Twitter-patted? Tension is who you think you SHOULD be~Relaxation is WHO YOU ARE

'Tension is who you think you should be~Relaxation is who you are.'

Chinese Proverb

Tension is who you think you should be

Think back over the last week. What caused you tension? How did it relate to who you think you should be? Did you apply for or get a new job? Are you considering a change in your relationship status? Are you starting or finishing college? Are you considering a major life change such as becoming a parent, starting a business, retiring or buying a home?

We do it to ourselves—tie ourselves up in knots when embarking on a new direction, job or relationship. We get hyped and twitter-patted as we anticipate other's as well as our own expectations. Secretly, we fear we'll regret our choices, or fall flat on our faces as we attempt to navigate the future.

With the excitement of stepping out in a new direction comes the anxiety of living up to our own expectations. We want to do good, create a good life, and engage in meaningful and fulfilling work. But we worry.

To calm the out-of-control beast within, we need to tame the tension so we use our heightened energy to propel us forward without allowing it to tip us over into overwhelmed mode.

'A violent wind does not last for a whole morning; 

a sudden rain does not last for the whole day.'

Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Tension is useful when you tame it and name it

We all wage our private battle of bringing together where we currently are with where we want ourselves to be. The battle creating tension isn't the issue. It's what we choose to do with it.

Too often we think tension = bad and relaxation = good. The truth is, used properly, they're both good.

Tension will wear your body down if you fail to pay attention to it. But when you pay attention, you raise your awareness of what's causing the discrepancy between where you are and where you want to be, and you free yourself up to make conscious choices about how to effectively deal with the tension.

'In the dew of little things the heart finds it's morning and is refreshed.'  Rumi 

Relaxation is who you are

Stop, look and listen to yourself. It doesn't take much to calm yourself and make a better use of the natural tension created by your desire to grow and move forward with life. Look for little ways to ease the tension while still harnessing the energy to propel you forward. 

💜 Take one small step toward your new direction to ease the tension.

💜 Take one moment to revel in your good fortune.

💜 Take one nap to relax.

💜 Take one moment to enjoy a cup of tea and contemplate your next step.

💜 Take one moment to think about nothing.

Stepping into a new phase of life can be intense. Give yourself time to ease into it. Show up, do your best, and find a way to relax into it. Above all else, be yourself.

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

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Speak Up! How to Get the Quiet Colleague to Talk to You

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said.  Anonymous

Do you show up to meetings hoping for lively dialogue but despite your best efforts to pose great questions and stimulate discussion you produce nothing but veiled eyes and blank stares? Do you feel you're pulling teeth trying to get your less-than-talkative co-workers to speak up? 

If your more forceful efforts to get introverted colleagues to talk have failed, try using a gentler approach to open them up.

Gentleness Achieves what Force Cannot

Know what drives introverts. Introverts aren't shy. They simply don't like to speak before they've carefully considered what they think and want to say. The fastest way to get them to share their thoughts is to give them time to think before you ask them to speak.

Let time work for you. The worst thing you can do if you want introverts to talk is to put them on the spot—ask a question and expect an immediate reply. Don't wait until you're in meetings to ask questions. Give introverts time to mull over and process information in depth. Prior to meeting send out lists of questions or issues that need to be addressed . Or have them submit their own questions or issues ahead of the meeting. Ask everyone to think about the issues and come prepared to discuss.

Shhhsh...Silence is Golden

Get comfortable with silence. When you're faced with a moment of silence in a meeting, let it be. Don't try to fill all the empty spaces by talking. Show respect for more introverted colleagues by giving them time to think in silence. When you leave an opening, your quiet co-workers are more likely to speak up.

Practice the 3-minute test. If your habit of always filling lulls in the conversation is strong, get in the practice of giving others three minutes to talk before you speak again.

Give everyone time to talk in small groups. If keeping quiet this long makes you nervous, set up the topic of discussion for meeting members to deliberate in pairs for five minutes and walk out of the room for that period of time. This gives everyone in the group an opportunity to speak up.

Surprise!--that quiet colleague is an extravert. You may be surprised to discover some of those quiet colleagues who fail to speak up in your meetings are actually extraverts. Extraverts aren't shy either--so what makes these more gregarious coworkers hold their tongue? You haven't made it safe for them to speak up. Just like introverts, extraverts need a safe environment to join in the conversation and share their ideas.

Small group discussion works for extraverts too. Extraverts may not feel safe jumping into the discussion in their preferred manner of thinking as they talk. Extraverts are the ones who want to engage in a dialogue to figure out what they think—they work best by bouncing their ideas off others. You need to make it safe for extraverts to speak up without already having their ideas fully formed.

Small group discussions are good for everyone. Not only do small group discussions stimulate fruitful talk from the introverts in the group they make room for the extraverts to jump in and freely play with their ideas too.

'An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind.'      Walter Bagehot

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail subscription.

Change Your Attitude towards Life from Hard and Inflexible to Strong and Supple

Are You on Your Way to Living or Dying?

Men are born soft and supple; dead they are stiff and hard. Plants are born 

tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry. Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible 

is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. 

The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.

Lao Tzu

If the mind is flexible, the world is flexible.

Sakyong Mipham

Give evil nothing to oppose and it will disappear by itself.

Lao Tzu

Your own positive future begins in this moment. 

All you have is right now. Every goal is possible from here.

Lao Tzu

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, sign up for free e-mail subscription.