Betrayed and Bitter? Forgive and Let Go

'Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.'  Robert Brault

What Hurts?

• Who or what has hurt or betrayed you?
• What are you bitter about?
• Where in your heart of hearts do you feel life has done you wrong?

We All Deal with the Downside of Life 

Sometimes life lets you down--that job you wanted that slipped through your fingers; that love interest who did you wrong; that organization that treated you poorly; that economy that failed you; or that friend who slighted you without apology.

Sure, things happen in life leaving you feeling betrayed and bitter. But don't let it keep you stuck--acknowledge and name what you're feeling--and sit in your sorrow for a while. When you're ready to brush yourself off and get back on top of the world, let it go and move on. Why? Because you're worth it.

You're Made of Strong Stuff 

Face it--you're made of strong stuff and you want to enjoy a fully-engaged life. You have what it takes to move through whatever challenge life presents you--and you're worthy of enjoying a rich, meaningful life.

Think about it--how is that hurt and bitterness you're harboring inside getting in the way of you engaging in or enjoying your life? What good things could you see in your life if you let these soul-killing feelings go?

• Have you failed to apply for a job because you're bitter about the last job interview?
• Did you fail to ask that new person out because the last one hurt you?
•  Have you isolated yourself because you are hurt or bitter about how someone treated you? Have you refused invitations to get together with friends because you're home licking your wounds?
• Is that bitterness about making less than you deserve getting in the way of you appreciating the good things in the job or zapping your energy to look for a better paying job?

Cleanse Yourself of  Hurt and Bitterness

When you consciously cleanse hard feelings out of your soul you make room for more uplifting and positive experiences to show up. 

You will see opportunities you were blind to when you stop wasting your energy nursing the hurt and bitterness. Stop stuffing and harboring your bitter feelings; cleanse them and move on.

'People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.'  Eleanor Roosevelt

Care Enough about Yourself to Forgive and Release Hard Feelings

Do you care enough about yourself to forgive and let go of the bitterness? Forgiving and letting go of the bitterness isn't about the other person or organization--it is about freeing yourself to take back your own power and sense of control.

The hardness and bitterness you hold on to takes away your power; forgiveness and letting the bitterness go gives you back your power. So stand tall, stay calm, and remember you have the power to move your life forward.

Affirm your desire to cleanse yourself of hurt and bitterness--and take a step toward doing something that fills you with feelings of self-worth, fulfillment, and connection to life and others. You are worth it. Do it now.

  

'Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning.' Robert Brault

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For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

How Do I Know if He's the One? 3 Secrets to a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship

 'A loving heart is the truest wisdom' Charles Dickens

What is the Secret to Enjoying a Long-lasting Relationship?

• Are you in a relationship with it's ups and downs? Do you wonder if you have what it takes to make your relationship last?
• How do you know if it's worth investing time in a new relationship or mending a long-standing one?
• After facing difficult times in the relationship, how do you even know if you want to continue in the relationship?

What a Happy Relationship isn't...Conflict-free

'Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open'.

George Bernard Shaw

If you think a conflict-free relationship is the key to a long-lasting happy partnership you're barking up the wrong tree. 

All happily married couples have a good amount of 'bark' in their relationship. It's what puts the heat, or bite, into the relationship.  Look at Lucy and Ricardo (I Love Lucy); Alice and Ralph Kramden (Honeymooners); and Bert and Ernie (Sesame Street). We love watching these comedic couples interact because we can relate to their conflicts and differences.

Truth is we all have negative thoughts and feelings about our partners. It's natural. Over time our differences arise and the rose-colored glasses come off letting those petty annoyances surface. But there is something about happy, long-lasting relationships that makes them withstand the test of time and trouble.

Secret #1: Happily Married Couples Keep the Negative from Overwhelming the Positive

'The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.'  George Bernard Shaw

According to Dr. John M Gottman, author of 'The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work' and professor of psychology at the University of Washington and co-founder and director of the Gottman Institute, what can make a marriage or partnership work is surprisingly simple.

'In their day-to-day lives, happily married couples have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.'

People in healthy, long-lasting relationships deal with the same garden variety issues that people who break up do. The difference is those in healthy lasting relationships find a way to maintain an overall positive feeling to their relationships despite the negative thoughts and feelings that naturally arise over time.

This isn't to say you should always work through conflict and stay together at all costs. It provides a measuring stick for you to consider. 

How do you create a dynamic in your relationship to allow the positive to over-ride the negative? 

If only one of you works to keep your negative thoughts and feelings about the other from overwhelming your positive ones it won't work--'it takes two to tango'--and 'you can't push a river uphill'. 

Don't be afraid of conflict and run away at the first sign of it--look for ways to put conflict in perspective. Instead of viewing a 'fight' as an ending, use it to create a new beginning to better communication. 

Secret #2: Turn Passion into Compassion   

If we are to live with the differences and annoyances found in our partners we must expand passion to have compassion for one another.

In a happy union, love does make the world go round, but what love looks like over time changes. Family counselor, Gary Strait, noted that while relationships may initially be based on passion, if we are to continue to live with the differences and annoyances found in each other we must expand passion to have compassion for one another.

The longer we're in relationship together, the more acceptance, forgiveness, understanding--and perhaps a sense of humor about each other's foibles--needs to play a central role in how we interact with ourselves as well as each other.  

Secret #3: Ask Yourself--Do I Want it to Work?

There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage. George Bernard Shaw

Before you tie the knot, and whenever you deal with upsets in the relationship along the way there is one question you can pose to yourself that cuts through all the layers between you and knowing what to do--'Do I want it to work?' 

You'll know the answer immediately. If you want the relationship to work out you must do whatever is needed to make it work. Your pride, anxiety, anger, or hurt feelings getting in the way will fall by the wayside once you know you want the relationship to work. It will bring you to the negotiation table faster.

When you are in the throes of a new relationship--trust your immediate gut response to the question 'do I want it to work'. Stop overwhelming yourself with expectations and responsibilities for the relationship ('I think she's more into the relationship long term than I am'). You are simply trying to get clear about your current desires and feelings--should I stay or go?

If big red flags come up--don't swish them away--pay attention to what your street-savvy reptilian brain is telling you. Get out and move on! The ultimate secret to maintaining a happy, long-lasting relationship is to choose wisely upfront. It's not good enough to say 'I love him.' You can love someone who isn't good for you.

Are you in or beginning a relationship? Do you want it to work? 

If your answer is NO--get out and move on.

If you want it to work, strive to create more fun and meaningful times with one another. Find a way to enjoy and make a constructive use of your differences. Move into that place of allowing the good times to roll....

'To get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.' Mark Twain

A Tribute to 35 Years of Making it Work 

In honor of the love of my life, Mark Gibbons, who 35 years ago was brave enough to ask the question, 'Do I want it to work?' I made an excellent choice for a life partner. We're still working it!

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.

Living with Integrity Results in Higher Self Esteem

'When you choose to act with integrity, you are strengthened by your experiences; when you choose to act out of ego, fear, anger, retaliation or hate, you are hardened by your life experiences.' Lightarted Sue

Do You Choose to Act with Integrity?

• Who are you? How do you choose to live your life? Would you say you act with integrity?
• How do others view you?  Would friends and family say you act with integrity?
• Are your internal beliefs in sync with your actions? How do you feel when you act out of integrity?
• Twenty years from now, will others say you lived with integrity--and will you feel good about your actions today?

Short Term Unease Can Lead to a Life of Feeling Good


I don't know about you, but when I have to speak up about something I know another person isn't going to like I get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I don't like conflict and I don't like hurting (or being hurt by) others so initially I'm paralyzed--unable to act--while I ponder if and how I want to open my mouth. Even after I speak up--no matter how carefully I've crafted what I had to say--I still feel uneasy.

But is my dis-ease around speaking my truth a bad thing? I don't think so. For me it is the short-term consequence to choosing to act with integrity. And acting with integrity is what makes me feel good overall about my life.

Small Daily Decisions over a Lifetime Determine  Life Satisfaction  

You are the only one who sees behind your eyes and deep into your heart. Only you know whether you act with integrity. Lightarted Sue

Life is full of intrigue and drama--especially in love and work. Every day we make small decisions about getting in, staying in, or getting out of relationships. Our choices ultimately determine the course of our life and how satisfied we are.

The one constant throughout your life is you--you are the only one who travels in your innermost circle 24/7. You are the only one who sees behind your eyes and deep into your heart. Only you know whether you act with integrity.

Integrity: How do You Experience Yours?

While choosing to act with integrity may feel scary or uncomfortable when you're in the midst of turmoil, after the emotional fog lifts you can see this is what strengthens you for life ahead.

Acting with integrity is what gives you the strength to be brave enough to speak up the next time in such a way as to achieve the best outcomes--despite the initial dis-ease.

Make a conscious decision to be strengthened, not hardened by your life experiences.

Putting Your Integrity to the Test

• What difficult decisions do you face in your daily life? 

• In the last three days--what decisions did you face about how to conduct yourself? Would you say you acted with integrity? If not, why not? What could you do differently to improve?

Choose Your Words to Live By

"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not." Oprah Winfrey

"The integrity of men is to be measured by their conduct, not by their words." Junius

"Integrity means that you are the same in public as you are in private." Joyce Meyer

"You are in integrity when the life you are living on the outside matches who you are on the inside." Alan Cohen

"If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." Alan K. Simpson

"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful." Samuel Johnson

"Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another." Charles Caleb Colton

"Calamity is the test of integrity." Samuel Richardson

"Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise, and trading on your integrity and not having dignity in life. That's really where failure comes." Tom Cochrane

"Perhaps the surest test of an individual's integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect." Thomas S. Monson

"Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people." Dennis Prager

"Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake." Larry Hagman

Sign Up for Free E-mail updates

For more than 30 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes changing easier than ever before.

If you're interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the Lightarted Living mailing list. Sign up for free e-mail updates from this blog in the top right-hand corner of the page.