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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

8 Signs He (She) is not that Into You

Each Moment of My Life is New, Fresh and Vital
Susan J Meyerott, artist

Are you in a Pretend Relationship?
  • Are you in a relationship that leaves you feeling stupid, duped, betrayed, sad, and angry?
  • Are you trying hard to make it work but feel you're getting no where? 
  • Is it time for a reality check? 

How do you know if he/she is really that into you or it's time to move on?

Eight Warning Signs You're in a Pretend Relationship

  • He professes his great love and admiration for you in private but keeps your relationship a secret from others.
  • She texts you daily to see what you're up to but never makes time to spend with you.
  • He texts you in the evening to see what you're doing before telling you he's going out with friends.
  • She relates better from a distance than face-to-face.
  • The amount of time he actively chooses to spend with you getting to know you is very little compared to the amount of time he's communicated with you through texting or happenstance sleepovers.
  • You leave interactions with her feeling resentful, distant, hurt or sad.
  • You find yourself making excuses for him because he works so hard and that's why he doesn't have time to spend with you (although he has time to go out with friends).
  • You feel apathetic about the relationship due to her actions--what she does or fails to do.
Trust the Wisdom Within
Susan J Meyerott, artist
Got Courage? 

Finding a compatible mate takes courage and a willingness to get hurt. The mating dance is rarely straightforward and uncomplicated--even with that person you may end up with for a lifetime.

Nothing is wrong with you if you find yourself dealing yet again with someone who's seemingly not that into you. It's just part of the dance and you learning how best to navigate the murky waters of relationships

To succeed in relationships you must stay the course and step into the relationship waters at high tide.

How Do You Know if its Time to Move On--or Stay the Course?

Trust Yourself. When you're in the center of an emotional fog you may question if you can trust what you think. What you can trust are your strong emotions telling you to pay attention and your ability to use friends and or family to talk things through so you can hear yourself think before talking with your love interest. And trust yourself to be on a search for the truth--staying open to whatever truth you uncover. 

Listen to your Emotions. Your emotions are very powerful antennas letting you know when things are going in the right or wrong direction.  Feelings of being stupid or duped are very real but that doesn't mean you are stupid or naive. Your strong (smart) feelings are telegraphing you need to pay attention and take a conscious look at what is happening in the relationship--and shore up your boundaries.

Trust Your Friends/Family. Who do you have to confide in who listens to you without judging you or the situation? Your trusted friends and family can serve as mirrors reflecting your truth back to you and helping you see the situation more clearly. 

Be Yourself. When you're on a search for the truth, when interacting with your love interest you need to be true to who you are. You want to be in a relationship with someone you can be yourself. 

Be Honest with Yourself--and Act Accordingly 

Questions to ask yourself:
  • Is the relationship worth the trouble?
  • What percent of the time you have known each other have you actually spent time together--and felt closely connected?
  • When you stop giving him/her 'the benefit of the doubt' and remove all excuses you make about why s/he doesn't spend more time with you--how much time do you really spend together?
  • What do your friends and family think of him (or her)? If they've never met him, you don't have a real relationship. Your friends and family love and care about you. They can have their fraud antenna up when yours is missing in action.
  • Do his friends and family know you exist?
  • Is it time to cut your losses and move on?

I Experience Love Wherever I Go
Susan J Meyerott, artist

3 Guiding Principles
  • Be Yourself--Wholeheartedly and 100%
  • Set Appropriate Boundaries--Make your actions in private match the level of the stated relationship in public
  • Shine light on the relationship. Check in with friends and family to get their impressions. 
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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.


LaGreezy said...

As usual you are spot on my dear, articulating what many of us know but distilled in clear empathic language.
Best & Love

Susan J Meyerott, M.S. said...

My dear Schteph
Good to hear from you. We have all been there. The view is much clearer when you're not the one enveloped in the emotional fog.....Hugs Shushan