Lightarted Living: Bouncing Back after Public Failure

Lightarted Living: Bouncing Back after Public Failure:      

Bouncing Back after Public Failure

 

 

 

'The point isn't to learn to fail it is to learn to bounce back.'   Rosabeth Moss Kanter Harvard Business Review blog

What has you licking your wounds in shame?

Think about your past moments of 'public failure'--what did you want to do? How did you handle your disappointment? How did you feel about failing in full public view?

Perhaps You:

• Put yourself out there to a new love interest, but your advances were rebuffed.
• Worked for an organization for many years and then they laid you off.
• Let everyone know you really wanted a job you applied for, then you didn't even get an interview.
• Left your job for another 'better opportunity' but it didn't work out and you ended up with nothing.
• Got divorced after many years of marriage.

 

Public Failure--The Crisis

Failing sucks--especially when we experience it in personally meaningful areas. We feel so exposed and vulnerable.

In those moments of 'failure'--after we've put everything we have into meeting a goal or achieving a dream--we're left exhausted and disappointed. The natural reaction is to retreat and hide--and never ever stick our necks out like that again.  

The Dangerous Opportunity

The Chinese symbol for the word 'crisis' is two pronged--meaning dangerous opportunity. In our moments of crisis--such as a public failure--we always feel the danger but how can we also recognize the opportunity that gives us the resiliency to bounce back?

Anytime we put ourselves out there in a public way we run the risk of feeling vulnerable and exposed. But we also increase our chances of experiencing the thrill of success--and that is the first place the 'dangerous opportunity' lies.

It isn't about whether we succeed in every situation, its about how we handle failure and put everything to good use--including dealing with disappointment.

The only difference between winners and losers is that winners lose more often but they stay in the game.

 

How to Thrive despite Public Failure

According to Rosabeth Moss Kanter, the difference between those who thrive despite public failures and those who throw in the towel in defeat is how we handle the losing or failure. 

Rosabeth Moss Kanter HBR blog

"The difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing," says Kanter. "That's a key finding from my ongoing research on great companies and effective leaders: no one can completely avoid troubles and potential pitfalls are everywhere, so the real skill is the resilience to climb out of the hole and bounce back."

Kanter goes on to say that even the most successful people face setbacks--and to have the resiliency to bounce back from mistakes or failures we must be willing to learn from our mistakes.

Embrace the Daily Dangerous Opportunities

While we'd all love to succeed without facing public humiliation in the process, it isn't the way it works. 

We must accept the danger as well as the opportunity with each public step we take. The only way we can avoid public failure is by failing to step into life and actively go after things of importance.

To achieve our goals and dreams we must embrace the daily dangerous opportunity inherent in life.

Choose to move past your disappointments and feelings of shame for public failures. Learn to embrace each of your failures as evidence of your active participation in a successful life.

Choose to learn from your failures--and as soon as you are able, take the next step to make a contribution, or connection that propels you toward your dreams.

Be brave. Be bold. When you're ready, get back out there.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

Helen Keller

Bouncing Back after Public Failure

 

 

 

'The point isn't to learn to fail it is to learn to bounce back.'   Rosabeth Moss Kanter Harvard Business Review blog

What has you licking your wounds in shame?

Think about your past moments of 'public failure'--what did you want to do? How did you handle your disappointment? How did you feel about failing in full public view?

Perhaps You:

• Put yourself out there to a new love interest, but your advances were rebuffed.
• Worked for an organization for many years and then they laid you off.
• Let everyone know you really wanted a job you applied for, then you didn't even get an interview.
• Left your job for another 'better opportunity' but it didn't work out and you ended up with nothing.
• Got divorced after many years of marriage.

 

Public Failure--The Crisis

Failing sucks--especially when we experience it in personally meaningful areas. We feel so exposed and vulnerable.

In those moments of 'failure'--after we've put everything we have into meeting a goal or achieving a dream--we're left exhausted and disappointed. The natural reaction is to retreat and hide--and never ever stick our necks out like that again.  

The Dangerous Opportunity

The Chinese symbol for the word 'crisis' is two pronged--meaning dangerous opportunity. In our moments of crisis--such as a public failure--we always feel the danger but how can we also recognize the opportunity that gives us the resiliency to bounce back?

Anytime we put ourselves out there in a public way we run the risk of feeling vulnerable and exposed. But we also increase our chances of experiencing the thrill of success--and that is the first place the 'dangerous opportunity' lies.

It isn't about whether we succeed in every situation, its about how we handle failure and put everything to good use--including dealing with disappointment.

The only difference between winners and losers is that winners lose more often but they stay in the game.

 

How to Thrive despite Public Failure

According to Rosabeth Moss Kanter, the difference between those who thrive despite public failures and those who throw in the towel in defeat is how we handle the losing or failure. 

Rosabeth Moss Kanter HBR blog

"The difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing," says Kanter. "That's a key finding from my ongoing research on great companies and effective leaders: no one can completely avoid troubles and potential pitfalls are everywhere, so the real skill is the resilience to climb out of the hole and bounce back."

Kanter goes on to say that even the most successful people face setbacks--and to have the resiliency to bounce back from mistakes or failures we must be willing to learn from our mistakes.

Embrace the Daily Dangerous Opportunities

While we'd all love to succeed without facing public humiliation in the process, it isn't the way it works. 

We must accept the danger as well as the opportunity with each public step we take. The only way we can avoid public failure is by failing to step into life and actively go after things of importance.

To achieve our goals and dreams we must embrace the daily dangerous opportunity inherent in life.

Choose to move past your disappointments and feelings of shame for public failures. Learn to embrace each of your failures as evidence of your active participation in a successful life.

Choose to learn from your failures--and as soon as you are able, take the next step to make a contribution, or connection that propels you toward your dreams.

Be brave. Be bold. When you're ready, get back out there.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

Helen Keller

 

Lightarted Living: Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up t...

Lightarted Living: Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up t...:    This is a reposting of a blogpost I wrote in 2017. It seemed important to post it...

Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up the Beans"

 

How we get comfortable with uncertainty

2017 Revisited: This is a reposting of a blogpost I wrote in 2017. It seemed important to post it now for friends who are dealing with a current family health crisis.

Arrow the Perro 

Waiting for News~Dealing with Uncertainty

Recently, I found myself 'puttin' up the beans'. While waiting in that numb and suspended state of animation for news on my sick 13 year old dog I'd left with the vet to get IV fluids and tests, I suddenly pulled out the paint, sandpaper, and paint brushes to paint the front and back door. 

I didn't want to think about the future. I didn't know if after days of throwing up and failing to eat, Arrow was on death's door so I did what I do when I face uncertainty and I'm unable to control the outcome. I did something physical. 

I had to do something--anything--to put one foot in front of the other while waiting in the sludge of uncertainty. 

It's what we do to calm and center ourselves in the face of uncertainty--we engage our hands to dis-engage our minds.

The Painted Front Door

I didn't think about what I was doing or wonder if I had enough time to complete the job before going back to the vet. I simply performed the task with determination and concentration. 

With laser-focus and no-fuss I completed painting with precision and in record-time. It was my natural way to cope with the uncertainty of the future.  It was my way of 'puttin' up the beans.

On vacation days before the stroke

Puttin' Up the Beans~Preparing for the Future

The term 'puttin' up the beans' originated years ago, after my mother had a stroke coming home from a family vacation. The family was reeling with the uncertainty of what the future held. 

After we gathered at the hospital an hour away from my parent's home, my father, who had been at the hospital all day, was tired and ready to go home for the night asked a couple of us 'girls' to go home with him as he needed help 'puttin' up the beans'. 

None of us questioned why at this time when my mother was still in a coma, he wanted to get home to 'put up the beans'. We instinctively understood his need to normalize life and act as if tomorrow's another ordinary day.

Three years later, as my mother was being transported to the hospital in the ambulance after suffering a heart attack at home, I watched as my father stopped to clean the kitchen counters and put dishes away. I gently coaxed him out the door so we could get to the hospital, knowing once again he was 'puttin' up the beans'.

Always build a nest in the eye of the storm

Treat Every Day as an Extraordinarily Ordinary Day

I remember the first time I learned about this desire of ours to go on as if it was another ordinary, normal day. 

While visiting a friend in Southern California, I was enjoying a cup of coffee with her and looking out her front window as we watched her next door neighbor--an apparently carefree young woman--wash her car in shorts and a tank top on a bright, sun-shiny day. 

'She's dying of cancer', my friend said. 'She only has a little time left.' 

She died the following week. 

Back then I marveled that this young woman--just a few years younger than me--would engage in such an ordinary, every day activity as she faced death. Today I understand she was just 'puttin' up the beans'. It's how we continue on--taking it one day and one step at a time. 

Keep on Puttin' Up the Beans

Life Requires Us to Carry On

In the face of uncertainty we must take one step and then another until the future unfolds to show us it's hand. And we must learn to do the best we can to keep on keeping on despite the uncertainty, fear and sorrow.

No one welcomes or expects these times of uncertainty and grief we stumble our way through. Yet in the process of dealing with them we discover we're made of strong stuff--and we find our own way to 'put up the beans' to help us through the most difficult of times.

Dealing with Initial Stages of Grief~"Puttin' Up the Beans"

 

How we get comfortable with uncertainty

2017 Revisited: This is a reposting of a blogpost I wrote in 2017. It seemed important to post it now for friends who are dealing with a current family health crisis.

Arrow the Perro 

Waiting for News~Dealing with Uncertainty

Recently, I found myself 'puttin' up the beans'. While waiting in that numb and suspended state of animation for news on my sick 13 year old dog I'd left with the vet to get IV fluids and tests, I suddenly pulled out the paint, sandpaper, and paint brushes to paint the front and back door. 

I didn't want to think about the future. I didn't know if after days of throwing up and failing to eat, Arrow was on death's door so I did what I do when I face uncertainty and I'm unable to control the outcome. I did something physical. 

I had to do something--anything--to put one foot in front of the other while waiting in the sludge of uncertainty. 

It's what we do to calm and center ourselves in the face of uncertainty--we engage our hands to dis-engage our minds.

The Painted Front Door

I didn't think about what I was doing or wonder if I had enough time to complete the job before going back to the vet. I simply performed the task with determination and concentration. 

With laser-focus and no-fuss I completed painting with precision and in record-time. It was my natural way to cope with the uncertainty of the future.  It was my way of 'puttin' up the beans.

On vacation days before the stroke

Puttin' Up the Beans~Preparing for the Future

The term 'puttin' up the beans' originated years ago, after my mother had a stroke coming home from a family vacation. The family was reeling with the uncertainty of what the future held. 

After we gathered at the hospital an hour away from my parent's home, my father, who had been at the hospital all day, was tired and ready to go home for the night asked a couple of us 'girls' to go home with him as he needed help 'puttin' up the beans'. 

None of us questioned why at this time when my mother was still in a coma, he wanted to get home to 'put up the beans'. We instinctively understood his need to normalize life and act as if tomorrow's another ordinary day.

Three years later, as my mother was being transported to the hospital in the ambulance after suffering a heart attack at home, I watched as my father stopped to clean the kitchen counters and put dishes away. I gently coaxed him out the door so we could get to the hospital, knowing once again he was 'puttin' up the beans'.

Always build a nest in the eye of the storm

Treat Every Day as an Extraordinarily Ordinary Day

I remember the first time I learned about this desire of ours to go on as if it was another ordinary, normal day. 

While visiting a friend in Southern California, I was enjoying a cup of coffee with her and looking out her front window as we watched her next door neighbor--an apparently carefree young woman--wash her car in shorts and a tank top on a bright, sun-shiny day. 

'She's dying of cancer', my friend said. 'She only has a little time left.' 

She died the following week. 

Back then I marveled that this young woman--just a few years younger than me--would engage in such an ordinary, every day activity as she faced death. Today I understand she was just 'puttin' up the beans'. It's how we continue on--taking it one day and one step at a time. 

Keep on Puttin' Up the Beans

Life Requires Us to Carry On

In the face of uncertainty we must take one step and then another until the future unfolds to show us it's hand. And we must learn to do the best we can to keep on keeping on despite the uncertainty, fear and sorrow.

No one welcomes or expects these times of uncertainty and grief we stumble our way through. Yet in the process of dealing with them we discover we're made of strong stuff--and we find our own way to 'put up the beans' to help us through the most difficult of times.