Write your thoughts and ideas down.
• Give yourself quiet time to regroup throughout your day. It's hard work for an innie to be in the outer world all day.

Extraverts feel compelled to change the world.

If you are an outie, or extravert, you are more comfortable in the outer world, check in with others more, and appear to be more of an open book to others. 

Outies are interested in understanding the world so they can change it. Faced with your AHA! moment you may feel your job has just started. Now the fun starts as you set about communicating what you've learned with others. You feel compelled to change the world.

To do your best work and re-energize yourself:

• Find people who like to engage in lively brainstorming sessions that allow you to just jump in and discover what you think--messy or not.
• Do something interactive with new information for better learning—don't read instructions--have someone show you how to set up a streaming device or new app; talk to others to discover what they think; draw a picture to visualize an idea; walk and talk through an idea.
• Engage in active undertakings to relax—garden, paint, walk, write, tinker with the computer, or go hiking.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail subscription.

Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude--May There be Peace within You Today

Are You Listening? 

How many times have you been sent this or other simple messages from an angel in your life--someone who takes the time to wish you well? What did you do with the message? Delete it? Read it impatiently so you could hurry on with your day?

It doesn't matter what your spiritual leanings are. It isn't about whether you believe in Saints, religion or angels. It is about someone thinking about YOU and wishing you well. This simple blessing is worth a moment of contemplation each and every time you receive it. 

Practice Mindfulness

I receive this blessing at least every other month. When it arrives I stop and do something with it to let the message seep in. I read it as if I have never seen it before--and I read it as if the person who sent it really cares. Discover the meaning in the words for your life today by asking questions.

💜 Where in my life am I feeling anxious, cluttered, or hurried? Let it go.

💜 Where is it I'm trying to get to in my life that isn't here? Relax--I am exactly where I am meant to be.

💜 Where have I closed myself in? Remember the vast possibilities available to me.

💜 What are my gifts? Am I giving them to the world fully today? Who do I need to pass the love onto today? Who needs to know they are loved?

💜 Where in my life do I lack a feeling of contentment? Let it go. Rest in the knowledge I am a child of God and all is well in my world.

💜 How can I let this seep into my bones? Today I will fully give of myself and contribute enthusiastically to the world around me.

We all need to be mindful of the blessings and well-wishing that surrounds our day. May there be peace within you.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.


If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail subscription.