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Feeling Self-Conscious about Speaking in Public?
·
Are
you apprehensive about an upcoming job interview?
·
Do
you get uneasy when you speak in meetings?
·
Do
you feel self-conscious and exposed when you attempt to be more visible?
Get
over yourself! Stop making yourself a wreck. Learn to speak comfortably in
front of large or small groups by taking the focus off you and using silence to
be heard more.
The two golden rules of communication—break them at your peril
Years
ago I watched as a nervous instructor gave her first lecture in anatomy at
UCLA. This rookie instructor was so nervous she talked non-stop without pausing
to take a breath.
Twenty
minutes into the 50-minute lecture she was finished. Upon reaching the end of
her lecture notes, she looked up to find herself face-to-face with 200 angry
students with writer's cramp and bad attitudes.
Another
very energetic and talented colleague was excited, but nervous about
interviewing for a new position. When asked how her interview went, she laughed
and said, "I think I was too busy looking competent to get the job."
In
their quests to look competent, both the novice instructor and nervous
interviewee had broken the golden rules of effective communication:
·
Be other-conscious, not self-conscious
·
Practice the pause
Be Other-Conscious
The
frightened anatomy instructor made the mistake all unskilled communicators
make--she was so concerned about how she came across to her audience, she
ignored how the students received the information. She wasn't listening to her
audience, she was watching herself. And the anxious interviewee also succumbed to
her nervousness, becoming self-conscious about how she looked and sounded and as
a result passed her nervousness on to the interviewers.
The
sign of a good communicator is not the ability to talk, but the ability to
relax and listen—especially if you're giving a presentation or interviewing for
a job. If you want to be heard, you must learn to listen to and observe your
audience's interest and comfort level.
Be Comfortable to Create a Comfortable Setting
If
you relate to the experiences of these competent but self-conscious
professionals, learn to regain your composure and calm in public presentations
by focusing on the comfort of your audience instead of yourself.
According
to one UCLA study over 90% of your ability to communicate effectively is
determined not by what you say, but by your nonverbal cues.
The
words you use are only responsible for seven percent of the impact on your
audience, while up to 37 % of a first impression you make on others is based on
your tone of voice. If you're nervous and uncomfortable you'll convey that to
others in the room through your body language and they'll take on your
discomfort--decreasing your effectiveness and ability to influence them.
In
addition to preparing your material for an interview or presentation, prepare
yourself to focus on the comfort of your audience by centering yourself with
the four messages all audience want to hear. You'll convey these four messages nonverbally
when you walk into the room, greet your audience, and anytime you pause, smile
and relax.
The Four Messages all Audiences want to Hear
I'm glad I'm here.
I'm glad you're here.
I care about you.
I know that I know.
Other-Consciousness Raises Your Self-Confidence
When
you pay attention to the needs and comfort of your audience you'll be rewarded
with an increase in self-confidence. When you focus on the needs of others, you'll
discover the secret desire of all audiences that your self-consciousness
previously hid from you.
The Secret Desire of all Audiences
Whether
you're giving a presentation or interviewing for a job, everyone in the room secretly
hopes you'll do an outstanding job—even the skeptics.
Why?
People who took time out of their busy day to interview you or attend your
presentation want to be validated for making a good use of their time. Simply
put, people hate wasting their time. They want to connect with you and be wowed
by you so they have something to show for their time. They want a 'take away'
and they want to end the search for the perfect candidate with you. There are
no critics in the room with you—only colleagues who sincerely hope you're the
one.
Practice the Pause
In
this time-oriented society, you've got to be able to get your message across in
less time. But don't focus on how little time you have to make your mark--focus
on how to capture your listener's attention. Pause, listen, and learn.
Don't
focus on how little time you have to make your mark--focus on how to capture
your listener's attention.
In
the timeless children's story, Stone Soup,
that's exactly what a hungry soldier did when the townspeople wouldn't give him
the time of day.
At
first the hungry soldier went door to door telling people he was hungry. But he
got nothing but doors slammed in his face.
When
he paused and listened, he changed his approach. He stopped telling people what
he needed and started getting their attention. He went out into the town
square, lit a fire, put a kettle of water on, and started to stir.
The
result? When he stopped talking, people started listening. One by one the
curious townspeople came over to ask what he was doing. Suddenly time was no
longer an issue.
Find
a way to capture your audience's attention—ask questions they're interested in,
weave stories based on their experiences, offer unique perspectives, and then give
them time to ponder your points.
"Silence is
one of the great arts of conversation."
Marcus Tullius Cicero
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