Tension is who you think you should be~Relaxation is who you Are

 

'Tension is who you think you should be~Relaxation is who you are.' Unknown

Tension is who you think you should be

I heard from a friend who started a new job. She woke up not wanting to go to work. Why? She was stressed out thinking about how she should be perfect already despite being only a couple of weeks into the job.

When I called to check on another friend he was in too bad a mood to talk. He was overwhelmed by a new job with enough work for two people. Being a person who likes to finish and complete jobs, he was wound up because at the end of the work day he was left feeling dissatisfied that he'd accomplished too little.

And what about you? Think back over your last week. What caused you to be tense? How did it relate to who you think you should be? 

Maybe you're: 

• Retired and think you should be doing more to enjoy it. 
• Single and think you should be married already. 
• A new working parent who thinks you should be able to balance work, parenting and 'me' time.
• Freshly graduated and think you should have a job already.

Tension is Useful

We all wage our private battle of attempting to bring together where we currently are with where we want ourselves to be. The battle creating tension isn't the issue. It's what we choose to do with it.

Too often we think tension = bad, and relaxation = good. The truth is, used properly, they're both good.

Tension will wear your body down if you fail to pay attention to it. But when you pay attention, you raise your awareness of what’s causing the discrepancy between where you are and where you want to be, thus freeing you to make conscious choices about it.

Relaxation is who you are

The woman chose to pay attention to her tension and address it. I responded to her stressed-for-success story encouraging her to relax:

"Working a new job can be intense. Give yourself time to ease into it. Show up, do your best, find a way to relax into it".

By the end of the day she wrote back:

"Odd you should say show up, do your best, find a way to relax into it. I talked with the woman who hired me about my stress and she said, 'Quit trying to do everything now. You have plenty of time. Stop stressing."

Almost the same thing happened for my friend in the foul-mood. He met with his new boss the next day who just laughed that he was trying to 'get it all done'. He told him to relax, and do his best in the job-without-end.

 

Relax into the Moment 

When you find yourself stressing about not being good enough or knowing enough as you transition into a new role, refocus your attention from focusing on the future to focusing on the present. 

Relaxation is who we are NOW IN THE MOMENT; Tension is who we are anticipating and focusing on being IN THE FUTURE.

Let go of who you think you should be (future tense) and focus on the calm of being who you are in the moment.

Calm Yourself

Use tension to nudge you on your way, then focus on specific steps you can take now to ease your way forward. 

Always start with steps to calm and relax yourself. 

• Talk to a confidant.
• Take a walk.
• Think outloud.
• Make a plan.
• Take one step.

"Imperfect, limited and vulnerable as I am, 

the sun still shines upon me, 

things do work out, 

food appears, 

rain falls and grass grows without my help."

Dharmavidya David Brazier