Stuck in a Negativity Rut? Four Questions to Get Back on a Positive Track

'By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.' Lao Tzu

Where's Your Focus?

Do you find yourself focusing on things that aren't going well during your work day, or perhaps the piles of things you failed to get to?

Stop beating yourself up--learn to pay more attention to what's going well instead. Shift your focus to your achievements by learning how to take an inventory of your day with four questions.

 Discover Your Happiness

Shift Your Attitude in 3-5 Weeks

Take a daily inventory. By consciously and deliberately focusing on what's going well in your life you'll train your brain to accent the positive. Answering four easy questions is all it takes.

At first you may feel it's awkward or forced to focus your attention on what's going well--but do it anyway. Persist. Set aside 15-minutes daily to focus on the good stuff.

With consistent focus on identifying what's going well in your life you'll shift out of a negative groove into a positive channel in three to five weeks. 

Journal 

It's Natural to Focus on the Negative

Re-focus by writing. Our natural tendency is to focus on the negative in our heads making it difficult to shift our thinking towards the positive. The negative track is too deep. That's why it's essential you write down your answers to the 4 questions below.

The physical act of writing down the questions and your answers each day focuses your attention as it moves you into a different part of your brain. Get a notebook or journal to collect your positive actions and life experiences--doing it the old fashioned way--by hand.

Share the good stuff. Once you get in the groove of looking for the good stuff happening each day, share what's going well with a trusted confidant you know cares about you.  This will further strengthen your path to a more positive outlook and keep you focused on looking for the opportunities instead of the obstacles in your life. 

Good stuff has a way of piling up in your life when you make it a habit to look for it and welcome it in. Do it. You deserve a good life.

'I wish to live a life that causes my soul to dance inside my body.'  Dee Olanubi

Four Questions to Accent the Positive
(Ask yourself daily)

💓 What is working well for me today at work and home?

💙  What have I accomplished today I've failed to acknowledge?

💛  What is the most meaningful thing I did in the last 24 hours?

💜  What is one meaningful step I could take today?

'Appreciate yourself and honor your soul. Love your soul.'  Yogi Bhajan

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


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Snap Out of it! Fret Less; Focus More

SNAP OUT OF IT!

YOU THINK TOO MUCH

Admit it. Sometimes you think too much. Instead of letting life unfold naturally you worry an issue to death and get yourself tied up in knots, too overwhelmed to take the steps necessary to enjoy or create a good life. 

Snap out of it! It's time to let go and get on with living. But how?

CAREFREE AND HAPPY

 FOCUSED AND HAPPY

To get out from under the cloud of worry, we would all do well to follow in the footsteps of one of my friends who recently said, 'I'm going to fret less and focus more'.

Stop overthinking and start focusing and acting. When you focus your attention on what you want--and take action--you'll naturally fret less.

What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that’s another matter.

Peter F. Drucker

FOCUS 

Lee  Bryant

'Personal mastery is the discipline of continually clarifying and deepening our personal vision, of focusing our energies, of developing patience, and of seeing reality objectively.'

 Peter Senge, The Fifth Discipline

💓 Focus on what you want in life and take steps to make it happen. 

💓 Don't think about it; just do it.

MAKE A BEELINE FOR YOUR DREAMS

Lee Bryant

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Everything in Life is an Omen~'Good Thing, Bad Thing, Who Knows?'

'Never saw the sun shining so bright
Never saw things going so right'

Irving Berlin

Life is an Interpretive Dance and Everything is an Omen

Life is an interpretive dance, and every day we get to choose our dance steps depending on our interpretation. 

What do you see when you look out of your eyes? Good things? Bad things? Blue Skies? Grey Skies?

In 'The Alchemist', Paulo Coelho says, 'Everything in life is an omen.'  What does that mean for you and me?

As we step into each day, we are already primed to see or hear based on our internal filter. Do you expect a good day or bad day? Are you braced for battle or expecting to find love? 

When that cup of coffee spills first thing in the morning or you come out to a dead car battery or flat tire--what does that say to you about how the rest of the day is going to go?  Like the rest of us, you have your own omens that set you up to predict what to expect next.

While the word 'omen' often has ominous overtones, it is simply a thing or event believed to foretell a good or bad event or circumstance in the future. It is our own belief or interpretation of how the world works that creates the sense of something foretelling the future. 

It's all a matter of perspective--i.e. how we choose to interpret what we experience or what meaning we give to the 'signs' around us. This is true for animals too.

For example:

💓 I put bird food out for the birds and the squirrel sees it as a good omen.
💓 I pick up the dog leash and the dog sees it as a good omen.

All of Life Works in My Favor

If you have a tendency to look for bad omens instead of good, consider injecting a question to balance your thought process before you fly down the dark road of interpretation. 

When seemingly bad omens occur, consider how your 'seemingly bad event' could actually be something good that works in your future favor. How could this be a good omen portending good things coming your way?

By simply considering this alternative line of reasoning you can create an opening for a different perspective--one rich with possibilities instead of fear and foreboding.

In my early years of transitioning from college to career I chose to reinvent the breakdown of my car into a positive omen portending future financial gain. How'd that happen?

The first time I had car trouble I was struggling financially and the fear set in with the big bill I faced. But I decided that a car--which is a vehicle that gets you from here to there in life--knows when you are about to make more money. Silly, but it worked.

After I let go of seeing my car breakdown as a bad omen filling me with fear and foreboding, I experienced a financial gain--and from that day forward whenever a car broke down and demanded it's due--like paying the ugly old troll under the bridge--I had a positive expectation about financial gain coming my way.

Now you would probably like to argue with me that YOU don't indulge in this silly, magical type of thinking. But we all do--whether we call it looking for signs or omens or we simply call it analytical thinking to hypothesize probable outcomes.  We're all looking for a way to predict a future we have some control over. And we all want a positive future.

So why not be a bit silly and look for ways to put a positive spin on your interpretation of omens? To this day, whenever someone tells me they're having car trouble I say, 'Good! Your car always knows when you are about to make more money!' It makes me smile every time.

Like the Old Sufi Tale below illustrates, everything in life may be an omen--but good thing, bad thing, who knows? Try to find your good fortune in all.

Good Thing, Bad Thing, Who Knows?

A man and his son repeatedly experience alternating 
bad luck and good fortune. 

His neighbors gathered around him to sympathize over

 the bad luck and congratulate him on his good fortune. 

But no matter his experience--seemingly good or bad-- 

the man always maintains his composure and says:

“Good thing, bad thing, who knows?”

Old Sufi Tale 

Look for the Blue Skies in Your Future

Blue Skies
Smiling at me
Nothing but blue skies
Do I see

Bluebirds
Singing a song
Nothing but bluebirds
All day long

Never saw the sun shining so bright
Never saw things going so right
Blue days
All of them gone
Nothing but blue skies
From now on

Irving Berlin

'She smiled, and that was certainly an omen--the omen he had been awaiting, without even knowing he was, for all his life.'  

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

Reconnecting with Loved Ones after Your Connection is Lost

💓

'Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing 

there is a field. I'll meet you there.'  

Rumi

💓

'Love is the bridge between you and everything.'

Rumi

Why Don't We Talk Any More?  Where'd You Go?

We all deal with difficult times communicating with family and friends. Over time, feelings can get hurt, political viewpoints can create chasms, and family feuds can create factions. 

But sometimes it's just life, distance, or familiarity that cause communication to dry up and that sense of connection to fade. 

In the communication void we harbor private theories about why we don't talk to each other any more, and then we fail to test those theories and further the divide. We just stop talking to one another about things of importance, get caught up in life, and continue to contribute to the communication conundrum in silence.

Where do you go when you realize you've lost that connection and you want to re-establish your relationship?

💓

Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond 

that draws one person to another, not words.

Rumi

💓
The wound is the place the light enters you.

Rumi

Reconnecting after Your Connection is Lost

So what's to be done when you suddenly wake up and want to rekindle your relationship? Is it even possible when so much time and life has passed without significant communication or connection? And is it worth 'risking the relationship' by reaching out to try to bridge the communication gap? 

Recently a friend wrote:

'My daughter-in-law and I once had a relatively close relationship, but over the past 10 years or so, it's deteriorated to the point that while she faithfully sends me Mother's Day, birthday and Christmas cards, I never have any other contact...no phone calls, emails or letters.  As time goes by, I feel even more estranged from her.  I haven't heard her phone voice for well over six years and although my son comes up she never does.  We were together for a wedding last year, but she hardly spoke to me.'

 She has two beautiful children  a girl, 16 and a boy, 14.  They're lovely, bright kids but, like her, I have virtually no contact with them.  They don't even send thank you notes when I send them gifts.

💙'Do you think I'm being overly emotional about this and perhaps I should just give up and accept she and I aren't ever going to have any kind of relationship?'

💚'Should I write to her telling her I would like to have more communication with her and that I care deeply for her?' 

Those questions pretty much sum up our quandary when we come up against the communication chasm: Should I just give up and accept the disconnection, or should I speak up and say I care deeply about you and I would like to have more communication and connection?

While each of us must answer those questions for ourselves, as Rumi said, 'Love is the bridge between you and everything.' If you let your actions and words be led by love, not hurt or judgment, you will strike an authentic tone that will convey your deep desire for connection with others.

On the other hand--if in an attempt to reconnect--your words or actions originate from a place of judgment or hurt you'll convey a message filled with expectations and recriminations.

If we're to come together to reconnect we must be willing to 'let go of holding on to a sense of wrong doing or right doing'. We must be willing to let go of hurts, expectations and the need to revisit past situations.  And we must let go of working from our head--and overthinking the situation--to come from our hearts--with compassion for both ourselves and others.

  

 💓

If words come out of the heart, they will enter the heart.

 Rumi

I closed my mouth and spoke to you in a hundred silent ways.

Rumi

It's Not Always Personal

If you look deep enough you'll discover the lost connections weren't intentional. It's just what happened over time as people lived life and the ways to communicate changed.

As I wrote to my friend:

'You matter to me and I'm so glad you're in my life. We  make an effort to get together...but look how often that is.... not often. This isn't a judgment, it's just an observation. 

We're emailing our conversation which works for us.  Sometimes our chosen family who lives close by gets more attention than those at a distance. 

Sometimes nothing is wrong. It's just what happens as we do life.

I often email, phone and snail mail my kids without hearing anything  back from them. I realize they don't usually access voice mail or email, choosing to text instead.   

I love my kids and choose to keep up contact from my side without concern for getting a reply....unless it's been a long while and then I let them know if I fail to hear from them I'm calling the police (because I worry and a little guilt tripping never hurt any child). I've also let them know that the time is NOW to be in contact with their mother....soon enough I will be gone. (just saying...)

My point is we each have limitations on how we communication, where our attention goes, and what takes up our time. Teenagers--no matter how smart and kind--rarely write thank you notes, hello grandma notes or pick up the phone and call. They also think life goes on forever.

We need to reach out and communicate with those we care about without interpreting their failure to reply. 

If there is something that has gummed up your relationship so that loved one isn't talking to you....step past it....and communicate with them as if everything is okay.'

Be like the sun for grace and mercy. 

Be like the night to cover others' faults. 

Be like running water for generosity. 

Be like death for rage and anger. 

Be like the Earth for modesty. 

Appear as you are. Be as you appear.

Rumi

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list. 

The Best Stress Management Technique Ever: The Three Day Rule

Transitions are Stressful

Every moment in every day we transition from one moment to the next. And in the space between we face uncertainty about what's coming next. 

When the transitions we face are bigger and more difficult such as moving from being married to divorced or widowed; going from being a renter to becoming a home owner; changing employment status from employed to laid off; changing health status from well to sick--the stress and worry about the future can be overwhelming.

Even simple or 'good' transitions such as transitioning from home to work; returning to work after a vacation or weekend off; moving from being single to becoming a couple; moving from being unemployed to getting a job; or becoming new parents--can be stressful and give us cause to worry and fret. 

But there is something we can do to calm the worry-wart in us and ease our way through life. We can learn to apply the Three Day Rule to change how we deal with transitions-big or small.

Stop and Start Over

We all need a strategy to ease our way through the constant change called life. 

While some worry and fret more than others, we're all susceptible to reacting through life when we fail to give ourselves time to acknowledge the transition--no matter how small--and allow ourselves to just be in 'the moment after' without judging or interpreting it. 

This is what the Three Day Rule is about: 

💓 Giving yourself time to just be in the moment after without judging or interpreting.

The Three Day Rule

I stumbled on the Three Day Rule when I came home anticipating going back to work after a vacation when I was in my 20's.  The dread hit as I stepped into the house.

You know what that moment is like just before you step into the house after being gone when that irrational  fear sets in--'OMG I forgot to pay my bills before I left on vacation'; 'OMG I left the stove or iron on--or water running'; 'OMG I wonder if anything bad happened I don't know about while I was gone'.

After arriving home from that relaxing and pleasurable vacation, I soon discovered I was fixated on anticipating the problems and situations that might have happened while I was gone and it began gnawing away at me. 

I didn't like that gnawing feeling one little bit.  It was in that moment I realized this was a pattern I could change.

Give Yourself Time 

To get back into the Swing of Things

As I thought about it, I realized it always felt like I was coming home from a vacation to problems that piled up while I was gone. Yet, I realized that after I got back into the swing of things--after about three days--I had a handle on things and my angst lessened.

'What if I applied a three day rule?' I thought. 'What if I approached coming back home or going back to work after being gone as if there were no problems for three days?'

So I gave it a try--and it worked like a charm. No matter what issues arose in the 1st three days after returning home or to work, I calmly took the information in as just that--'information' and approached my first three days 'as if there were no problems'. 

I soon realized that I had stumbled across the best stress management technique ever--the three day rule--as it was effective when it was applied to big or small transitions alike.

THE THREE DAY RULE

There are no problems for three days when returning home or returning to work 

after your absence, or after being hit with a major crisis or life change.

There Are No Problems

The key to applying The Three Day Rule is how you approach the information that comes at you during those three days. When you choose to act as if there are no problems, you are choosing to act rather than react to your current life.

Don't let change and uncertainty overwhelm you. Choose to tweak your approach to the ever-changing landscape of life by applying the three day rule in all aspects of your life.

Practice Being Comfortable with Uncertainty

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.


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Paulo Coelho on the Secret of Life: Fall Seven Times; Get Up Eight Times

'The worst thing that happens to you 

may be the best thing for you 

if you don't let it get the best of you.' 

Will Rogers

Are Defeats Necessary?

'I ask myself: are defeats necessary? Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes.'   

'The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.'

Paulo Coelho

Obstacles are Blessings--Make it so 

'Perhaps I should go back to school', she pondered. 'It's not that I don't like the work, it's that I have difficulty making a living on what I'm paid in this entry level job--and the woman I'm working with obstructs any attempts I make to get training. It's like she wants to keep me in the dark so I don't move on.'

Who hasn't dealt with obstructionists in their work or life--those people intent on pushing you down for fear they will be shown up?

I regularly hear stories like this from hard-working people struggling to make a living and get ahead in life.

Perhaps you can relate: Just as you take that step forward at work or in life, obstacles are thrown in your path stopping you in your tracks.

But obstacles--and the strong emotions produced by them--can be blessings if we let them as they provide us with opportunities to examine what we want and how to change our approach to best achieve it.

Instead of letting obstacles and obstructionists knock you to the ground--use the strong emotions they evoke to motivate you get up and move forward in the right direction--learning to go around the people and things getting in the way.

Fall down seven times; get up eight times.

Use Your Anger and Frustration

Don't just sit in your anger and frustration at the situation, use the energy to identify what your personal values are and take positive action based on them. Think your way around the obstacles, knowing you have all the ingredients inside you to navigate the tough stuff and to handle life successfully.

Situational depression occurs when you feel hopeless or helpless in response to a situation that knocks you down and keeps you down. 

To avoid getting depressed in response to tough situations, get in the habit of immediately getting back up, brushing yourself off, and taking action that has the potential to produce positive outcomes. Do this even if you don't feel like doing it or you don't believe it will make a difference. 

And do it eight times if you're knocked down seven times.

Fall Seven Times; Get Up Eight Times 

Think of a situation or person that put up roadblocks to you in the last week.

• What happened?
• List what made you angry or frustrated in the situation.
• List things you value that may have been violated in the situation.
• When you're ready: Chose a positive response based on your personal values.
• Take positive action--even if you don't feel like it.

The Courage and Patience to Persist Eight Times

What if the young woman in the entry level job was in an industry that had great advancement opportunities with good pay down the road? Could she find the courage to persist in the job and change her thinking from 'I need to go back to school' to 'I need to find a way to get more on-the-job training despite the obstacles'?

What if instead of paying for more education she allowed herself to be paid for more on-the-job training, in an industry with the possibility to make a decent salary as she advances?

What if this was you? How would you do that if the obstructionist was standing in the way?

If like this young woman you like the work you do despite the obstacles and you see the long-range potential in the job, begin by identifying the experience, skills and knowledge you need to acquire to move ahead in the industry and learn to go around the obstacles and obstructionists.

....And get up eight times if you fall down seven.

💓 Contact the boss or HR department to ask how you can get the training you need to improve--and ask who in the organization you might work with to get that training. Don't be afraid to ask many times. 

Run into a roadblock seven times? Ask eight times.

💓 Be persistent. Show your drive and determination. Let them know you want to position yourself for opportunities to advance in salary and responsibility in the company. 

Show up seven times with no response? Show up the eighth time.

💓 Alternatively, if you know people in another industry you might work in, set up a meeting to chat about the work, pay and advancement opportunities. This is part of your free 'higher education' path. 

Already asked seven contacts? Ask the eighth. 

💓 Ask yourself: What is the single most important thing I can do to go around this false barrier to achieve my heart's desire? Do it.

Already asked yourself this seven times? Ask the eighth time and do it again.

💓 Obstacles are there for you to go around. 

Do it eight times eighty....and then do it again.

💓

'Patience and perseverance have a magical effect 

before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.'

John Quincy Adams

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For more than 35 years, Susan Meyerott has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. She speaks to your heart, puts you at ease, and makes letting go and moving forward with life easier than ever before.

Do you know someone who could benefit from uplifting messages? Please share Lightarted Living with them. If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, join the FREE Lightarted Living mailing list.