Lightarted Living: Bouncing Back after Public Failure

Lightarted Living: Bouncing Back after Public Failure:      

Bouncing Back after Public Failure

 

 

 

'The point isn't to learn to fail it is to learn to bounce back.'   Rosabeth Moss Kanter Harvard Business Review blog

What has you licking your wounds in shame?

Think about your past moments of 'public failure'--what did you want to do? How did you handle your disappointment? How did you feel about failing in full public view?

Perhaps You:

• Put yourself out there to a new love interest, but your advances were rebuffed.
• Worked for an organization for many years and then they laid you off.
• Let everyone know you really wanted a job you applied for, then you didn't even get an interview.
• Left your job for another 'better opportunity' but it didn't work out and you ended up with nothing.
• Got divorced after many years of marriage.

 

Public Failure--The Crisis

Failing sucks--especially when we experience it in personally meaningful areas. We feel so exposed and vulnerable.

In those moments of 'failure'--after we've put everything we have into meeting a goal or achieving a dream--we're left exhausted and disappointed. The natural reaction is to retreat and hide--and never ever stick our necks out like that again.  

The Dangerous Opportunity

The Chinese symbol for the word 'crisis' is two pronged--meaning dangerous opportunity. In our moments of crisis--such as a public failure--we always feel the danger but how can we also recognize the opportunity that gives us the resiliency to bounce back?

Anytime we put ourselves out there in a public way we run the risk of feeling vulnerable and exposed. But we also increase our chances of experiencing the thrill of success--and that is the first place the 'dangerous opportunity' lies.

It isn't about whether we succeed in every situation, its about how we handle failure and put everything to good use--including dealing with disappointment.

The only difference between winners and losers is that winners lose more often but they stay in the game.

 

How to Thrive despite Public Failure

According to Rosabeth Moss Kanter, the difference between those who thrive despite public failures and those who throw in the towel in defeat is how we handle the losing or failure. 

Rosabeth Moss Kanter HBR blog

"The difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing," says Kanter. "That's a key finding from my ongoing research on great companies and effective leaders: no one can completely avoid troubles and potential pitfalls are everywhere, so the real skill is the resilience to climb out of the hole and bounce back."

Kanter goes on to say that even the most successful people face setbacks--and to have the resiliency to bounce back from mistakes or failures we must be willing to learn from our mistakes.

Embrace the Daily Dangerous Opportunities

While we'd all love to succeed without facing public humiliation in the process, it isn't the way it works. 

We must accept the danger as well as the opportunity with each public step we take. The only way we can avoid public failure is by failing to step into life and actively go after things of importance.

To achieve our goals and dreams we must embrace the daily dangerous opportunity inherent in life.

Choose to move past your disappointments and feelings of shame for public failures. Learn to embrace each of your failures as evidence of your active participation in a successful life.

Choose to learn from your failures--and as soon as you are able, take the next step to make a contribution, or connection that propels you toward your dreams.

Be brave. Be bold. When you're ready, get back out there.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

Helen Keller

Bouncing Back after Public Failure

 

 

 

'The point isn't to learn to fail it is to learn to bounce back.'   Rosabeth Moss Kanter Harvard Business Review blog

What has you licking your wounds in shame?

Think about your past moments of 'public failure'--what did you want to do? How did you handle your disappointment? How did you feel about failing in full public view?

Perhaps You:

• Put yourself out there to a new love interest, but your advances were rebuffed.
• Worked for an organization for many years and then they laid you off.
• Let everyone know you really wanted a job you applied for, then you didn't even get an interview.
• Left your job for another 'better opportunity' but it didn't work out and you ended up with nothing.
• Got divorced after many years of marriage.

 

Public Failure--The Crisis

Failing sucks--especially when we experience it in personally meaningful areas. We feel so exposed and vulnerable.

In those moments of 'failure'--after we've put everything we have into meeting a goal or achieving a dream--we're left exhausted and disappointed. The natural reaction is to retreat and hide--and never ever stick our necks out like that again.  

The Dangerous Opportunity

The Chinese symbol for the word 'crisis' is two pronged--meaning dangerous opportunity. In our moments of crisis--such as a public failure--we always feel the danger but how can we also recognize the opportunity that gives us the resiliency to bounce back?

Anytime we put ourselves out there in a public way we run the risk of feeling vulnerable and exposed. But we also increase our chances of experiencing the thrill of success--and that is the first place the 'dangerous opportunity' lies.

It isn't about whether we succeed in every situation, its about how we handle failure and put everything to good use--including dealing with disappointment.

The only difference between winners and losers is that winners lose more often but they stay in the game.

 

How to Thrive despite Public Failure

According to Rosabeth Moss Kanter, the difference between those who thrive despite public failures and those who throw in the towel in defeat is how we handle the losing or failure. 

Rosabeth Moss Kanter HBR blog

"The difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing," says Kanter. "That's a key finding from my ongoing research on great companies and effective leaders: no one can completely avoid troubles and potential pitfalls are everywhere, so the real skill is the resilience to climb out of the hole and bounce back."

Kanter goes on to say that even the most successful people face setbacks--and to have the resiliency to bounce back from mistakes or failures we must be willing to learn from our mistakes.

Embrace the Daily Dangerous Opportunities

While we'd all love to succeed without facing public humiliation in the process, it isn't the way it works. 

We must accept the danger as well as the opportunity with each public step we take. The only way we can avoid public failure is by failing to step into life and actively go after things of importance.

To achieve our goals and dreams we must embrace the daily dangerous opportunity inherent in life.

Choose to move past your disappointments and feelings of shame for public failures. Learn to embrace each of your failures as evidence of your active participation in a successful life.

Choose to learn from your failures--and as soon as you are able, take the next step to make a contribution, or connection that propels you toward your dreams.

Be brave. Be bold. When you're ready, get back out there.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

Helen Keller

 

Lightarted Living: Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up t...

Lightarted Living: Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up t...:    This is a reposting of a blogpost I wrote in 2017. It seemed important to post it...

Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up the Beans"

 

How we get comfortable with uncertainty

2017 Revisited: This is a reposting of a blogpost I wrote in 2017. It seemed important to post it now for friends who are dealing with a current family health crisis.

Arrow the Perro 

Waiting for News~Dealing with Uncertainty

Recently, I found myself 'puttin' up the beans'. While waiting in that numb and suspended state of animation for news on my sick 13 year old dog I'd left with the vet to get IV fluids and tests, I suddenly pulled out the paint, sandpaper, and paint brushes to paint the front and back door. 

I didn't want to think about the future. I didn't know if after days of throwing up and failing to eat, Arrow was on death's door so I did what I do when I face uncertainty and I'm unable to control the outcome. I did something physical. 

I had to do something--anything--to put one foot in front of the other while waiting in the sludge of uncertainty. 

It's what we do to calm and center ourselves in the face of uncertainty--we engage our hands to dis-engage our minds.

The Painted Front Door

I didn't think about what I was doing or wonder if I had enough time to complete the job before going back to the vet. I simply performed the task with determination and concentration. 

With laser-focus and no-fuss I completed painting with precision and in record-time. It was my natural way to cope with the uncertainty of the future.  It was my way of 'puttin' up the beans.

On vacation days before the stroke

Puttin' Up the Beans~Preparing for the Future

The term 'puttin' up the beans' originated years ago, after my mother had a stroke coming home from a family vacation. The family was reeling with the uncertainty of what the future held. 

After we gathered at the hospital an hour away from my parent's home, my father, who had been at the hospital all day, was tired and ready to go home for the night asked a couple of us 'girls' to go home with him as he needed help 'puttin' up the beans'. 

None of us questioned why at this time when my mother was still in a coma, he wanted to get home to 'put up the beans'. We instinctively understood his need to normalize life and act as if tomorrow's another ordinary day.

Three years later, as my mother was being transported to the hospital in the ambulance after suffering a heart attack at home, I watched as my father stopped to clean the kitchen counters and put dishes away. I gently coaxed him out the door so we could get to the hospital, knowing once again he was 'puttin' up the beans'.

Always build a nest in the eye of the storm

Treat Every Day as an Extraordinarily Ordinary Day

I remember the first time I learned about this desire of ours to go on as if it was another ordinary, normal day. 

While visiting a friend in Southern California, I was enjoying a cup of coffee with her and looking out her front window as we watched her next door neighbor--an apparently carefree young woman--wash her car in shorts and a tank top on a bright, sun-shiny day. 

'She's dying of cancer', my friend said. 'She only has a little time left.' 

She died the following week. 

Back then I marveled that this young woman--just a few years younger than me--would engage in such an ordinary, every day activity as she faced death. Today I understand she was just 'puttin' up the beans'. It's how we continue on--taking it one day and one step at a time. 

Keep on Puttin' Up the Beans

Life Requires Us to Carry On

In the face of uncertainty we must take one step and then another until the future unfolds to show us it's hand. And we must learn to do the best we can to keep on keeping on despite the uncertainty, fear and sorrow.

No one welcomes or expects these times of uncertainty and grief we stumble our way through. Yet in the process of dealing with them we discover we're made of strong stuff--and we find our own way to 'put up the beans' to help us through the most difficult of times.

Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up the Beans"

 

How we get comfortable with uncertainty

2017 Revisited: This is a reposting of a blogpost I wrote in 2017. It seemed important to post it now for friends who are dealing with a current family health crisis.

Arrow the Perro 

Waiting for News~Dealing with Uncertainty

Recently, I found myself 'puttin' up the beans'. While waiting in that numb and suspended state of animation for news on my sick 13 year old dog I'd left with the vet to get IV fluids and tests, I suddenly pulled out the paint, sandpaper, and paint brushes to paint the front and back door. 

I didn't want to think about the future. I didn't know if after days of throwing up and failing to eat, Arrow was on death's door so I did what I do when I face uncertainty and I'm unable to control the outcome. I did something physical. 

I had to do something--anything--to put one foot in front of the other while waiting in the sludge of uncertainty. 

It's what we do to calm and center ourselves in the face of uncertainty--we engage our hands to dis-engage our minds.

The Painted Front Door

I didn't think about what I was doing or wonder if I had enough time to complete the job before going back to the vet. I simply performed the task with determination and concentration. 

With laser-focus and no-fuss I completed painting with precision and in record-time. It was my natural way to cope with the uncertainty of the future.  It was my way of 'puttin' up the beans.

On vacation days before the stroke

Puttin' Up the Beans~Preparing for the Future

The term 'puttin' up the beans' originated years ago, after my mother had a stroke coming home from a family vacation. The family was reeling with the uncertainty of what the future held. 

After we gathered at the hospital an hour away from my parent's home, my father, who had been at the hospital all day, was tired and ready to go home for the night asked a couple of us 'girls' to go home with him as he needed help 'puttin' up the beans'. 

None of us questioned why at this time when my mother was still in a coma, he wanted to get home to 'put up the beans'. We instinctively understood his need to normalize life and act as if tomorrow's another ordinary day.

Three years later, as my mother was being transported to the hospital in the ambulance after suffering a heart attack at home, I watched as my father stopped to clean the kitchen counters and put dishes away. I gently coaxed him out the door so we could get to the hospital, knowing once again he was 'puttin' up the beans'.

Always build a nest in the eye of the storm

Treat Every Day as an Extraordinarily Ordinary Day

I remember the first time I learned about this desire of ours to go on as if it was another ordinary, normal day. 

While visiting a friend in Southern California, I was enjoying a cup of coffee with her and looking out her front window as we watched her next door neighbor--an apparently carefree young woman--wash her car in shorts and a tank top on a bright, sun-shiny day. 

'She's dying of cancer', my friend said. 'She only has a little time left.' 

She died the following week. 

Back then I marveled that this young woman--just a few years younger than me--would engage in such an ordinary, every day activity as she faced death. Today I understand she was just 'puttin' up the beans'. It's how we continue on--taking it one day and one step at a time. 

Keep on Puttin' Up the Beans

Life Requires Us to Carry On

In the face of uncertainty we must take one step and then another until the future unfolds to show us it's hand. And we must learn to do the best we can to keep on keeping on despite the uncertainty, fear and sorrow.

No one welcomes or expects these times of uncertainty and grief we stumble our way through. Yet in the process of dealing with them we discover we're made of strong stuff--and we find our own way to 'put up the beans' to help us through the most difficult of times.

Lightarted Living: Arlie the Wise Cat Speaks: How to be a BIG CAT in ...

Lightarted Living: Arlie the Wise Cat Speaks: How to be a BIG CAT in ...

Arlie the Wise Cat Speaks: How to be a BIG CAT in a Dog-Eat-Dog World

 

Persistence and Confidence are Key to Being a BIG CAT in a Dog-Eat-Dog World

Arlie the Wise is a 'Dog-Cat' who always wants to be in the thick of things--going on walks with the dogs and humans; confidently exploring his environment; and being the designated greeter of humans to his home. 

As Arlie sees it, the dog-eat-dog world is ours to conquer. Why else would we be given nine lives if we weren't intended to live life boldly and confidently?

In the beginning, Arlo the Wise came to live with his human in the Art Studio with two other rescued cats--Mr Bojangles and Blackie (Tar Fondu). Every day the dogs from the big house-- Rosie and Otter--would sit outside the studio to view and smell the cats through the big slightly opened windows.

The other fraidy-cats had no interest in befriending these beasts. But Arlo was a different story. He saw the outside and these interesting creatures and he wanted to go where the action was. He wanted to follow the human out to the big house at the end of the day to be part of what went on in there. 

From the beginning Arlo was a big gregarious cat willing to stake his nine lives on his ability to overcome challenges and lead the way for all to live in harmony, no matter what species or breed. 

When Arlie the Wise looked out into the world beyond, he saw interesting things to explore, not things to be feared. Sure, he had his moments. What cat wouldn't. You don't get to survive nine lives in a dog's world without being a bit wary. But he was mostly inquisitive as well as street smart.

It took three years for Arlie the dog-tamer to fully tame his dogs, Otter and Rosie. They just weren't having any of it at first. They clearly thought it would be better to chase off this feline interloper than to allow it to co-exist in their habitat. But Arlo was persistent and confident, and he would not be deterred.

So Damn Tenacious!

Over time, Otter and Rosie had to admit there was just something about this cat that was growing on them. He was so damn tenacious. Eventually they not only acquiesced, they gave Arlo a spot on the group dog bed in the big house, and accepted his confidant companionship on family walks. Eventually they became old friends who hung out together until both Otter and Rosie passed. Then Arlie started the dog taming all over again this year when the new pup, Moochi, arrived. 

Let the Games Begin Again!

"What fun to train a new sparring partner,' said Arlie the Wise when the change came. 'Let the games begin again! Life in this dog-eat-dog world is to be enjoyed, and nothing is more fun than a game of chase and pounce!"

 Arlie, the Wise says, never let life's fun get away from you. Chase it and pounce!

Arlie the Wise Cat Says Be Other-Conscious, Not Self-Conscious in this Dog-Eat-Dog World

Arlie the Wise never overthinks things. He acts instinctually, knowing that to survive nine lives we have to trust our gut and be bold. There's no time to be self-conscious in this life. We must look out into the great world out there and see what we want to explore, and then go for it.

We can learn a thing or two from Arlie. He doesn't let others view of him get in his way. He is just who he is and acts accordingly in determined pursuit of the life he desires. 

Three perspectives make up how we see ourselves and our ability to make our way in the world: 1) Our view of ourselves; 2) Our view of other's view of us; and 3) Other's view of us.

 As humans we can get tangled up contemplating these views that determine how we feel about ourselves. Giving too much thought to what others think of us can stop us dead in our tracks--wasting one of our nine lives.

But we are in charge of two out of three of those views influencing how we feel about our ability to make our way in the world. If we simply stop overthinking, accept who we are, and pounce on the world unselfconsciously, like Arlo the cat, we can change other's view of us and knock down barriers to our freely and successfully exploring the world around us.

Arlie the Wise Cat Speaks~How to Be a BIG CAT in a Dog-Eat-Dog World

Arlie the Wise says:

💓'I experience love wherever I go.'💓'Be not afraid. Conquer the World.'💓'Be bold. Believe in yourself. The world is yours. Chase and pounce on your dreams '💓'Be Catnip for others. Go unselfconsciously into the world: Be Yourself--letting the law of attraction work for you. Enjoy a bit of fun every day.'💓

Arlie the Wise Cat Speaks: How to be a BIG CAT in a Dog-Eat-Dog World

 

Persistence and Confidence are Key to Being a BIG CAT in a Dog-Eat-Dog World

Arlie the Wise is a 'Dog-Cat' who always wants to be in the thick of things--going on walks with the dogs and humans; confidently exploring his environment; and being the designated greeter of humans to his home. 

As Arlie sees it, the dog-eat-dog world is ours to conquer. Why else would we be given nine lives if we weren't intended to live life boldly and confidently?

In the beginning, Arlo the Wise came to live with his human in the Art Studio with two other rescued cats--Mr Bojangles and Blackie (Tar Fondu). Every day the dogs from the big house-- Rosie and Otter--would sit outside the studio to view and smell the cats through the big slightly opened windows.

The other fraidy-cats had no interest in befriending these beasts. But Arlo was a different story. He saw the outside and these interesting creatures and he wanted to go where the action was. He wanted to follow the human out to the big house at the end of the day to be part of what went on in there. 

From the beginning Arlo was a big gregarious cat willing to stake his nine lives on his ability to overcome challenges and lead the way for all to live in harmony, no matter what species or breed. 

When Arlie the Wise looked out into the world beyond, he saw interesting things to explore, not things to be feared. Sure, he had his moments. What cat wouldn't. You don't get to survive nine lives in a dog's world without being a bit wary. But he was mostly inquisitive as well as street smart.

It took three years for Arlie the dog-tamer to fully tame his dogs, Otter and Rosie. They just weren't having any of it at first. They clearly thought it would be better to chase off this feline interloper than to allow it to co-exist in their habitat. But Arlo was persistent and confident, and he would not be deterred.

So Damn Tenacious!

Over time, Otter and Rosie had to admit there was just something about this cat that was growing on them. He was so damn tenacious. Eventually they not only acquiesced, they gave Arlo a spot on the group dog bed in the big house, and accepted his confidant companionship on family walks. Eventually they became old friends who hung out together until both Otter and Rosie passed. Then Arlie started the dog taming all over again this year when the new pup, Moochi, arrived. 

Let the Games Begin Again!

"What fun to train a new sparring partner,' said Arlie the Wise when the change came. 'Let the games begin again! Life in this dog-eat-dog world is to be enjoyed, and nothing is more fun than a game of chase and pounce!"

 Arlie, the Wise says, never let life's fun get away from you. Chase it and pounce!

Arlie the Wise Cat Says Be Other-Conscious, Not Self-Conscious in this Dog-Eat-Dog World

Arlie the Wise never overthinks things. He acts instinctually, knowing that to survive nine lives we have to trust our gut and be bold. There's no time to be self-conscious in this life. We must look out into the great world out there and see what we want to explore, and then go for it.

We can learn a thing or two from Arlie. He doesn't let others view of him get in his way. He is just who he is and acts accordingly in determined pursuit of the life he desires. 

Three perspectives make up how we see ourselves and our ability to make our way in the world: 1) Our view of ourselves; 2) Our view of other's view of us; and 3) Other's view of us.

 As humans we can get tangled up contemplating these views that determine how we feel about ourselves. Giving too much thought to what others think of us can stop us dead in our tracks--wasting one of our nine lives.

But we are in charge of two out of three of those views influencing how we feel about our ability to make our way in the world. If we simply stop overthinking, accept who we are, and pounce on the world unselfconsciously, like Arlo the cat, we can change other's view of us and knock down barriers to our freely and successfully exploring the world around us.

Arlie the Wise Cat Speaks~How to Be a BIG CAT in a Dog-Eat-Dog World

Arlie the Wise says:

💓'I experience love wherever I go.'💓'Be not afraid. Conquer the World.'💓'Be bold. Believe in yourself. The world is yours. Chase and pounce on your dreams '💓'Be Catnip for others. Go unselfconsciously into the world: Be Yourself--letting the law of attraction work for you. Enjoy a bit of fun every day.'💓

Lightarted Living: I'm Over the Rainbow Bridge Yet Still by Your Side

Lightarted Living: I'm Over the Rainbow Bridge Yet Still by Your Side:  

I'm Over the Rainbow Bridge Yet Still by Your Side

 

STILL BY YOUR SIDE

I'm on the other side of the bridge

Yet I'm still by your side.

Be still and feel me.

I'm still your wiggly butt dog

Who gave you sloppy kisses.

I still know your dreams and wishes.

Sit Still

Feel me in the forest

Feel me in your soul

Feel me brush up against you

as you walk our old trails.

Know I am with you still.

Be still and know I am still here.

Lily for Susan Yeagley

Would You Like Your Furry Friend Memorialized?

If you have an animal that has passed that you'd like memorialized in a piece of art, email me a photo to scribble over and I'll gift you a print.