What Makes a Good Friend or Confidant?
💓Who do you go to when you need to unload your secret fears, life gripes, or hurts and frustrations?
💙What do you look for in a confidant?
💛What makes you trust one person with your doubts and fears but fail to trust another?
Me? I trust the friend who can listen through what I say about myself or another person without judging me or that person.
I don't need or want a confidant to take on what I'm unloading--forever holding a grudge against someone I'm venting my spleen about. I just want to vent my spleen.
I want a confidant who can listen to my complaints as they're meant to be--momentary life stories--that change with the telling.
I don't need or want a friend to take on the responsibility of my life story--or to hold me to my story as a forever truth.
Emotions just are--they're true in the moment. I might be really frustrated at work or furious with a family member, but often after having the opportunity to openly share my feelings I let them go and move on.
I want a friend who will encourage me to see I have the strength and ability to handle whatever situation comes up in life, rather than telling me how to handle a situation.
In my moments of weakness, I want a trusted person to encourage me to trust myself, knowing everything will work out.
Be a Sounding Board, Not a Know-it-All
The value of a true friend is not in their ability to tell us what to do, think or feel, but in their ability to listen deeply to our concerns without reproach or reply.
Through silently and gracefully listening to us share our inner most fears and doubts, true friends give us room to discover 'everything is secretly okay'--we're not doomed to be upset by this situation forever, and we're not horrid people for thinking such things.
If you would be a true friend, learn to be a sounding board, not a know-it-all. Listen intently when someone shares from the depth of their heart. Don't interrupt and impart your wisdom to show how smart you are. Give other people room to feel their feelings and think their thoughts.
Listen unto others as you would have listened unto yourself.
"What Big Ears you have"..."The better to hear you."
We are all always always listening for hope. When we serve as a sounding board for another--without reproach or reply--we provide her an avenue to let it all go and wipe away the invisible tears.
Use your big ears for deep listening, and help those who confide in you to wipe away the invisible tears. You will be rewarded with a deep, long-standing friendship that withstands the test of time.
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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.
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2 comments:
Sue, sound advice, for sure. Pinning and tweeting. "Give other people room to feel their feelings and think their thoughts" may be the best idea I've heard all week.
Jean, giving other people room to feel their feeling and think their thoughts may be one of the best ways to respect others as fully functioning adults able to guide their own lives.
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