Lightarted Living: I Heard a Bird Sing in the Dark of December

Lightarted Living: I Heard a Bird Sing in the Dark of December:   

I Heard a Bird Sing in the Dark of December

 

I Heard a Bird Sing

Oliver Herford

I heard a bird sing

In the dark of December.

A magical thing

And sweet to remember.

"We are nearer to Spring

Than we were in September,"

I heard a bird sing

In the dark of December.

Be of good cheer in the dark of December. 

Wishing you bright light and much delight in the new year!

I Heard a Bird Sing in the Dark of December

 

I Heard a Bird Sing

Oliver Herford

I heard a bird sing

In the dark of December.

A magical thing

And sweet to remember.

"We are nearer to Spring

Than we were in September,"

I heard a bird sing

In the dark of December.

Be of good cheer in the dark of December. 

Wishing you bright light and much delight in the new year!

Lightarted Living: Another Day in Paradise

Lightarted Living: Another Day in Paradise:  

Another Day in Paradise

 

"What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I'm feeling lazy."

"Me too."

"Let's do nothing."

"Ahhhh. Come on, let's just enjoy the day."

Another Day in Paradise

 

"What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I'm feeling lazy."

"Me too."

"Let's do nothing."

"Ahhhh. Come on, let's just enjoy the day."

Lightarted Living: But Do They Like Me?

Lightarted Living: But Do They Like Me?:  

But Do They Like Me?

 

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

The Likeability Bias 

While chatting with a young friend about how she was fitting into her new job,  she confided that she thought a few of the older women working in the company didn't particularly like her. As an up and coming successful woman who was hired into a higher level position she was suspect to them. And although she was doing her best to fit in, they just seemed resistant to her advances.  My advice? Let it go. Either it will resolve or it won't.

What my young friend's facing is a well-known likeability bias against successful women in the workplace--a bias that is especially problematic in male-dominated environments. 

If you're perceived to be successful, it can be an uphill battle to change some people's minds about you, and you just might have to toughen up and get used to some people not liking you.

But this doesn't mean you aren't likeable, or that you can't improve your standing or likeability in general. It just means there will always be some people who won't give up the bias against you, so don't work so hard to win them over. Just keep being professional and plugging along.

It's None of Your Business if They Like You

Sure, everyone wants to be a welcome part of the tribe, and everyone wants to belong. But frankly, it's none of your business if they like you or not. 

When you make it your business, you just end up wasting your time turning yourself inside out trying to figure out how to please others instead of just being yourself, bringing your best, and getting on with the work at hand.

Likeable people don't spend time wondering if they're likeable. They don't work at it. That's part of their charm. In fact, if you're successfully likeable, those people who don't like you probably hold that against you too!

So instead of working at winning over the haters, focus on bringing your best self to the job and letting your natural likeability characteristics shine through. Control what you can control, and let go of what you can't control.

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

Be There

If you want to be liked, whether in the workplace or in your social circles, the best thing you can do is to 'Be There'. Instead of being in your head and worrying about how you're coming across to others, be present with others and be other-focused.

The key to being able to be present and other-focused is for you to be well rested and relaxed. That is what you can control. That is what can make a difference. Why? When you're at ease you are more likely to bring your non-judgmental and non-defensive self to the room. 

People who are perceived as likeable are seen as warm, vulnerable, and curious about others. They bring their curiosity and sense of humor with them. Think how much easier it is to bring your curiosity and sense of humor when you are relaxed.

When you're present and other-focused,  you'll lay the groundwork for making connections with others by asking them questions, asking follow up questions and listening intently to what they have to say.  Not only does active listening make you more likeable to others, it makes you a better professional.

People tend to like others who are more similar to them. Try to make connections based on areas of similarities with others. Show curiosity about other's lives. When you discover a similarity, share your own perspective. 

Vulnerabilities create connections--perfectionism does not. Let go of striving to present a perfect 'got it all together' picture of yourself. People don't like perfectionists, they respond to imperfections because it shows you're human--just like them. 

This doesn't mean spilling the beans on your homelife in the workplace. It means being willing to be vulnerable in the right moments in little ways while still maintaining a professional demeanor. 

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

 Take up Space

When you stop fixating on what people think about you, and practice being present for others, you'll naturally create a sense of presence in the room. You'll take up space while creating an open and welcoming space for others where conversations and relationships can blossom.

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

To be successful in the workplace long term without worrying if people like you or not, focus on controlling what you can control and letting go of what you can't. Learn to toughen up. Strengthen your personal boundaries so you become immune to the haters.

As Maya Stein said, 'wherever you are, be there. Take up space." Never make yourself smaller. Stand Tall. Trust yourself. Take up space. 

But Do They Like Me?

 

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

The Likeability Bias 

While chatting with a young friend about how she was fitting into her new job,  she confided that she thought a few of the older women working in the company didn't particularly like her. As an up and coming successful woman who was hired into a higher level position she was suspect to them. And although she was doing her best to fit in, they just seemed resistant to her advances.  My advice? Let it go. Either it will resolve or it won't.

What my young friend's facing is a well-known likeability bias against successful women in the workplace--a bias that is especially problematic in male-dominated environments. 

If you're perceived to be successful, it can be an uphill battle to change some people's minds about you, and you just might have to toughen up and get used to some people not liking you.

But this doesn't mean you aren't likeable, or that you can't improve your standing or likeability in general. It just means there will always be some people who won't give up the bias against you, so don't work so hard to win them over. Just keep being professional and plugging along.

It's None of Your Business if They Like You

Sure, everyone wants to be a welcome part of the tribe, and everyone wants to belong. But frankly, it's none of your business if they like you or not. 

When you make it your business, you just end up wasting your time turning yourself inside out trying to figure out how to please others instead of just being yourself, bringing your best, and getting on with the work at hand.

Likeable people don't spend time wondering if they're likeable. They don't work at it. That's part of their charm. In fact, if you're successfully likeable, those people who don't like you probably hold that against you too!

So instead of working at winning over the haters, focus on bringing your best self to the job and letting your natural likeability characteristics shine through. Control what you can control, and let go of what you can't control.

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

Be There

If you want to be liked, whether in the workplace or in your social circles, the best thing you can do is to 'Be There'. Instead of being in your head and worrying about how you're coming across to others, be present with others and be other-focused.

The key to being able to be present and other-focused is for you to be well rested and relaxed. That is what you can control. That is what can make a difference. Why? When you're at ease you are more likely to bring your non-judgmental and non-defensive self to the room. 

People who are perceived as likeable are seen as warm, vulnerable, and curious about others. They bring their curiosity and sense of humor with them. Think how much easier it is to bring your curiosity and sense of humor when you are relaxed.

When you're present and other-focused,  you'll lay the groundwork for making connections with others by asking them questions, asking follow up questions and listening intently to what they have to say.  Not only does active listening make you more likeable to others, it makes you a better professional.

People tend to like others who are more similar to them. Try to make connections based on areas of similarities with others. Show curiosity about other's lives. When you discover a similarity, share your own perspective. 

Vulnerabilities create connections--perfectionism does not. Let go of striving to present a perfect 'got it all together' picture of yourself. People don't like perfectionists, they respond to imperfections because it shows you're human--just like them. 

This doesn't mean spilling the beans on your homelife in the workplace. It means being willing to be vulnerable in the right moments in little ways while still maintaining a professional demeanor. 

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

 Take up Space

When you stop fixating on what people think about you, and practice being present for others, you'll naturally create a sense of presence in the room. You'll take up space while creating an open and welcoming space for others where conversations and relationships can blossom.

"Wherever you are, be there. Take up space."

Maya Stein

To be successful in the workplace long term without worrying if people like you or not, focus on controlling what you can control and letting go of what you can't. Learn to toughen up. Strengthen your personal boundaries so you become immune to the haters.

As Maya Stein said, 'wherever you are, be there. Take up space." Never make yourself smaller. Stand Tall. Trust yourself. Take up space. 

Lightarted Living: She's Rockin' It--She's Got it Going On

Lightarted Living: She's Rockin' It--She's Got it Going On:  

She's Rockin' It--She's Got it Going On

 

She's a Rock

She's a force of nature.

She's rockin' it.

She's got it going on.

She's strong and capable,

A woman who carries everyone along.

She's a rock and a lotta woman,

who sometimes forgets she's strong.

So here's to remembering the woman she is

wishing her to always stand tall

and continue rolling along.

Original Rock Photo 

Lee Bryant

She's Rockin' It--She's Got it Going On

 

She's a Rock

She's a force of nature.

She's rockin' it.

She's got it going on.

She's strong and capable,

A woman who carries everyone along.

She's a rock and a lotta woman,

who sometimes forgets she's strong.

So here's to remembering the woman she is

wishing her to always stand tall

and continue rolling along.

Original Rock Photo 

Lee Bryant

Lightarted Living: Reclaiming Life's Sweet Spot

Lightarted Living: Reclaiming Life's Sweet Spot:    

Reclaiming Life's Sweet Spot

 



"Imperfect, limited, and vulnerable as I am

The sun still shines upon me.

Things do work out.

Food appears.

Rain falls.

Wonderful conversations take place.

Grass grows without me."

Dharnayida David Brazier


Resilience? Who has Time to Bounce Back from Stress?

 Who isn't dealing with some type of stress in their lives right now? On a world level, tempers are flaring and fears rising as jobs, personal income, and retirement monies take a hit. On a personal level, each of us is dealing with our own fear and anxiety of what this all means to us, and it's taking its toll.

Recently, I talked with one person experiencing a relapse of a severe upper respiratory illness, another recovering from pneumonia, and still another whose spouse is recovering from a heart attack. What did each of them have in common?-- High levels of stress leading to high levels of the stress-hormones--adrenaline and cortisol.

We are always training our bodies through the choices we make. To have the health and energy to cope and continue to thrive despite the world-wide and personal crises, we need to make conscious choices to take care of ourselves in ways that bring our stress-hormones, like adrenaline and cortisol, back down on a daily basis-- and especially after we deal with particularly stressful experiences.

A Larger Perspective

In a galaxy far far away

The congregation of believers gather 

to sprinkle love down around us.

Their stardust scatters far and wide,

filling our dreams with hope and goodwill.

Stop the World--I want to get off!

"Fisherman have always known that the sea is dangerous and the storm is terrible, but they've never considered those sufficient reasons to remain ashore." Vincent Van Gogh

 No question we are living in troubled times. But that doesn't mean we can't rise to the challenge and find ways to not only weather the stormy days, but learn to sail through to greener shores. After we step into the water at high tide we must consciously and deliberately step back into still waters to rest.

The good news is our bodies have adapted to effectively deal with stress. But its up to us to take action and train our bodies to be resilient so we're strengthened, not hardened or weakened by our life experience.

Stress Won't Kill You-- But not taking care of it will!

Stress is a perceived sense of:

• Threat
• Loss of control
• Helplessness
• Hopelessness, and/or
• Unpredictability

In that instant when something catches you off guard, your brain downshifts into the lower brain, moving you into a fight or flight mode, and sets in motion the release of stress hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline. This is a good thing.

These stress-hormones help you react quickly by raising your heart rate and blood pressure, and releasing energy sources into the bloodstream, such as sugar, to make fuel available to your muscles. This is how your body helps you get through your daily crises.

But too much of a good thing becomes a problem if you fail to give your body time to recover from being in this high-stress mode.

Maintaining chronically high levels of the stress-hormone cortisol leads to three health damaging effects:

• High blood sugar, leading to insulin resistance;
• High blood pressure, and
• An increase in abdominal fat.

 Fat deposited around your belly is associated with more health problems than fat deposited elsewhere, including lower levels of HDL Cholesterol (good one), higher levels LDL Cholesterol (bad one), insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome, and an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes.

To calm your cortisol and other stress-hormone levels you must first recognize you are stressed, and then be willing to engage in self-calming activities that produce the relaxation response from your body.

You Can't be Stressed and Relaxed at the Same Time

The good news is it is physiologically impossible for you to be stressed and relaxed at the same time. When you make the decision to participate in activities that produce the relaxation response, your body will rebalance.

Learn to accept what is; release what was and create what must be.

How Do I Know if I'm Suffering from Chronic Stress?

We're not always conscious we're in a constant state of stress. Sometimes we're working so hard to deal with the issues we ignore the signs and symptoms. Furthermore, when our heart rate goes above 100, our bodies release adrenaline that creates an emotional and mental fog that sends clear thinking out the window. 

We all have a stress signature that we can learn to focus on to cue us to stop, unwind and participate in self-calming activities. You don't need to notice all of your signs and symptoms of chronic stress, you just have to pick out one and let that be your guide to readjusting what you're doing.

Do You Experience Any of these Signs and Symptoms of Chronic Stress?

• Chronic fatigue
• TMJ problems--clenching of teeth
• Moodiness
• Anxiety and Irritability
• Anger (fear managed by anger)
• Depression
• Hardening of the attitudes
• Feeling a loss of control
• Tearfulness
• Joint and muscle pain
• Digestive difficulties
• Sleeping difficulties
• Increased deposit of fat in the belly
• Craving carbohydrates
• Binge eating
• Preoccupation with a stressful situation
• Getting ill after finals or completion of a stressful project
• Getting sick on vacation

The beauty of the moment is fleeting.

Open your eyes. Look up.

Rest your weary heart.

Take a moment.

Breathe in the beauty.

Relax.

 How to Bounce Back to Reclaim Your Life's Sweet Spot

Start by identifying all signs and symptoms you experience in response to stress, then choose one to look for in your daily life. 

When you notice your stress signal is present, act, don't react to the information; and describe, don't judge what is going on.

Everyone gets stressed. If you discover you're chronically stressed, it doesn't mean you are weak, incompetent, out of control or a bad person. Leave the judgment out--describe what is going on and chose one immediate step to take a moment to relax.

"Tears are the safety valve of the heart

when too much pressure is laid on it."

Albert Smith

"Tears are God's gift to us.

Our holy water.

They heal us as they flow."

Rita Schiano

Suggestions for Regaining your Life's Sweet Spot

• Control what you can control.
• Take action on the little things. 
• Exercise for relaxation, not for hard core fitness.
• Take a 5-15 minute walk break. Practice inhaling and exhaling slowly.
• Take a coffee or tea break. Inhale and exhale slowly and gently between sips.
• Find things to laugh about. Experiencing humor and laughter can lower cortisol levels.
• Enjoy relaxing music. Close your eyes and breathe slowly and gently to the rhythm of the music,
• Confide in a trusted friend. 
• Get a good night's rest. If you're having difficulty sleeping, at least rest and practice focusing on your breathing, consciously slowing down your inhales and exhales.
• Cry. Crying may be our bodies' way of eliminating stress-hormones from our system.

Don't let your life difficulties beat you down. Choose to take actions that contribute to your self-confidence and well-being.  You're worth it.
  

Look up! Look up!

I bring you blessings this fine day.

Hello. Be Gay. 

Love is on the way. 

Your future is bright, secure and joyful.

All is well today.