The most important
thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said.
Anonymous
Do
you come to meetings hoping for lively dialogue but despite all your
efforts to pose great questions and stimulate discussion you produce nothing
but veiled eyes and blank stares? Do you feel you're pulling teeth trying to
get your less-than-talkative co-workers to speak up? If your more forceful
efforts to get your introverted colleagues to talk have failed, try using a
gentler approach to open them up.
Know what drives introverts. Introverts
aren't shy. They simply don't like to speak before they've carefully considered
what they think and want to say. The fastest way to get them to share their
thoughts is to give them time to think before you ask them to speak.
Let time work for you. The worst thing
you can do if you want introverts to talk is to put them on the spot—ask a
question and expect an immediate reply. Don't wait until you're in meetings to
ask questions. Give introverts time to mull over and process information in
depth. Send out lists of questions or issues that need to be addressed prior to
meetings. Ask everyone to think about the issues and come prepared to discuss.
Get comfortable with silence. When you're
faced with a moment of silence in a meeting, let it be. Don't try to fill all
the empty spaces by talking. Show respect for more introverted colleagues by
giving them time to think in silence. When you leave an opening, your quiet
co-workers are more likely to speak up.
Practice the 3-minute test. If your habit
of always filling lulls in the conversation is strong, get in the practice of giving
others three minutes to talk before you speak again.
Give everyone time to talk in
small groups.
If keeping quiet this long makes you nervous, set up the topic of discussion
for meeting members to deliberate in pairs for five minutes and walk out of the
room for that period of time. This gives everyone in the group an opportunity
to speak up.
Surprise!--that quiet colleague
is an extravert.
You may be surprised to discover some of those quiet colleagues who fail to
speak up in your meetings are actually extraverts. Extraverts aren't shy either--so
what makes these more gregarious coworkers hold their tongue? You haven't made
it safe for them to speak up. Just like introverts, extraverts need a safe
environment to join in the conversation and share their ideas.
Small group discussion works for
extraverts too.
Extraverts may not feel safe jumping
into the discussion in their preferred manner of thinking as they talk.
Extraverts are the ones who want to engage in a dialogue to figure out what
they think—they work best by bouncing their ideas off others. You need to make
it safe for extraverts to speak up without already having their ideas fully
formed.
Small
group discussions are good for everyone. Not only do small group discussions
stimulate fruitful talk from the introverts in the group they make room for the
extraverts to jump in and freely play with their ideas too.
'An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind.' Walter Bagehot